by Alison Bond
Accept That Your Life Will Never Be The Same Again
I hear you, you’re saying that you want to change your life, that’s why you’re on this journey. But if you think about it you’ll find that what you really crave is not change but added extras. You still want your loved ones and your special places to hide. You still want to indulge in your fondest pleasures and keep hold of your spirit. You might not be able to. Accept that.
30
Lynsey reached out for the lavishly embossed envelope on the top of her priority pile. The Myanmar premiere was tonight’s hottest ticket and she had six of them. They had been sent over by messenger and had been addressed to her alone. This thrilled her.
One for her, one for Melanie. Two had to be sent over to Amanda and Douglas who had flown in for the premiere and were staying at Chateau Marmont. That left two, one of which she had promised to Serena, having finally persuaded her to have a night out. She tapped the remaining ticket against the table top. After a moment’s indecision she picked up the phone.
‘Hey, Toby. It’s me, Lynsey. What are you up to tonight?’
‘Hi,’ he said. ‘How are you?’
‘Great, thanks. So tonight I just happen to have a spare ticket for a very glamorous movie premiere. Classy. And I thought, “Who do I know who’s classy?” and so obviously your name came up. I have to go with Melanie but we can hang out at the party.’
‘Is this Myanmar?’
She was surprised. ‘Uh, yeah. How’d you know that?’
‘Because I’m good for tickets to that one, thanks. But maybe I’ll see you there?’
‘Oh. Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll look out for you.’
‘Great, yeah, do that. Listen, I gotta go.’
And that was it. Her generous gesture had gone totally unnoticed. It had never occurred to her that Toby might already have tickets. She’d also thought that he would be a bit more pleased to hear from her. After all, they’d had fun that night up in the hills. While she didn’t want to start anything serious she was interested to see where this might go. Oh well, she might get to see that tonight.
Melanie knew she was supposed to be excited.
She was alone in her latest hotel room. The temporary nanny had just left and she had two hours until the car came to pick her up for the evening. Then, if she was lucky a few hours’ sleep before her morning call. This, she realized, was no kind of life.
She tried to summon up some reserves of energy from somewhere. A little enthusiasm was required. Tonight would be the culmination of all their hard work. It was a chance to show the world what they had made out there in the jungle. But she knew that all the press that came would be looking for an unflattering photograph of her, hoping to trip her up with their questions, hoping to get a picture or a quote that would prove they were right about her. That she was a bad person.
If she was nominated, she wondered, would they love her then?
It had been unbearable working with Fabien day after day. She was ashamed of her performances. They had a lot of scenes together but as soon as the cameras stopped he would ignore her. He flirted with Serena Simon at every opportunity. Melanie knew he was only doing it to piss her off. Her concentration was shot. But she didn’t care. If Justice released her from her contract she would be okay. She’d be a nominated actress who wouldn’t need some glorified soap opera any longer. She’d be fine.
Just before sunset it started to rain. It came down hard and the red carpet was drenched within minutes, before the under-prepared Angelenos could think about some sort of canopy. A stretch of highway was out over near the valley and the premiere was delayed for half an hour to allow for traffic. Like England in a heatwave, Los Angeles didn’t function very well when the weather was against it.
Outside the cinema, the British press happily braved the conditions and were glad they had brought their coats. They chatted casually amongst themselves. Compared to a January night in Leicester Square this was nothing.
Inside, the organizers panicked. The weather had kept the crowds away. Frantically they tried to establish an area of the lobby as an alternative to the red carpet, then some kind of system to choose which journalists they should allow inside the confined space.
And then it began. The first few invitees lingered outside in their cars until a respectable number had arrived. Then, in unspoken agreement, these strangers wandered in together. That way nobody had to be first. From there it was a steady stream. First came the lower-string studio executives and crew, both disparate groups wanting to mingle, but not with each other. Friends and family came next, right on time. Then a little later, in more expensive suits, came the real power. Finally, the stars came out.
