I reflected on the fact that he had demanded a prenuptial from Savannah, but not from me. He had known her for years before they married, and he had only known me for a couple of days.
“That sounds like a miserable way to live.” I still couldn’t comprehend all that he had shared with me. I had been worrying about competing with Savannah for months, and now I learn there was no competition necessary?
"She was a swinger. I know I told you that part. However, I wasn't a big participant, not after the first few months at least. She was disgusting, and I lost all sexual attraction to her after one particular sexual encounter that involved Lawson Jackson.” He stood up, and paced the room. “Don’t ask for the details of all that. I’m not proud of that time in my life.”
I crossed the room to stop his pacing and grabbed his hand, pulling him back to sit close to me.
“It’s okay. I get it.” I stroked his hand with mine.
“I'm not judging her for her lifestyle choices, but I couldn't understand why she really would drop her clothes for anybody. She had no standards at all. That is not one of my turn-ons." He wrinkled up his nose in disgust.
I thought about the time he talked about sharing me with other men. How much of that had been harmless sexual fantasy, and how much had been a test of my loyalty to him? I couldn’t blame him either way.
He turned to me and really looked at me for the first time since we entered the garden house. I saw deep sadness in his eyes.
"Savannah tried to get Maxwell to have sex with her, and when he refused, she tried to get him fired. He couldn't stand her."
Nathan stood up yet again, restless and agitated. He couldn’t seem to sit still.
"I concentrated all my time and attention on work. I told myself it didn't matter if Savannah was sleeping around and that I would never achieve my dream of becoming a father. I had my work, I had my friends, and I had the estate. I should count my blessings, and not worry about the rest. That worked for a year or two."
I couldn't imagine what Nathan had gone through, how lonely he must have been for so long. But I was starting to develop a new view of my husband. He wasn’t very social, and I could see him settling for this hell of a marriage because he didn’t want to bother with the drama of a divorce. He wasn’t much of a dater, after all. He had married me after just a few days.
"Savannah slept here, in the garden house."
"Alone?” That didn’t fit with what I had been told. “Mother told me you guys were frequently together here. She described this place as your little love nest."
Nathan's laugh was bitter again.
"No, I can assure you. Savannah and I didn't have a love nest. Savannah never slept in our bedroom. She only stayed here, without me, because it gave her a place to bring men in and out of without anyone seeing. Maxwell knew; I'm sure. He knows most of what goes on around here. However, nobody else did."
He paced back and forth, restless again.
"That is why I hate this building so much. It is not a shrine to Savannah, or maybe it is in my Mother's eyes. I don't know, and I don't care. When you said you wanted to make changes here, my gut reaction was to keep you out of this place. I know it will sound silly to you, but I saw the garden house as evil. I should just tear it down."
I thought that over. He wanted to keep me out of this building to protect me? That was a sweet idea.
More relentless pacing. Then he stopped without warning and turned back to me.
"You might have guessed by now. Savannah and Lawson Jackson were regular fuck buddies. That's why I hate that bastard so much, or at least, that's one of the reasons."
That might explain why Lawson was so fixated on me. He saw me as another opportunity to get under Nathan's skin.
"We had numerous fights leading up to the party about her serial cheating." Nathan’s expression darkened as he told me more about his first wife.
I came into the garden house to confront Savannah about her recent behavior. She was becoming increasingly careless about who she screwed around with, and where. Our agreement was she would keep her numerous infidelities quiet, and she was breaking that promise.
I found Savannah on the bed, illuminated by the skylights, fucking Lawson and some man I didn't recognize. Lawson was behind her, fucking her in the ass. The other man was under her, inside her cunt. All were sweating and moaning. I felt sick to my stomach at the sight. This was my wife, after all. Shouldn't that mean something, even if we didn't like each other?
I crossed the room as fast as I could. "Savannah, you stupid bitch."
I grabbed the strange man by the neck and threw him out of the garden house. I pitched his clothing after him. Savannah was red-faced and angry, screaming at me to stop. Lawson was laughing in my face. I turned and slammed out the door. I wanted to throw up.
"I can't believe you didn't just leave her. Leave her, and try to find somebody who could make you happy, and give you the children you deserved." My heart broke for him.
"I guess I had just become emotionally numb to the situation. I thought I was happy, as long as Savannah stayed well out of my sight. I was certainly content. And my business kept me busy, and you know I like to work. I traveled a whole lot more back then because I had nothing to keep me here."
He went back to pacing. He looked like he wanted to run from the room. He was back to not making eye contact with me again. I wanted to go to him, and offer some comfort, but I had a feeling he needed to purge all of these memories. I let him pace.
“I thought you were so in love with her. I thought I couldn’t possibly compete with her memory.” I was still marveling at the idea that he had never loved Savannah. This fact changed everything, and I could feel hope swelling up, hope that we had a strong future ahead of us.
"There is so much more, Darby. I feel like I have to be completely honest with you. I didn't realize how much you had internalized. I certainly didn't suspect that you thought I was in love with her memory, and that's not fair to you at all."
"I want you to share everything with me. Unless you do that, I don't see how we can have a successful marriage, and I want that more than anything." My voice was decisive. His secrets had driven a wedge between us, and that had to stop.
