Unexpected Dreams: Dream Series, Book 4

by Isabelle Peterson

  “C’mere,” Tanner groaned. I lowered myself over him and rested myself on my elbows over him. I felt his cock twitch between our stomachs, and I thrust gently, his hips coming up to mine. His hands slid all over my back and then down to my ass. My lips sought his mouth and we were joined in an unending circle. Tongues, lips, hips, asses, and cocks. I shifted and slipped my arms under his shoulders, gripping and seeking leverage as I thrust with Tanner.

  I pulled my mouth from his, needing air so I could cry out. As if I had been taken over by some mysterious force, I started to pound into Tanner. We both gasped and groaned. The sounds of our bodies moving and slapping on one another. As I came, I cried out with a voice that sounded nothing like my own and Tanner gripped my ass, shouting his own climax only seconds after mine.

  I collapsed on top of him, winded and exhausted. Tanner’s hips gently continued to thrust, and his ass clenching, milking every bit of my orgasm from me. His hands gently stroked my back.

  “You never cease to amaze me,” he said quietly, his lips brushing my ear, sending new jolts of excitement down my spine.

  “And what you have brought, and continue to bring out of me, is nothing short of unbelievable.”

  I felt my cock soften, and I held the top of the condom and pulled out of Tanner. His wince/pout made me chuckle. I leaned over, dropped the rubber in the trashcan, and returned to Tanner’s side. I ran my hand over his chest, stopping just above the new mess, I said, “I think we need another shower.”

  CHAPTER 38

  I woke up to my left arm pinned down. I turned and smiled when I saw Tanner sleeping peacefully on it. Not wanting to disturb him, but needing to be alone, I carefully slid out of bed, walked to the windows, and got a good look at the spectacular view of the water. As I walked, I felt the effects of last night’s activities on my backside. Instead of wincing in pain, the feeling made me smile, remembering how good, and right, everything felt. As quietly as I could, I opened the sliding door and stepped out to the soothing ocean sounds. I stood on the balcony, as naked as the day I was born, feeling bold.

  I took several deep breaths trying to clear my head, and reflecting on last night—the most incredible night of my life. How in the hell had I not known? Sure getting the whole ‘gay is wrong’ speech from my parents in middle school, seeing Tommy DeLucca get the snot beat out of him and my parents warning me ‘that’s what happens to boys who like boys’ and when he died it was ‘God’s way of purging the earth,’ but I don’t remember ever being remotely attracted to men. Then again, I don’t remember ever feeling the feelings my buddies all raved about when they ‘bagged’ this babe or that babe. The orgasms they had described…Last night I finally experienced that with Tanner. And not just last night but every time we’d been intimate. Even the kisses.

  The guilt I felt over my years of supporting Prop 8 made me sick to my stomach. I really was so fucking stupid. I’d always brushed off gays because it’s how I was raised. I never gave a thought to figure out how to make sex better because I was so focused on work and building a good life. I spent my adult life doing what I was taught to do by my parents: work to support your family.

  Then again, I’d never met a guy like Tanner, either.

  I pondered that thought. What would have happened if I’d met Tanner years ago? And how did he know I was gay when I didn’t? I mean that whole gay-dar business…it was a joke, right? I’d have to find a way to ask him.

  I considered how this all might work. Tanner would be moving out to California in about six weeks. I knew without a doubt that I wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. In a short period of time, he’d become… my other half? I’d used that phrase with Elizabeth, just repeating the ‘term of affection’ many husbands used for their wives…but with Tanner, it truly felt that way. With Tanner, especially after last night, I felt complete.

  How would I break this all to my friends? Again, I considered moving, but that was so fucking chicken-shit I couldn’t bring myself to seriously entertain the idea. Aaron knew, and he was supportive. But clients? Jim? And other friends in town? Jim and I went way back. And as Elizabeth already hinted, Jim would be the biggest hurdle. He already knew I was ‘off’ and he attributed it solely to the divorce, but he really had no clue. Most of the time, I hadn’t known. Jim trying to get me to hook up with a girl last week was a clear indicator that he had no idea what was going on with me.

