Reckless Abandon

by J N Owens

  I get home and take out the tequila. I call Layla and Emory. They come over, we start drinking and things get fun. We go around the house gathering all of Scott’s shit. We get out our old Mardi Grass head dresses from a few years ago, put on bikinis and go out back. We crank up some Dave Matthews, drink margaritas and burn his shit in my fire pit! We dance like crazy voodoo ladies half naked around the fire with Mardi Grass headdresses reaching to the sky, and drinks in hand. It’s an ancient New Orleans tradition. It invokes the spirit of the Great Mother of All Fuck Offs to come in and release you from all the fucking fuck offs that have surrounded you. We reach our arms up over our heads and howl at the moon while stomping and shaking. We sing and dance, and drink and laugh until the early morning.

  We leave first thing in the morning for the beach. We decide to make it a girl’s trip, just the three of us. When we pull up to our condo in Orange Beach we immediately head to the pool. We sidle up the bar, get daiquiris, and instantly set out on the road to oblivion. Ah, my favorite destination as of late. I shall enjoy my trip this weekend. It’s a lovely little secluded place between anywhere and absolutely nowhere. White sandy beaches, clear blue water, and nothing in the way of distractions. Just a black void. Our diet for the weekend will be vodka and tequila. We will be wonderful company for each other. I have always enjoyed our girl’s trips. They are my best memories.

  After spending most of the day in the sun drinking, we decide to go out to a bar and have a little fun. There is a little hole in the wall place within walking distance from our condo that’s perfect. We throw on jeans, tee shirts, and flip flops because it can get pretty sandy in bars on beaches. We grab a beer out of the fridge and head out. The very best part of the beach…beach hair of course. We were all blessed with enough curl that we can leave it wet, throw a little product in and it looks just messy enough to be great for the beach. It’s not so great anywhere else. We would have rocked the 80’s hair scene though. It’s coming up on ten when we straggle into the little shack. The music is loud, and the crowd is drunk. This is perfect! The girls grab a table outside while I go to the bar and order three fruity drinks with umbrellas. Not usually our style, but when in Rome and all that. Plus, we love the alcohol drenched fruit that comes with them. It looks like they have karaoke going on tonight. This just got kicked up to a whole other level. We sit and get even more drunk and talk about all the people walking around. Layla loves to rate the asses walking by, guys and girls, she doesn’t discriminate. Emory watches all the couples dancing and being way too touchy in public. I can see it in her eyes how bad she wants it. She talks about the ones she thinks just met, and the ones she thinks have been together for a while. She says you can see it in their eyes and in the looks they give each other. I just roll my eyes.

  “What’s wrong? Is Danny being a douchebag again?” she looks over to me. And a small smile comes to her lips.

  “Can I tell you something?” Layla and I look at her and grin because when she starts off like that it’s usually good.

  “Go on.”

  “Well, okay, so yeah, I know I have been acting a little weird. I really like Danny. I know he is a douchebag. I see it, I do. But, y’all don’t see what I see. But, I’m a little disappointed, he has a tiny little dick.” I swear to God I almost fall off my seat laughing. Layla is doubled over, her drink came out her nose she laughed so hard.

  “Oh my God, Em that is the best thing I have heard all night.”

  “Layla, don’t make it worse. Em, I’m sorry, that’s horrible. So, so sad.” I try to sound sincere, but it’s hard when I have tears of laughter running down my face.

  “I know it’s funny. And a little sad. I mean don’t get me wrong, he can work it, and he can do so many other things. But he has to really work at getting it to do anything.” With that we burst out laughing all over again.

  “Oh shit, that’s it, he is no longer douchebag Danny, he is short dick Danny.” Fuck, my side hurts from laughing.

  “Fuck! I think I peed a little. Stop for just a minute, I have to catch my breath. I can’t anymore.” Even Emory is doubled over laughing.

  Then Layla starts singing.

  “Don’t want no short dick man, don’t want no, don’t want no, don’t want no short eeny weeny teeny weeny tiny little short dick.”

  Oh shit. I have to spit my drink back in my cup.

  “Okay, that’s enough, I seriously can’t take anymore.”

  “Alright, I’ll stop. We won’t make fun anymore. But I can’t promise what I will or won’t say, or do when I see him. I can’t control my face, you know that,” Layla says as she holds in another burst of laughter. Emory nonchalantly flips her off as she laughs along.

  This felt so good to laugh and not think about the shitshow of my life. I’m still extremely pissed. All I want to do is drink and forget. I know when I get back, I am going to have to talk to Scott. I just don’t want to. I want it to just be over. Done with. I kept my phone off all night last night, and most of the day today, but I had to turn it back on to check my email for work. I had to verify some things for my conference as well. Scott had filled my voicemail with messages. I had missed calls from last night and all day today. He has sent messages. I feel a little bad because he thinks I just walked out. He doesn’t know I found those messages. He has no idea I know what he has been doing behind my back. Well, let’s remedy that. I pull my phone out. Layla sees me,

  “What are you doing? No phones remember.”

