I Need You Always

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  Marissa held onto my shirt with a firm grip. I continued to whisper soft words of encouragement to her, as I rocked us back and forth. Her rapid breathing began to slow and her whimpers started to settle. Her head sought out the corner of my neck, so she wouldn’t have to face her brother. “I’m sorry.”

  I hated doing this in front of Nate, but I wanted him to see that Marissa needed a dominant in her life. I took on the Dom voice. “Look at me!”

  Her eyes instantly sought out mine.

  “I don’t want you apologizing for something some asshole caused. Do you understand?”

  She began to drop her vision to the floor, but my hand held her in place, so I could see her eyes. “Yes, sir.”

  “Do you want to talk about this nightmare or would you like to try and go back to sleep? The choice is yours little one.” I looked over to Nate finding concern etched all over his face.

  “I think I’d like some of your sleepy time tea and to try to go back to sleep.” Her voice was strained.

  Nate crawled up next to her and put his arm around her, as I got up to get the tea.

  I took my time in the kitchen, mixing a touch of brandy into the tea and honey, to help her sleep a little better. When I returned I heard Nate reassuring his sister. “Dane’s a good man. I can see he makes you happy and takes good care of you. I don’t want you hiding things from me again. Whether it’s Tom, work, our parents, or even Dane, I want you to call me and we can discuss whatever is bothering you. I don’t want to be kept in the dark again. Understood?”

  To my surprise, she answered, “Yes, sir. I mean Nate.”

  We both sat on the bed while she drank the tea and watched as she drifted off to a peaceful slumber. Nate walked toward the door and tilted his head for me to follow.

  I bent down to straighten Marissa’s covers and gave her a quick peck on her forehead. “Sleep well, mi amore.”

  We were silent until we reached the den. He grabbed hold of his beer and chugged the rest of it, asking if there was anything stronger?

  I poured us both a glass of brandy and watched as he finally opened up and read the note Tom had sent to her.

  He swallowed the brandy quickly, as his face became enraged. “I hope you’re going to do something to protect my sister from this fucker! How could he have been so cruel to her?”

  “She told you?” He nodded in confirmation as he got up from his seat and began to pace. I could feel the energy and rage rolling off of him.

  I took a sip of my brandy and tried to explain. “I texted one of our family’s police friends to see what we can do to prevent him from coming anywhere near her again. I’d like to get a restraining order if possible, but I don’t know if we have enough proof of intent to do harm. Ashley and Dawn are willing to lend statements, if needed.”

  “What about the car? What about destroying her clothes?” Nate argued.

  I agreed with him. “Unless we have his fingerprints and proof beyond a shadow of a doubt, our hands are tied.”

  “Did she mention that Dawn has photos of when he had tied her up for sex? She’s supposed to have photos for evidence of the bruises to her wrists and ankles.”

  “What? She’s never told me this before. If we can get that evidence, then we can show he’s a danger to her. I’ll call her first thing in the morning and ask her to send them to my phone.”

  I watched as Nate continued to pace like a caged tiger. He finally reached for the keys out of his pocket and started heading toward the door. “I want to be here for her, but I feel I’m about to explode. I need to find a release and fast. Who’s on at the club tonight?”

  “I think Kent and Carol.”

  He gave me a pleading look. “Do you mind if I skip out for a couple of hours? I need to talk with Kent and see if I can work out some tension.”

  “Go on ahead.” I grabbed a sticky note and wrote down the code to the front gate and the code to the security system, so he could get back in.

  He pulled me into a half hug, slapping me across the back. “I didn’t believe you’d be good enough for my sister, knowing your dominant side. I’d never even thought she’d be submissive, since she’s so headstrong, but what I just witnessed . . . You both seem to compliment one another. Thanks for looking out for her.”

  I REMEMBER WAKING UP screaming and the comfort that both my brother and Dane provided, reassuring me that I was okay. After the tea, I don’t remember much, other than waking up to Dane’s arms and legs tangled with mine and him holding me tight to his chest, as his hand drew circles across my abdomen.