He turned around and hurried across the room toward me, grabbing my arms.
"Don't talk about leaving me. I can't stand it. I know I was an ass to you last night, threatening you with the belt, but I felt you slipping away from me. You have always responded well when I've played the dominant. You are a natural submissive, and I like that element of control. Last night I know I went too far, and I am so sorry."
I stood up and wrapped my arms around him.
"You WERE an ass last night. I deserved a chance to be heard, and you weren't willing to listen. But that's okay. We can find a way to move past that, but just so I'm clear, your damn belt isn't coming near me again."
Nathan smiled wryly and nodded a little. He hung his head in shame until I spoke again.
"I love you so much, Nate. Don't ever worry about my love for you. Now tell me the truth. I'm not going anywhere." I smiled at him, and stroked his cheek with one finger.
"The night of last year's Halloween Ball, Savannah slept with one of the servers before the party even started..."
I stopped in my library to do some work before the party got underway. I could see Savannah was there. Surprised, I stopped short. She rarely visited my library unless it was to start a fight with me. I realized there was another man in the room, a man I did not recognize. I threw him out and then confronted her.
"What the hell are you doing fucking that guy? I've always looked the other way when you were slutting it up because you made an effort to keep your behavior quiet. But here you are, in my library, fucking a server, a man who is a complete stranger. What is wrong with you?"
Savannah turned to me with tears in her eyes. "I'm pregnant, Nathan. I'm pregnant, and I don't have any idea who the father is. Maybe it's Lawson's baby. I really do
n't know."
This pregnancy was news to me, but I wasn’t going to be manipulated by her again.
"At least we know this time I'm not the father. I haven't touched your sorry ass in almost two years." I turned my back on her.
"It doesn't matter who the father is. You will have to raise this baby as your own." She stepped closer to me as she spoke. Repulsed, I turned away.
"No, I won't. I will write a check, a big fat check, to you and Jackson, and you can go on your merry way." I crossed to my desk and sat down.
"No. If you try to run me off, try to embarrass me like that, I will tell everyone you've been abusing me for years. I'm a very convincing actor. After all, everybody loves me, even your dumb grandmother. I will ruin your standing in the community, and I will do everything I can to take you down. I will claim half ownership of Peacock Alley. I'm not worried about that prenuptial agreement at all. That is something for the lawyers to hash out, and it will cost you a pretty penny to fight it."
Savannah leaned over me and ran a finger down my chest. God, I hated when she did that. I slapped it away, angry at her antics.
"Everybody loves me. They think I'm beautiful and oh, so charming. I have worked very hard to win everyone over to my side. You are the quiet one who doesn't socialize much. I'm the life of the party. People will side with me, I promise you that."
She laughed, so amused at my predicament.
Nathan shook the memory off, and turned back to me. “I never ceased to be amazed at what a bitch Savannah was at all times. I knew she was right, however. She had mostly fooled me before we got married, and I know she had my mother wrapped around her finger, along with most of the town. People generally worshipped her. They had no idea she would smile to their faces, and then make fun of them behind their backs. That she would befriend a wife, and then try to seduce her husband away from her.”
He shook his head. “She actually said to me, ‘Think of how much your life will suck after I get through with you.’ Then she smiled at me, her earlier tears forgotten. Can you believe that, Darby?”
“No, I can’t believe that. She was given the world on a plate when you married her. I’m not talking about money, I’m talking about YOU. You are so amazing, Nate, a dream come true. Why wasn’t that enough for her?”
Nathan squeezed me in a tight embrace, and rubbed his nose in my hair, taking comfort from my presence as he told me his fascinating story. He twirled a dark red curl around his fingers.
How frustrating for him. I had heard over and over how Savannah was the life of the party, and how Nathan was the quiet one in their marriage. It angered me that she would use that against him.
He got again and paced. "I watched her the whole damn night. Maxwell kept close tabs on her, too. Not only did she sneak away into the maze to fuck Lawson Jackson, but she was also drinking heavily. I would have gladly taken that baby and raised it myself, as my own child. She could have continued being the slut of Peacock Alley. I wouldn't have cared, but she was drinking so much, I knew odds were the baby wasn't going to make it."
I took Nathan's hand, and led him back to the sitting area, trying to calm his agitation. It was ironic that he was telling me the whole sordid story here, in Savannah's little love nest, or slut nest, or whatever you would call a room like that.
"I followed her after the party was over. She slipped away, and I figured she was going to meet yet another man. I was sick of her controlling my life with her ridiculous behavior, and I decided to confront her, and tell her I wanted a divorce."
Instead of calming down, Nathan seemed to be getting more agitated. Worried, I stroked his chest, feeling his breathing becoming irregular.
"I followed her to the boathouse on the lake, where she kept her sailboat. I had long suspected she met men there, too, but I had never cared to follow up on my suspicions."
I walked into the boathouse. Savannah was untying the boat, preparing to go sailing. A storm was coming, and she was stumbling around. She definitely wasn't dressed for sailing, wearing her flapper costume with tall heels. She was swaying a little in her drunkenness. Only a dumbass would take a boat out in these conditions, but that was Savannah. She didn't care about anyone, not even her unborn baby or herself.
