Fear of Falling

by S. L. Jennings

  “Not interested?” Misty/Mindy scoffed indignantly. “How could you not be interested in this?” And with that, her hand snaked around my waist and tried to grab my junk. I swerved, barely missing the guardrail.

  “What the fuck?!” I shouted, scowling at her through the rearview mirror. “Don’t ever do that shit again!”

  Mindy/Misty waved off my warning. “Oh, come on, Blaine. I’m totally cool with taking you both, sugar. Don’t be shy.”

  “Calm the fuck down, or your ass will be on the side of the road,” CJ interjected, his voice devoid of his usual playfulness. “Now I told you he wasn’t interested. He has a girl. A girl that is 10 times hotter and cooler than you could ever be. She’ll be at the lake, so you might want to take notes. Now chill the fuck out, or you can get the fuck out!”

  CJ’s words left both Mindy/Misty and I with dropped jaws. I never expected him to speak up on my behalf. CJ and I had a reputation for sharing chicks in the past. We were the same age, and in high school, we were pretty notorious for our wild parties and sexual antics. Even when I had hooked up with Amanda, CJ was less than accepting. He thought Amanda was narcissistic and vapid. It nearly killed me to admit he was right.

  When we pulled up to the lake, I couldn’t wait to escape the tension of my truck and scoop Kami up into my arms. She and her roommates arrived a little while later, the three of them lugging their towels and foldout chairs. I grabbed her things from her without a second glance. There was no way my lady was carrying shit when I had two functioning hands. I was a stubborn sonofabitch sometimes, but I had been raised right.

  Dive’s head cook, Mr. Bradley, a 60-year old veteran that had been with us for years, had already fired up the built-in grills, while some of the other staff prepared the hot dogs, hamburgers, steaks and veggies. Of course, I ended up playing bartender.

  “Anything I can do to help?” Kami asked, making her way over to the picnic table that I had deemed the bar as I mixed a pitcher of Rum Runners. She looked incredible, a light, cotton cover-up dress concealing her yellow bikini. My cock twitched at the possibility of having her sprawled out under the hot sun, her tan skin warm against my tongue.

  “Nah, babe, you go relax. I’ll be done in a minute.”

  Kami smiled before placing a tiny kiss on my cheek, and I felt like I was on top of the fucking world. That was a big step for her. Even though everyone had seen us full-on making out Thursday night, she wasn’t a PDA type of chick. She didn’t like everyone knowing her business. I could respect that because I thought I was the same way. But there was something about her that made me want to show her off. I wanted everyone to know that she was mine, even though we hadn’t seriously had that conversation yet. She knew I wanted to be with her and only her. And while she would sometimes show it, she hadn’t said that she wanted the same.

  Once Mr. Bradley announced that lunch was served, our group lined up to pile their plates high with meats, salads and sides. I let everyone get their fill, standing back to sip on a cold beer. When Kami, Angel and Dominic stepped up to get food, I watched intently. Not because I was jealous. Not because I was having a semi-creeper moment. But because something seemed... odd.

  They stood side by side, Dom and Angel on either side of Kami, as if they were glued together. As Dom distributed meat onto the girls’ plates, Kami moved effortlessly around his hands to place side items on each of their plates. Angel dressed their food with condiments and grabbed silverware. They didn’t speak. They hardly even looked at each other. It was like they already knew what each person wanted without even communicating. As if they were much closer than I had originally thought.

  “Dude, are you seeing this?” CJ asked, suddenly beside me, watching the trio just as intently.

  I took a long swig of my beer. “Yeah.” What else could I say?

  “Are you sure the three of them are just friends? I mean, they look like a helluva lot more.”

  Another swig. “Yeah. As far as I know.”

  “Well, there is something going on with them. That doesn’t look just friendly. Pretty suspect as fuck.”