  “Did I scare my brother last night?”

  He leaned in and kissed my neck gently. “Let’s say he’s worried and probably wouldn’t hesitate to pummel Tom if he ever crossed his path. But, he’ll have to take a number. I’ve got first dibs.”

  I poked my elbow into his ribs. “No talk of beating up anyone. Tom will eventually screw up where the law is concerned. I don’t want you or my brother to go crazy on someone who’s not even worth discussing.”

  He held me closer and laughed. “I want you to have that kind of attitude the rest of this weekend so we can enjoy the time we have with your brother.”

  “So where did you two meet again?” I was curious.

  “We’ve met a couple of times. We both belong to the same fraternity. I’d been visiting the frat house as an alumni, during rush week, while he was a junior. Then we met again downtown at one of the clubs. We have been friends ever since. But, I see us developing a stronger friendship now that I know you’re his sister.”

  Dane slipped out of bed and grabbed for me, heaving me over his shoulder in surprise, as he carried me toward the bathroom. “It’s time to get out of bed lazy bones. Most of the morning is already shot. Do you want a quick shower or a soak in the tub?”

  “I’ll take the shower. I don’t want to waste a moment before Nate flies back.”

  He turned on the water in the shower so it’d heat, as he began stripping me out of his shirt and dropping his boxer shorts revealing his rather impressive morning wood. “Is there ever a time you’re not turned on?”

  He laughed, drawing my body flush against his. “When you’re around, I’m always hard.”

  Dane lifted me up, having me wrap my legs around his waist, as he carried us into the shower and underneath the warmth of the water. I could feel his erection pressing against my bottom and tensed. “No need to worry, cara mia. I will not enter you until you are ready and ask me to.”

  He slowly lowered my feet to the shower floor as we both grabbed for our body wash and shampoo and began bathing one another. This was my favorite thing to do. I felt honored to wash him and also treasured by the care he showed me.

  I was surprised to see a two piece bathing suit and a sun dress on the bed, along with flip flops for me to wear, when I’d finished drying my hair. Dane had already slipped into swim trunks, t-shirt, and sandals.

  “I thought we’d stick close to home, maybe catch some sun out by the pool and barbecue later.” He suggested, smiling at me.

  “That sounds perfect.” I threw my arms around his neck and got up on my tip toes to plant a small kiss on his lips.

  He started to pull me into a deeper kiss, but I turned and ran toward the stairs, headed to the kitchen. I was starving and wanted to cook breakfast for everyone to make up for last night.

  I heard Dane laugh and starting to run after me. “So that’s your game today. I’ll catch you cara and when I do, you’re MINE!”

  I’d reached the kitchen, but stopped when I didn’t see Nate anywhere.

  Dane came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Everything okay?”

  “Where’s my brother?” I was concerned, since he was always an early bird.

  He released me and walked over to the security panel at the front door. “He’s probably still sleeping. It looks like he didn’t get in until almost four this morning.”

  “Why was he . . .” I was about to ask, but decided I did
n’t want to know. As long as he was safe, that’s all that mattered.

  Dane and I began to drag out a couple of pans, some bowls, ingredients from the fridge and pantry. He set the place settings at the bar, poured some orange juice, and got the coffee brewing, while I worked on breakfast. My brother never could resist my southwestern omelets, blueberry pancakes, and bacon.

  As soon as the bacon permeated the air, I heard. “Hey, sis. What you cooking?”

  I turned to smile, but noticed he was sporting a bit of a hangover and had someone’s lipstick print on the side of his neck, along with a small bite mark. I just crossed my arms and shook my head. “You couldn’t stay close last night. No, instead you had to go out partying and getting a piece of ass! How could you?”

  He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry Marissa. I was so pissed about Tom that I needed to get out of here and drive around a bit. I found myself at a club and hooked up with someone I hadn’t seen in a long time. But, I came back. Shouldn’t that count for something?”

