“I didn’t mean it like that. I just… It’s not like you wanted some romantic relationship with me, Levi. After we slept together, you weren’t trying to be my boyfriend or something.”
“After we slept together, you were on the first flight home, if I remember correctly.”
“Which is why I said you didn’t count.”
“I see. So it only counts when they’re the ones leaving you and not the other way around.”
“Shut up, Levi.”
He laughs, jostling my head on his shoulder. “Look, as someone with first hand knowledge, let me just say that any guy who willingly walks away after sleeping with you is crazy.”
I feel a rush of heat come to my face, and I’m glad I’m not looking at him.
“Yeah?”
“Come on, Karen. It’s like I told you that night we were together, you’re basically the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen in real life. Sleeping with you was pretty out of this world.” I know he’s just trying to make me feel better, that his words come from a place of friendship, but I can’t help the eruption of butterflies that flood my stomach. God, I really am starved for affection.
“And that’s not even the best part,” he says, his voice lowering a bit.
“What’s the best part?” Even I can hear the eagerness in my voice, and he laughs.
“The best part is what an awesome friend you are. Great sex is one thing—and it was great sex, believe me—but knowing you have my back is even better.” It’s his turn to pull away, looking down into my face. For some reason, I’m having trouble breathing all of a sudden. “I don’t think I would have been able to get through the last few weeks without you. Especially today. Never let yourself believe you aren’t important, okay?”
The urge to kiss him comes out of nowhere, overwhelming me. And maybe he can read something on my face, or maybe it’s just our proximity sending his mind in that direction, but suddenly, he’s looking at my lips, his eyes widening a little. Without thinking, I lean in toward him and—
“I knew it!” a voice shouts, startling me so much, I let out a very unladylike yelp. Levi jumps back away from me, both of us twisting to the doorway. Paige is standing there, a triumphant look on her face. “I knew there was something going on!”
“Paige,” I manage weakly, pressing a hand to my thudding heart. “You scared me to death.”
She waves away my reaction, stepping into the little office. To my relief, she’s alone. I really don’t want to have this conversation with Daisy or Reed. “You guys slept together?”
“Paige!” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Levi’s face color. Awesome.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Paige cries, clapping her hands. “I think it’s awesome! You’re fantastic together.”
“We’re not together,” I say quickly, eyes darting to Levi. He’s staring down at the floor.
“Oh, please. I can see the way you look at each other. You’re always sneaking off together. Everyone notices. And then I walk by and see you cuddling.” She let’s out a happy little sequel. “And I heard you.” She points at Levi. “You totally said something about great sex and how important she is to you.” Paige is practically dancing in the doorway, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die of embarrassment. “When did this start?”
“Paige, stop it. There’s nothing—”
“It’s pretty new,” Levi says, cutting me off. I turn to him in confusion, but he isn’t looking at me. He’s looking up at Paige with a sheepish little smile on his face. “We don’t want everyone to know, okay?”
“Oh my God,” Paige shrieks. “I cannot believe this. K, how could you not tell me?”
I’m too busy gaping at Levi in total dismay. Why in the hell is he insinuating that she’s right?
“This is fantastic,” Paige continues. “I’m so happy for you guys. This is going to be so much fun! We can double date and—”
“Paige,” Levi says, a warning in his tone. “What did I just say about us not wanting everyone to know yet? You have to give us some space until we know what’s going on.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Knowing what the hell is going on would be great right now.”
Still Levi ignores me. “We were actually having an important conversation,” Levi says, looking pointedly at the door. “Can you…”
“Oh, shit,” Paige says, clapping a hand to her forehead. “I totally interrupted, didn’t I? I was just so excited for you. I’ll leave you guys to talk.” She throws her arms around me. “I want to hear everything,” she half-whispers, half-squeals in my ear.
I have no idea what in the hell is happening, so I just nod. Paige pauses at the door, looking at both of us, beaming. “This is so great.” She shakes her head again, looking almost teary. “I’m so happy for you both.”
And then she’s gone, leaving us alone in the now silent office. I look at Levi—he’s still smiling sheepishly, but now it no longer looks like an act. “What. In the hell. Was that?”
He jumps up and closes the door, leaning against me, watching me. “Just hear me out.”
I cross my arms. “I’m listening.”
“Would it be the worst thing in the world if they think we’re together?”
“Levi, what are you talking about?”
“Look, I don’t think I’m the only person in this room who’s tired of feeling like the left out tag along. And I don’t think I’m the only person who’s had about enough of that bullshit pity.” He points toward the hallway where Paige just left.
“What pity?”
“Oh, come on, Karen. You had to see that look in her eyes. She was practically crying when she said how happy she was for us.”
“What are you—”
“She feels sorry for us! You think I don’t see the way they all look at me whenever Daisy walks by? You think I didn’t see the way they were looking at me at lunch? Everyone on this tour who knows what happened last time feels sorry for me. And I’m sick of seeing it on their faces.”
“So you thought the solution was pretending to be—what? Dating?”
“Jesus, you could look a little more horrified at the prospect. My ego hasn’t taken enough of a hit today.”