  “Yeah, I know, but I was just thinking, Scott has no idea why I left. He doesn’t know that I know that he know that I know that he knows that I know, or whatever. So, I’m gonna tell him I know he was cheating and lying. That’s all.” Her and Emory almost fall over laughing at my botched attempt at the Friends reference. I’m pretty drunk so my words aren’t making it out right.

  “You’re so mean. I like it.” I start to type out a message. And it’s like all my anger and frustration over everything he has done just comes flying out.

  Me: Scott I know u r totally confused and have no idea why I left ysterdy. U just woke up n poof I was gone…. well let me nligtn u…. U asked me to call ur mother. I don’t have ur mothers’ #, or maybe in ur morphine induced state u 4got that little tidbit. Well the nurse gave me all ur things. I checked ur phone to get her #. Not only did I find hers but I found others….. Sara’s, Lisa’s, Tiffany’s, Amanda’s, Christies’, and so many more. I saw the msgs between them, I saw how u hv bn dragging Sara along evr since we hv bn tgtr……proof, u r a liar…. I saw where u rly were last month when u tld me u were 2 tired 2 come over. I saw what hpnd the night you forgot to call or come over when u were with Zach. Tiffany was very explicit about that. I am so glad u have been so kind to keep spreading urslf around so generously… u won’t be spreading over me anymore. I told u last time the next time was the last time. I’m an idiot for falling for such a manipulative lying asshole. Ur a fucking coward, and a piece of shit. Don’t ever, and I mean ever try to contact me again. I don’t ever want to see ur face or hear ur voice. I hope I made myself clear. If not, let me leave u with this…. FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF…..

  Layla leans over and reads it, she roars with laughter. “Good job sis. He should get that message.” I shrug my shoulders.

  “I doubt it, he is stubborn, head like a fucking rock that one. But at least I told him, now I don’t have to feel bad.” She looks shocked.

  “Why would you ever feel bad? Even if you had never said anything you would not have anything to feel bad about. Look what all he did to you. You could have walked away without a shred of guilt.”

  “Yeah I guess.” I smile. She is always the one with the best advice and always the one with just the right thing to say. She grabs my hand then Emory’s,

  “Come on, let’s go sing.” She waggles her eyebrows. We all jump up screaming, this is one of our most favorite things in the world to do together. Layla signs us up. When the song starts to play, me and Em jump up and down and scream. Its Run
Around by Blues Traveler. The three of us sing, jumping around dancing. We are drunk as shit but don’t miss a word. Everyone in the bar is singing and dancing, hands in the air, it’s such a great bar song, especially when everyone is so drunk. We finish up, everyone claps, asking us to do another. So of course, we do. This time I pick the song, so when the music starts, and the bar hears the first notes to Jessie’s Girl, they go crazy. We dance and belt it out, having the best time. We finish and another group goes up. We sit down so we can have some drinks. I am sweating so bad, the fans blowing down feel great. Emory goes to the bathroom, when she comes back, she is smiling like she just did something nasty while she was there. I raise my eyebrow while I question her, “What the hell happened in the bathroom that has you so happy?”

  “Nothing, I just signed us up for another song. I hope y’all are ready.” She laughs. I think she has had way too much to drink. I honestly don’t think I have seen her drink this much before.

  “Yes, sounds good let’s do it.” When the song ends, we go up and kill the B52’s Love Shack, always one of my favorites.

  We walk back to our condo around 4am. I guess I should say we stumble back. Thank God it’s not that far. We all collapse as soon as we get back.

  Sunday, we don’t get going until late in the afternoon. We are feeling our binging from yesterday. We go out and get some lunch, dinner, maybe it’s linner? I don’t know at this point. After we eat, quietly, we go back to the condo, go straight to the beach and lay in the warm sand for the rest of the afternoon. I fall asleep reading one of my favorite books, and when I wake up the pages are stuck to my face. I look over, Emory and Layla are in a similar situation. We are a sight, I swear. I turn over and just watch the waves wash in and out. The sun is going down to my right, but you can still see the beautiful colors washing out over the water. This right here is why I love this place. It’s serene, soothing, and peaceful.

  Layla shifts on her lounger, “How long have you been awake?” I look over at her and laugh, she has drool crusted to her face and her hair is smashed up one side of her head.

  “Not long, I just turned over and started watching the sunset. You look like shit.” She flips me off. I guess Emory is awake too, just hasn’t moved.

  “I feel like shit. Uh, how long will this last?” Emory grumbles on the other side of Layla.

