I Need You Always

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  She looked back at me. “Thank you for your . . . whatever that was,” and turned walking towards the exit.

  I wanted to follow Marissa and talk with her, but something told me the timing wasn’t right. Plus, I still was in a “relationship” with Tiffany. I’d have some serious thinking to do regarding Tiffany. For now life was good. Who knew the bottom was about ready to fall out and how tragically it would affect all of us?

  Present Day

  “I NEED YOU, ALWAYS . . .” My words were but a whisper.

  My roommate, Dawn, placed her hands on top of mine, I guess to stop me from fidgeting. I felt like I was stuck in a version of the Twilight Zone, everything seemed surreal around me, that the events earlier tonight were part of a dream. “What was that last part you said, Marissa?”

  I was about to rehash the last part of my tale, when we heard the door close. “Last part of what? Why are you both still up?” Ashley, my other roommate, asked as her and her fiancé Brian came into the family room and noticed I was shivering.

  “Can you get one of my extra blankets from the closet, honey?” Brian nodded and brought back a folded blanket.

  I watched as Ashley gave him a quick kiss. “Thanks, hon. You can go ahead to bed and I’ll be there in a few. I want to make sure Marissa and Dawn are okay first.”

  As soon as he left the room, she undid the blanket and wrapped it around me and took a seat next to Dawn. “What the hell happened to have you so shook up?”

  We both looked at her, with Dawn asking, “Weren’t you going to stay at Brian’s mostly, except during the week of our graduation, when our folks are here.”

  Ashley nodded. “Yes, but I missed seeing both of you. Plus, Brian’s roommate, Paul, has some rather noisy company and we had a hard time sleeping. We’re going to crash here until his company leaves. So what’s going on?”

  I couldn’t help but smart off at her. “If you’d kept in touch or bothered to stay here a bit, you’d know what’s going on with us.” I don’t know why I was copping an attitude, but tonight, or better yet, the last couple of weeks had been a living nightmare.

  I realized my outburst. “Sorry, Ashley, I shouldn’t take my frustration out on you.”

  Her eyes looked perplexed, knowing I rarely spoke my mind. I couldn’t help it. Her life always seemed to come so easy. She looked like a Victoria’s Secret model, was graduating top of her class in journalism, was offered a nice position at her dad’s magazine company, and was set to marry Brian, who looked like he walked off the cover of GQ, with a great paying job, in a couple of months. How could she possibly understand what I’ve been going through lately?

  I tried to open my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Thankfully, Dawn started giving her the run down of my life. “Marissa’s been through hell and back lately. Her boyfriend, Tom, was pushing her to do the deed and when she wouldn’t, he found a piece of ass elsewhere and she walked in on them doing the nasty a couple of weeks ago.” I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t tell them that I gave in and tried with him, only to end up feeling like an unwanted loser.

  Ashley put her hand on my leg. “I know you’re probably hurting about him, and I’d say I’m sorry, but he was bad news for you. You seemed to lose your identity around him, becoming what he wanted instead of being who you are. Plus, I caught him with several girls out on dates, over a month ago. I’m glad to see that asshole gone.”

  I looked up at her. “Why didn’t you tell me?” The hurt was obvious in my voice.

  “I wanted to, but he said he wanted to be the one to tell you it was over. I thought he’d honor his word, otherwise I would’ve said something.” Her face seemed genuine and I knew she was straightforward with people.

  I finally had enough energy to handle the discussion. “Tom being gone isn’t the worst of it, it keeps getting better.” Ashley’s eyes furrowed, while Dawn ran soothing circles up and down my back.

  I took a deep breath in and started in on everything that had unraveled in my life. “My parents pulled back the promise they’d made to my brother, Nate, and me. You know the one where they’d help with expenses for at least six months to a year after college, or until we had two months at a job, so we could put some money away and take over our own finances. Luckily, Nate has already graduated college and has a job.”