*
Lynsey and Melanie shared a car. Lynsey was excited, it wasn’t her first premiere but it was the first one to which she had been officially invited. She didn’t have to pretend to be someone she was not.
Melanie was nervous. In her worst visions of tonight she emerged from the car to the sound of booing crowds. She imagined placards filled with messages of hate, bad eggs and mouldy fruit hurled at her head.
In fact, when they left the car there was nothing. There were no crowds to speak off except a few hardy souls who cheered randomly at every car. The bad weather made it almost impossible for them to pick out famous faces. Melanie ducked under a waiting umbrella and dashed into the dry lobby. Lynsey, a small distance behind her, got wet.
The cameras exploded as soon as they walked in, lighting up the space like a strobe. Melanie paused in front of a hastily arranged display of film posters so that the photographers could get their pictures. She adjusted the straps of her apple-green Matthew Jacobson gown. It wouldn’t do to be flashing bra strap. She shut out all the voices. She didn’t want to answer any questions tonight. She knew they would be about her personal life and not the film. She tried to stay focused, tried to look into the lenses of as many cameras as possible and change her expression to stop her smile looking as if it was painted on. She counted silently to five in her head and then walked into the auditorium, ignoring the desperate final requests of perky blondes with microphones who were disappointed.
‘Melanie!’ shouted one. ‘How’s your baby?’
She hesitated but felt the firm pressure of Lynsey’s hand on her arm and allowed herself to be shepherded away. She threw what she hoped was a regretful smile over her shoulder, just in time to see the perky blonde’s nasty look.
‘There you go,’ said Lynsey. ‘That wasn’t so bad. You did well.’
‘We were lucky with the weather,’ said Melanie.
‘You’re the only one that thinks so,’ said Lynsey.
Serena Simon and Fabien Stewart arrived together. The two of them had been shooting a scene which overran. It seemed more practical to share the first available car, especially in this weather. At least that’s what Fabien said when he suggested it, but Serena liked to think there was a lot more to it than that. He took her hand on the red carpet.
Serena’s platinum hair was always easy to spot and some of the small crowd shouted her name. There was an escort waiting with an umbrella to take them inside but Serena headed towards the fans.
‘Just two minutes,’ she said. ‘They’ve been waiting a long time.’
She smiled and signed a few autographs, said ‘hello’ down a cellphone when someone begged her to, asked everyone if they were having a good time and made their night sparkle.
Fabien waited for her and watched, amused.
When she came back she was wet through but it was a very sexy look. She blew a last kiss to the fans and rushed inside.
‘That was a nice thing to do,’ said Fabien.
‘I know where the money is,’ she said. ‘You should have come with me.’
‘In this suit? You have to be kidding.’ He grinned and Serena felt all warm inside despite her damp dress.
‘Let me go and fix my face,’ said Serena. Fabien gave her arm a little squeeze as she left him. She could
n’t wait to get back.
But she had forgotten that they didn’t have seats together.
‘I’m a friend of Davey’s,’ said Fabien. ‘I’m sitting with him over there.’
Serena looked down at her ticket. ‘I suppose I’m with Lynsey,’ she said. ‘But I’ll see you later? At the party?’
‘I’ll save myself for you,’ he said and winked.
Serena went up the stairs with a huge grin on her face. But when she found her seat and saw Lynsey she realized with horror that she’d be in a snug little row with Melanie, her sister Amanda and Douglas Mullraine.
It didn’t matter. Nothing could spoil her mood tonight. She stuck out her chest and smiled. ‘Hi, guys.’
Only Lynsey smiled back. Melanie looked bored and pissed off. Douglas looked slightly terrified and Amanda looked heartbroken.
There was a silence that lasted just long enough to be awkward. ‘I think you know everyone,’ said Lynsey. ‘Except Amanda.’
