I Need You Always

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  To my surprise, I felt as though I were high on life, floating free from the constraints of my body and free for the first time in my life. I felt my body go limp and felt hands quickly holding onto me as someone released the restraints that held me upright.

  There were mumbled words that I could barely make out. “Here’s a blanket to wrap her in, along with some water and chocolate to help bring her back down. Let her float for a few moments and enjoy her freedom from her fears.” It was Carol’s voice, I think.

  “Hell she’s been through more than even you knew.” I heard a slap on Dane’s back. “You’ve become a damn fine Dom! You’re right she’s a natural born submissive. You’ve brought her a long way in such a short time. I’m proud of you. We’ll go into the other room in case you need us and give you some privacy.” Kent stated before walking off.

  A gentle kiss was pressed to my forehead, as he whispered, “You looked beautiful on the cross, my love. You have me so hard just thinking about all you accomplished today. I’ll never intentionally hurt you. You have my word as a Dom and a gentleman.”

  I continued to be pressed tight to Dane’s chest and inhaled the salty scent of ocean, with a slight hint of musk attached to him. I felt as though I could lie in his arms forever and continued drifting in and out of sleep.

  “Marissa.” My shoulders shook. “Marissa, love. I need you to open your eyes.”

  I tried opening my eyes slowly and adjusting to the light around me. “Where am I?” I felt like I’d slept for a while, but wasn’t sure how long.

  “You’ve been out of it for about twenty minutes now. It’s time to come back to reality.” Dane encouraged.

  “Out of it?” I didn’t understand.

  “You are a rare jewel, Marissa. Most subs take months of training before they’re able to enter subspace. Not everyone can, but you . . . you went there immediately once the last clip was knocked off.” Dane’s voice held words of praise and adoration.

  “Subspace? I thought it was only a fictional term found in romances.” I thought about it a minute. “If this is how good it feels, please lead the way for me to enter it more often.”

  His eyes were alight with amusement. “You liked it that much?”

  I nodded, but felt weak.

  He leaned to the side and picked up some chocolate and motioned for me to open my mouth. “Just suck on it and let it melt into your mouth. It’ll help raise your sugar levels. Let me know if you’d like a couple more pieces.” The chocolate tasted amazing and I could feel myself start to lose the foggy head feeling.

  He held out a bottle of water to my lips for me to drink. “This will help rehydrate you. Subspace can be tough on new subs, depleting their hydration and brining down their sugar levels.”

  “So the feeling of euphoria can be dangerous?”

  Dane nodded. “You have to know what to look out for or a sub can go into a sub drop. If you feel any feelings of loneliness, despair, depression, or get the shakes, you let me know immediately. That’s a command and not a request, understood?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He let me sit and sip on my bottled water until it was all gone. I kept feeling uptight and wiggling in his lap, when he nibbled on my earlobe and whispered, “Do you need a release?”

  I didn’t realize why I was so pent up feeling, but that’s exactly what I need. “Yes, please.” My voice was deep and breathy.

  “I can eat you out, use my fingers, or we can try a vibrator to your clit. It might provide the quickest release.” His erection was pressed firmly against my bottom, but I wasn’t ready to jump that far ahead. He groaned when I wiggled on his lap some more. “You need to make a decision soon, because you’re driving me crazy.”

  I finally decided I needed a quick release. “Whatever is quickest and won’t scare me.”

  He reached into a basket filled with items and opened up a small toy that looked like a miniature dolphin. The next thing I know, he’s shifting me in his lap and lifting my skirt where he can gain access to my clit. “I just need to place it in the right area.”

  He pulled my underwear aside and slowly wiggled it into the hard nubbin of my clit. Internally I laughed at the idea of a small piece of rubbery plastic getting me off. I shouldn’t have laughed, because the next thing I felt was an intense sensation buzzing against my hard nubbin and feeling the onset of a climax beginning to escalate to magnificent proportions. I started to squirm and moan all over the place, as he pressed one finger just inside my center and curled it toward my g-spot, placing just enough pressure to set me off like a firework ready to explode. I couldn’t help but scream out, “Oh, Sir. Oh, Dane!”