  “You get used to it. You really shouldn’t have mixed your alcohols when you aren’t used to getting that drunk. Rookie mistake. We will teach you the ways young padawan.” She just groans covering her face with her arm. We just laugh louder. “Come on, let’s go back and get something to eat.”

  We get up and make our way back to the condo. We shower and try our best to make ourselves presentable. I just throw on a maxi dress and braid my hair. We decide to grab something quick so we can get back to the beach with our cooler of drinks, we want to get our seats for the fireworks tonight. We walk to a little crab place down the street and fill ourselves with some amazing seafood. I swear I cannot take these two anywhere. As we laugh and joke, they have sword fights with their crab legs. Crab meat is flying everywhere. It’s like having kids, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. All of my anxiety over the last couple days just washes away when I am with them. It’s like that for all of us. We are all each other’s healing balm. We finish eating and make our way back. We get down to the beach just in time for the fireworks to start. I turn the music on my phone just loud enough for us to hear. We each have a beer in hand as we just sit back on a lounger and watch the fireworks.

  “Girls, I just want to thank you for this weekend. This has been one of my favorites so far. I love you.”

  They both answer at the same time.

  “Love you too.”

  11

  Finley

  The next month goes by in a flash. I hear from Scott nonstop. I’m beyond pissed about it. I never answer him. I delete his messages, ignore his calls, and don’t bother to listen to his voice mails. He doesn’t deserve my time. I work late days this week and then go home and finish up as many last-minute touches as I can on my presentation. I try to get as much wrapped up in advance with my patients as I can so Dr. Wilson, the pediatrician that will be on call for me, won’t have much to do while I’m gone. It will be an added bonus if I am not swamped when I get back.

  Also, I hear from Noah a lot. We have spoken regularly over the last few years, but it has been around once a month or so. It has become more frequent with the upcoming conference. It’s never anything more than him asking if I’m getting excited, or just a quick hello, or how my day is going. We have ended up having a few conversations, but still nothing that would lead me to believe he has any feelings or ever did. I always get a flutter in my stomach when I see a message from him. I’m being silly I know, but I always go back to that night. The way he made me feel, I don’t think I will ever find anyone like him. No one will ever compare to him, and I think that is my problem. I have always looked for someone exactly like him, but every guy I see doesn’t measure up. Deep down, I know there is no comparison. Basically, I’m screwed.

  Friday rolls around and I’m finishing up when my phone dings. I assume it’s Scott, so I ignore it. I have spent this last month getting back to a good place. I feel great. I don’t miss Scott. I look back at the months I spent with him and see it as a learning experience. My first relationship, a disaster, but I learned a lot. I learned to listen to my gut. I learned to really pay attention when my shoulder lady is waving those flags, she is the smart one. I’m happy again. And I am so excited about this conference coming up. As I’m leaving that evening, I check my messages. I of course have missed calls and messages from the douche bag, but I also have one from Noah. I had almost forgotten about him wanting to get together. With everything that has been going on, I had completely forgotten about him getting in touch a few months ago. Oh shit. I open the message from Noah, after deleting all of Scotts.

  Noah: hey I was just double checking when your flight gets in on Sunday. I will get into Miami around noon Sunday. I have a little informal meeting with a colleague that afternoon, but I would love to have dinner if you are free. I’m really looking forward to seeing you.

  * * *

  Me: Hey, we get in around 10 I think, I will have to double check my ticket. But I do remember it being rather early. I wanted a chance to look around and get settled. I would love to have to dinner. I will have someone with me. Hope it’s not a problem. But I can’t wait to catch up. It’s been too long.

  * * *

  Noah: oh, well if it’s a problem then we don’t have to do dinner, we can catch up later in the week. I look forward to your presentation.

  I hope I didn’t say anything to put him off. He changed his tune awfully quick. Hmmm…weird. Oh well, I have to get home and get everything together. I’m already exhausted.

  When Sunday morning comes, I wake up early and gather my things to leave for the airport. Layla comes over to drive me. We load my bags into her car, and we are off. Its only about 30 minutes from my house, depending on traffic. Thank God it’s a Sunday, and it’s fairly early, so the traffic isn’t bad yet. Once I’m at the airport I can get through security rather quickly, so we say a quick goodbye and I am off to check in. I really hate to fly, but once I’m on my way I start to get excited. Stacey meets me at the airport, I see her waiting at the gate. She is jumping with excitement. She loves these things as much as I do which is one of the reasons I bring her along. Also, they usually have some really good seminars for nurses. The flight only lasts a few hours. We land safely. The flight is never fun for me because I am such a terrible flier, but once we have our bags and step out into the Florida sun, I am immediately relaxed. I love Florida, its beautiful this time of year. I love the beach and I love these types of conferences. You learn so much. I’m a nerd like that. We grab a taxi and head for our hotel.