Now, I almost wish I could talk to him, but I don’t want to interrupt this moment of closeness by shifting. So I continue purring gently, enjoying the feeling of him touching me.
We lie like that for ages. His shifter nature is keeping him warm, aided by my own body warmth. His nakedness no longer bothers me.
“Thank you for coming here,” he whispers suddenly, startling me. My purring stops as I listen, waiting for him to say more, but he stays quiet. I extend a paw, careful to keep my claws in, and wrap it around his back. I don’t use my full weight; I don’t want to hurt him. He’s so vulnerable right now, emotionally and physically.
“I can still feel it,” he mutters after a while. “The pull. Even though you’re next to me, my wolf still wants to get even closer. It wants you to shift so I can mate with you.”
If I were human, I’d blush. Not because of the thought of having sex. It’s a natural thing, there’s nothing embarrassing about it. No, because of the word ‘mate’. It sounds so intimate. Not fucking. Mating. Lovingly bonding. I’m terrified of it.
“I don’t want this to change things, but I’m not sure if I can fight against the urge forever. Maybe it’s better if I leave town. It might be easier if we’re far apart. The distance might take the edge off.”
I shift before I can stop myself. I’ve never shifted while lying on the ground before, but I no longer have control over my body. The thought of him leaving…
“You’re naked,” he whispers, a barely audible chuckle hiding between his words.
“I am,” I say, stating the obvious. This is the first time I’ve ever shifted without clothes before. I hope this is a one-time thing. It would be terribly inconvenient. I’d become known as the naked assassin.
“Are you okay with it?” he whispers, his eyes meeting mine.
Strangely enough, I am. All doubt has fled my mind. It feels right, his naked skin on mine, his breath entangling with my own.
I inch closer to him until our lips are close enough to touch. Just a tiny move, but who’s going to do it? Is this right? Moments ago, Lennox was talking about resisting the pull of his mating bond, now we’re entwined, naked, our hearts beating fast. I think I can feel the bond too. Faint, but growing. Or maybe it’s my own heart telling me what I should have known before.
"There will be no return from this," Lennox whispers, his breath hot against my lips.
"I know," I reply, my voice shaking. "Are you sure this isn't just your wolf? If we do this, I need all of you. Both of you."
Chapter Five
“I’ve wanted to do this ever since I saw you outside that house,” he whispers.
I chuckle. “You mean since you poisoned me.”
It’s strange to be having a conversation while our lips are a hair’s width apart. It would be so easy to kiss him, but yet it’s so hard at the same time. I’d have to jump over my own shadow, break through the barriers I’ve built and maintained for so long. When I’m with men, I never kiss them. We fuck, we never see each other again. No feelings, no attachments. Nothing but satisfying the physical itch. I’m a grown woman, I have needs. Luckily, there are lots of men feeling the same way.
With Lennox, it’s different. With him, there’d be a morning after. Having to talk about it. Having to analyse my feelings. I don’t think I’m ready for it.
“Lennox,” I mutter, but then his lips are on mine and all doubt flees my mind. His lips are soft and his kiss is gentle, almost cautious. As if he’s afraid that I might pull back. And yes, I’m tempted. My mind is screaming at me to get up and run. This is such a bad idea. Yet his lips… I kiss him back, opening myself to his probing tongue, letting him in. I’ve never kissed like this before. There’s never been emotion involved. With every swipe of his tongue, every touch of his lips on mine, I feel myself getting closer to him.
I let my body have free reign. Let it move as it wants to. I push back the doubt, the uproar in my mind, concentrating instead on how good it feels. How he's made for me.
It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. Giving up control. Ignoring my rational mind. Relaxing, simply enjoying the moment. All of my instincts are fighting me.
His hands wander over my body, gently exploring me. We've been friends for so long, but never been this close. It's too late to go back now. So I do the only thing I can: go with the flow.
