“Are you in my head?” I kind of just threw the thought out there, not sure if she would hear it. “I can hear your voice…in my head.”
“Yes. It is how we communicate.”
“So you know my thoughts?”
“No. Only the thoughts you allow me to hear.” Her words repeated in my head as I contemplated them—still uncertain how this communication was actually happening.
“Hanan and Ben, can they hear my thoughts?”
“Only when you allow them; thoughts must be given. They cannot be taken. I will explain, but we must go now.”
“Okay. Did you make this light?” I kicked my legs, using the walls of the narrow tunnel to push myself forward.
“No, Hanan.”
My body finally demanded me to breathe and so I did. Water, filtered through my nose (not exactly the best feeling), pushed past my lungs, down my throat and out of my mouth. Through all of that, in exchange I received one small breath of air. It was tiring and weird at first, the process wasn’t enjoyable. It was rough and didn’t feel natural—made my throat and ears itch. I learned that I had to breathe faster so that I wouldn’t choke on the water—though soon after I realized there was a breathing rhythm. Breathing is in tune with your heart and when I discovered that pattern it became second nature.
When the walls were not present, swimming against the current of the water was also a challenge. I wasn’t as strong as Aella, and Hanan, Ben and I would never be as strong as them, however Ben kept up better than I did. I slowed everyone down but wouldn’t let them help me—I wanted to do it on my own—that’s what Daddy would’ve made me do. And after several cave hunts I gained the strength to swim against the current with ease. It was also a good way to keep me in shape.
Today the first cave we discovered was dark, and eerie. It was cold and damp, the repetitious sound of dripping water echoed somewhere in an unseen corner. Aella created a purple light with her hands (It was the first time I saw her exercise any power.) The light seemed to be outlined with purple, but the core of the light was white and bright and spewed from her hands like a fountain of water, it illuminated the whole cave which was a room full of…Stalagmites, Ben called them. Stalagmites were minerals that dripped from the ceiling onto the floor only to, over time build a kind of lumpy textured pillar that thinned out to a point and touched the ceiling—the cave was a maze of the stuff which made Hanan weary.
“Do not touch anything.” He ordered. He made us wait near the entrance while he explored deeper into the cave, only to come back and order us out.
The next cavern we came across was filled with a soft purple hue that oozed from the smooth crystallized ceiling—not as bright as the light that came from Aella’s hands. An ease of warmth made it welcoming and peaceful. It was beautiful. I took a step inside the room and then felt a hand press against my stomach; Hanan. He wanted us to wait at the entrance while he explored further. I watched as his back muscles flexed while he moved cautiously forward, spear at his side, occasionally crouching low, edging his way around sporadic rocks. I wondered what he expected to find, or who rather.
After he gave us the okay we all did our own exploring. The cave was beautiful, bright green algae spread along the walls and over rocks, flowers growing out of cracks. These flowers were purple with really vivid green stems, they almost seemed to glow. “This looks like a lotus.” I knelt down and reached to pick the flower, but Hanan caught my hand, holding it firmly.
“That flower you cannot have. It is sacred… these flowers hold forgotten spirits. And if you disturb that spirit, the spirit will live in you forever, be it good or evil.”
“Oh…how do you know if the spirit is good or not?”
“You listen. And this spirit you were going to take is rotted with evil. Can you hear it? Try to listen.” I nodded my head and he gave me my hand back. I closed my eyes to focus, but all I heard was Ben badgering Aella with questions.
“I don’t hear anything. Only Ben.”
Hanan snickered, “he does have a mouth, that one.”
“Yeah, he does.” I sort of giggled and he looked down at me and smiled.
“You have one too.” His smile slowly faded, and his eyes barely lit up and he was serious, I was serious. My heart jerked around in my chest and I shied away, turning my eyes away from his.
“Thank you.” I whispered, then stood up and walked away as my cheeks burned.
Further into the cavity was a large pool of twinkling blue water. It really twinkled or sparkled, which ever was brightest. At the bottom the twinkles became brighter and more hypnotic—I couldn’t tear myself away from the constant flickering. Ben and I stood at the edge and just stared dumbly at the blinking lights. Not even the small ripples in the water dulled the lights nor did they warn us for what happened next.
“What the…” Suddenly Ben’s leg was being pulled into the water and he was scrambling to hold on to anything. He grabbed my arm and I sank to the floor, slowly throwing my weight back to try and help keep him with me. I reached for a big rock that was nearby and quickly climbed forward. I raised my arm to smash the giant blue tentacle that wrapped itself around his leg. My arm was hurtling down, when my arm was being yanked back and Ben was being kept at bay by Hanan.
Aella looked down at me and nodded. “He is hungry and ill, he meant no harm.” She released my arm and reached into her sack, pulling out blocks of great meat. She threw the blocks into the water and the tentacle slowly retreated into the water.
Hanan dropped Ben carelessly and said: “Aella, come here every day and nurse him to health. Find the hole he has come through and seal it. I feel I will need this cave one day.” He glanced at me quickly.
