Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4

by Isabelle Peterson

  Sarah guided us through the hallways to the NICU. The last time we walked through the hall, Tanner was holding my hand, and maybe it was the emotional evening, but I kinda wished I could hold his hand again. Before I gathered the courage to take the initiative, we arrived.

  I backed up to take a seat in the pink vinyl bench that was across from the door, but Tanner turned and looked at me, then Sarah. “Can he come in?”

  “Well, technically Greg’s not…” Sarah paused and regarded the two of us, then smiled. “Sure.”

  “Oh, I don’t want to intrude,” I said.

  Before I could sit down, Tanner walked up to me and said, “It’s no imposition. I like having you near. Unless you don’t want to meet him.”

  His hopeful eyes searched mine, and I couldn’t resist. “I’d love to.”

  We ‘suited up’ in yellow paper gowns and scrubbed our hands, then Sarah escorted us to the incubator labeled: HARPER-NELSON, OLIVER WILLIAM. I smiled realizing that they’d incorporated Tanner’s last name to be Oliver’s middle name.

  Oliver was so small, all curled up in a clear plastic box with holes for people to reach inside. I remembered Phoebe in a similar set up when she was first born. Sarah opened a window and slipped her hand in, gently touching his tiny hand. He reacted by gently flexing his fingers, allowing Sarah to slip her finger into his palm. She said he measured nineteen inches, but was only four pounds, fourteen ounces. I considered that information not really recalling how long my boys were, but I remember that they had been born in the eight pound range; Carter nearly nine pounds. Phoebe, even though born five weeks early, was just under six pounds. Oliver wore a small knit cap on his head, had a tiny tube feeding oxygen into his nose, and a couple of wires were stuck to his chest.

  Sarah leaned near the arm hole and said softly, “Hi Oliver. You’re looking good. So strong. I brought someone to meet you. Your father, Tanner, is here.”

  “You can put your hand in,” Sarah urged Tanner. “Touch is good for babies. Tomorrow, Ashley will get to hold him for a few hours, but for now he needs to stay in the incubator for the warmth and oxygen.”

  Tanner breathed a shaky breath next to me. He rubbed his hands together, I imagined to warm them up, and then Sarah pulled her hand back to make room for Tanner. Gently, Oliver took a hold of Tanner’s finger.

  “Hey, Ollie. You just couldn’t wait to start livin’ could you? I’m so happy to meet you.”

  Watching the moment was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. I was so choked up that I could barely breathe. Babies certainly made things better. I had already considered that Elizabeth and I had survived so long because of our three. I wondered how Tanner was going to manage being an outsider to this little family. Now he was moving to California. I couldn’t imagine the dynamic.

  Just then a nurse came by and wrote down some numbers. She eyed Tanner and I warily then looked at Sarah. The nurse smiled at Sarah and whispered, “Don’t let Dr. Bertrandt find you bending the rules.”

  “Just need a minute, Vicky. Let us know if you spot her? This is Tanner, the baby-daddy.”

  Vicky looked Tanner over and I saw the desire in her eye. Probably the same look was in my eye when I looked at him. Except, I knew that Vicky held no appeal for Tanner. “Congratulations, Tanner,” Vicky said, then finished her notes and adjusted a couple of knobs, before moving on to the next baby.

  “Your Mom is doing really well,” Tanner said, talking to Oliver again. “She’s strong just like you. You have the two best mommies any baby could ask for. And when you’re ready, I get to give you soccer lessons. Would you like that?” Oliver stirred just a bit as if responding to Tanner’s offer for lessons. “I’m going to be in California, but I’ll be sure to fly back and visit. And when your moms say you are old enough, you can fly down and visit me. Okay?”

  Vicky cleared her throat from across the room and Sarah looked up toward the hall.

  Sarah smiled and rubbed his back. “Sorry, but I could lose my visiting privileges if you both are caught here.”

  Tanner nodded and gently pulled his hand from Oliver. Sarah closed the opening and we walked toward the door. Once we had discarded our paper gowns, and were in the hallway, Tanner stifled a yawn.

  “Long day,” Tanner explained.

  “Understandable. Austin in two days, right? Ashley’s upset to miss that game,” Sarah smiled.

