Shafted

by Unknown

  ‘Team?’ Dex repeated, not looking quite so pleased suddenly. ‘I thought this was an everyman-for-himself kind of thing. I don’t want to be on a team and end up having to share the prize with some cunt.’

  ‘It’s not that kind of team,’ Larry assured him, grinning slyly as he added, ‘This is more of a personal-escort type of thing. And I guarantee you’ll like it, because I saw the girls before I left the studio this morning, and they are hot.’

  ‘Girls, eh?’ Dex was all ears again. ‘Oh, well, that’s different. And what are they gonna be doing?’

  ‘Keeping you happy,’ Larry told him. ‘And they will, because they’re all models, and they’ve got tits like you wouldn’t believe.’ Flapping his hand now, he said, ‘But you’ll see them for yourself when we get there, so I’ll shut up before I end up walking in with a fucking flagpole sticking out of my pants.’

  ‘That good, huh?’ Dex leered.

  ‘Better,’ Larry said. Then, ‘Anyway, all the contestants get their own team, and they stay with you all day till you go on set – to make sure you’re not too nervous, and keep you supplied with drinks and food, and what have you. You’ll all have your own rooms just in case there’s any trouble, because some contestants can be a bit competitive when there’s so much at stake, and it can get a bit nasty.’

  ‘That don’t bother me,’ Dex said unconcernedly. ‘I’ll just knock the fuckers out if they try pulling any shit like that on me.’

  Chuckling softly, Larry said, ‘Good job we’re keeping you away from them then, eh? I’d hate to see you lose your chance at getting that car just because someone’s said something bitchy and wound you up. Anyway, the girls will make sure no one gets into your room, and if you want anything just ask and they’ll get it for you. But you won’t be able to go walkabout, I’m afraid, because the producers don’t want to risk anyone getting hold of the question-and-answer sheets.’

  ‘That’s me fucked, then,’ Dex snorted amusedly.

  ‘You’ll be fine,’ Larry said, giving him yet another hint that he had it in the bag.

  ‘How long’s it gonna take?’ Dex asked now, wondering when he’d be getting his next smoke, because he’d only had one little spliff before leaving and he was already coming down off that.

  Telling him that it was in the hands of the technical-equipment gods, Larry said, ‘We’re scheduled for a two o’clock start, but every show I’ve ever done has had delays of some sort or another, so you’re best looking on it as a day-long thing. Not got plans for tonight, have you?’

  Because you won’t be keeping to them if you have.

  ‘Nah, I’m cool,’ Dex said. ‘Just fancied a bit of puff, but I’ve left mine at the house. Don’t suppose you’ve got any?’

  Shaking his head, Larry gave a surreptitious nod towards the mirrored panel separating them from the driver. ‘Can’t risk it with these company chauffeurs. They’ll either run straight back to the boss and grass you up, or sell the story to the papers. Best just leaving it till you get home.’

  In three years or so, in your case.

  ‘Plenty of booze, though.’ He waved for Dex to help himself. ‘And with any luck, there’ll be champagne coming out of your ears by the end of the night.’ Smiling slyly, he said, ‘Anyway, let me talk you through the procedure before we get there – make sure you know everything you need to know so we can wipe the floor with the bastards.’

  Back at the studio just then, Terri was panicking. For a show like this to work, timing was everything, but Keeton had already thrown the schedule out when he came up with the bright idea of sending Larry out to Dex Lewis’s house in one of the two limos this morning. And, then, to make matters worse, Keeton himself had been called back to the police station across town to deal with some sort of emergency. And with Jon busy assisting with the editing of the first cut of Cops ’n’ Bobbies, getting it ready to send back to Shock-Wave’s LA office, she was having to cope with all of this alone – and was beginning to feel way out of her depth.

  Larry had been out for far too long already, so the second car was having to do all the collecting and delivering, and they were way behind now, with only five targets here when there really should have been ten. Although that was actually a mixed blessing, because Terri was already running round like a maniac trying to make sure that their paths didn’t cross, so it would have been worse if there had been twice as many to deal with. The entire crew were equipped with radio headsets so that they could let each other know where they were at all times, but if one target happened to spot another and suss what was going on it would blow the whole thing apart. And the longer Larry and Keeton were gone, the more chance there was of something like that happening.