  I couldn’t disagree with him. I downed my beer and went for another, just to give my eyes and head a break. Once they had found a place to sit—together, of course—the shit just got more bizarre. It seemed like they were always touching. Kami pushing a lock of Angel’s hair out of her face. Dom wiping a smidgen of ketchup from the corner of Kami’s mouth, then sucking it off his thumb. Angel feeding Dom a bite of her food. Them rubbing each other’s backs. Resting their heads on each other’s shoulders. What the fuck was going on? Was I the only one who saw a problem with this shit?

  Thankfully, they finished their lunches, and Kami’s eyes searched for me in the crowd. When those green depths landed on me, the irritation evaporated instantly. I only saw her. But, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fully have her until I understood the relationship she had with her roommates. I had unknowingly shared a woman with someone before. I’d be damned if I’d let that shit happen again.

  “This seat taken?” I asked, as she was reclining in one of the beach chairs. Dom and Angel had decided to go swimming, finally leaving her alone.

  She lifted her sunglasses to the top of her head and peered at me mischievously. “Hmmm, I don’t know.”

  “I come bearing gifts,” I grinned, holding up two Coronas.

  “Eh, I guess. You’re lucky I’m thirsty, and it’s so hella hot out here.”

  I handed her the beer, then slid my seat closer to hers before sitting down. “That’s the only reason you’ll let me sit next to you?”

  “Well, there are definitely other advantages.” Kami placed her perfect lips around the rim of her bottle, and I prayed my dick wasn’t pitching a tent under my board shorts.

  “Oh? Like what?”

  She took a small sip, then let the ice-cold bottle skid across the top of her cleavage. My eyes followed the movement, hypnotized by every drop of condensation that slid off the bottle and onto her plump breasts.

  “Well…if I don’t put on some sunblock, this hot country sun is going to burn me.”

  I laughed, throwing my head back. “Hot country sun? I think the sun is the same no matter where you are, babe. And Charlotte is hardly the country. I bet Atlanta was way more country-fied.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Though it wasn’t as bad as Memphis.”

  Another tidbit of info, thank you. “You’ve lived in Memphis?”

  Kami answered with a quick nod of her head, then avoided my eyes by rummaging through her beach bag to retrieve her sunblock. “Please?” she asked holding out the bottle.

  I looked her up and down and licked my lips reflexively. “You’re gonna have to take that dress off.”

  “Not all the way. I just need a bit on my shoulders and back.” She turned around to give me access, and gathered her long, thick hair in her hands. I fought the urge to kiss and lick every inch of her neck and back. Fuck, she was the sexiest thing I had ever seen, and she didn’t even know it.

  Slowly, I pulled at the strings of the halter style dress and let the thin fabric fall around her waist. Irresistibly smooth skin stared back at me, and, dammit, I wasn’t one to let an opportunity go to waste. I leaned over and pressed my lips to her shoulder, trailing a path to the other.

  “What are you doing?” she half-moaned, prompting me to repeat the ritual.

  “Protecting this precious skin from the hot country sun,” I answered, running my tongue along the back of her neck.

  She giggled and turned to face me, her green eyes burning with lust. My gaze fell to her pebbled nipples straining against her bikini top. Shit. What I wouldn’t give to have them in my mouth again. But I didn’t need these other assholes getting a glimpse of what was only for me. Hell no. Gently, I turned her around again and opened the bottle of sunscreen. My mouth would have to wait, but at least I could still have my hands on her.

  “You enjoying yourself?” I asked, making small tal
k as I rubbed her soft skin. To be honest, I was trying to subdue my raging hard-on. I had to focus on anything but the feel of her under my fingers.

  “Yes. You?”

  “Yeah, I am.” I knew this was the best time to ask her about her relationship with Dom and Angel. I didn’t know when I would get another chance. And if she admitted to being more than friends with them, I could easily jump in my truck and drive away from the situation before my temper got the best of me.

  “So you’ve known Dom for a long time, right?” I asked, opening the conversation I had been dreading.

  “Yeah. About five years.”

  “And Angel? You two are close too.”

  “Yeah? Why?”

  I was done rubbing sunscreen on her back but I kept massaging her shoulders, thankful she couldn’t see my face and I couldn’t see hers. “It’s just…you three seem really close.”

  “We are close, Blaine,” Kami replied with a hint of suspicion.