  I would say that I was changed, but the change was so deep it was more like a release. A Pandora’s Box that had been sealed—shut by fear, and rules, and norms when I was young. But now that this particular box was open—there would be no closing it.

  There was no way I could go back to being a straight man again. I was gay.

  A set of warm arms, and Tanner’s scent surrounded me. His lips came down on my shoulder, the warmth of his body, warming more than my back…he warmed my heart. I crossed my arms over his and wove our fingers together.

  “Good morning,” his gravelly voice whispered in my ear.

  “Good morning to you. I was up before you for a change.”

  “Was I snoring?” he asked.

  I laughed. “No, you weren’t,” I confessed.

  “Neither were you. I’d say you were plum wore out,” he said, mimicking a southerner.

  “I don’t snore,” I said.

  “Okay. Be that way,” he said “You okay?”

  I nodded. “I will be.” I had to be…right?

  I felt his jaw clench next to my head. I turned in his arms and locked eyes with him, this beautiful man who had flipped my entire universe into something else. Something clear. “With you, I’m good. I’m better than good,” I assured him.

  He pressed his lips to mine and moved to stand next to me. I looked over and let my eyes rake over his body; the art…the muscles… In times past, I tried to steal glances. Not now. I was his. He was mine. I felt entitled to look.

  “And back in Napa?” he asked quietly.

  I choked back the flood of emotion that threatened to pull me under. “I don’t know. I’m going to have to find a way to talk to Jim. It’s going to be ugly. And if I’m honest, I think I’m about to lose my best friend. Fortunately, I at least have Elizabeth and Aaron on my side. Marc will be fine, I think. But Jim? I…I…” My throat closed with emotion and squeezed my eyes shut to keep back the tears that threatened. “But I don’t want to keep quiet,” I continued, opening my eyes and watching my lover’s face change from pained to a happy-pained. He knew what I was feeling. “It wouldn’t be fair to you,” I continued. “And I’ve been unfair to too many people,” I wanted to say that ‘I’ve been unfair to too many people that I love,’ but went with “in my life.”

  Tanner softly laid his lips to my cheek, kissing away a tear that found its way there. When did I become such a crybaby? All this emotion was getting to me… part of that Pandora’s Box, I guessed.

  “I wish I could say that it’s no big deal,” Tanner started. “That coming out is like suddenly becoming vegetarian. Of course,” he stopped and thought a moment, “It would be more like a vegetarian saying ‘Hey! I now eat meat!’ right?” I laughed in spite of myself, and adoring how Tanner was trying to ease the tension. “Point is, I know too many men who have stayed in the closet. It’s not a place I will ever go. And for those who stay in, it’s most often a very, very dark place. You…coming out for me? That’s very sweet of you, but you have to do it for you. Like I said back at your place, I get it. It’s hard. But I’ll wait. Not forever, but I’ll wait. I don’t move out for another six weeks. And when I move, we can take things slowly.”

  I thought about that. Maybe I could slowly get Jim used to the idea. Maybe I start making some gay friends, and invite them to parties. My mind quickly flashed to John and Mike, the contractor and the history teacher. If they called for an appointment, and we got to know each other, then slowly introduce the acceptance issue with Jim. Let him know that not only was I no longer an anti-gay—that I’d absolutely seen �
�the light,’ and was now a supporter of gay rights. And then… No. He’d just say I had been successfully converted… brainwashed. Or that I’d caught the disease. The two predominant anti-gay ideas he liked to spout.

  How in the hell would I get him to understand that my years of being with women were largely unsatisfying, and that my marriage had been a failure because of it?

  I became aware of Tanner’s lips kissing down the side of my neck and onto my shoulder, and his arms wrapping around me again. My arms instinctively slunk around his body and I sighed when I touched him. I took in his scent and felt a wave of excitement and contentment. His body, pressed up against mine, gave me clear notice that Tanner was ready for another round. “I’m sorry,” he murmured into my skin, “but I can’t be naked with you, especially when you’re in my arms and not want you.” Want. The desire to possess.

  I dropped my head to the side, allowing him greater access, and he groaned his approval, pulling me back into the bedroom… and the bed.