  Ashley chimed in. “That’s not very fair. Why did they help him, but aren’t helping you?” I wasn’t surprised by the questions Dawn had the very same ones, when I’d explained things to her.

  “My dad’s investment company is in jeopardy. He made some bad investments and lost a bundle. They have the house up for sale and are going to downsize in order to make ends meet, while my mom begins to look for a job, after spending the last twenty years as a housewife. They need to economize as much as possible to try and keep the business afloat and hope they can rebuild from square one.”

  I took a deep breath in, feeling my body’s shaking start to lesson with the warmth of the blanket. “I’m thankful they’re honoring their word to help me make rent and buy food, for the next month, until I graduate. If I don’t have a job by then, I’ll need to move back home, take whatever job I can to pull my weight, and pay them rent.”

  Ashley shook her head from side to side. “I can’t believe so much has changed.” She reached forward to give me a hug. “I’m so sorry I haven’t kept in touch with both of you. I’ve been so busy with my term papers, final exams coming up, planning a wedding, and filling in for one of daddy’s columnists, who’s out on maternity leave. Had I known, I would’ve been here for you to offer some support. At least your internship is turning into a job, right?”

  I laughed at her comment. “Sorry, I’m not laughing at your sincerity, just your last statement.”

  Her eyes were huge. “Please tell me they considered you for the internship.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t know whether to cry, be furious, or laugh at how stupid I’d been. “If I hadn’t trusted Conner as a friend, his entry-level management trainee position would be mine. But, I was a fool and offered up my ideas when we worked in teams, rather than keeping them to myself. He wrote them all down, claiming we’d share all of our ideas with our supervisor and instead he presented them as his own. At least my friend Robin kept most of her ideas to herself and mainly focused on the advertising side of the business. Both of them got job offers. She was furious with Conner when she’d found out I was passed up and tried to tell our manager that the ideas were mine, but because of my docile nature lately, thanks to all that’s happened, he didn’t believe her or me. He seems to only believe what a guy tells him.”

  “Isn’t there anyone you can appeal to?”

  Dawn turned to her. “She and Robin have already tried every avenue. Robin had to basically shut up or her job offer would be rescinded, while Marissa’s internship would be terminated, costing her the chance at graduating.”

  Tears started pooling at the corners of my eyes and my voice started to quiver. “I can’t stay here beyond graduation, when our lease is up. I’m currently unemployed, after my internship is up, Dawn is moving to Atlanta for a job she’s accepted, and you’re getting married and finding your own place with Brian. I feel I have no where to go.”

  “Wow, that’s a lot to go through in such a short time. No wonder you’re shaking. If you’d like I can see if my dad has anything available in the business side of the magazine and you know you’re always welcome to stay at our place.”

  I looked up at Ashley and tried smiling. “Thanks, Ash, but I couldn’t ask you to put me up in your home or pull any strings for me. I’ll accept what I can find and push hard to find the job of my dreams. That’s what sucks, because I love working for Prescott International. The challenges motivate me and really make me think.”

  “That’s not all that excites you.” Dawn hinted, with a smirk.

  “Okay, spill it girlfriend.” Ash loved to gossip about boys.

  I blushed a bit. “There was this one guy at work, wi
th long dark hair that had blonde highlights running through it and dark shimmering eyes that seemed to look right into my soul. But, he’s a dream guy. I only saw him the one day with the CEO of the business. He looked like he was being shown around for a possible job interview or something, but I haven’t run into him since, except for bumping into him in the elevator that day.”

  Dawn smiled. “You should’ve heard how she described him that night, after she got home from work. She had my temperature soaring with the concept of a male Adonis walking among us.” She added to the words by fanning herself as though she needed to cool off.

  Ash grabbed hold of my hands and gave them a good squeeze. “So why are you both still up in the wee hours of the night? And what were you talking about when I came in? Is that why you’re shaking?”

  I DIDN’T KNOW IF I could handle telling the story all over again, and not sure Dawn wanted to hear a recap. But, I looked over at Ashley and her and saw them sitting on the edge of their seats.