“Hanan. He is injured; you can’t just drop him…” She walked over and knelt down in front of Ben and lifted his foot. “Does it hurt?”
“Just feels tight, a little achy. But I’ll live. So those blinking lights….that was the octopus?”
“Yes, it’s how they catch their prey. Slows your…” she tapped her head. “and your eyes get stuck because the light is so nice.” She smiled. “They don’t usually go after mer. They like crustacean.”
When Aella moved from Ben, I went and helped him onto his feet. His ankle was red and swollen where the octopus had him.
“I will heal you when we return home.” Aella said before walking away totally.
Although he was limping, that didn’t stop Ben from searching the cave. He almost stepped into a dark corner when Hanan shouted at him: “My goodness do you want to live? You don’t need to see everything.” He shook his head and chuckled, “Adonai be with you Ben. You need Him.” Ben laughed too and that was the first time they were amiable towards one another. Would probably be the last time too.
There was a lot of beauty in the cave, but it wasn’t the flowers or vivid algae or water that made the place attractive, it was the premonition of energy. There was the perfect warmth, the perfect sound of trickling water and the perfect lighting. Even the smell was fragrant, light and floral. It was a place where you could come and release your frustration and walk away feeling sound.
I stretched my arm forward and as soon as my fingertips touched the wall—and not only I, Ben and Aella felt it too—it was as if life pulsed inside the cave, as if it had been living and thriving to be discovered. It gave me a good feeling, safety, peace…love.
As I walked up to the first rock and touched it, a spark of life vibrated through my fingers, trembled through my arms and rooted itself in my heart. I inhaled a deep breath. Power swirled about the room, so much that it made my head spin.
“Ancient power has rested here and we’ve disturbed it.” Hanan stroked the walls, his hands running backwards and forward. He slowly fell to his knees—eyes closed, his head tilted up towards the ceiling. Aella did the same, pulling me down with her. I’ve never prayed without speaking, I didn’t know what to say, so I just gave thanks to Adonai. I closed my eyes and waited… “All is well my child.” I opened one e
ye and peeked around, looking for the owner of the voice. All I found was Ben him doing the same as Aella and Hanan. He seemed really into it, I guess he knew what to pray.
After Hanan prayed he called the room the Sacred Place calling the old power, mystic veiled.
“Do you know the name of the…power that lived here?” Ben asked.
“It lives…and no I do not know yet. I will return alone. The spirit that dwells here needs time with me, before it wholly manifests.”
“Why?”
“Because I am royalty.”
“Why can’t you do it now? I’d like to see what happens.”
“It takes time.”
“Can I come with you when you do come?”
The king shook his head and rolled his eyes, placing his hands on his hips. “Yes, Ben, you can. But only if you stop asking these questions.”
“Deal.”
Since we’d been down here, down here meaning under water among the mer, Aella made us pray and meditate whenever she did, which was every day. It would strengthen us inside, give us clear minds—it was important for us to understand, to learn and sense power she said. Also prayer would help us sense the difference between good and evil. Adding that it was important especially if we were going to be below longer. (Which I honestly didn’t understand, we were going to return home and Aella and Hanan were the only mer we’d be around). Maybe we would be here longer than expected? I was conflicted about the thought. However Ben, Ben seemed fine either way. He was comfortable with not having to dress and do his hair every day, some days he wouldn’t even brush his teeth, I had to make him. I think it was the natural aspect of our new life. No chemicals, no pollution, no real work or school, no more stress of day to day life. I’ll admit, I enjoyed that part too, I just missed my family.
Sometimes while we worked cleaning the weapons, I’d just sit and listen to Ben and Aella talk. He was always asking her questions, he loved to learn and this place was full of new adventures; Aella had become his friend, he would teach her bad words and sentences that people in our world would laugh at her or stare at her strangely for saying. He sent her over to me to tell me, I love the way your musty armpit smells. Then I’d send her back knowing what she meant and she and he would wrestle. She’d win because she was stronger than him. They were more like brother and sister. His peace about our situation made it easier for me to be calm and happy
If we weren’t discovering caves we helped clean the weapons that were mostly used by Hanan to kill trespassers and to hunt. We cleaned, we helped prepare food, and next Aella was to teach us how to hunt. Though we wouldn’t be able to hunt in the open sea, we would get to do it, in a controlled environment. She also planned to teach me how to fight, I was never much of a fighter, but I was willing to learn.
I mastered the art of weaving with seaweed. I figured out how to make the bags they carried and the “covers,” Hanan and Aella wore and now Ben and I. Our clothes became too ragged for the cave and the sea weed was tough enough to withstand the stone.
Ben wasn’t a fan of the thong fashioned bottoms. So I tried making him something that covered his rear but it didn’t work out well, there weren’t any pieces of seaweed large enough to cover a full backside, so he had to suffer—which I often teased him about.
“What are you thinking about?” Ben asked. We had been sitting, soaking our bodies in the warm pool of water. It was our end of day routine.