  “No. I mean, close-close. Like, not-normal-close.”

  Kami spun around to face me, disconnecting the comfort of contact we had just seconds before. “What are you getting at?” she asked with narrowed eyes.

  I ran a hand through my slightly sweat-dampened hair. “It’s just…the way the three of you are, Kam, it’s weird. Not bad weird, just weird. How it seems like you always need to be touching one another. Or how you always need to be together. And how affectionate you are. I don’t know… even the way you move around each other, like it’s choreographed. Like you’ve been spending every second of every day with them for years. Like you know them inside and out. Like you aren’t whole without them.”

  I picked up my beer and downed most of its contents in one gulp, suddenly dying of thirst. “Kami, I don’t want to be jealous. But, shit, I am. I am, ok? I can’t help it. Hell, I want my movements to be synchronized with yours. I want you to always need to touch me.”

  Without thinking about it, I reached out and brushed the back of my hand against her cheek. “I wanna be weird, too.”

  Kami stared back at me, expressionless. Hell, I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing. But at that very moment, I hated my need to always speak my mind. With each silent moment that ticked by, I felt like someone had dropped me in the middle of Lake Norman and left me to drown. And for a second, that scenario seemed much more comfortable.

  “Take your shirt off and turn around,” she finally muttered.

  Confused, I did as she requested, happy to escape her disapproving gaze. Fuck. Had I just totally messed up everything?

  Kami grabbed the sunscreen, and seconds later, her small hands were massaging my shoulders gently. Even though the tension was as thick and unforgiving as quicksand, I couldn’t help but be wholly aroused.

  “Dom was there for me when I had no one. When I wanted to give up and lie down and die, he wouldn’t let me,” she said quietly, her hands still working the lotion into my skin. “He helped me learn to put one foot in front of the other. He still helps me. We help each other.”

  Whoa. I didn’t know what explanation I was expecting, but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting that. I kept my mouth shut though. I knew she needed my silence right now. Anything I would say would be misconstrued as a judgment.

  “And Angel… Angel was rejected by the people who were supposed to love her the most, simply for being who she is. She can’t help that. She did nothing wrong. She has no one, just like me and Dom. Those two are my family. Their love is the only kind that is safe enough to accept and return.”

  She was alone? Safe enough? I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from interjecting.

  “Blaine, I told you before that I was unlovable. That hasn’t changed. But I know we all need love. Even people like me. And those two have found a way to give me just enough to keep me waking up in the morning. Without it, I don’t know where I’d be. So no, we don’t have some freaky poly-amorous relationship. There is nothing sexual between any of us. They are my family. Nothing more, nothing less. And while we may be a fucked up family to the outside world, we are a family nonetheless. I’m sorry if you can’t understand that.”

  Fuck it.

  I turned around to face her, grasping her lotion-slicked hands in mine. She lifted her head, revealing the pain that she tried to keep hidden right underneath the surface. I had hurt her feelings. I was being a jealous asshole and made her feel bad, like the insensitive prick that I was.

  “Baby, I understand, ok? You don’t have to explain anymore. They’re your family. I accept that. And I love that they care about you so much. Ok? Don’t you dare apologize. I should be the one apologizing to you for being such a douchebag.”

  A small smile crept onto her face. “Well, I wouldn’t call you a douchebag…”

  “Oh yeah?” I jibed, trying to bring back our lighthearted banter. “Then what would you call me?”

  “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “Ok, maybe a tad bit douchey.”

  I chuckled, pulling her close, so I could plant a kiss on her forehead.

  “Ewww, stop, Blaine! I’m sweaty!” she squealed.

  “Well, lose the cover-up, and come swimming with me.”

  “No thanks. You go ahead,” she said shaking her head.

  “You’re not going to swim? It’s scorching, and we’re at the lake. What did you plan to do?”

  Kami reached into her beach bag and retrieved what looked to be a big ass smartphone. “I’ve got a date with my Kindle.”

  I took the eReader from her and powered it on. “So let’s see what kind of smut you read while fantasizing about me.”