  The teams, which consisted of three gorgeous, busty models – and one gorgeous, busty undercover cop, who would check IDs to make sure that the targets really were who they claimed to be, and keep control if anything untoward happened – were doing a great job of entertaining their subjects so far, but what if—

  What if . . . what if . . .

  That was all Terri could think about at the moment, and it was driving her crazy. She just wished Keeton had left well enough alone. If he hadn’t let his obsession with arresting Dex Lewis run away with him, Larry would be here and they’d be well on their way with filming now. But when Larry got back there would be even more time wasted, because he’d need to go into makeup and get changed, and be brought up to speed about the targets – to make sure he didn’t give the game away when he was introducing them by saying the wrong name. All stuff that he should have been concentrating on in his dressing room this morning, never mind going AWOL.

  The targets were all so horrible and rough-looking, swaggering out of the limo and into reception with the same don’t-fuck-with-me expressions on their faces, wearing the same uniform of tracksuit, trainers, and obligatory hoodie – to disguise themselves with should anybody see them who wasn’t supposed to. But, proud as they all were of their street-smarts, they were clearly too stupid to realise that it was those who lay in wait inside who posed the real threat, not those who might happen to spot them outside.

  Carjacker Mark Thompson had been the first to arrive, followed by Colin Leach, a shoplifter and bag-snatcher with the worst teeth Terri had ever seen on a living person. The third was Steve Brightman, a feral-faced heroin addict who was wanted for stealing and selling prescription pads and chequebooks; then Gary Hutchinson, who was wanted for burglary – but who needed a psych ward rather than a cell, in Terri’s opinion. And lastly, Rachael Gold, the first of the three females on the list, who, like her name, was dripping with cheap gold chains and had both hands crammed full of gaudy rings and both ears weighed down with heavy gypsy loops – probably spoils from the numerous muggings she’d apparently been responsible for.

  Rachael had been given a team of men to keep her occupied, but she’d done nothing but moan since she got here, acting like some sort of visiting superstar, demanding to know why Larry hadn’t been in to see her yet. She was annoying the hell out of everyone, but it was Steve Brightman who was causing Terri the biggest headache. He’d obviously had a hit before the car picked him up, and every time he nodded out she was worried that he might not wake up again. But then, when he did, she was even more worried, because he kept trying to sneak away to the toilets by himself, claiming that he had a weak bladder.

  Suspecting that he was actually trying to get himself deliberately ‘lost’ so that he could search the building for things to steal, Terri went to her office to phone Keeton and beg him to hurry up, because she was convinced it was all going to fall apart at any minute.

  ‘If Brightman gets too much for you, just have him brought straight in,’ Keeton told her, saying that it was better to lose one minor player like him than to lose the chance of taking a major piece of shit like Dex Lewis down. ‘Whatever you do, don’t let Lewis out of your sight when he gets there, though, because he’ll be off like a shot if he gets one whiff of what’s going on.’r />
  ‘How about if we put him through first?’ Terri suggested. ‘At least he’d be out of the way and we could get back on track.’

  ‘Do not try to take him without me being there,’ Keeton warned her sternly. ‘This one needs particularly careful handling, and I don’t want anyone getting hurt.’

  There was a tap at the door just then, and one of the runners stuck his head round to say that Larry’s limo had just pulled up out front.

  Feeling sick, Terri relayed the news to Keeton.

  ‘I’ll be there as soon as I can,’ he said, his voice cold and clipped. ‘Just keep him well away from the others, and try to keep him occupied.’

  Promising that she would do her best, Terri put the phone down. Then, taking a deep breath, she left the office and rushed back to reception to make sure that Brightman had been moved out of sight.

  Strolling through the doors with Dex Lewis at his side, Larry looked like the cat who’d got the cream. Waving to members of the crew who were milling around, he nudged Dex and nodded towards the poster-board of the Range Rover, whispering, ‘What d’y’ reckon?’

  ‘It’s a fucking beast,’ Dex replied, grinning widely – sure that now he and Larry were such good mates the motor was as good as his.