“I’m not horrified at the prospect of dating you.” I have a sudden flash of the look on his face right before Paige walked in, and I feel a strange fluttering in my chest. “I just don’t know why you would want to pretend.”
“Because then, maybe I wouldn’t feel like I was going to die of embarrassment every time I’m in the same room as Daltrey and Daisy,” he snaps. “And maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with those little pity glances from everyone every time someone mentions the baby. And you know there’s going to be no end to the baby discussion now that Paige knows.”
“Yeah, but Levi—we aren’t dating.”
He comes back over to crouch in front of me again. “They don’t have to know that. We spend all of our free time together, anyhow—you heard Paige. They all notice. This way, no one will think it’s weird when we’re always disappearing together.”
I make a face at him. “Do people think it’s weird?”
Levi meets my gaze. “Cash has asked me if I’m ‘hitting that’ about twenty times already.”
I feel a flash of anger at Cash. What right does he have to take any interest in my sex life—or lack of it? And then I think about how terrible I feel every time I’m in the vicinity of Cash and Sam. That sick swell of embarrassment at the way he tried to use me, the way they both clearly see me. Would that go away, if I let them all think I am in a relationship? Would I stop feeling like the slutty mistake neither of them wants to stand too close to?
“You think this is a good idea,” Levi says, watching my face with satisfaction. “I can tell.”
“I wouldn’t go that far. I admit it might make me feel less awkward about…certain things. But I’m not super excited about the idea of lying to my best friend.”
“Really?” His eyebrows go up. “Haven
’t you been lying to her for months?”
I feel his words like a slap. I had been lying to her, every day, about Dan. Hiding the fact that I carried on an affair with a married guy. And I had done it just to protect myself, to keep from feeling the weight of her disappointment. God, I was a shitty friend.
“We slept together months ago,” he goes on, and I realize that he wasn’t talking about my relationship with Dan when he pointed out my lies. “And you never said a word about it to her.”
“I knew she would make a huge deal out of it,” I said, looking pointedly at the place where she had stood moments earlier. “I wonder where I got that idea.”
He grins before looking serious again. “I know this thing with Dan is really hard on you.” I wince, rather proving his point. “You have to see him every day and deal with his constant requests to talk, his begging you to give him another chance.” His expression grows disgusted. “And then there’s shit like today.”
“Yeah. That whole part of my life basically sucks.”
“I know it does.” He looks nearly triumphant. “Wouldn’t it suck a little less if you were able to tell him to go screw himself because you have a boyfriend?”
Levi totally missed his calling as a lawyer or a politician. “You’re really convincing when you put your mind to something,” I mutter. “It’s almost like talking to Paige.”
“Look, I work closely with Dan every day. I think the second he hears you’re with me, he’s going to back off.”
I know it’s stupid, but his words send a little throb of hurt through me. He’s right—Dan probably will back off. Because he doesn’t really care about me. And he never did. And as much as I know his backing off would be a good thing, there’s still a part of me that wishes he cared enough to fight for me.
God, I am so screwed up.
“What would this entail?” I ask.
Levi looks immensely relieved that I seem to be going along with this idea. “What, you mean do you have to do gross things like hold my hand?”
“Boy hands have cooties, Levi.”
He sticks out his tongue at me before his face grows serious again. “Honestly? I don’t think much has to change. We keep hanging out whenever we feel like it. We spend our free time together—pretty much like we do now. When we need someone to talk to…” He shrugs. “We talk to each other. Isn’t that what we do already?”
I realize that, in just a few short weeks, I’ve come to rely on Levi pretty extensively. He could have been describing my relationship with Paige—basically, the person I rely on for the everyday ups and downs of life. But ever since Paige started dating Reed, our relationship hasn’t quite been the same. Because now she relies on him.
And there’s that familiar well of sadness that seems to open whenever I think about Paige and me growing apart. She’s been my family for as long as I can remember, the only person in this world that I can trust. Even after Reed happened, I thought we still had some time, our senior year at least, before everything changed completely. But now, she probably won’t be coming back to school…
Suddenly, the pity Levi claimed to have seen in her eyes makes a lot more sense. And his plan doesn’t seem so crazy, after all.
“Okay,” I say, looking up at him. “I’ll do it. I’ll pretend.”
Chapter Twelve
Levi
“You and Karen,” Cash says, for what feels like the hundredth time.
“Yes, Cash.” I don’t bother to hide my annoyance. “Me and Karen.”
He shakes his head, looking downright bewildered. “I’m sorry, man. I just don’t see it.”
I count to five while I finish winding the mic wire then look up at him, determined not to lose it. “And why is that?”
“Because…you’re Levi.”
Don’t punch him in the face, I tell myself. Even if he would totally deserve it.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It’s just… No offense, dude. Karen is just a particular brand of hot. And you’re…”
“Levi. Yeah, we covered that part.”
I turn my back on him and head over to Lennon’s amp, checking all the cables. “Lay off,” Reed tells his younger brother over my shoulder. “I think it’s nice.”
“I’m not saying it’s bad,” Cash protests. “It’s just hard to picture, that’s all.”
