He turned his face away from mine, as if ashamed of his words, but he didn’t stop talking.
“I swam as hard as I could away from the boat. I'm an excellent swimmer, but the water was cold, and the storm was so strong, I honestly didn't think I would make it. I made my peace with dying, but I refused to give up. A large log from some fallen tree floated by, and I managed to grab hold. I held on to that log for a good two hours, just drifting wherever the storm wanted to take me.”
I laid a hand on his thigh to comfort him, but I wouldn’t even try to make him look at me right now.
He kept going. “I realized at some point that my feet could touch the bottom, and I started struggling to find the shore again. I wasn't too far from the boathouse, and where I had left my car, believe it or not. So, I quietly walked out of the lake where I had just hidden my dead wife's body in her watery grave, got into my car, and drove home. I was fully prepared to die, and instead, I found myself turning on my seat warmers, and driving away. My seat warmers, for God’s sake. The whole thing was surreal.”
Silence again. I shifted uneasily. There was so much to process. My husband accidentally killed his first wife, but deliberately covered up her death. I wasn’t sure how to feel.
"You could have drowned yourself. Or been struck by lightning." I kept my voice low, but my concern for him was real. I tried to put myself in his place. What would I have done in the same situation? I had no idea.
All I knew was Nathan was a kind and loving husband to me. Sure, we had our struggles and our disagreements, but I could not see him as a murderer. I was horrified thinking of the possibilities, of all the different ways this story could have turned out. What if Nathan had died that night as well as Savannah?
"I didn't care at that point. Oh, I wasn't suicidal! I was just in shock. I couldn't believe what had happened, and I was numb." He was finally looking at me again.
“Of course you were in shock. I get that.” I tried to offer what comfort I could.
“Later that night, I realized what an idiot I had been. I should have called the police right away when she died. It could have worked out. But the panic took over, and I made some bad decisions that night.”
My poor Nate. I stared at him again and thought that this was too significant a burden for one man to carry alone, even a man as strong as Nathan.
And, I knew the story wasn't over yet. There would be a new investigation now that Savannah's body had been found at last.
Thirty-Nine
We cuddled in front of the fire, trying to comfort each other.
"The next day, people started realizing Savannah was missing. I helped search for her, Darby. Maxwell – sometimes I wonder what Maxwell suspects – Maxwell went to the boathouse, and reported that the sailboat was missing. He told the police I was with him the whole night, and that Savannah had been drinking heavily."
Good old Maxwell. I always felt like he hated Savannah, and I was willing to bet he had pieced the story together and knew enough to realize Nathan could be in trouble if there was an in-depth investigation, so he stepped up to protect his friend.
"I thought they would find Savannah, even with the flooding, but the area where I took her boat wasn't her usual sailing spot. It is a big lake, some tornados had done damage to the town during the storm, and the flooding had done even more damage. The community was busy trying to recover from more than one difficult situation. It was easy for the sheriff to write it all off as a tragic accident, and we had a funeral once the search was called off."
He pulled me into his lap, and I wrapped my legs around his waist as best I could in the uncomfortable chair as he talked.
I thought of her empty grave on the grounds of the estate. I imagined a large group gathered around that meaningless grave, with Nathan pretending to grieve Savannah's loss.
"I selected the epitaph on her headstone, ‘What We Keep in Memory We Keep Forever.' I struggled with what to put on the marker. I hated her, and I certainly wasn't going to call her my beloved wife, or anything traditional like that. To me, the epitaph I chose was my way of saying I was going to try to forget her, and all the poison she brought into my life." He shifted. “And I had to live with what I had done. Forever.”
“So the epitaph, is what? A way of saying you can’t forget the horrors of that night?”
He looked away. “That’s it exactly. I know I didn’t kill her, and didn’t have the time to save her. But I carry the guilt anyway.”
I kept quiet, considering. I had a lot to think about, but I couldn’t do it now.
“The funeral services were awful, of course.” He had that faraway look in his eyes again as he shared another memory with me.
The funeral was large, overflowing with hundreds of people coming to pay their respects. We held the funeral at a church in town. There were too many people for the tiny chapel at Peacock Alley. Savannah would have loved the attention. I stood by a picture of her on our wedding day and spoke to the mourners one by one.
"So sorry for your loss, Mr. Randolph. Savannah was such a sweet lady."
"I'm so terribly upset, Nathan, but I realize Savannah is an angel in heaven now."
"My heart is breaking for you, Nathan. Savannah was just too good for this earth."
"I don't know how you are holding up. I know how much you loved Savannah."
He blinked away the memory, and looked down at me. “I stood by her empty casket, and the mourners just kept coming. Everybody wanted to share their grief with me, and I just wanted to scream out the truth about Savannah. How could they not see the truth about her?”
I rubbed his back, trying to get him to relax a little.
"And you've never told anyone about what happened? Not even Maxwell?" My voice was faint. It was hard to believe he had kept this bottled up inside for a whole year.