I end up on top of him, straddling his hips. His hands worship my breasts, leaving me breathless and gasping. Others might call it a moan, but cats don't moan. We might make sounds of pleasure, but not moans. That's for humans who don't have control of their bodies. I can resist-
He slips a finger between my lips and I moan, arching my back, coming undone.
What is this man doing to me?
I'm afraid that he's breaking barriers that should have stayed untouched.
As we cling to each other, merging in new ways, I try to ignore the feeling that I made a massive mistake.
We stay together all night, our bodies tangled, one ending where the other begins. I'm itching to get up and run away. It's what I always do when I've had sex with a guy. This is the first time I've stayed. Even slept a little, albeit brief and restless. His arm was around my shoulders and I couldn't relax with him touching me. I'm not used to being touched. It's both disturbing and beautiful.
I wish I were a normal woman. And he a normal guy. Two humans who could love each other. Who don't have baggage that makes it impossible for them to be together.
I can't do it anymore. I move as slowly as possible, leaving his embrace. I'm sure he knows what I'm doing; the way his breathing has changed means he's awake. He lets me go though. I shift and run as fast as I can, ignoring the pain in my chest that gets worse the further I get away from him.
By the time I get home, my head is slightly clearer, but my chest still aches. Is that a side effect of being his wolf's mate? Or am I somehow imagining this pain? Either way, it's annoying.
"Look what the cat's dragged in," Beth snickers, surprising me as I walk into the kitchen. Oh my, I really need to focus. Nobody ever manages to sneak up on me like that. Never. Beth seems to come to the same conclusion and looks at me quizzically.
"Are you ill?" she asks while popping a handful of crisps into her mouth.
"No, just tired," I mutter and put the kettle on. Tea will cure all my woes, right? That's what they say. Tea is a miracle cure for some completely unscientific reason. Let's hope it works. I can't do my job when I'm feeling like this.
"Maybe you should take a break," Beth says, chewing loudly. "Lily's going to that convention thingy, why not join her? You could do with a holiday."
The way she's all nice and helpful makes me suspicious. "So that you can take over the house while we're gone? Invite all your boyfriends and have some kind of poison party?"
"Not poisons," she quips. "Body parts, more likely. I've got that new friend who works in the morgue, lovely guy. Of course, he thinks I'm a timid, innocent girl who's scared of dead people and simply wanted the keys to the morgue as a dare."
I snicker. "Of course. When are you going to show him that you're not exactly innocent?"
She shrugs. "Who knows. Let's see how he is in bed. Maybe he thinks I'm too innocent to want that, so in that case, I might have to intervene."
I pour myself a cup of tea while I listen to her prattling on about that morgue guy. That's how I used to do it. Have some fun with a guy, then drop him. No commitment, no attachment.
"... by the way, the cat has returned."
I stare at her, lost in where our conversation has gone.
"Ryker?"
She nods. "He's in the backyard as always. Didn't want to come in. I gave him some snacks but he refused to eat. I guess the whole 'you're a shifter' reveal didn't go too well?"
I sigh. "You could say that. And I've done entirely too much peopling today. I'm going to bed."
Ignoring her laughter, I head upstairs. I don't feel guilty for ignoring Ryker. It was him who ran away after
all. Now he can wait, especially after returning sooner than I'd thought. I need some time on my own.
My attic is nice and quiet. I open the window, then climb onto my hammock, shoes and all. I couldn't care less. I just want to rest. I got some sleep while with Lennox, but-
No. I won't go there. No more men. Just me. Kat. A lone hunter. An assassin without emotions. A killer, trained to murder people without regrets. That's me. Not this strange woman who doesn't know how to react to the men around her. That's not me, not in the slightest. She's weak, she's confused.
In a way, I wish I hadn't met Lennox. Not for a second time, I mean. I treasured the memories I have of us as children, but now that we're both grown up, it's getting complicated.
I close my eyes, but sleep won't come. My mind is too busy trying to make sense of everything. I've dealt with dangerous situations, but none of them has ever threatened my heart. My sense of identity.