  “Smut? I don’t read smut!” she giggled. Once again, my dick was straining against my shorts.

  I pointed to one of the book cover icons and held up the Kindle. “What’s this one about?”

  A sly smile spread across her pouty, pink lips. “A con artist and a sexy tattoo artist with lots of ink and piercings. Lust, deceit, redemption. All very tragic and beautiful. And hot. Very hot.”

  I licked my lips and peered down at her heated expression. “So you like guys with tattoos and piercings, huh?”

  Sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and capturing it with her teeth, Kami gave me a naughty look that had my balls aching. “Oh yes. I find them to be extremely sexy…on the right guy, of course.”

  “And what’s the right guy?” I didn’t know where this game was headed, but I sure as hell wanted to play.

  “Hmmm, tall, tan, brown eyes, gorgeous smile. A hard, chiseled body. And hair that looks like he just had crazy hot sex with someone who likes to pull it. Know anyone like that?”

  Fuck. Me.

  “Babe, if you don’t stop it, I’ll be forced to take you out in that water and help you out of those bikini bottoms.”

  Kami laughed, but I was dead serious. I had no plans for our first time together to be in public, but if she kept this up, I would be driven to betray my good southern manners.

  “Ok, ok,” she chuckled, holding up her hands in surrender.

  I diverted my attention from the way her breasts bounced when she laughed, and looked back down at the Kindle, which was the only thing keeping me from adding an indecent exposure charge to my rap sheet.

  “How about this one?” I asked, pressing another icon.

  “Mafia romance. Good guy with a rough past meets a nice girl with her own demons. He tries to leave the family,” she explained, as she made air quotes with her fingers. “But, of course, it’s not that easy. She tries to break it off, but they can’t live without each other.”

  I pointed to another, thankful that blood had started to flow to my other extremities. I just had to keep her talking.

  “Oh, you’d like this one. It’s about a motorcycle club. Well, actually about this one girl who falls for the head of an MC and all the crazy drama their lifestyle bring. Really gritty and just…ugly. I mean, it’s beautifully written, but some shit is just not pretty.”

  “Like life,” I murmured, not even realizing I w
as saying the words aloud.

  Kami nodded appreciatively. “Yeah. Like life.”

  Handing her back the eReader, I let my fingers linger against her hand, brushing tiny circles against her knuckles. “Life may not be pretty, but it’s always beautiful. We may only see the ugliness on the surface. The shit that only the world chooses to notice. But, if we dig deep, if we get to the heart of life, where there’s no pain or fear, where we can just be who we are and love freely without judgment, it’s really beautiful.”

  She cocked her head to one side and narrowed those dazzling green eyes. “There you go with the words, Blaine Jacobs. Always tempting me to break my own rules.”

  “What’s the fun in following the rules?” I shrugged. “Breaking them has always been much more appealing, if you ask me.”

  “That’s the problem; you may end up breaking me instead.” The slight smile on her lips didn’t match the intensity of her gaze. She was serious. She actually thought I had it in me to hurt her when all I wanted was to protect her.

  “I could never break you, Kami. Not unless you wanted me to.”

  Heat surged between us, elevating the already scorching temperature and causing our conjoined hands to become damp with sweat. Before any more words were exchanged, CJ came bounding up, smacking me on the back. “Come on, B! Get your ass out there!” Then he and Mindy/Misty raced into the water.

  “Go ahead, Blaine,” Kami waved towards the lake. “Go swim. I have a book I really want to finish.”

  “You sure?” I asked, already standing. It was hot as hell and I was sweating bullets.

  “Yes, I’m sure. Go. I’ll be right here waiting when you get back. I need to work on my tan.” Then she eased her dress down past her hips and thighs, kicking it off when it reached her ankles.

  I knew Kami’s body was amazing, but…damn.

  “Well, how do you expect me to leave you now?” I needed to though. If I stood there any longer, I was liable to poke her eye out.

  Her gaze blatantly roamed my torso and arms, as she slowly licked those plump lips. “Well, I was hoping to get a glimpse of you dripping wet…” she cooed with a devilish grin.