"No, I've never told a single soul.”
I ached for him. I had thought he seemed lonely when I first met him, but that was an understatement.
“So you see, you have power over me. You have had power over me from the beginning because I love you so much. Savannah took her power like a thief. I willing gave you mine. You have the power to hurt me by leaving me. Now you also have the power to go to the sheriff and reopen the investigation into her death.”
“I would never go to the police! Don’t even suggest that!” I wanted him to know he had my loyalty always.
“Although I guess to some extent, that will happen anyway. Once the autopsy is completed, and they realize she was shot, it will no longer be an accident. It will be a homicide, and I will be the prime suspect." He looked grim.
“Don’t say that! It can’t happen. It just can’t.” Now I was the one getting agitated, raising my voice. It seemed we had left one nightmare behind just to enter another.
He pulled at his hair in his frustration.
"The irony is that Savannah still has power over me. She is still controlling me from beyond the damn grave. It doesn't matter that she has been dead for more than a year. She still has that same fucking power."
“We won’t let her have that power. Somehow, we will find a way.” I was desperate for an answer, but I didn’t see a way out yet.
I was terrified for Nathan. I was scared for our future together. What was going to happen now?
"I'm sorry for what you have been through, Darby. I have been distant, I know. I want to be clear now. I never wanted you to be like Savannah. That is a horrifying thought to me. And I said before that I rushed you into marriage. I knew Savannah for years, and she was a terrible choice for my wife. I knew you for about two days, and you were the perfect choice. I just knew." His voice was tender as he spoke to me.
He looked right into my eyes.
"I desperately need you to be yourself because you have brought light into my world at last."
He clenched his fists, his stress and frustration visible. He glanced away from me.
"And last night I was so angry. When I saw you in that flappe
r dress, it brought back all those bad memories. It felt like the past was coming alive right before my eyes. For a second I even thought you had guessed the truth, and you were angry with me. I thought maybe you wanted me to pay for what I had done."
"I had no idea. I had no idea at all. I would never hurt you intentionally. I love you so much." My voice softened as I thought back to the costume disaster.
He turned to me again."Let me guess. The silver flapper costume you wore was my mother's idea."
I said nothing, but my silence was all the answer he needed. Nathan pulled me to the rug in front of the fire, and we held each other for a long while, desperately needing the comfort the other had to offer.
Forty
We held each other for a long time, and we didn't speak for a while. Despite our worries about the future, it was pleasant in the room. The crackling fire and the rain on the windows and skylights made us feel like we were in our own private cocoon, safe and warm. Never mind that this was once Savannah's secret hideaway for her hurtful behavior.
“You said that Savannah met men here for sex?” I had to clear my throat because my voice came out low and husky.
He nodded, puzzled.
“I have a plan to reclaim this space for our love and exorcise the ghost of Savannah from the garden house forever. Just give me a little time to work on it.” I smiled at him, and he touched his forehead to mine in wonder.
I pulled him down onto the rug in front of the fire, and pushed the chairs back.
Soon our caresses started lasting longer, and our glances became heated. We pressed even closer to each other and kissed more frequently. Nathan gently removed our clothing, piece by piece, and the slow anticipation began to build in intensity.
Nathan held his body over mine. "This is what making love feels like, Darby. I never knew this feeling with Savannah. With her, it was always empty fucking, with no emotions involved. It's amazing to me how much the pleasure is reduced, down to almost nothing, when you take the emotion away."
"I love you so much. This is everything to me. You are my world." I could never tell him enough times how much I loved him.
"I love you, too." He murmured more words of love against my skin.
“You’ve brought so much joy to my life.” More kisses, soft and gentle. “I’m so proud of you, and how strong you are being today.” Another kiss, a slight nip. “I want you by my side forever.”
He dropped his head to my breasts, and I held him there. His tongue stroked my nipples slowly, and I moaned out my pleasure at his actions.
Nathan's hand dropped to my clit, and he moved one finger against me in an almost lazy motion. His other hand cupped my backside with growing urgency, and then he slipped a finger inside of my pussy. Our breathing quickened, and I wrapped my legs around his back.
I could feel how wet I was for him, my body paving the way for his entry. Nathan took hold of his penis and pushed inside of me. Soon he was thrusting with a slow, regular rhythm, one finger still tantalized my clit. We didn't break eye contact, loving each other with our quiet words, our touches, and our gazes.
Nathan was content to take his time with me.
We began kissing again, tongues thrusting deep. The heat continued to build between our naked bodies. I broke our kiss to whisper in Nathan's ear.
"I'm your whore, Nate. Only for you, no one else. We can have our fantasies, and keep them just between the two of us."
Nathan gasped, and began thrusting harder and deeper, his rhythm picking up. "What we have is sacred and special. I wish I had the words to tell you how much you mean to me."
My bare bottom rubbed against the rug almost painfully, but it only heightened my desire. It was a reminder of his complete and total possession of me, and now I welcomed the sensations of pain that I had rejected last night. Our lovemaking was healing our wounds and making us one.
