“Hello?” a deep voice calls. Yes, he must have heard the door. Hurray. This is far more exciting than sneaking up on him only to cut his throat in a quick, boring move.
I hurry towards the sound. He’s in the kitchen, holding a large bread knife. Fun. He’s making it a challenge.
I grin wolfishly and pull two daggers from my belt, lazily flipping them in my hands. His eyes widen.
“Are you here to kill me?” he asks, gripping his knife a little harder. His knuckles are turning white and I can smell sweat appearing on his skin. Pathetic.
I give him a saucy wink. “Yes. I’m your angel of death.”
His eyes widen. “Who are you working for? I have money. I’ll pay double what they did.”
Usually, I might consider this, but not today. I’m not here for money. I’m here for sport.
“Time to die,” I say dramatically and approach him with the elegance of a predator. Every muscle’s movement is carefully controlled. Adrenaline fills me; enough to make me alert, but not enough to make me lose control.
“Please, don’t,” he begs, stumbling backwards, but the counter stops him from retreating further. He does a few helpless stabs with the knife, clearly showing that he’s never held a weapon in all his life. Too easy. I’d hoped he’d at least know how to hold a knife.
I launch forward, nipping his cheek with my dagger, easily evading his knife. I jump back, letting him realise how I could have killed him but didn’t. He touches his cheek, leaving his fingers stained with blood.
“Please,” he repeats, his voice whiny and pathetic.
I attack again, this time cutting his other cheek. He cries out in panic and pain. This is fun. Playing with prey. Again and again, I strike at him until his body is littered with bleeding gashes. Not enough to kill him, but enough to make me happy.
Someone enters the house through the backdoor. I sniff the air without giving away to the mark that he might be in luck. I grin when I smell a familiar scent. Then frown. What is Lennox doing here?
“Are you quite done yet?” he asks as soon as he enters the kitchen. “I could hear the screams from miles away.”
I shrug. “There are still a few places I haven’t hurt him yet. Why are you here?”
The man gapes at Lennox, realising that there’s no chance of rescue.
“You weren’t home, so I followed your tracks. We need to talk.”
I sigh. “I’ve told you I’m not interested in turning detective again. And I’m not going against the Pack either.”
“It’s not that. It’s something personal.”
That has me turn around. “Personal?”
Lennox isn’t someone who ever opens up about his feelings. I know him well enough to read him, to know when he’s upset, but most people would never be able to tell.
My mark makes a desperate dash for escape, but I throw a knife at him without even looking. From the gurgled squelching sound I assume that it hit its target. His body crumples to the ground.
“You interrupted my work,” I complain to Lennox.
He chuckles. “It looked more like fun than work. Has anyone ever told you not to play with your food?”
I grin at him. “You may have mentioned that a couple of times when we were younger. And then did it yourself.” I open the fridge and take out a bottle of orange juice. Killing always makes me thirsty. I find some ice cream in the freezer as well, which Lennox immediately takes off me.
I sit on the kitchen island, sipping my juice.
“What’s so important that you had to disturb me?” I ask, intrigue filling my mind. There has to be a good reason. Assassins never interfere with each other’s work unless it’s important. It’s a sort of unwritten code.
“We need to talk.”
I groan. “We’re talking now.”
He nods towards the corpse. “You want to do this here, with him around?”
“It’s not like he’s going to hear whatever secrets you have to tell me.”
Lennox chuckles. “You’re right.” He sighs. “I’m having a problem with my wolf.”
I’m used to Lennox talking about his shifted form as if it’s separate from his human. He seems to have a different relationship with it than I have with my panther. We’re one, I just turn a little more feral when I’m shifted. He almost has two personalities that live in the same body. I have to admit that it creeps me out a tiny bit, but by now, I’m used to it.
“What kind of problem? Just spit it out.”
Lennox averts his eyes. Is he embarrassed? That’s a first.
“He… he… “
I growl at him.
“He’s claimed someone.” He says it so fast that I almost don’t understand. My heart starts beating faster when the words hit home. Lennox explained it to me long ago. Wolf shifters mate for life, and it’s not the human part of them that decides who with. While Lennox could try and resist his wolf, be in a relationship with someone else, his wolf would never stop aching for his mate. Some shifters go crazy when they refuse their wolf.
“I don’t know what to do,” Lennox admits quietly. “I’m not ready. I don’t want to commit to someone I may not even know. But the craving is strong. It fills my thoughts night and day and resisting it is getting harder. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to withstand it.”
“Who is it?” I ask, almost dreading the answer. The reason is something I don’t want to think about.
“I don’t know. I’d have to shift to find out, but I don’t want to. What if it’s a horrible person? What if it’s someone in the Pack? Or someone twice as old as me? There have even been cases of adult wolves claiming a child and then having to wait for a decade until they could actually be with their mate.”
“What do you need me to do?” There’s a reason he came to me with this. And to be honest, I’m flattered that he still trusts me enough to tell me, even after being apart for so many years. It’s like we were never apart.
“I want you to be with me when I shift. Follow me so you can see who my wolf claims. If it’s someone you think is bad for me, you need to pull me away, stop me. I’ve heard stories of our wolves going into a lovesick frenzy when they first meet their mate. I don’t want that to happen to me. You need to keep me sane.”