  I walked over and hugged him. “I don’t like it, but I forgive you. Can we just enjoy what time we have left together before you have to fly back out?”

  “Sure.”

  Breakfast went by in a hurry. Nate and I reminisced about our childhood with him embarrassing me with some of my crazier moments as a kid. Dane and he discussed life and business.

  I’d felt like a third wheel in their discussion, only voicing how I wished Nate had a job that kept him closer to home and didn’t take him all over the place. To my surprise he admitted that the first two years he enjoyed the travel, but last night he’d done a lot of thinking and missed being there for me and our friends. “I’m going to update my resume and put some feelers out to see if there’s anything available in the area.”

  Dane was quick to speak up. “If you’d like, I could ask my dad if he knows of anyone who could use your talents.”

  Nate lifted his hand in a high five to Dane. “Dude, that’d rock. But, I don’t want any special favors. I want the job on my own merits.”

  Dane just shook his head. “You and your sister are definitely related.”

  My brother looked over at me, lying on the sun chaise, nodding his head in approval. “That we are. She doesn’t like handouts either.”

  I could hear them continue their talks about business, as I started to slowly doze in the sun. My ears must’ve been playing tricks on me because I heard the word “vixen,” “The Shan . . .,” and “ . . . best ever.” What the hell were they talking about?

  I was sad to see my brother leave, but he had to return to his job. He promised to keep in touch more; knowing that Tom was on the prowl. But, thankfully he couldn’t do much because the Prescott’s lawyer somehow managed to secure an immediate restraining order on Tom. He couldn’t get anywhere near me without being arrested. But, I have to admit that I still didn’t feel comfortable knowing he was out there and probably full of fury.

  I kept having severe nightmares over the next few nights and asked Dane if it would be possible to talk to his psychiatrist friends about them. “I think they may be able to help.”

  The next day I found myself nervous, as we parked behind their office and walked toward their door. I noticed they didn’t have much of a sign at their office location and was in the heart of downtown Orlando, right next to a club called “The Shanty.” The name seems familiar. I just shrugged my shoulders and proceeded forward into the door Dane had opened.

  Kent and Carol were waiting for us in the reception area. Each stuck out their hand in welcome. Carol touched my arm gently. “Come on back to one of our rooms, Marissa, and we can discuss things in private.”

  I looked over at Dane with puzzlement, mouthing, “How do they know my name?”

  He just smiled and put his hand against my lower back and proceeded to push me forward to a room that resembled the living room of a home. It was quite welcoming and not at all clinical like I thought it’d be.

  Dane guided us over to a love seat and pulled my hand into his lap, giving it a squeeze. Kent and Carol took up the two chairs sitting to each side of us. I felt a little nervous wondering if I was supposed to talk first or what?

  Kent broke the silence. “Marissa, I’m afraid you’re at a bit of a disadvantage. We’ve heard a great deal about you from Dane, so we feel like we already know you.”

  I could feel my face flush with embarrassment. I looked over at Dane. “How could you talk about me?”

  Carol butted in. “Marissa, dear, Dane isn’t just a client of ours, but we’ve been friends with his and Jackson’s parents for ages. We’ve known him since he was seven years old. So we go way back. Dane’s told us how amazing you are.”

  She was sitting next to me and leaned forward to touch my arm, giving it a reassuring pat. “His parents just adore you. They can’t stop talking about how amazing you are at work and in person. They love the positive influence you’ve had over their son. So we haven’t heard about you just from Dane.”

  “Oh, God. Now I feel embarrassed.”

  Kent suggested, “Why don’t we enlighten Marissa a little about your past therapy Dane? Maybe that would help her feel more at ease and get to know each other better.”

  Dane nodded in agreement and gave me a peck on the cheek. “No need to be ashamed or embarrassed her angelo mio.”

  I could feel him tense beside me as he turned toward me and began. “I’ve known Kent and Carol most of my life. In early high school I began to mature faster than my peers. I was taller, looked older, and had a deeper voice before anyone else. I felt all alone and was made fun of.”