  He stopped the vibrator and asked if I’d like him to bring it home with us, since opening it made him purchase it. “Well, you bought it; you might as well use it.”

  I know my reply was smug, but the look of desire that spread across his face was overwhelming. He was definitely the predator and I was the prey, ready to learn. Sir, please lead the way!

  To my surprise, the events that transpired left me feeling better than I’ve felt in a long time. Carol gave me her personal cell number and told me to call anytime to ask questions about the life style or talk about any issues.

  I WAS IN AWE over Marissa. Once she awoke from her subspace, a new demeanor seemed to surround her. She was more confident and relaxed.

  Since it was dinner time and we were in downtown Orlando, I offered some suggestions. “Would you like to go home and get some rest while I cook dinner, grab a bite at one of the restaurants, or maybe swing by the hospital to check on Ethan and my niece?”

  Marissa and I had been so busy with work and life that I hadn’t gotten by the hospital as often as I’d liked to check in on Jackson and Nicola. I’d thought that with all she’d been through she probably would opt for going home and sleeping, but not angelo mio. Her voice sounded full of excitement at the idea of seeing her friend. I was overjoyed, when she asked if she could visit with my family, too. I hadn’t realized how much she cared for them.

  If I’d had any doubts as to whether Marissa was my destiny, which I didn’t, they were completely blown away at the hospital. We stopped off at Ethan’s room first, where I met his parents and learned he was an only child.

  His parents were quick to offer condolences for my sister and asked for forgiveness for their son. I watched as Marissa leaned over his bedside and talked of memories they shared where her brother, Ethan, and her all hung out together.

  I explained to his parents. “There’s nothing to forgive. Your son is just as much a victim as my sister. The police and some investigators are trying to figure out who’s responsible for this mess and when we do, we’ll make sure our lawyers are able to have him put away for life.”

  I’d went on to ask more about Ethan, his job, and how he’s doing. The latest reports showed more brain activity and his broken leg and arms were mending. His job was given to someone else, but his company had him on disability pay.

  Marissa spoke up and asked about the insurance. He still had it, but it wasn’t covering everything. “I’m not using much of my paycheck for anything. My brother and I will be happy to donate what we can to help out with the expenses.” This woman had a true heart of gold and she’s Mine!

  I watched as his parents tried to argue with her, but she wouldn’t back down. So I cleared my throat to get everyone’s attention. “Count me in, too. My family and I’ll help with any extra expenses.”

  His parents were amazing people, as I suspected he was as well. We continued talking with them for a while, before heading up to check on Jackson.

  It didn’t surprise me to see Marissa go right up to Jackson and give him a hug. I knew she’d met my sister and him since they hosted a few of the lessons of her internship and had her take a few weeks working within their department.

  Her voice was filled with concern for him. “I’m so sorry for your loss. Let me know if there’s ever anything I can do to help you and your precious
daughter.”

  Jackson would always be part of my family, no matter what. We’d grown up together and he was just as much my brother as Rafe was. I hugged him like a brother would with a strong pat on the back. “How you holding up, bro? How’s that beautiful niece of mine?”

  He stepped back, exhaustion painted all over his face. “I’m hanging in there.” I watched as he held back the tears. “I miss her so much. I’m glad that your parents are letting me stay at their place. I can’t even step foot in our house. It’s just too much emotion to deal with.” He glanced over at his daughter, Nicola, slowly starting to squirm in her incubator. “I’m just thankful for this little one. At least I’ll always have a part of Gabi here on Earth. Right now, she’s the only thing that keeps me going.”

  Marissa stood by the incubator watching as Nicola began to stretch and fisting her hands. “She’s absolutely amazing. When do you think she’ll be able to leave the hospital?”