  I melted into Tanner’s embrace and let him lay me back onto the bed. I knew where this was headed, and despite my still tender ass, I wanted him there again. I let him top, and couldn’t have been happier.

  Waking to an empty bed hadn’t been how I had pictured things. I nearly started to panic, wondering if last night had been too much and if Greg had packed up and left. The sound of the surf outside my sliding doors drew my attention, and my heart clenched as I saw the amazing back of my man. Greg stood proud and tall, unashamed and naked on my balcony watching the early morning peace of the ocean.

  Hearing his commitment to us, along with his sharing his fear, was a mixed bag. I was over the moon that he wanted us to work. I also felt pain for him knowing what his life in California had been. It was going to be difficult, no doubt.

  Making love to Greg was practically supernatural. He was responsive, and welcoming. A perfect bottom. Although, I enjoyed when he had topped me last night. I hoped that this afternoon he would do that again. But this morning, I just wanted to love him. Care for him. Make him feel good.

  After, curled up together, I thought about when I moved to Napa. He and I…Out? It would likely take a while. I would wait, but I was also downhearted knowing I’d likely be hidden…as just a ‘friend’…for a while. I didn’t lie, I would wait, nor would I wait forever, but how long was I willing to wait?

  CHAPTER 39

  “So,” Tanner said as we lay in the afterglow of morning sex…actually, more like making love. “I was hoping to be up before you and get a run in. You don’t feel like going for a run, do you? And then grab some breakfast?”

  A run? Well, if I was serious about getting my body to look more like his, I guessed there was no time like the present, except… “I don’t have any running clothes.”

  “I do. Bonus with dating a man your own size. You double your wardrobe, but your feet… What size?”

  “Eleven and a half. Twelve maybe?”

  “Okay then you’re set. I wear a twelve,” he said, slapping my ass, before he went inside to his bureau. I followed him in and he tossed a pair of shorts and t-shirt at me. “Oh. Um… It’s clean, I swear…” he said holding up a jock strap.

  “I guess I’m going to have to start packing differently.” I went to my bag and pulled out clean underwear, and grabbed the jock strap he offered. I pulled on Tanner’s shorts and t-shirt. The shirt smelled just like Tanner, and felt even better. I knew it was childish, but I felt like not returning this piece. And it was a Chicago Smoke t-shirt to boot.

  After we were both suited up, we hit the road and started with a brisk walk, followed by jogging. Along the way, Tanner pointed out where famous people lived, or where movies were shot. We’d gone a few miles before we arrived at a diner that Tanner knew that had an outdoor eating space with a deck showcasing the fabulous ocean view.

  Over breakfast, Tanner and I talked more about our families. It felt good to just talk to someone. Our friendship was unlike any I’d ever had. My whole group of friends were either based on a mutual love of sports, business, or girls—often a mix of those things. My guy friends never really cared to hear stories of growing up with four sisters.

  “So, can I ask you a really weird question?” I asked.

  “Shoot,” he said.

  “Gay-dar. Does it exist? Do you have it?”

  He laughed loudly, drawing several looks from the surrounding tables. “No…Why?”

  “So, I still don’t understand how you thought I was gay when I didn’t even know.”

  “I didn’t know. When you stood up for me when it seemed Bluto was going to kick my ass…and the way we got along so well that night. Then when I asked about going home to a wife, you laughed. I didn’t realize it was because you’d just signed divorce papers…but…and after that when we got together, we just seemed to click. I thought maybe you were shy, or had just been badly burned by a guy…that’s how I explained your distance. The night you ran out of my place after I spilled the wine.” He chuckled and winked at me, possibly remembering not only that night, but the night I told him about my reaction to seeing his bare chest for the first time. “That night I kissed you…after the barbecue…your reaction…then confession that you’d never kissed a guy. I was mortified that I’d read you wrong. I was hopeful from the way you kissed back, but mortified for sure. But gay-dar? No, it doesn’t exist. At least not for me.”

  I loved how we could talk to each other. Frankly and openly.