Maybe I should follow Lily's example and go on holiday. Leave the town, leave all the problems behind. Sounds like a great idea, except that I've never been further away than five miles down the road, and that I'd miss my job. I've tried going cold turkey - cold cat? - before. It doesn't work. After two days without killing, I get antsy. It's in my nature to be a predator. I can't just shut it off.
But what the fuck am I going to do now?
For the first time in my life, I don't have an answer to that.
Chapter Six
At some point, I must have fallen asleep. I'm curled up in my hammock, blinking at the afternoon sun streaming through the window.
Sounds from downstairs tell me that at least two other people are around. Probably Beth and Benjamin. Lily must be gone by now, enjoying her holiday. Pah. Not jealous at all.
I get up and stretch, purring as my back curves in the most delicious way. I'm tempted to shift just so I can feel the sensation of my claws extending, but that would be a waste of energy. I shifted too often in the past twenty-four hours and my body needs a break. It will get painful otherwise.
I undress, deciding that I've been in the same clothes for too long. I very rarely sweat, but my clothes tend to get dirty fast from climbing up walls and running over rooftops.
Once naked, I stretch again. Nice, that feels even better.
Meow.
Luckily, I hear the cat approach before it appears in front of my attic window. I groan and quickly grab a towel from the floor, wrapping it around me. I don’t like other people seeing me naked. I may be confident in everything else, but nakedness is one thing I can’t stand. Except with Lennox, apparently.
Ryker’s furry face looks through the window just when I’m covered. I thought he was going to be away for a bit. Why is he back now? Has he decided to tell me the truth, that he’s been a shifter all his life and just made fun of me? Nah, I saw how shocked he was. It wasn’t a prank, no matter how much I wanted it.
With a sigh, I open the window. Ryker jumps in with an elegant pounce, landing with his head held high. Such a show-off. He probably doesn’t even realise he does it. The arrogance of cats. Hadn’t I grown up in the Pack, I might be the same, but they made sure none of us got too arrogant. Confident, proud in our abilities, yes, but not arrogant.
“Why are you here?” I ask, not even trying to be polite.
He meows again, his voice urgent. He’s worried, no, afraid.
Fuck. I’d not planned to shift for the rest of the day, but the fear in his eyes makes me reconsider. He’s not here because he’s a shifter. Something must have happened.
“Turn around,” I tell him. He looks at me quizzically but does as I say. I drop the towel and shift.
It hurts like hell. I cry out in pain as my bones elongate and fur erupts from my skin. My gums bleed as my teeth change, filling my mouth with the sharp taste of iron. My nails lengthen into claws, and right now, I know why pulling out fingernails is a great torture method.
I don’t think it’s ever been that painful.
By the time the shift is over, I’m curled up on the floor, my tail quivering, my body still getting used to the extra appendage.
“I’m sorry,” Ryker says softly. “I wouldn’t have come if I’d had a choice.”
Slowly, I sit up, leaning on my forelegs like a sphynx. Without the human head. Partial shifts only allow me to lengthen my fingernails as a human, but that’s as far as it goes. Some people at the Pack were able to do proper partial shifts, having some limbs human and others animal. Not me, though.
“What’s wrong?” I groan, my tongue swiping over my sharp teeth. I feel like drinking a bucket full of milk to get rid of the taste of blood. I like to taste other people’s blood, but not my own. That feels like cannibalism.
“Haru and Mila are dead. Pumpkin is gone. Five other kittens are missing.” He blinks at me, his eyes full of fear. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Wait, start from the beginning. What happened?”
“I came back to our den. Haru and Mila had been in charge of looking after the kittens; they like to get up to all sorts of shenanigans. I grounded Pumpkin because he’d broken into our food stores last night, so he would have been with them. He’s a bit too old to stay there usually, but…”
He stares at me in desperation. “He’s my son. Please, help me find them. The cats are in uproar, most of them are scared. Nobody has ever infiltrated our home. All of us have escaped awful pasts, and the den has been a place of safety. Until now.”