  Jackson turned toward her. “She needs to gain at least another pound before she can be released and learn to take formula from a bottle. She’s getting close to the latter, but the way she’s gaining weight, it looks like it might be a few more weeks.”

  He looked like he was about ready to fall on his behind and I didn’t want to have to pick him up. My brother in-law was just as tall as me, but had more bulk to him. He looked intimidating as hell, but he was nothing more than a big cuddly teddy bear to my sister. “I think you need to sit for a while and try to catch a few winks.”

  “I agree.” Marissa spoke up. “You can’t be any good for your daughter if you don’t take care of yourself. Have you had anything to eat or drink lately?”

  Jackson just shook his head as he took a seat in the recliner next to Nicola’s incubator. “You’re both right. I forget to eat and I don’t want to miss a moment with Nicola, afraid I’ll miss something.”

  “I’ll go get you some food and some coffee from the cafeteria. You just rest and Marissa can watch out for her while I’m gone.” I offered.

  The cafeteria was more packed than I’d expected. I managed to snag Jackson a sandwich, some fresh fruit, a coffee for now, and water for later. I figured it would be easier to eat than trying to eat an actual meal.

  By the time I’d returned, Marissa was sitting in one of the rockers, that’d been pulled over and was trying to coax Nicola into taking her bottle, by telling her how amazing her mother and father are.

  I’d never understood the reference about the Grinch having his heart grow, but at that moment, I felt mine double in size. She was no doubt the woman I was fated to be with.

  Jackson started to stir at the smell of coffee and looked over in amazement as Nicola was drinking her formula from the bottle rather greedily. His eyes went wide. “How did you manage to do that Marissa? You’re a natural.”

  She just smiled and kept looking at Nicola in awe. “You just have to tell every girl what she longs to hear.”

  I piped up. “What’s that?” Jackson was nodding in agreement.

  “That she’s the most amazing woman in the world and that her father will always love and cherish her. Plus, she looks like an angel, so precious and beautiful, just like her mother.”

  I watched as Jackson wiped a small tear from the corner of his eye. I had to do the same. Marissa had a way with everyone.

  Marissa and I started dropping by the hospital every few days to help give Jackson some down time. We coordinated our schedules with his parents and mine, so that we wouldn’t overlap. To everyone’s surprise, it was only with Marissa present that she’d drink from the bottle, at first, but slowly Nicola starting taking the bottle from her dad.

  The next few weeks literally flew by. We didn’t have any flights out for about a month, so Marissa, Rafe, and my father started working with me on some of the basic aspects of the business, while I taught her more about the sales and acquisition side of things. We were together 24/7, at work and home and I couldn’t be happier. My days and nights both began and ended with her by my side. We’d become so accustomed to one another that our movements appeared to be a choreographed dance.

  Marissa went from being shy and cautious about the BDSM side of things, to welcoming the lifestyle and wanting to know more. She’d asked me to show her my playroom and didn’t shy away from anything. She asked tons of questions about certain toys, implements, and items in the playroom and at the club.

  We’d begun reading some of her books in bed together. She’d ask about certain scenes and so we’d often go to the club, on the nights Kent and Carol supervised things, so that she could see things in person and get direction from Carol.

  I was amazed at how much she let her guard down. She was embracing her submissive side and starting to trust that I’d guide her and never harm her. Our biggest challenge was when I asked her to go without underwear unless I provided them and when I asked her to go naked for one weekend.

  I tried to explain, when she’d asked. “Why? Is that a submissive thing? I noticed Carol has underwear on.” She loved trying to counter my demands.

  I took up my dominant stance and lowered my voice. “I want you without underwear, so I have complete access to your delectable pussy any time, any where I want! As for you being naked this weekend . . . I want you to feel comfortable in your own skin.”