  As we walked back to the house, full of our brunch of eggs and bacon and toast, Tanner got a call from his real estate agent in Napa. It seemed that the owner wasn’t willing to fix the issues found in the home inspection, or re-negotiate the price for the issues to get resolved. Tanner said that he’d be trying to plan a visit back soon to house hunt. Briefly, I thought of just telling him that he could just move in with me, my large house for a family of five, but it was too soon.

  The afternoon was spent just goofing about. We spent some time at the State Park searching for whales. Several times, we spotted pods of whales off the coast breaching, fluking, lobtailing, flippering, and spouting.

  Around four, we headed over to Provincetown for some shopping and dinner. Now, P-Town, as it’s better known, was—more or less—a surprise.

  “Um, Tanner…” I said carefully as we drove into town looking for a place to park. “This place is more gay than San Francisco.”

  “Uh-huh,” he smiled back. “Here, no one will give you a second look. Just keep relaxing and enjoying, okay? I really like the smile that is plastered all over your handsome face.”

  And I did. I totally relaxed. Everywhere I looked, there were so many different looking gay couples, men and women. Some holding hands or arm in arm…some like Tanner and me, just walking side by side, and happily chatting. Some were cross-dressing gays. There were also straight couples and even families walking around. Some families were gay couples with kids. It was really a wonderful little community here. Too bad, there wasn’t a soccer team for Tanner to coach here. We could move here, I thought, surprising myself for the second time today with the thought of moving in together.

  We found this nice restaurant on the water and got a seat on the deck. I marveled at the warm September evening thinking all New England evenings close to fall were cold. We ordered lobster, which was practically a steal price-wise, and the taste was the best I’d ever had. The leisurely dinner gave us time to keep talking and the more I talked to Tanner and listened to him, the harder I fell for him.

  “So when is your flight back to California, again?” Tanner asked after we ordered dessert.

  “Tomorrow at four,” I reminded.

  “So we should shove off around….” I watched with amusement as he did some mental math.

  “Nine,” I offered.

  “Right. Leave the math to the accountant.” He grinned. But as he was having fun, I grew sad. I hadn’t realized until he called me on it that my face had fallen. “You grew dark. What are you thi
nking?”

  “How I’m going to bring all of this up with my friends back home, and my children… I have no idea how to go about any of this. I feel like a stupid kid. A forty-five year old kid,” I tried to laugh, but it came out strangled and uncomfortable.

  Tanner grabbed my hand and gave a squeeze. “I wish I could help you. I really do. Just know that I’m here for you however you need me.”

  “It’s not your burden. But I know I have to do this.”

  Tanner smiled. Not the beaming trademark one that was like a ray of sunshine, but the sad one that showed just how much he cared about me and understood the difficulty I was facing and made my heart clench tight.

  I couldn’t help it, my melancholy persisted and I stayed quiet through the rest of dessert, and even on the drive back to the house. Tanner did his best with chatting and funny stories. I did my best to respond and stay involved, but by the time we were back at the house, I was almost angry… flipping over and over in my head how things would go when I decided to ‘come out’ to the rest of my family and friends. I felt the kids, like their mother, would at least eventually be fine, but my friends? My parents? Sadly, I felt that this was a no-go, and I would be ostracized. Not like my family and I had a close relationship anyway, but the thought was still upsetting. And I was also pissed that I had spent so long not knowing…not having what Tanner and I had. The friendship as well as the incredible sex.

  And I was already missing his companionship, even though we had until nine in the morning before we had to head back to the real world. Apart. For weeks.

  We were only two steps into his house when he stopped talking and kissed me. Oh hell, I needed that. The car ride home, with his scent, the gel plus his musky ‘Tannerness’ filling the small compartment, and his stories with his intermittent laugher. When his lips hit mine, my cock surged and in no time was hard as it could be. I wanted him. Badly. Responding to his kiss, I pressed him against the wall and crushed his mouth with mine. I licked at his lip, then his jaw. He groaned with each stroke. I swallowed his moaning by kissing him hard and deep, this time cupping his head in my hand and angling him. The way he acquiesced under my touch was an aphrodisiac. I was in control now. I was owning this.