  “I promised to cheer extra loudly for you two,” I said, earning me another warm smile from Sarah. “Congratulations, to you both,” I finished. I pulled Tanner’s keys from my pocket, as Tanner yawned again. “It was a pleasure meeting you and Ashley, and little Oliver. Thank you for the privilege.”

  Sarah laughed. “Oh, you are so cute,” then turned to Tanner. “This one’s a keeper,” she said pulling the two of us in for a group hug. “I’m going to go back to Ash’s room, make sure she’s sleeping. “Will you come by tomorrow?”

  Tanner and Sarah agreed on a time and we headed toward the garage. I listened to Tanner chatter excitedly about stories of Ashley and Sarah and how they were going to make such great mothers while he drove us back to the hotel. He asked me all sorts of baby questions, many of which, sadly, I couldn’t answer, but the little I was able to share satisfied Tanner.

  Faster than our drive to the hospital, we pulled up to the Blackstone. Tanner put the car in park and turned to me. “Thank you for everything tonight. Opening up about your ex…later… the hospital.”

  “Was an unforgettable night, to be sure,” I agreed.

  Tanner shot me a wicked smirk as he leaned toward me.

  Like a magnetic pull, I leaned into him. He kissed me tenderly, rubbing his fingers along my jaw. “Mmmm. I like this,” he said fingering the hairs that had grown in over the day.

  I sat back and rubbed my jaw. “This?” I’d always been clean shaven. I thought the blond whiskers just looked thin.

  “Oh yeah. Crazy hot,” he said cupping a hand behind my head and pulling me toward him. He kissed and nipped the bristly jawline. My cock twitched excitedly in my pants. Bringing his lips to mine, Tanner kissed me deeply. “Tomorrow? Dinner? I’ll cook?” he fired at me, barely taking his lips from mine. “I’ll pick you up at seven? I’m pretty sure practice will go long, day before a big game usually does. And it can’t be a late night. Game day on Saturday.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I whispered back.

  Tanner kissed me again, and I climbed out. Somehow, I knew that even though I was exhausted, and I had a session to attend in five hours, I was not going to find sleep easily.

  CHAPTER 18

  Surprisingly, I did find sleep easily. Unfortunately, my subconscious got very involved in that sleep wreaking havoc in my dreams. Nightmares, really.

  I dreamt that back home, word got out about Tanner and me, and that because I’d been a long time supporter of Prop 8, and my current blatant disregard of my previous position, upended everything. The business went belly-up. My friends all turned their backs on me. All I had left was Tanner, and even he was getting fed up with me. Was I making a horrible choice? Could I just turn my back on everything I’d come to feel and discover about myself? I mean, to be honest, I hadn’t given any thought whatsoever to what things would be like going back home. What would Jim and Aaron say?

  I muddled through the day and suddenly felt under scrutiny by everyone I spoke to. Were they judging me? Did they somehow know that I was a straight man involved in a homosexual relationship? By the end of the day, I was ready to call Tanner and tell him I couldn’t make dinner. I’d actually written several text messages telling him various reasons that I couldn’t make dinner tonight…Met an old buddy I haven’t seen in ages, mind if I bail tonight? Not feeling well today. Probably coming down with something. I should stay away with your big game and Oliver…Have to leave town early. Problem back in CA. Sorry to miss your game tomorrow, too. However, I never hit send. I couldn’t. Too much of me wanted to see Tanner again. I’d never felt so in between a rock and hard pl
ace—pun intended.

  Because this was the last day of the two-day conference, there wasn’t a happy hour at the end of the day, but I was so lost in thought, I desperately needed a drink. I headed to the hotel’s restaurant and perched myself at the bar. I was just about to order my standard gin and tonic, but the table that Tanner and I occupied the other night for dinner caught my eye, and I found myself ordering a glass of the Rioja we’d enjoyed that night.

  As the wine started to relax me, I tried to focus on where my life was headed. I was enjoying every minute I spent with Tanner, but here in Chicago, where I didn’t know anyone was a far cry from Napa where I knew people everywhere I turned. If Tanner weren’t moving to California, I would consider moving my life to Chicago. Start over where no one knew who I was. Nevertheless, he was moving to California for a great job. Would I be strong enough to consider seeing Tanner in Napa? I suddenly felt like I was choosing gay. Like, “Yes, gay is a choice.”