I cried out when my orgasm washed over me, and Nathan followed right behind me, shouting his pleasure to the rafters.
Afterwards, he wrapped me up in a blanket, and we cuddled before the fire.
"I'm worried about the autopsy. Once the authorities realize she was shot before she ever entered the water, all sorts of questions will be asked of both of us. I don't want to put you through the stress of an intensive police investigation." His face was solemn and sad.
"I'll stand by you no matter what. We will get through this together." I knew I still had a lot to think about, but my voice conveyed my sincerity. For better or worse, I loved this man, and I would support him.
He squeezed me tightly against his body and stroked my back. I linked hands with him, and we continued to stare into the fire. Our thoughts were somber, but together we had found an absolute peace, as well.
Outside, the rain continued, but the storm had calmed. The shower was gentle and refreshing, bringing life back to a world that had been starved for its presence.
Forty-One
The rain was still falling light and slow, dancing in the puddles of the path that led us back to the house. Nathan excused himself to the library to finish some work, and I started to go up the grand staircase. Instead, I paused on the bottom step, and reflected on the disaster that happened in this spot last night. That made me think of Mother and my fight with her.
I turned around and went looking for Mother. It was time she realized Doormat Darby was gone. I found her in the morning room after a brief search, drinking tea and reading the local newspaper.
"Mother, we need to talk.” I stood in front of her, my jaw set.
Mother scoffed, and removed her reading glasses, rolling her eyes at me.
"What are you talking about, Miss Turner? Are you finally packing your bags to leave?"
"First, my name is not Miss Turner. You can call me Darby, Mrs. Randolph, or Queen Darby, for all I care. I will answer to nothing else from this time forward."
Mother's mouth fell open a little. Damn, this felt satisfying. Tell me again why I didn't do this before now?
“It is finally time I made some significant changes at Peacock Alley."
Mother opened her mouth to respond, but I kept talking.
"We won't be eating soup for lunch during hot weather. I will speak to Cook about the menus from now on. I will decide on the menus for each day."
Mother started to protest, but I held her off with one hand, and my raised eyebrow.
"I also know that you have been spraying Savannah's perfume all over the damn place, trying to gaslight me into thinking the estate is haunted. That will stop; if for no other reason than her perfume will be thrown away.” I spoke with total confidence to cover that I was bluffing.
Her guilty flinch told me I had hit the mark with my wild guess. Take that!
“I will be sorting through all her things in the garden house, and what is salvageable will be donated to a local charity. The rest will hit the trash, where it belongs." My tone was level and even, and I refused to back down.
I was doing well. Mother was flabbergasted, and for the first time in my life, I think I had rendered someone speechless, instead of it being the other way around. I was proud of myself. My only regret was I hadn't found my strength earlier to put Mother in her place. This speech of mine had turned out to be easier to deliver than I thought.
I took a step closer. Then I put my hand on my hip, and looked down at her. "You will be moving out of the main house, Mother. I think the garden house will be your new home. In addition, while we are on the subject of the garden house, I'm renaming it. We will call it the Orchard House from now on. It needs a fresh start."
Mother found her voice, and stood up.
"Nathan will NEVER allow you to move me out of the house, or to throw Savannah's things away. NEVER!"
Her raised voice and red face didn’t back me down one bit, but Nathan's masculine tones surprised us both. I thought he was going back to work. We turned as one to look at him standing in the doorway.
"Don't be so sure of that, Mother. I think Darby i
s on to something. I just want to make one little change."
He walked all the way into the room, and stood beside me.
Mother looked doubtfully at him, her eyebrows raised in question. We were both anticipating his next words.
"I've been standing in the hall listening to your conversation. Darby is in charge now, and what she says is the law.” He paused and clenched his jaw. “You’ve been spraying Savannah’s perfume around?”
Mother didn’t reply, so he continued. “You aren't only moving out of the main house, you are moving off the estate permanently. I don't want you interfering with Darby's plans for Peacock Alley moving forward."
Mother screamed in anger. It was cartoonish, and I had a hard time biting back a laugh, so I didn't. I laughed out loud. She threw her newspaper at her son and stormed out of the room.
Nathan turned to face me. "Don't worry. I will get Maxwell to find Mother a nice house in town, and he will move her into a hotel today so there won't be a delay."
I hugged him. “Thank you for backing me up with her.”
"Of course. I will always support you and your decisions.” He shifted his stance, and worry lines appeared on his forehead. “If I am arrested...”
I opened my mouth, but he continued anyway. “No, listen, Darby."
He took my hand.
"If I'm arrested, you will be in charge of running the house, and you will be handling some of my business dealings for me. Don't be frightened. Maxwell will assist you, but I know you are more than capable of keeping everything running smoothly."
"I'm not afraid to handle the tasks you need me to handle. I am ready for anything. Anything but you being taken from me. Please, please stop talking about being arrested." I clutched his hands in desperation.
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