I nod. “I’ll do my best, but let me warn you, I may think of someone as not suitable that you might end up loving.”
He shudders. “I don’t think I could love anyone. I’m too busy for love. Too damaged.” He whispers the last bit. I want to reach out, hug him, tell him that I’m the same, but I don’t do touchy-feely.
“When do you want to do it?” I ask.
“Tonight, after dark. I want to get rid of this feeling as soon as possible.”
“But what if it’s your soulmate? If you fall in love at first sight? Will you be alright with that?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t even want to consider that. I hate how helpless this makes me. How my wolf is taking control and I can’t do anything about it. I should be free to decide who I love, right? Nobody should take that decision from me, not even my wolf.”
“I agree. I’m glad it doesn’t work that way for cats. But then, can you imagine a cat being with just one partner for the rest of her life?” I chuckle. “There’s little chance of that.”
A tiny frown appears on his forehead, but it’s gone before I can think on it.
“Do you think you’ll ever settle down?” he asks me.
I shrug. “Maybe. Not really thought about that. I can’t really imagine living in a house with a husband, having a mundane life.”
“Who says it would have to be mundane?”
I laugh. “I doubt I’d be with an assassin or someone else in my line of work. Have you seen us? We don’t settle down. We don’t fall in love. I’ve never seen an assassin couple and I doubt I’ll ever will.”
Lennox smiles but it seems forced. “You’re right. We’re not made for love. Sadly, my wolf thinks otherwise. But maybe he’ll dec
ide differently tonight. Maybe he’ll reconsider when he sees whatever terrible woman he’s chosen. Maybe he’ll come to his senses.”
I take a sip of juice, for once unwilling to tell the truth. I know he’s deluding himself, but I don’t want him to feel unhappy either.
Whatever happens, I’ll help him through it. He’s my oldest friend and I’m quite enjoying having him back.
Chapter Four
Night falls quickly, covering the town in shades of blue. It’s a Friday night, so all the streets are busy with people hoping to forget the stress and troubles of the working week. I can smell the alcohol all around me, still fresh but about to turn stale. In an hour or two, the first drunks will stumble along the streets, not sure whether they should return home or go back to the pub for another drink.
Lennox and I head to the outskirts of town, hoping that his mate will not be in the centre of the city where everyone could see him. I doubt he’ll have himself fully under control once he shifts today. It’s a bit scary, especially because I will have to shift too to keep him in check. A wolf running across town might be just about explainable, but a giant black cat… not so much. There’d be panic and the Pack would certainly get wind of it. I don’t want them to remember that I exist.
“Ready?” I ask Lennox, even though I know that he isn’t. I can hear his heartbeat drumming faster than it should. He’s anxious, more anxious than I’ve ever seen him.
He shrugs. “Let’s do this. Better to know than to fight the urge for the rest of my life. But promise me you’ll drag me away if my mate isn’t suitable?”
I put one hand on my chest, wiggling my fingers. “Shifter promise.”
He chuckles, probably remembering the time when we came up with that oath.
“Good. You’re larger than me, you’ll be able to stop me. Don’t take it personal if I fight back.” He grins sheepishly. “My wolf likes to play.”
“So do I. And don’t worry, I’ve been longing for a challenge like this, especially since you interrupted my killing earlier.”
He takes a deep breath and his heartbeat accelerates further. I can’t believe we’re about to do this. Somehow, I never imagined either of us having a mate. Occasional lovers, yes, but nothing permanent. Now it’s about to change, and it makes me feel something that I can’t quite identify. Sadness? Jealousy? Longing? I push it away. I need to focus. Lennox needs me.
He meets my eyes. I don’t like what I see in them. He’s scared, and I don’t like him being scared. He never shows his fear, he never shows any emotion. Especially not something that could be interpreted as weakness.
“Shift,” I tell him and let myself fall into my cat form, purring as soon as I’m on all fours. I stretch my back and extend my claws a couple of times. So good. Now to take a nap…
Lennox whines. His beautiful white wolf is twitching on the ground. I jump to his side, nudging his flank with my head. I wish I could talk to him, but we’re different species, even though we’re both shifters. All I can do is try and read his body language.
He seems agitated and in pain, rolling around the grass, yelping occasionally. I’d expected him to run to whoever his mate is. This is scaring me.
“What can I do?” I ask in panic, even though I know he can’t understand me.
He whines again, then gets to all fours for just long enough to take a step back, away from my touch. The pain of rejection runs through me. He doesn’t want my help. Why isn’t he letting me take some of his hurt? He’s suffering and there’s nothing I can do about it.
I purr to show him that I want to help and approach him again, this time not quite touching him. Maybe the touch was uncomfortable for him. Maybe his wolf will only tolerate the touch of his mate just now.
Suddenly, he shifts back, but instead of wearing clothes like he usually would, he’s naked. He’s curled up on the ground, clutching his legs to his chest.
I don’t know what to do. He’s vulnerable, terribly vulnerable, and I hate it. I want to protect him, but I also don’t want him to feel like he needs protection. He’s a proud man and an even prouder wolf.