  All the fear from my restless night bubbled up. I couldn’t. Jim wouldn’t understand. We’d been friends for over thirty years. I wasn’t sure about Aaron. Would any of my other friends get it? Marc? Joseph? What about my clients? The Reverend and the other religious clients would drop us. I could cause the collapse of the business that Aaron and I had worked so hard to build. Even if Aaron would accept that my marriage died because I wasn’t into women, I didn’t think he would tolerate our business dying because I’d suddenly become perverted or something. Panic that my nightmare would actually be a reality threatened to end me. I felt like I had to make different choices.

  “Is this seat taken?” a female voice sounded behind me.

  I turned and saw a woman whom I’d seen in a couple of the sessions I’d attended over the past two days. She was tall, long blonde hair, stacked, and gorgeous. Like, cover model gorgeous. Hard to believe she was an accountant.

  “By you, I hope,” I said, trying to sound suave and confident. She beamed at me and sat with her body facing me. I saw her gaze drop to my left hand, and not spotting any rings, she started to toy with her necklace, drawing my attention to the deep-cut V of her top. She caught me glancing and I saw her grin. I waved over the bartender and Miss Blonde ordered a Cosmo.

  “Put it on my tab,” I told him.

  “You got it, boss,” he said and went off to make the drink.

  “Jeanette Davis,” she said, extending her perfectly manicured hand. “Porter and Jenkins of New York.”

  I took her hand gently and gave a polite squeeze. “Greg Fairchild. Fairchild and Dolan in Napa.”

  “Oh, I know,” she said, smiling coyly, her necklace toying resumed. “I’ve seen you in my sessions.”

  I tried. I tried to get excited that this beautiful woman was coming on to me. To be honest, there was nothing. In fact, this flirting of hot women in my direction was nothing new. All my life women behaved like this. In college, I used them and dumped them. Once I was married, I never gave them any mind. I thought about early this summer…the night I’d met Tanner, and the girls that were flirting with me, but I couldn’t bring myself to hit on them. Then it was all derailed when Tanner was about to get the crap beat out of him. Just the quick thought of Tanner, brought my lower section to life. I sipped my wine, and forced my attention toward the buxom blonde begging me to take notice.

  “I tried to snag you for lunch, but those goons from Silverman’s grabbed you first.” Yeah, they were goons. Talked shop non-stop. I enjoyed the numbing, comfortable topic, though. It kept my mind off the previous night. The bartender slid the ice cold Cosmo in front of Jeannette. She picked up and sipped through a small smile looking over the rim at me. She set her glass down and collected the drop of her drink from her upper lip. I knew she was trying to be seductive. It was a classic move. However, watching that little move only made me think of Tanner’s tongue making my cock twitch. Fuck! Knock it off!

  Jeanette slid a hand over mine and I noticed her eyes were not far from my pants. She smiled and winked. “Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I don’t fly back to New York until tomorrow.”

  I almost laughed. Then I thought about it. Here’s my opportunity to redeem my failed attempt with that red head a couple of weeks ago. I took a sip of my wine while I further considered her proposition.

  You know what? It wasn’t a choice.

  He’s not really sitting with a woman is he? She’s clearly flirting with him. With his back toward me, I couldn’t really tell, but…is he flirting back? She had her hand on his, and he wasn’t pulling away. I should have known better. I should have known that this was all too good to be true. Practice had gone well, and coach let us out at our normal quitting time. I’d raced home, showered, and then shopped for dinner ingredients. It was only six, and I’d told Greg I would collect him at seven, but I thought I’d surprise him and we’d grab a drink or something.

  But here I am the one getting the surprise.

  I couldn’t really blame him. She was a beauty, even if half of it was fake with silicone, Botox, and makeup.

  Did last night mean nothing?

  CHAPTER 19

  I was just about to tell this terribly forward woman, ‘Thank you, but no thank you,’ when I felt a hand on my shoulder and a very familiar scent surround me. My cock, which had gone completely soft while I tried to get excited about this blonde, went rigid. The rush of blood from my big head to my little head made me just a tad dizzy. Tanner. Totally not a choice.

  “Hey.” His sexy voice warmed me.