  Coming in through the staff door just then, Terri inhaled nervously when she saw the size of Lewis. Even with his back to her she could feel the vibe of danger streaming off him, and she suddenly understood why Keeton had urged such caution around him: he would obviously be capable of doing immense damage if he were to get physical.

  Glancing quickly around now, to make sure there were at least two police officers at hand should she need assistance, she took a deep breath and approached Larry and Lewis.

  ‘About time!’ she said, opting to play the harassed producer with deadlines to adhere to so that she could whisk Larry away. ‘I was just about to send all the contestants home and reschedule filming for when you actually had time for us.’

  Instinctively playing along, Larry said, ‘Sorry. It took a bit longer than I expected to persuade Dex here to join us. But it’s our fault, not his. Seems he didn’t get our letters, so maybe it’s your secretary you need to be having a go at.’

  ‘Oh, don’t worry, I will,’Terri muttered, running a finger down the list on her clipboard. ‘Sorry, who did you say this was?’

  ‘Dex Lewis,’ Larry told her, giving Dex a conspiratorial side-glance as if to say See what I have to put up with?

  ‘Funny.’ Terri frowned. ‘His name’s not here.’

  ‘Because he didn’t get our letters,’ Larry repeated wryly. ‘But he’s here now, so do you think we could get him a drink?’

  Looking up at Dex, who was smiling down at her, Terri saw something dark and vicious behind his eyes and shuddered. No wonder Keeton was so desperate to get him off the streets.

  Keeping her nerve with difficulty, she held Dex’s gaze as if she was totally in control and said, ‘Do you have your ID?’

  ‘ID?’ Frowning, he turned at Larry. ‘You never said nothing about that.’

  Saying,‘Oh, shit, I forgot,’Larry clapped a hand on his forehead. ‘Sorry, mate. I was supposed to tell you to bring three forms of ID to verify that you’re the real contestant – otherwise anyone could walk in off the street and take your place, couldn’t they? Don’t suppose you’ve got a driving licence, or a bank card, or something?’

  Pursing his lips, Dex shook his head. ‘Nah. I don’t carry shit like that around with me.’

  ‘Oh, well, I’m sorry,’ Terri said coolly. ‘We can’t proceed without it.’

  ‘Oh, come on,’ Larry said, wondering what she was playing at. ‘Can’t we bend the rules just this once?’

  ‘Tell you what, let’s just give it a miss, eh?’ Dex said, giving Terri a hooded look. ‘You never said nothing about ID or I wouldn’t have bothered coming.’

  Sensing that he was getting set to walk, Larry turned his back on Terri and said,‘Come on, man, don’t throw it all away. You’re here now. Just chill.’

  ‘Nah, it don’t feel right,’ Dex muttered stubbornly. ‘I can’t be doing with official shit, it mashes me head up.’

  Determined not to see his efforts go to waste over something stupid like this, Larry said, ‘Look, just leave it with me and I’ll sort it out, yeah? You’re the only contestant I’ve met so far, and I want you to win, man. But if you walk, I’ll have to let some fucker who doesn’t even deserve it take the lot. Look at the car, man. Are you gonna walk away from that when you know it’s got your name on it?’

  Breathing in deeply, Dex cast a glance at the poster-board. It really was an impressive set of wheels, and it was his for the taking if he could just shake off the weird feeling that had just come over him. Reminding himself that it was probably just a bit of paranoia, he told himself to get a grip. If he could just stick it out for a few hours, he’d be driving home in his new car – stopping off on the way to buy himself an ounce of the white stuff out of his twenty grand.

  Looking at Larry again, he said, ‘All right, I’ll stay. But only if you sort this ID shit out, ’cos I’m not showing no one nothing.’

  Winking at him, Larry turned back to Terri and jerked his head for her to follow him into a quiet corner out of earshot.

  ‘What are you doing?’ he hissed when she reached him. ‘Have you any idea how long it took me to get him here?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Larry,’ she whispered, ‘but it could mess everything up if we don’t follow procedure.’