‘Amanda!’ said Serena. ‘It’s so good to finally meet you. Douglas used to talk about you all the time. He was so nice to me when I first got here, I really have been dying to meet you. How are you?’
Amanda relaxed her grip on Douglas’s arm in order to shake Serena’s hand. She had recognized her immediately, the girl from the pictures, but she wasn’t expecting such a warm greeting and was disarmed. She found herself saying, ‘Lovely to meet you,’ and when Serena admired her scarf she offered to send her one from England. How had that happened?
Melanie watched Serena work, with scorn. Couldn’t Amanda see that Serena was just being fake? Everybody knew that Douglas and Serena had been hot and heavy, although they seemed to have cooled off lately, and now Serena was all over his wife pretending to be friendly. She resented Serena for making a fool out of her sister. Melanie knew better. Serena was not to be trusted. No woman who looked like that was to be trusted.
‘Are you here on your own?’ she asked, maliciously.
‘Actually I came with Fabien, but he’s up front,’ she said. ‘With Davey.’
She pointed, and as luck would have it, Fabien turned round at the same time, saw her and waved. She waved back, ignoring the murderous looks from Melanie.
Down at the front Davey saw who Fabien was waving at. ‘A little young, isn’t she?’ Davey said. ‘Even for you.’
‘Yeah, she’s just a buddy,’ said Fabien. ‘She laughs at my jokes. Cute kid, though. Smart.’
‘Sure,’ said Davey, sarcastically. ‘Smart. That’s what I hear.’
‘It’s not like that. I’m through getting involved with women I work with. Haven’t you ever had a female buddy before?’ said Fabien.
Davey laughed. ‘Not one that I haven’t wanted to fuck, no.’
The lights dimmed, the hum of voices in the auditorium fell away and the film began. It was the first time Melanie had enjoyed watching herself on screen. She liked the way she looked. It had been her prime and she hadn’t even noticed. She might never look that good again.
The film was pretty powerful stuff and Melanie looked around her from time to time to check the response of the audience. She cheered inside the first time she saw someone crying. She was so busy looking at herself that it was very hard to concentrate on the bigger picture, but she’d read the script, hadn’t she?
When it finished and the credits began to roll she held her breath. There was a short pause, long enough to make her nervous, and then the sweet sound of applause.
‘They like me,’ she whispered to Lynsey. ‘Listen to that. They like me.’
The afterparty was surprisingly riotous. It was as if everyone needed a release after the emotionally draining film. Usually these things were sedate, the sort of night where you stopped by and did a circuit but didn’t stay. Tonight it was as if the world was coming to an end.
The party was split into three levels. In the gallery was a roped-off VIP area with plenty of seating for everyone with a pass. Below in the main room was a mass of nobody special, trying to pretend that they were happy being shoved up next to strangers and having nowhere to sit. In the basement, a DJ was trying to fill the dance floor with hard R&B.
‘If anybody wants me,’ said Lynsey, pointing down to the music, ‘that’s where I’ll be.’
The dance floor was crowded with people standing around talking with drinks in their hands, oblivious to the music. Lynsey wasn’t drunk enough yet to dance solo so she hung around at the edges letting the beat wash over her and watching the DJ’s hands fly, like those of a concert pianist, over the decks. The music was loud but didn’t block out the shriller voices. Lynsey could hear superlatives being thrown around recklessly as people discussed the film. Honestly? She didn’t get it. It was a well-made film and all the performances were spot on, but it left her cold. She went to the cinema to be entertained and she didn’t find scenes of torture and bloodshed particularly entertaining.
Someone tapped her shoulder. ‘Hey, Disco. How ya doing?’
‘Riley. And I thought this was supposed to be a private party.’
‘You know me,’ said Riley. ‘Nothing’s private. Scammed a ticket off a guy outside who’d just been dumped by his date.’
‘I’m not talking to you,’ she said.
‘Why not?’
