Stand Tall My Sweet Dandelion Girl

by Jimenez, Javier

  “You remember how I got the afterschool teaching program, yes, Sam?” My grandmother continued. “It’s helped me a bit more with the bills and everything, but otherwise, things are going great. The afterschool shift is only two extra hours on weekdays, so it’s not bad at all.”

  “I’m glad to hear that grandma,”

  “So, have you been eating healthy, Sam? You know how I want you to eat healthy,”

  “Yes, grandma. I have been eating healthy. I had a physical a month ago and I am at the target weight for my age and height.”

  “What about your vegetables. Have you been eating your vegetables?”

  “Yes grandma,” I answer, realizing that I hadn’t eaten many vegetables lately. “I eat a lot of fruit though.”

  “That’s splendid dear. And what about the workers there? Do they treat you nice?”

  “Nice as always, grandma,” I chuckle.

  “That’s good to hear, Sam. You know, I came back from the grocery market not too long ago and I am dying to cook a new recipe from the cookbook. It’s a type of carrot stew,”

  I wondered if she was going to eat with someone, or if she was going to eat alone. It made me a little sad actually, to think she would be eating alone.

  My grandmother was divorced twice. After the second divorce, she never married. She told me about how her first husband in the 1960’s didn’t believe that women should drive. That, plus a handful of other problems led to her first divorce. She married a decade later to a man named Robert, and had Dahlia Azalea, which was my mother. My grandma was married with that man for almost thirty years, but then he passed away.

  “Any other news about the family or home, grandma?”

  “Not recently at least. Just one of the Patterson’s had a baby boy, but that’s about it, Sam.”

  There were sounds of chopping and pots moving, so I knew that she was going to begin cooking. “Well, grandma. I’ll talk to you another day then, I’m sure you’ll be busy,” I said.

  “No worries, Sam. But you can always give me a call if you need anything, okay?”

  “Yes, grandma.”

  We said our goodbyes and I went back to my room.

  Before I knew it, it was 5:30 P.M. I had everything prepared, but I was still doubtful about all of this.

  I undressed. I put my city outfit on first, then my hospital outfit. I retied my Canvas Cordones and prepared myself. I stowed my coat in my drawstring backpack. I double-checked that I had everything: water, food, money, Maribel’s letter, coat, notebook, and pens. I realized that I would be walking with a backpack, possibly causing suspicions, so I simply hid the backpack under the back of my shirt, hoping that no one would notice.

  It was 5:50 P.M. I peered out my bedrooms window, it was finally dark enough. I made my way down the hallway with my drawstring backpack hidden. I went walked uninterrupted. I made my way down the flight of stairs. I walked by the dining room. It was empty luckily.

  When I finally arrived at the Commons Area, there were several patients at different location. There was a group watching videocassettes on a box-shaped T.V. There was another group were was playing cards, and not too far from them were a group playing board games. A nurse was with them, but luckily, she didn’t take note of me. I walked outside, doing my best to not draw attention. There were some patients outside sitting on the patio tables, talking. There was no nurse yet. At this point, my heart was beating very hard and very fast.

  I walked down the sidewalk horizontal to the building, till finally, I was out of sight from the group sitting on the patio tables. I was alone now. Just me and that eight-foot fence.

  My heart was pounding and my mouth went dry. What in the world am I doing?

  Chapter 66

  I tried to think logically.

  I was going to jump that fence to go see the city and to go see Maribel. Maribel—because she is the last good friend that I made and I won’t see her again. The city—because I have been hospitalized too long, I want a break from the repetitive day-to-day treatments and activities.

  And besides, all of this will be very quick; it’ll be over before anyone notices.

  But what happens if something goes wrong? I don’t know what’s beyond the roofs of the buildings that I have stared at for the past seven months. I have to trust myself to be able to pull this off. If I can make it a very short trip, then I should only have minimal complications. I will be in and out before anyone notices.

  I made a final evaluation of anything that I might need, and realized that I did not possess a watch.