  I didn’t even turn to look at the man I knew who was behind me. I lifted my hand to the hand on my shoulder and smiled at Jeanette. “Sorry, but I have plans already,” I said flashing a grin at her and winking. Tanner’s grip on my shoulder squeezed. Phew, he wasn’t mad, or so I hoped.

  Her eyes went wide and she blinked a few times, her eyes darting from me to Tanner, confusion all across her face. “Uhhh! Seriously? Why are all the good ones married or gay?” She put on a cute pout.

  I shrugged, and smiled. “Sorry. Jeannette, this is Tanner. Tanner, please meet Jeanette. She’s from…?”

  “The other team,” she frowned. “You know, it’s really a crime. You two are far too gorgeous to not date women.” I heard Tanner chuckle. Jeanette got up and drained her drink. “Thanks for the drink,” she smiled weakly and walked away.

  I finally turned to look at Tanner. In the words of Wayne and Garth, Shaaahhwing! My heart started to beat faster, and my cock went from rigid to painful. He was casually dressed in a blue and white striped shirt, which really brought out the blue in his eyes. Do you ever look bad? I wondered.

  “Thought I’d surprise you. We got out of practice earlier than I expected. Thought I’d come rescue you from the dry accounting type you were telling me about. I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit thrown to see you sitting with Jeannette.”

  “She wasn’t an option. Trust me,” I said. I watched Tanner’s body relax. He was nervous? “Want a drink before we go?” I asked. He shook his head and I asked the bartender to put the drinks on my room, and told him to add twenty percent.

  While we walked the couple of blocks to Tanner’s condo, he brought me up to date with Oliver and Ashley, who were both doing very well. He’d stopped by on his way to practice, and left a few gifts. He talked about holding Oliver’s hand again. I wanted to reach down and hold Tanner’s hand; instead, I kept my hands in my pockets. Tanner also had his hands in his pockets, so it was fine. Suddenly, I worried that maybe he didn’t want to hold my hand. God! Why am I thinking like a girl?

  Tanner asked me how my day went. I told him that I didn’t remember what happened in the seminars I’d attended. I also wanted to tell Tanner that I almost bailed on him for dinner. I wanted to tell him about the nightmares I’d had last night. I wanted to tell him how scared I was about us moving forward outside of Chicago.

  We entered the lobby of Tanner’s building and walked across the gorgeous space to the elevator bay. The elevator opened right away and we
stepped in. Tanner pressed the button for his floor and the doors closed.

  “I’ve thought about you all day,” Tanner said simply. “It was a miracle that I was able to practice as well as did.”

  His blunt comment ran straight through me. In this small space with his scent filling my nose, I smiled realizing how not a ‘choice’ being with Tanner was.

  “Likewise,” I said. “Well, without the practice. So, what do you have planned for dinner?” I asked, needing to change the subject before I leaned over and kissed his neck.

  “Sole Piccata, angel hair pasta, and roasted green beans,” I looked at him, surprised that he had such a talent. “Trust me, it’s good, and yes, it’s the ‘gayest’ thing I do. My mother insisted I learn to cook.” The elevator opened and he led me to his apartment.

  “I trust you,” I smiled back.

  Tanner unlocked his door and we stepped in. He closed the door behind us and we both toed off our shoes. I slipped off my jacket and hung it on the coat tree next to the door, and suddenly found myself pressed against the wall.

  He brought his lips to mine with a hand threaded through, and gripping, my hair. He pulled back and rested his forehead against mine. We were both breathing hard, and personally, my head was swimming.

  “I’ve been wanting to do that since you touched my hand in the restaurant.”

  He landed another kiss on my mouth, then took a deep breath in and let it out. “Okay. Dinner. Can I get you a drink while I cook?”

  Still stunned from that kiss, all I could do was nod. I followed Tanner to the kitchen, where he pulled down a couple of wine glasses, and opened a bottle of white. He poured them and handed me mine. We tapped glasses and took a sip. I watched as he licked the wine from his lip—yes, a hell of a lot sexier when Tanner did it.

  While Tanner sautéed the fish with capers and lemon, boiled pasta and roasted the green beans, he talked more about Ashley and Sarah. He was so thrilled to help them complete their family. I’d asked how he was able to simply be a donor for the couple. He admitted that while he liked kids, he never saw himself as a dad. More like favorite uncle. Although he did admit that it was kind of cool to have a ‘mini-me.’