  I was starting to feel hot, being under the cover, so I sat up, folded the blanket, and handed it back to Ashley. “Thanks for the use of the blanket. I’m not shaking from being cold. I think I’m coming down from an adrenaline rush.”

  Ashley screamed out, finally taking a good look at me. “Why is your robe covered in dirt and blood? What the hell happened to you tonight?”

  I sat back down and pulled one of my throw pillows to my chest, hugging it tightly. “Dawn offered for me to go with her to one of the dance clubs tonight, to blow off some steam with her and her friends. I was in a depressed mood and knew I wouldn’t be good company to hang around, so I stayed home and decided to search the classifieds on my laptop and submit some resumes, hoping to alleviate the majority of my issues.”

  I could feel my throat going dry so I reached for the bottled water I’d been sipping on and took a long drink. “It was heading towards two in the morning, when I decided to call it a night. I began turning off most of the lights and checking that all the doors were locked, leaving the stove and outdoor lights on for Dawn. When I looked out the front window, I noticed a car parked across the street, with its blinkers on and the overhead light on inside, but no movement from anyone.”

  Ashley tensed. “Did you get burglarized or attacked?” Her voice was laden with concern.

  I shook my head. “No, but the fact that the car was there, left me unsettled and unable to go to sleep, so I sat up and checked on it every few minutes. After about twenty minutes, I grabbed my cell phone and decided to call the cops to come check it out. I didn’t know if it was a burglar casing the neighborhood or what was going on.”

  Dawn spoke up. “I still can’t believe you went out there.”

  “You went out there?! Are you crazy?!” Ashley’s voice was panicked.

  I reached forward and squeezed her hand this time. “I had to. Just as I got a 911 operator on the phone, I saw the door open and it looked like a guy passed out into the street. I told her what I saw and she dispatched the police and fire department to come out and told me the guy might be seriously hurt. She told me to stay on the phone for safety, but they’d need me to see if there were any obvious signs to why he’d collapsed in the road so they’d know what to expect when they got here.”

  “You’re braver than I am. I would’ve left his ass there and let the police handle him.” Dawn admitted and Ashley seemed to agree, nodding in approval.

  I argued. “I couldn’t just leave him there. Besides I had this ethereal voice tell me to “Watch over him” and a strong desire to do that. It’s hard to explain, but I knew I couldn’t just ignore whoever was out there. So I grabbed my robe and a blanket and headed out there with the operator still on the phone.

  “I approached cautiously, not knowing whether this person was actually hurt or not. The light from the car’s interior was enough to highlight it was a man, with long dark hair. He was moving a small amount on the ground, calling out, ‘Why’d you leave me?’ and ‘I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.’ I was freaked out by it, but saw that it looked like he’d been in a fight. His shirt had been torn in places and splattered with some dried blood that seemed to be coming from a broken nose and shiners to both of his eyes.” I started to shake a little more.

  “Take your time, Marissa.” Ash spoke up.

  “I explained to him that I was there to help him and told the 911 operator what I saw and smelled.” My nose twitched at the memory. “He either had a ton of liquor spill on him or he’d drunk himself to massive intoxication, because he reeked of alcohol.” A chill ran down my spine as I had a flashback of everything right in front of my eyes. I could already tell I’d be having nightmares when I slept tonight.

  “He started shaking on the ground and the operator told me he might be going in to shock. So I used the door jam, as she suggested, to elevate his feet and pulled the blanket on top of him to keep him warm. His head kept thrashing a bit, so I sat down on the pavement and pulled his head into my lap.”

  I felt tears run down my face as Dawn handed me some tissues. “The operator instructed me to keep him talking, in case he had a concussion and to find out as much as I could about him. So I sat the phone down and tried to get him to focus.”

  My mind slipped back to the events, earlier tonight and I heard everything play out in my mind as it happened. “I’m here to help you. Do you feel any pain anywhere?”