  ‘Ugh,’ I sigh. How will I be able to tell time now? I guess I’ll have to get by with the clocks on the busses. If I am careful and mind my own business, I will be okay.

  I’m doing this for a good friend and for myself. This will be the last time I will be so close to Maribel for who knows when. She isn’t coming back to southern California, so I have to make the most of what I can today.

  The goal for all of this was Maribel. I have to get myself from point A, the Center, to point B, L.A.’s Union Station.

  I began mentally preparing for the jump. I pushed my hair all the way back and stretched a bit since I would have to make a very strong jump.

  I look up and notice that the sky is becoming darker. It must have been 10 minutes past 6 P.M. I couldn’t afford distracting myself any longer.

  You can do this, Sam.

  I prepare myself. I take a deep breath, and sprint as fast as I can. I had to do this quick just in case anyone saw me. My body is propelling through the patio, then the grass, and then I leap. I grab onto the metal columns that made up the fence. I must have gotten a good three feet off the ground. I began pushing my body upwards.

  My lack of strength only became more apparent as I tried to climb over the rest of the fence. I begin using my legs to aid me. I feel the muscles in my arms and legs being forced to comply with my demands. I keep pushing, and I bruise my ankles as I crawl upward. Finally, I reach the top of the fence and hold onto a horizontal railing. I keep pulling my body upwards and I keep pushing with my feet, but at this point it seemed as if I was kicking.

  My face feels heavy and I run out of breath. My body tries to give in, and for a second, I almost want to let go and try again. But I don’t because I knew that I wouldn’t have enough energy for a second jump. And time is limited.

  I flop my slim, unfit body onto the other side of the fence. I made it! I check that my backpack is still intact, and slowly crawl down. I come in contact with the floor and my shoes collide with the earthy and leaf-covered texture of the terrain. This terrain on the other side of the fence was part of a small woodsy area.

  Suddenly, I remember that I couldn’t be out in the open. I have to keep in mind that I am escaping and cannot be caught. I begin dashing and darting through the woods and reach a few buildings. They seemed desolate, almost abandoned. The buildings were arranged in a circle-like figure and I realized that I was in a cul-de-sac. The buildings didn’t look like homes, so I simply assumed that they were business facilities.

  I take a moment to assess my next move, but the sound of my heartbeat overwhelmed me. I also notice that my breathing is heavy. I am panting. I try to catch my breath to recollect myself.

  While I was running, I thought about looking back at the Center, but I didn’t. I was afraid that if I looked back, I would be pulled back in. Or that I would see something that I wouldn’t want to. Or maybe I was scared that the Center wouldn’t have been there at all to begin with and that it was all in my head, or that this was all a nightmare and suddenly wake up. Or worst, not waking up, lingering till my demons smell me. Till they smell the regrets, or smell the fears, or smell the failures, or even taste the insecurities. It strikes fear into my chest, thinking that my demons could track me through my flaws and my tragedies, and torture me, and burn my world down, reducing me to a puddle of sweat in a hospital bed for the mentally ill. Sometimes, I don’t know if the real tragedy is that as soon as they have me,
I wake up. And sometimes, I can’t tell if I would rather be in a nightmare or be out in the world to face its complexities, or worst yet, have to wake up to my downfall, my reality.

  I didn’t look back. I only kept moving forward.

  Chapter 67

  I go behind a building and quickly begin my operation. I take off my pastel green uniform and hide it in my drawstring backpack. Underneath the uniform, I already had my khaki pants and my polka dot button up shirt. The shirt was actually a long sleeve, but the sleeves were rolled up.

  As I changed, I realized that the side of my torso was hurting. The adrenaline must have made me unaware of the pain until I pulled up the shirt and saw that I had a very long scratch on the right side of my body. It wasn’t bleeding, but it was very red. I ignore it and continue with my objectives.

  I pull out my coat from my backpack and put it on. I fasten my backpack and begin making my way. I was a good distance from the Center now. It was out of sight actually. The trees had blocked my vision of the Center.