I stand and face him. “Cash. You’ve been insinuating that I’m messing around with her since the tour started. Why in the hell is this such a surprise to you now?”
“Because I thought you guys were just hooking up! I didn’t think you would be, you know, dating.”
“Because she can do much better than me?” For a fake relationship, his refusal to accept it is really pissing me off.
Cash immediately looks chastised. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Lennon says, stepping between us. “He’s just pissed because he tried to get with Karen for two straight years and she never fell for his bullshit.” Len drops an arm over his now scowling brother’s shoulder. “It’s a hit on his ego that she would go for you now.”
Cash pushes Lennon’s arm away roughly. “Shut up, Len—”
To my very great shock, another Ransome brother joins the conversation. “I think Lennon has a point,” Daltrey says, laughing. “Cash has his panties in a twist because he wasn’t good enough for Karen’s high standards.”
I stare at Daltrey, open mouthed. I wouldn’t have been more surprised if he announced he was leaving the band to start a polka career. Had he actually just defended me?
There’s a brief silence on the stage as the brothers stare at their lead singer, surely just as surprised as I am. Finally, Reed laughs, punching Cash’s arm. “Face it, little brother. You just don’t measure up.”
“Are we going to stand around gossiping like teenage girls all afternoon?” Cash asks, looking particularly annoyed. “Or are we actually going to have sound check?”
“You started it,” I tell him, handing him his guitar, and I’m sure my grin is larger than it has been since the tour started. Daltrey had just stood in the same general vicinity as me without glaring or shoving me once. And he had pretty much defended me—even though it might have had more to do with dissing on Cash, one of his favorite pastimes, than any affection toward me. But still. It was a start.
“We should get started,” Reed agrees, glancing down at his cell phone. “I wouldn’t mind getting done a little early if we can manage.”
“Paige really has your balls, doesn’t she?” Cash asks, trying to deflect the abuse away from himself and get in some digs of his own.
Reed merely raises his eyebrows. “I’ll be sure to mention to Sam that you think having dinner with your girlfriend requires her to own your balls.”
“Just quit before you embarrass yourself anymore, man,” I say, slapping Cash on the shoulder. He scowls, but doesn’t say anything else for the entirety of sound check, which goes pretty smoothly. As the guys finish up, I join them on stage to help gather up the instruments and make sure nothing is in the way for the opener. I’m coiling wires by Daltrey’s microphone stand when he joins me. His posture is stiff, but I take his lack of glare as a good sign.
“Uh, thanks for that,” I mutter, accepting that even that utterance might ruin the apparent truce.
Daltrey shrugs. “Giving Cash a hard time is always one of the best parts of my day.”
I laugh and Daltrey shoots me a small smile. Holy hell, I think. Thanks, Karen.
“I think it’s great,” he says, sounding more than a little uncomfortable. “It, uh, makes Daisy really happy. She says Karen hasn’t had a nice boyfriend in a while.”
I’m too blown away by this pleasantness to form a coherent response. Finally, I swallow. “Those girls are really close,” I manage. “They definitely have each other’s backs.”
Daltrey laughs. “Tell me about it. You would not believe the amount of Paige-endorsed bullshit I have had to endur
e in the last few years. That girl is not happy unless she’s forcing everyone around her to have fun.”
“Whether they want to or not?”
“Exactly.” He shrugs again. “But she makes Daisy happy.”
“And Reed.”
“And Reed.”
I’m finished with the wires now, and we stand next to each other for a long moment. I would be willing to bet that he’s feeling every bit as awkward as I am, but it beats fighting.
“Well,” he finally says, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Guess I’ll see you around.”
“Sure,” I say, nodding. “Oh, I put those cough drops you like in the dressing room. You were sounding a little hoarse last night.”
He meets my eyes for a minute, seeming to read my face, before he nods again. “Thanks.”
Well, fuck me, I think as he walks away. That was something.
Apparently, I’m not the only one who noticed. When I finish loading up the instruments and equipment, I find Lennon sitting in the wings, his feet up on a chair, a book in his lap. He raises his eyebrows at me. “So. You and Daltrey are talking now, huh?”
“I am every bit as shocked as you.”
He laughs, swinging his legs off the chair and standing. “Heading to the dressing room?”
“Bus.”
“I’ll join you.” We walk through the winding halls of the backstage area in silence. I’m still marveling at the fact that Daltrey and I managed an entire conversation, albeit a short one, without getting pissed at each other. When we reach the bus, Lennon pulls a couple beers from the fridge before collapsing onto one of the couches.
“So,” he says, staring right at me. “Care to tell me the truth about you and Karen?”
I gape at him. “What do you mean the truth?”
His face is virtually expressionless, minus a slight rise of his left eyebrow. “Come on, Levi. You guys are dating?”
I sit at the table opposite him. “Not you too. I can accept the whole she’s too hot for you bullshit from Cash, but I wasn’t expecting it from you.”
Lennon rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his beer and handing the other to me. “Give me a break. It has nothing to do with that—though she’s probably too hot for anyone on this tour, to be honest.”
Relent Page 13