“Of course I’ll help. Do you know if it was humans? Other shifters?”
“Haru and Mila were stabbed with a knife, that’s all I know. There were no scents at all. No traces. It’s like they appeared out of thin air, took the kittens and disappeared again.”
“That’s impossible, there must be some sort of evidence. Nobody can simply vanish without a trace.”
“Don’t you think I haven’t checked?” Ryker snaps. “You’re welcome to look and see for yourself. That’s why I came here. You’re an assassin, you know how to move unseen. Maybe you can spot something I haven’t.” His voice broke. “Please. It’s my son.”
I get up to all fours, ignoring how my legs are a little shaky. I won’t be able to shift back for some time, not without ending up being incapacitated. I extend my senses to check on Benjamin’s kittens. If someone is kidnapping baby cats, they could be in danger too, but no, they’re all in the room he’s turned into his personal cat paradise.
“Let me tell the others before we go,” I say, slowly walking towards the window. I feel like I’ve run a marathon, then got drunk, then ran another marathon while wearing stilts.
“Are you alright?” he asks and I put some more effort into the way I walk. I don’t want him to think me weak.
“Too many shifts in the past twenty-four hours,” I explain. “I’ll have to stay like this for a while.”
“Then how are you going to talk to your humans?”
I snicker, almost hearing the unspoken ‘pets’ at the end of his sentence. Most cats don’t understand why I bother with humans. They don’t understand that half of me is human, too, and that two-legged people can come in handy occasionally. Beth and Benjamin are some excellent examples of useful humans.
“I have my ways,” I reply and jump out of the open window, climbing onto the overhanging roof. My muscles complain loudly, but I ignore the pain. It will get better the more I move – hopefully.
Running over the roof and to the other side of the house, I jump down onto the wall surrounding our backyard, and then land on the ground. I think a few of my bones are close to shattering. I’ve been wanting to find a way to change the ladder leading down from my loft so that I can use it in my panther form, but there have always been other priorities.
Luckily, the back door has been left open – I’ll have to chastise the others for that later – and we sneak in. I can smell Beth in the living room. She doesn’t look up from her book when we enter. 100 Deadly Poisons and How to Make Them. Nice. I will have to borrow that later
. Sounds like the perfect bedtime read.
I bump against her knee and growl a little, making it very clear that I need her attention. She glowers at me.
“I’m busy.”
“Get up and get the board.” To her, that must sound like a series of loud, intimidating growls.
“I love it when you speak cat to me,” she chuckles, but she does heave herself off the sofa and grabs our whiteboard from the cupboard. She lays it on the carpet in front of me and I lift a paw, letting her attach a velcro strap to it. It looks ridiculous, but we’ve discovered that’s the only way I can use a pen while shifted.
Bethany clips a large marker pen to my velcro brace and I start scribbling away. Even I have trouble reading the result, but luckily Beth is used to my paw-writing.
LENNOX
“You want me to get Lennox?” she asks. “Why don’t you just do it yourself?”
I growl and nod towards Ryker, who’s watching us with growing impatience.
“Okay, okay, I’ll get him. Where shall I send him?”
I turn to Ryker. “Where’s the den?”
“Do you really trust the dog? I’ve never told an outsider about our location.”
I sigh. “Lennox is the best tracker I know. If anyone can find the kittens, it’s him.”
It’s painful to admit that Lennox is better at tracking than me. At least I’m better at killing, much better. Only Gryphon gets close to my level of skill.
“It’s in the abandoned chocolate factory. Their solar-powered heating still works, so it’s the perfect hideout in the winter.”
CHOC FAC
“Chocolate face? Faeces?” Bethany grins as if she’s proud of that joke. “Chocolate… factory? But that’s one been closed for years.”
Ryker groans. “Is she always that slow?”
“She must be tired,” I reply, feeling like I need to apologise for Bethany for some reason. I guess she’s part of my team, and I need my team to look good. We have a reputation to lose.
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