‘Melanie Chaplin, that’s why not. That was a mean story to publish. You caused a lot of trouble.’
Riley held up his hands in surrender. ‘Guilty as charged,’ he said. ‘But I know you would have done the same.’
‘No,’ said Lynsey. ‘I’m not sure I would. Do you have a line?’
‘Uh, no, but maybe I could rustle some up.’
‘What? No, not that kind of a line. I mean a line you
don’t cross when it comes to other people’s lives?
Ethically?’
‘Ethically?’ Riley laughed. ‘Sorry, but it’s been a long time since I heard that word. No,’ he said. ‘I guess I don’t. Oh no! Does that make me a bad person?’ He adopted a mock expression of horror. ‘Oh lighten up, princess. It’s the fame game.’
Lynsey couldn’t remember the last time someone had told her to lighten up. She found it quite uncomfortable.
‘Hey, look,’ said Riley. ‘There’s your boyfriend.’
She looked where he was pointing. It was Toby. He was standing all alone without so much as a drink in his hand. Someone needed to teach that man how to party. She was about to call out to him when a petite blonde in a tiny red dress walked up to him with two glasses of champagne. He took one and then put his free arm around her waist. Together they walked back upstairs.
‘Whoops,’ said Riley. ‘Guess not.’
Melanie walked into the bathroom and saw Serena immediately, blotting her red lipstick on a paper towel. For a second Melanie wondered if she had time to walk out again before Serena saw her but it was too late.
‘Melanie!’ she said. ‘You were amazing.’
To Melanie’s alarm Serena went to embrace her. Melanie sidestepped her neatly and checked her face in the mirror. ‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘I was just amazed by the emotion. How did you get to that place?’
‘We took a plane.’
Serena laughed. ‘I mean the character. It must have been such an experience.’
Melanie stopped adjusting her hair and turned to face Serena. ‘Look,’ she said. ‘I don’t have time for this.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘The little-miss-innocent routine. Save it for someone who believes you.’
‘I’ve never lied to you, Melanie. Did Douglas ever say we slept together?’
‘Yes,’ said Melanie.
‘Well, that’s bullshit, and if you want to take his word over mine then there’s nothing I can say.’ Serena made to push past Melanie. ‘Excuse me,’ she said, ‘I’m sorry I bothered you.’
‘I read the papers. I know your kind. In England we have a word for a girl like you,’ said Melanie. ‘Slapper. Sort of like a slut but with a lot less clas
s.’
Slut didn’t hurt Serena. All her young life she had been called worse by girls at school. And she knew it wasn’t true. But she hadn’t fought her way from the trailer park to here to take shit like that. She read the papers too.
‘Who the hell are you to talk about class?’ said Serena. ‘You talk this trash to me and you didn’t even know your baby’s daddy. And you honestly think no one knows about your crush on Davey Black?’ This latest titbit was from the hair stylist that morning. At the time Serena hadn’t known whether to believe it but judging from Melanie’s stunned reaction it was right on the money. ‘Don’t look so surprised,’ she said. ‘You can’t keep secrets in this town, don’t you know that? But I’ll tell you a secret, a big exclusive: I’m a virgin, Melanie, a virgin. So if that makes me a slut, then what are you?’
Melanie soon found herself trapped in conversation with Max Parker and a couple of other CMG agents. They were surrounding their asset in a protective circle to keep her away from their competition. They all knew an award-winning role when they saw it. Melanie Chaplin was hot.
She was standing in their midst, half-heartedly sipping a glass of champagne and modestly accepting all their compliments. She related a couple of anecdotes about the shoot, agreed that the new series of Justice was looking incredible and she smiled and nodded in all the right places. Nobody would have been able to guess that she was a million miles away from the conversation and not listening to a single word they said. Serena had hurt her feelings.
This is as good as it gets.
And it ain’t that good.
‘Excuse me,’ she said, ‘I think I see my sister.’ Reluctantly, they let her escape.