  As I began walking up the street, I realized that I have to avoid being spotted, especially if it was someone that I knew. I pull the hoodie over my head and bring my hair forward. I let a good portion of my hair conceal my face. I button up the coat and stow away my hands in the pockets of the coat. I surprise myself a little bit by the amount of effort that I put into hiding myself, but then I remembered that I had a day’s worth of planning.

  I finally reached the end of the street. The smaller street that began from the retreated cul-de-sac of buildings led me to a wide street. It seemed almost deserted. There was no car in sight.

  I realized that I would be lost in an instant. I would need a map to get me through this.

  I began walking on the wide street’s sidewalk. I seemed to walk for about half of a kilometer till I finally reached another intersection. It had a light post this time, so this was a good sign that I was nearing a busier area. I made another turn and began walking through another street. I kept walking and walking till I saw cars zooming by. I continued walking till the cars’ engines became familiar to my ears.

  I soon reached another light post and crosswalk.

  I continued walking and finally, car’s seemed to be everywhere. This was a good sign.

  I kept walking and walking till finally, I arrived at a gasoline station. I was ecstatic. This was a good sign. Here, I would be able to buy a map.

  I began pulling out bills and walked inside. I asked if I could buy a map to L.A. and he pulled out what seemed to be pamphlets at first, but upon further speculation, I realized that they were maps.

  “I have a map to the Los Angeles County. Is that fine?” The clerk asked me.

  I agreed. The cost of the map was seven dollars and that’s what I paid him.

  I made my way outside and unfolded the map. I soon realized that I was in the L.A. County already, so that made the directions that much easier.

  “Sam!” a voice shouted at me. I thought to my self, this is definitely not good.

  The shock of hearing my name paralyzed me. Once the voice shouted my name a second time, I realized who it was, and for a second, I wish I didn’t.

  “Sam! My girl,” Malory shouted at me. I turned around to face her. I wanted to runaway, but I was afraid that she would expose me or draw attention. “What are you doing here? It’s too late for you to be wandering the streets. Men don’t make the streets any safer for women at night, Sam. You know that.”

  “Men? What do you mean by that?” I ask her. But then I realized how absurd it was to be talking to her. The first and last time I had talked to her, she made me storm off in fury. “You know what, Malory. Don’t answer that. I’m very busy. What the hell are you even doing here?”

  “Wow, Sam. Tone it down with the language. I didn’t know you were one to curse. Unfamiliar streets like these at night are riddled with men trying to hurt women. You never see a group of women lingering in dark corners, waiting to assault a man, now do you?”

  I couldn’t follow her logic very well. I looked over at the cars, and I felt as if the drivers and passengers were staring at me. I looked at Malory. Of course she was still wearing her dark green uniform. This wasn’t worth my time. I began walking before anyone spotted me here. I couldn’t risk blowing my cover.

  “Sam,” Malory shouted as I began making my way down a sidewalk. She somehow managed to catch up with me. “Sam!” she repeated.

  “Malory, what are you even doing here? I haven’t even seen you at all in the past two days. It doesn’t even look like you’re a patient at the Center. And how did you even get out of the Center to begin with?” I responded, questioning her presence here.

  “You have nothing to worry about, Sam. I am a just as ill as you are. The only difference is that I hate going out of my room,” she explained.

  “Malory, I don’t even understand you. I have been here at the Center for seven months, and all of a sudden, you appear for ten minutes and disappear for three days. How long have you even been coming to the Center, Malory?” I ask, demanding sensible information.

  “Sam, Sam, Sam,” she said, followed by a tsk-tsk-tsk sound. “That’s not important right now. I saw you running into the woods, and I thought it would be a great idea to do the same!” she nudged me excitedly.

  “No, Malory. Not a great thing to do. I don’t need anyone following me around right now. How did you even get out to begin with? I swear if you told anyone about me, Malory, I am going to become very upset.” I felt as if her presence here was already boding trouble. She would have been toppling a whole day’s worth of planning if anyone found out about all of this.