  ‘That’s for the targets Keeton doesn’t personally know, to make sure it’s really them,’ Larry argued. ‘But he knows Lewis.’

  ‘Yes, but he’s not here to verify it. And, with respect, Larry, you’ve never met him before, so there’s always a chance that you might have brought the wrong man in.’

  ‘I haven’t,’ Larry insisted. ‘Keeton showed me his mugshot before I went over there, and I know it’s him. If I’m wrong, Keeton can sort it out later, can’t he?’

  Looking up at him, Terri bit her lip. The ID issue was one of the strictest no-ifs-or-buts rules on this project, but Larry was right: Keeton would know soon enough if they’d got the wrong man. And she’d rather risk keeping the wrong one unnecessarily than letting the right one get away.

  ‘Okay, we’ll drop the ID,’ she said. ‘But we need to keep him occupied until Keeton gets here, and I don’t know how long that’s going to be.’

  ‘Leave him to me,’ Larry said confidently. ‘I’ll just get him tanked up – that’ll keep him quiet.’

  ‘Not too drunk,’ Terri warned, worried that Lewis would be hard enough to contain without alcohol. ‘But you won’t be able to stay with him, because we’ve already got the first five targets here, and Keeton wants them off the premises before he tackles Lewis. You’ve not even been to makeup yet, and you still need to get changed.’

  ‘Stop panicking,’ Larry told her, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. ‘It’s all going to work out fine.’

  ‘Not if we don’t get moving in the next five minutes,’ Terri said, glancing at her watch. ‘We’re cutting it really close now.’

  ‘All right – just let me get him settled and I’ll be right with you,’ Larry said, rubbing his hands together as the excitement of getting the show on the road stepped up a notch.

  Jerking his chin up when Larry strolled back to him a couple of seconds later, Dex said, ‘What’s she saying?’

  Assuring him that it was sorted, Larry said, ‘She’s just flapping because I’m late and they need me to do the camera and sound checks before we can start filming. I’ll have to go get ready in a minute, but let me get you that drink first and introduce you to your team.’

  Leading Dex out of reception and along a corridor now, Larry held a finger to his lips and pointed to a red light over one of the heavy studio doors, telling him to stay quiet because something was being filmed in there. In actuality, it was just one of the many spy-cams they had set up all around the buil
ding, to catch the contestants’ every move and word throughout the day, the footage of which would later be edited together with the footage of them on their best behaviour on set, before the inevitable kick-offs when they were arrested.

  Opening the door to Dex’s allotted room now, which was way on the other side of the studio from all the other targets’ rooms, he waved him inside.

  ‘This –’ he said, smiling when Dex’s mouth almost dropped open at the sight of the girls ‘– is your team.’

  ‘Jeezus!’ Dex hissed, gazing at them like a kid in a sweetshop. ‘Look at the tits on ’em, man!’

  Larry couldn’t disagree. They did all have gorgeous tits, which was precisely why they’d been hired: to keep the targets’ minds off everything else while they were here.

  ‘They’ll be looking after you today,’ he told Dex now. ‘Anything you want, just ask and they’ll get it for you.’

  ‘Any thing?’ Dex leered.

  Chuckling softly, Larry said, ‘Within reason, yeah. But try to resist temptation till we’ve got the show over with, ’cos there’ll be time enough for getting numbers when we’re out on the town celebrating tonight.’

  Leaving Dex with the gushing girlies now, Larry jerked his head at Carla, the undercover policewoman who was overseeing this particular team.

  Large breasts jutting out invitingly, and a sexy smile on her glossy painted lips, she said, ‘Hi there, Larry . . . glad you could join us.’

  Fully aware that she was making it look like she was flirting with him for Dex’s benefit, Larry took her aside and quickly brought her up to date.

  ‘Keeton’s trying to get back a. s. a.p. but he says to keep Dex occupied till he gets here – and not to let him out of your sight under any circumstances. I’ve got to go and get ready so we can get the rest of them out, but someone will let you know when it’s all clear. Any problems, just . . .’ Pausing, he flapped his hands. ‘Well, I’m sure you’ll know what to do.’

  ‘I’m sure I will,’ Carla assured him, fluffing her long red hair now.