“How long do you think we’ve been down here?” I couldn’t tell him that I was really thinking about Hanan—that I was seeing his face in my mind, his beautiful brown eyes. Honestly I was ashamed of how I felt, of what I’d been feeling. Ben hated that Hanan stared at me, and I hated how I felt about Hanan and hated that I felt the same about Ben too. Ben was so protective, he wouldn’t allow Hanan to get close to me without him being around—he had to be in close proximity. So the king started serving my food and bringing me gifts. I had a collection of shell necklaces, bracelets and anklets from him. He even brought me sea flowers every time he returned from one of his outings. I’d wake up with a different color flower in my hair almost every day (Hanan was working hard to outsmart my security guard)—Ben thought it was creepy but I found it sweet and romantic. So then Ben tried to stay awake as long as he could to catch Hanan in the act, but he always fell asleep. Then he tried making me sleep against the wall with his body guarding mine, but no matter what, the king would somehow get his gifts on my body. Last night I woke up with Hanan in front of me, grinning ear to ear. All he did was place a crown of pink flowers on my head and then he left.
Dangling from the back, the crown had a trail of the greenest leaves I had ever seen. It was beautiful like everything he had given me. It made me want to explore the life outside the cave walls. Was it as colorful out there as the flowers he brought me everyday? The bright pinks, deep but colorful purples and blues.
“Well, judging by our sleep patterns and the marks I’ve made on the wall, I’d say we have been here for six months now.”
“That’s a long time.” Closing my eyes to exhale the pain. “I miss my dad, my mom, GG, Warren.” My heart wretched, the pain was so deep. Tears just rolled down my cheeks. Ben inched closer to me, pressing his lips against the side of my forehead. I leaned into him as my body convulsed from the suppression of pain I harbored. I didn’t know how I would survive. Find the joy, I told myself, that silver lining, that light at the end of the tunnel.
“To be or not to be,” Ben began whispering, “that is the question: whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them... We will be okay, we will survive; you’ll see them again.”
I took a deep breath and chuckled a little, “Hamlet, you’re quoting Hamlet.”
“Yes.” I could hear the smile pressing on his lips. “His words are true—we could sit here and cry all day or work to overcome our woes.”
“But Hamlet?” I laughed a little harder, glad that out of everyone I could be stuck down here with, it was him.
“It was my favorite book in high school. But I say that in my head everyday—helps me survive. We have to survive. Any day now we will return home…to see the sun again, feel the wind blow, inhale the pollution of the city, to go back to school—I can’t believe I miss that place. To have a cold Pepsi, with a cheeseburger and fries. I miss my dog.”
“You have a dog?”
“Yeah, Benjamin.”
“You named your dog Benjamin?”
“Yeah, he’s a Chihuahua, terrier mix. Lil Ben was a stray I found on the way to school.”
“You’re insane you know?”
“I know…my parents, my parents probably have him now, because they think I’m… dead.” He said it as if he just realized this fact. “Everyone thinks we’re dead…” he whispered. Silence fell over both of us.
“But we’re not. To be or not to be…remember?” He met my gaze, softly smiling that smile from when I first met him. I loved that smile.
“To be or not to be…” Ben lowered his head and pressed his lips against mine. They were soft and I loved the way they felt against mine. I raised my hand and ran it through his once short hair, now it hung just past his ears. His face was full of hair and itchy against my skin. He pulled me onto his lap. His hands crawled up my back and to my neck and around my collarbone. Chills twisted around my spine and I shivered.
I pulled away, “we can’t do this.” He kissed my neck and twisted his fingers in my hair, he pulled.
“Why?”
“Protection and…”
“Hanan.” He let out an exasperated breath and fell back. “I hate that guy.”
“I know…”
“He’s in love with you.”
“Ben…you don’t know that.” I moved from his lap and climbed out of the pool of steaming water.
“Eva, he brings you flowers and his little trinkets…” he said this making silly hand gestures. “I
see the way he watches you, the way he looks at me when I’m near you…He loves you, the way I love you.”
“Ben,” I chuckled, “you don’t love me. I think you’ve got the cave illness or something.”
“I do. You saved my life. We’ll survive this unfortunate event together, and now I can’t imagine my life without you. I don’t want to…it happens in movies all the time.” He nodded and gave me that “you know its true smile” that yanked at only the right side of his mouth.
“I didn’t save your life, Hanan saved us both. I think being below has jacked up your mind.” He had crawled out of the pool and stood in front of me, the blue in his eyes were bright and clear as the ocean, he was happy, feeling alive.
“You dived into a mass of water to save my life—you were afraid of water—your greatest fear…love makes you do crazy things.” He smiled, “but you don’t have to believe me, and you don’t have to love me right now. But one day you will, and one day we are gonna be married and have a lot of kids, like 20 of them, all named Benjamin.” Both his hands cupped my face. He smiled and bent to kiss me. “One day.” He winked and pulled me while he walked.
“You are crazy!” I laughed, feeling the cold pain of my heart being eaten away by the warmth I felt for Ben. I did care for him, a lot, but I couldn’t tell him that while I concealed the strange feelings I felt for Hanan.
“What’s your favorite childhood memory?” Ben asked. We were laying down, ready for bed. I thought about his question and raced through memories with my parents.
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