  “Don’t worry, Sam! Don’t worry! I have tricks up my sleeves. You should know me, Sam,” she insisted.

  I hardly knew her. We have only had one ten-minute conversation that finished in an argument and then she goes missing for the next two days. This is ridiculous.

  “Listen. Malory. I’m doing something very important. You either go back to the Center and pretend like none of this ever happen, or you can behave decently,” I proposition.

  “Well, Sam. Today may or may not be your lucky day, because you can’t get rid of me that easily,” she vaguely answered.

  “Great. So you are going to behave decently and draw no attention at all. It’s settled,” I state, trying to make it clear that she would not be allowed to interfere with my objectives.

  “Sam, oh my gosh! Look at all the pretty lights!” she exclaimed, changing the subject. She began to jump up and down. I looked at the lights and realized that we were nearing some sort of outlet.

  She twirled her way towards the lights. I opened my map and found a route that could take us near L.A. city.

  I continued walking and Malory disappeared. I finally arrived at a bus stop that seemed like it would take me somewhere. I checked the map on the bus stop, but no luck.

  I don’t want to risk getting lost by searching for bus stops, so I wait to ask this bus stop’s driver about the nearest bus that could take me to L.A.

  After about twenty minutes, the bus driver finally arrives. I ask him, and he directs me to a different bus stop that was about a mile away from here. ‘Next to a stadium’ the bus driver explained. I began making my way and Malory found her way back to me.

  “Sam! You would love the stores here. There are so many! And they have jewelry too! We should buy some for you, Sam. It would be very productive to get you jewelry, since you look, em’, how do I say this, you look sort of bland.”

  I wish I could go through the city and outlets myself, but the fact that Malory is here un-motivates me. I feel my head getting tired just thinking about shopping with her and keeping up with her. Maybe in a different scenario, I would have stopped at one of the stores, but Malory is too much to handle.

  “Please, please, Sam! Who doesn’t love city life?” she pleaded.

  “Malory. I can’t,” I explain to her. “I have been walking for more than two miles probably and I am
not in the mood to go shopping with you, or anyone. And besides, it must be seven o’ clock already. I can’t be late.”

  “Late?” Malory asked. “Late for what?” she asked again and began skipping in front of me. It was ridiculous. She was a full-grown woman prancing around an eighteen-year-old. I wanted to tell her to stop, but then I would feel insensitive. Who was I to tell others that they can’t enjoy their lives? Just because I don’t like her, doesn’t mean I should treat her badly. I know better.

  “I am going to see a friend,” I inform her.

  “A friend? But you have all these outlets around you, Sam!” she emphasized again.

  A group of people walking in our direction stared at us. I was confused for a second. It was probably because of Malory’s skipping.

  “Malory, I want you to be careful, okay?” I advise her. I couldn’t tell if I was worried. The collective stares made me uneasy for some reason. I don’t know if it was because I was afraid that they were going to hurt us, or if I was worried that they were going to find out about me. “Don’t draw too much attention, okay?” I encourage her.

  Malory began skipping, and we passed a couple sitting outside. One of them glanced at me but quickly turned away. I passed by and they went silent. But somehow, I felt them staring at me.

  I began walking faster. I was scared. “Malory. The people here are strange. Be cautious,” I asked her.

  “Okay Ms. Sam,” she said jokingly.

  “No. Malory, I’m being serious. They stare at us, but I have a feeling that it’s mostly me,” I try to explain. “I don’t trust them,”

  A group of teenaged girls walked past me. They were silent, and shifted away from me. I turned back, and half of them were looking at me. They can’t know. I thought to myself.

  “Malory,” I say anxiously. “We have to get out of here. People stare at me, and I don’t know why.”

  I open up my map, almost hiding my face with it. I find the route to where the bus driver redirected me. We quickly exit the outlets and Malory groans when we leave. I fold the map back up and keep heading straight till finally, we arrive at the exterior of a large stadium. There were little to no people out here, so I didn’t feel as uncomfortable. No one was staring at me anymore.