Instead of shifting too, I lay down, close enough for him to touch me if he wants to, but far enough to give him space. I want him to know that I’m there for him, that I won’t leave, no matter what’s happened.
Maybe he doesn’t have a mate? Maybe something went wrong?
I start purring. It always soothes me when a cat does that, so maybe it works the same for him.
I listen to his heartbeat, fast and shallow. His breathing is too fast.
We lie like that for ages. Him curled up into a ball, naked, suffering. Me, shifted, purring, also suffering.
“We need to talk,” he whispers. “Can you shift back?”
Finally. I thought he’d never tell me. I jump to my feet and shift in one fluid motion, being completely human by the time I’m fully standing. As always, I’m wearing the same clothes I did before I shifted, making me very aware of his nakedness. I’ve never heard of this happening. Even as shifters, our unique magic always makes us keep our clothes.
“What’s wrong?” I ask softly, surprising myself. I’m not a soft person.
He sits up, exposing his nakedness. I try not to notice how perfect his body is. How his muscles are sculpting his chest into hard planes, how the thin line of dark hair running down from his belly button points to…
He’s hard. Big. Very hard.
Oh my.
He crosses his legs and puts his hands in his lap, almost managing to hide his erection. Seeing his discomfort, I take off my jacket and hand it to him. Without meeting my eyes, he takes it and puts it on his lap like a blanket. Suitably covered, his heartbeat slows down a tiny bit, but he’s still nervous.
“What’s wrong?” I repeat. “Talk to me.”
“I can fight it,” he mutters. “I don’t have to give in to my wolf.”
“So you found out who your mate is?” I ask excitedly. “I wasn’t sure if you had.”
He laughs harshly. “I did. He showed me right away. I just don’t know what to think of it. Or how to tell you.”
“Just spit it out. That’s usually easiest,” I quip, hiding the growing tension I feel.
He finally looks at me, his eyes meeting mine. They’re full of emotions and unspoken words. He’s trying to tell me through this look alone, but I don’t understand.
“He showed me my mate. She’s right in front of me.”
My heart explodes.
And then I do the stupidest thing ever. I start laughing. Hysterical laughter bubbles from my throat and I press my hands on my mouth, trying to stop that traitorous sound from escaping. It’s no use. I laugh and laugh until I need to stop to breathe.
He grimaces. “I didn’t expect that response.”
I try to stop, I really do, but the laughter just keeps coming.
He gets up, no longer looking at me, and shifts. His white wolf is a light in the dark, a beautiful sight that runs away from me as fast as he can.
He could have thrown a knife at me and it wouldn’t have hurt as much.
I get up, a little unsteady on my feet. I should stay here. Let him go. Mull it over. But no, I crouch down, shift, and run after him.
At the beginning, I track him by his scent, but after a while, I realise where he’s going. It’s no surprise, really. He always used to go there when we were kids. His hidey-hole, his sanctuary. It took him years to take me there for the first time. Even as a child, I understood the significance of that gesture. He’d arrived at the Pack before me, and until I became his friend, he’d been on his own. I had been an outcast because I was a different species from everyone else, he was an outcast because he chose to be.
Even at a sprint, it takes ten minutes to leave the town and head towards the little stone bridge spanning the river. It’s old and crumbling in places, but it’s clung to life for so long that I doubt it will ever collapse.
I sniff the air before I approach. He’s here.
He’s my friend, not my lover. Definitely not my mate. Yes, I know him better than I know myself, and yes, he’s gorgeous, and yes, he would be a better partner than any man I’ve been with. But… he’s Lennox. My friend Lennox. If we cross the line of friendship, there may be no return from it. I’ve only just found him again, I don’t want to lose him over something as silly as love.
Wait, did I think love? Like, being in love? I must be confused. I’ve never been in love. I’m an assassin, I’m incapable of it. I couldn’t do my job otherwise.
I start purring to make him aware of my presence. He likely already knows, but I want him to be able to stop me in case he wants to be alone. I’m not sure I’d leave if he asked me to. We need to sort this out.
Just as predicted, he’s in a hollow under the bridge. I can’t believe our old mattress is still here. It’s stained and covered in dirt, but even from here, I can smell our scents on it. We used to spend a lot of time here. We’d try to complete our assignments as quickly as possible so we could hang out here without our Pack masters missing us. I spent some of the happiest moments of my childhood down here under the bridge. We made it ours, added some decoration to the bridge walls, carved out more of the hollow when we got too big to fit into it.
And now, Lennox is on that old mattress, human, naked, vulnerable.
I slowly walk towards him, half expecting him to turn and run again. Or to tell me to fuck off. I’d understand. I was an idiot, laughing like that. It must have hurt him. I wish I could take it back.
I never stop purring as I lay down by his side, my fur touching his naked skin. I snuggle against him but stay shifted. This way, there won’t be a conversation. No words that could hurt. Just companionship. Showing him how much I care. How much I like him.
After a moment, he wraps his arms around me, his fingers curling into my thick fur. He lays his head onto my back and I can feel his breath growing slower. His human heartbeat synchronises with mine until we’re merged by touch and sound.
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