  He didn’t seem to understand what I was asking; a confused look stretched across his face before he finally focused in on mine. “You’re here? Where am I?”

  My hands stroked through his dark slickened locks of hair. “Shh. It’s going to be alright. I’m here for you until the fire department arrives. You apparently drove into my subdivision and collapsed on the street in front of my house.”

  I watched as one of his hands gripped tightly onto mine, startling me, as he stared into my eyes. His face was roughed up, but his eyes seemed gentle and familiar to me. “She said she’d send someone to watch over me and guide me to her. But, I didn’t believe her. I didn’t care what happened to me anymore.” His body went stiff and then vibrated as an explosion of tears and anguish took hold of him. “I can’t believe she’s gone!”

  “Marissa?” The operator’s voice was barely audible, so I picked up the phone.

  “Yes ma’am.”

  “The police are about eight minutes out and the fire department is ten minutes away. You’re doing a great job. Just stay on the line and keep him talking.”

  “Okay.”

  I sat the phone back down. “Is there anyone I can call, let them know where you are?”

  He tried to reach with one arm and winced in pain, before letting go of my hand and pulling out his cell. His voice was shaky. “Look for mom.”

  His eyes seemed to focus in on something to the side of us, making me wonder if anyone was approaching, because I hadn’t heard any sirens yet.

  The shaking seemed to go away and his body relaxed, his head lying heavier in my lap. “You’re here. I thought I’d never get to see you again and tell you I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You were my lifeline and now you’re gone. I feel like a boat lost out at sea with no anchor to hold me here. I want to come with you.”

  Was he seeing something I couldn’t? Who the heck was he talking to? I just hoped the police would get here sooner, rather than later. I knew I should be feeling freaked out by him and his actions, but I was surprisingly comfortable and felt a pull towards him that I couldn’t explain, as though we’d met before. But, where?

  I put one hand on his chest, and rubbed in circles, to comfort him, while my other hand tried to get into his cell phone and found it password protected. “Can you help me out and give me the password to your phone, so I can call your mom?”

  He seemed to finish talking with a mysterious figure, with the words, “Mi mancherai e amore anche voi, sempre.”

  My breath halted as I recognized it to be Italian. He’d said, “I will miss you and love you too, alwa
ys.” This poor man had suffered a great loss. It obviously wasn’t his mom, so it must be the love of his life? My heart instantly broke for him.

  “Mi scusi, cara.” His voice brought me back to what I’d tried to ask him. Did he just call me darling?

  I responded back to him in Italian to see if I could draw him back to the present. “È il caso di parlare inglese quando si guida” I’d stated, “You need to speak English when help gets here.”

  I held up his phone to his line of sight. “What’s your password so I can call your mom?”

  “Spell out Gabi on the phone.” His voice sounded on the verge of tears again. It must be the name of his lost love.

  I was able to get the phone unlocked, but before I could dial, his fingers interlaced with the hand I held on his chest, as he raised our hands to cup the side of my face. His eyes held onto mine with purpose. “I’ve missed you, cara. No one would give me your phone number or tell me where you lived so I could find you.”

  My body shook, as the realization hit that he had called me “Darling.” He must be delusional, mistaking me for his lost love.

  I could hear the sirens in the distance. Thank goodness help was on the way.

  I realized he expected me to respond to him, his eyebrows furrowing with worry, when I hadn’t. “I’m right here, mi amore.” I knew it was wrong to pretend to be someone else, but if it helped him remain calm and not injure himself further, I’d do it.

  The sirens faded as the area filled with bright red lights flashing everywhere. Both the police and fire department ended up arriving together. Two firemen came over with medical equipment and one with a pillow and neck brace. One looked over at me. “If you could support his head gently, while I slip the neck brace on him and slide this pillow underneath his head.”

  I did as I was told and then got up and out of the way, so they could check him over. “Don’t leave me, cara!” He grew agitated and started to thrash about to find where I’d gone.