  She was okay with not wearing her panties at home and the office, but had issues with other agendas. We’d gone to a benefit gala with my family, to help out a charity and represent the company. Marissa was supposed to be my date to all these events, but we’d already crossed into new territory and I wanted her to get used to going to these events as my girlfriend and one day lover.

  She kept tugging on her dress trying to keep the slit up to her thigh closed. She’d looked radiant in a deep red one shoulder gown that hugged every inch of her curves and offered a bit of seduction with that slit. During dinner, I’d placed my hand on her inner thigh and began to rub circles up toward her center. It was amusing watching her eyes grow wide, at first, and then become hooded.

  When the dancing began and my parents, along with Rafe, took leave of the table to dance and talk with others; I had other ideas. I grabbed Marissa’s hand and walked her toward a private bathroom I knew existed at the hotel, hosting the event. The moment the door closed my hand grabbed hold of her nape and my lips were on her, pushing my tongue through, searching the depths of her mouth. I lifted one of her legs around my waist and pushed my fingers toward her folds; finding her drenched with desire.

  In between kissing, I asked. “Now do you see why I don’t want you wearing underwear?”

  She moaned and nodded as my thumb found her clit and my finger pushed through her folds.

  “I’ll bring you to release, but I want you to imagine, how good this could feel if it were my cock instead.” She was still leery of the pain it would cause, but we’d managed to work past a few boundaries with a few small toys to help stretch her. What I wouldn’t give to be pumping into her right now to feel her clench me like she’s doing my fingers.

  I’d brought her release that night and cleaned her up. She was embarrassed of what people might think we were up to. I showed her that no one was the wiser.

  We’d repeated some similar moves in our office and quite a bit at home. She began welcoming the releases and slowly started coming to me for some, when she felt pent up. We were making progress. I never asked for anything in return, but she’d often offered to go down on me to return the favor.

  The weekend without clothes proved to be a success. She started parading around the house more and more without a stitch on, unless we knew company was coming over. I’d matched her disposing of my clothing, so she wouldn’t feel alone.

  I’d loved catching her off guard and pressing the warmth of my front to her back; letting her feel how hard she was making me. I loved pressing her against the walls and counters so I could devour her mouth, play with her breasts, and fondle her folds.

  Marissa started talking to
me, telling me how I made her feel, opening up to me about her dreams and desires both in life and in the bedroom. I knew we were getting close to conquering her fears. My only hope is that Tom abides by the restraining order and stays the hell away.

  MARISSA’S PHONE WENT OFF in the early hours of the morning. I groaned from the disturbance, since we’d just gotten to bed a little while ago due to an overseas phone call to Japan, negotiating a deal to bring on some new items.

  “Calm down, Ash. I can hardly understand a word you’re saying.” Her voice was filled with panic and I could hear tears and chaos on the other end.

  I sat up in bed and mouthed. “Is everything okay?”

  She shook her head with concern written all over her face. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Please pass on my condolences to him and his family. Hold on, let me ask him.”

  I watched as Marissa put her hand over the phone. “You know how my former roommate’s wedding is coming up this weekend?”

  I nodded, still trying to wipe the sleep out of my eyes. “Yes, why? Has it been postponed or something?”

  She shook her head. “One of Brian’s groomsmen, the one I’m supposed to be paired up with, had a death in the family and is flying out today. They were wondering, if you could stand in for him and wear your tuxedo?”

  I reached out and rubbed the back of my hand against her face, causing her to lean into my touch. “You know I was going with you as your date anyway. Now, I can see what it’s like to walk down the aisle with you.”

  She laughed out and lightly slapped her hand against my chest. “You big flirt.!”

  “Ash, it’s not a problem.” I listened as her friend continued to give her some information. “Okay, just text me the address and I’ll give it to Dane, along with his phone number. Don’t worry hon, your wedding is going to be amazing. I just can’t wait for Thursday to get here so we can have your party. Just a couple more days and then it’s “girl power.” Talk to you soon.”