I stared in anger as she fumbled with the rope. I had made a mistake long ago, letting Savannah have all the power in our relationship. I had bowed to her threats, and let her do whatever she wanted. It was time for that to end.
"What are you doing, Savannah? We need to talk."
She jumped, then turned around and laughed in my face, bitch that she was.
"I don't have anything to say to you. I've already told you how it will be." She walked away.
"I want a divorce. I will be calling my lawyer tomorrow. You can fight me all you want, you can make whatever claim you want, but I don't care. I'm more than willing to have my business and my reputation take a hit if that's what it takes to be finally rid of you."
She turned to face me. I could see that I had finally made an impact. She believed what I was saying to her. She turned on the tears, trying to garner a little sympathy. I rolled my eyes and openly scoffed at her.
"Stop it. I don't give a shit about your dramatics. It's over."
She boarded the boat and went to the small cabin, and then rummaged around inside. I started to leave, but curiosity pulled me back in. What was she doing? I walked a few steps closer, and I saw her point a dark object at me.
She had a gun. In fact, Savannah didn't have just any weapon. She had my personal handgun, the one I kept in my desk drawer. It was highly recognizable because it was an antique. It had belonged to my grandfather, and I knew it at a glance.
"What do you think you are doing?" I thought she was just playing another mind game with me. I really didn’t think at first that she would actually shoot me.
I straightened my shoulders and strolled over to her, boarding the boat. She blinked. My heart was hammering in my chest, but I refused to let my fear show on my face. She had expected me to be afraid, and she didn't know what to do with me directly approaching her. Her hand shook, but I saw her start to squeeze the trigger. Lightning fast, I reached out and grabbed the gun, and the struggle began.
I squeezed her hand hard enough to bruise, trying to get her to let go of the weapon. Now I was afraid, and I felt sick. I twisted her hand viciously. For a moment, I thought her grip was loosening, and then there was a loud bang. We locked eyes. Savannah looked surprised, and then she slumped to the deck of the boat. I bent over her and realized she had been shot in the abdomen. She was bleeding profusely; the old .45 had made a hole the size of my fist in her dress. Blood was pooling rapidly. With one glance, I knew it was over.
I should have felt remorse. Instead, I only felt relief. I was finally free of Savannah and her ridiculous drama.
Except for the thump of a log shifting in the fireplace, there was complete silence in the garden house. I was stroking Nathan's chest without even being fully aware of my actions, my whole focus on trying to process what he had just told me.
"I promise you, I didn't intend to kill her. I wanted her out of my life, not dead. She could have followed through on her threats, and completely ruined my reputation. I would have gladly paid that price and more. I had no reason to want her dead. I'm not a murderer." He lifted my chin to look directly in my eyes while he was talking. His voice was firm and convincing.
He went on. “I didn’t even hold her as she died. I stared down at her on the deck and watched the light go out of her eyes while I fumbled with my phone. I was preparing to call 911 when I realized she was already dead. I still can’t believe how fast it happened. She was bleeding so much so quickly, there was no time to save her.”
"My God, Nate. You've been carrying this around by yourself for a whole year." I didn’t even know where to begin. All I could do was hold his face in my hands, and stare into his eyes. I tried to convey with my eyes how much I loved him.
"I knew what it looked l
ike. I knew people would think I had killed her deliberately. That it was a murder. She had my gun, after all. What motive did she have to kill me? I had plenty of reasons to want her dead. But honestly, the bottom line was I panicked and I stopped thinking with any kind of reason or logic.”
“What did you do next?” I was wrapped up in his words, and couldn’t wait to hear the rest.
Nathan grabbed my hands where they held his face. “I panicked. It’s just that simple and that ridiculous.”
He sat back from me, but kept me near him. “I pushed her body into the cabin of the boat, took a bucket, and scooped up several loads of leaves and dumped them on the deck. I sailed out to the middle of the lake. The rain had started up again. It had been raining for weeks, off and on, and the lake was rising."
Nathan was lost in his memories of that terrible night. Outside, the storm raged on, an eerie background to his tale. He shook his head in a rough motion.
“The storm was raging overhead but I sailed the boat deeper out onto the lake. The lightning was so fierce. I fought with the sail, every muscle aching with the effort to keep on course. I was desperately trying not to capsize too close to shore, and praying the lightning didn't strike me in the meanwhile. It actually hit the water near me, at least twice. I was blinded by the flashes and the driving rain, deafened by the thunder and the howling winds. The rain was coming down so hard, it hurt my skin.”
I was spellbound, and leaned forward.
“Finally, I reached the deepest part of the lake. I could have been in the middle of the ocean for all I knew. I couldn't even see the shoreline at all in the black night. I used the leaves to clog the scuppers. The boat started taking on water at a furious rate, and I knew I did not have much time left. The water was up to my thighs very quickly, and it was rising by the minute. I busted out the glass to the tiny cabin that held Savannah's body to ensure the water filled that space, too. I dove overboard and left Savannah to her fate.”
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