  “But, why? You’re so handsome.” I didn’t understand.

  “While I may have the same face I do now; I was a lanky teenager. The girls wouldn’t speak to me during school hours, but they were pounding at my door after school and calling the house begging me to take them out to exclusive restaurants and treat them to nice gifts.”

  It suddenly dawned on me. “You were used?” My voice was mixed with disbelief.

  He nodded. “Yes. I was a sucker at first believing they wanted to be near me. Plus, I have to admit that I was a bean pole with a constant raging hard on with no relief in sight.

  “They wanted me only for my last name and what it could buy them. They were all over me, appeasing my every need behind the scenes, but they didn’t know who I was in public. I finally closed myself off, became full of fury, and pretty much started a fight with anyone if they even looked at me wrong.”

  I leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “My poor sweetie.”

  Dane took another deep breath. “I was about to be suspended if I didn’t cut out my crap and get my head together. My dad suggested I talk with Kent about my frustrations. When we realized that my problem revolved around the sexual nature, my mom suggested I get lessons from Kent.”

  I knew my face was perplexed. “Lessons?”

  Kent responded this time. “While Carol and me are psychiatrists and can treat pretty much anything, our focus is on the sexual nature, helping people overcome fears, anxieties, puberty, and the like.”

  He paused for a moment so I could comprehend his words. “Dane was suffering from a lack of confidence and needed to find some form of release and control to help his mind refocus so that he could get his act together and vent in an appropriate manner.”

  Carol chimed in. “Did you notice the club next door?”

  I nodded.

  “It’s an elite BDSM club that the members have to pass extreme background checks, and adhere to high standards of conduct, to be able to join. Dane’s parents, along with us, and Jackson’s parents created it.”

  My eyes were as wide as saucers as soon as it all sunk in. “But, why?”

  Carol leaned forward in her chair, so our eyes met. “Kent and I had gotten into a rut in our marriage and wanted to spice things up a bit. We’d heard of a club over in the Tampa area and drove down a couple times a month. During our time there,
we met Celia and Alexander Prescott, along with Jane and Harrison Cavannaugh, Jackson’s parents. We all seemed to seek out the same interests, but hated the drive, so we pooled our funds and opened the club.”

  “But you have families?” I questioned.

  Dane turned me toward him. “All of our parents were there for us kids. We thought they went out on date nights; never being the wiser until we got older.”

  “BDSM comes in a variety of levels. It all depends on how involved you want to become in the lifestyle. For some they want to experiment with toys and restraints, while others are completely into submission and domination, and then there are a select few who are hardcore, which is quite rare for our clientele.” Kent explained.

  He went on to state. “When Dane came to us we realized he needed to refocus himself, so we first tried to pinpoint a sport he might enjoy and hooked him up with one of the local running clubs. He enjoyed running so much that his dad hired a trainer to help him bulk up to do long distance runs and he started entering half marathons. As a result his body transformed, but we still had the issue of his sexual frustration.”

  I felt confused, going back and forth with everyone, so I settled my eyes on Dane and asked. “You didn’t join the club and start screwing people for release did you?” My eyes were filling with tears hoping my worst fears weren’t confirmed. “I don’t want to be another notch on your bedpost.”

  His eyes focused intently on mine, as he held tight to my chin. “I’ve never fucked or did a scene with anyone at the club. I need to feel a connection with someone to do anything with them.” I was about to ask a question when he stopped me with a finger to my lips. “I’ve been with women before, but I’ve never had one in my bed or stay overnight. No one ever wanted to and I was fine with that. They got their release and I got mine and we dated with the occasional hook up.”

  “I was too young to join. My parents noticed dominant tendencies with me and thought it best if Kent and Carol taught me how to become one. I learned how to treat others with greater respect, sense what their needs are, and help them. I was able to apply it both in my private life and in business. However, I took it a step further with learning to use some of the implements in a Dom’s arsenal to gain focus and control in my life.” His expression begged for my understanding.