A Touch of Passion (boxed set romance bundle)

by Uvi Poznansky

  “She sounds perfect, but I wonder what’s wrong with the daughter,” Bea said.

  The women sat side by side in silence, Harley trying to imagine a twelve-year-old girl in with her crew. “The boy would be friends for Michael,” she said, hopefully.

  “Ha! Well, trust me; a control freak like me knows what limits she can push. I don’t expect everything about the woman’s life to be perfect, but it has to mesh with that of my girls’. As selfish as it may sound.”

  “Okay, so answer her already,” Bea said, moving closer so she could see what Harley typed.

  Fishing, cards and board games are my hobbies, too. I have four girls. Can I ask what needs your daughter has? “That’s really good,” Bea replied.

  “Oh look! She’s answering!” Harley said, reading along as the words appeared.

  “‘Jason thank you so much for responding. Where do you fish? What games do you like? My daughter has bipolar disorder. She goes to regular middle school, is active in sports and works during the summer at our church in the daycare nursery. Anything else I can tell you, just ask.’”

  “What do you think?” Bea asked softly.

  “I think I can’t think of this anymore today,” she answered. “I’m going to tell the truth and let her make the next move.” She sent off her narrative again.

  Suddenly weary, Harley looked off at the water. For late October, it was colder than usual. Most of the cottages were closed for the winter. She could hear hammering as someone in the distance attached plywood over windows. The gray sky touched the gray water, vast and threatening. She wouldn’t walk the beach today.

  A wave of heat rolled over her as the realization hit that this would be the last fall she’d ever have down at the shore. Gulping back a sob, sadness took hold dwelling on the no-mores; the last color change of leaves, the last fire in the fire pit, the last harvest of pumpkins. Last summer was the last one she’d spend with Jason and the girls down at the shore. This was it. Bea took her hand gently.

  “I’m so sorry,” she said softly.

  “It crept up really fast,” Harley said. “We didn’t even take a ride to the cider mill in the Poconos like we usually do in the fall. We’re missing the color change.”

  “It’s not too late,” Bea said. “You don’t have to go that far, either. There’s an apple orchard in Burlington County. Stop there on the way home, get cider and donuts. It’ll be beautiful.”

  Harley tried to wipe a tear off her cheek so Bea didn’t see. Sharing how brokenhearted she was wouldn’t help anyone. She was afraid if she let go, she’d never get it back again, would be in a state of depression until she died.

  “Okay, I’ll ask Jason to take me.”

  Jason was game, the girls not so much. “If you don’t mind, we’ll stay here for the few extra hours,” Angie said. “You and Dad should go ahead alone.”

  “That’s fine. I’ll ask Granny to bring you home then.” Harley was happy they weren’t worried about spending every second with her as they usually seemed to be. A normal weekend down the shore was more important.

  As Jason pulled the car off the dirt driveway unto the road, Harley looked in the rearview mirror. “I wondered if this would be the last time I’ll see the cottage.”

  Jason kept his eyes on the road, but she could see him frowning, trying to keep his mouth neutral, but his eyebrows were down, a dead giveaway. “We can come back here whenever you want,” he said. “My dad isn’t going to shut the water off this year.”

  “I thought they had to be out November first,” she said.

  “This year is different. The owners are extending the use.” He didn’t say more, but Harley knew it was on her behalf.

  “Gosh, that’s so nice,” she said, putting her head back against the headrest. “I’d like to come here for Thanksgiving.” Jason took her hand.

  “Okay, Thanksgiving it is.”

  Jason’s responses to Harley over the past two years had morphed from the reasoning, impatient Jason to the agreeable Jason. The change was so subtle neither of them noticed it was happening. The reasoning Jason used to aggravate Harley something awful; if she had a complaint, Jason tried to figure out a better solution.

  “Please stop trying to solve all my problems for me,” she’d beg. “I just need to vent.”

  “What would the right response be?” he asked.

  “How about, Oh Harley, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What can I do to help?”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it. If I complain about the prices of meat at the grocery store, you’ll look for a cheaper place to shop. I don’t need you to run interference for me all the time. I’m a big girl.”

  Finally, facing her death, Jason was able to make the change she’d asked him to make years before.

  “I’m sorry we didn’t go to the Poconos this year,” he said, driving.

  “We had too much to do this fall,” she answered. “It seemed like the girls had something every weekend. Now that Devon is in school, even she has sports with T-ball. It’s insane.

  “Have you given any thought to how you’re going to keep up with all of their activities? I mean, after I’m gone?”

  “I know what you mean,” he said, his tone not promising for a meaningful conversation.

  “Jason we need to iron out a few things so I can go to my grave in peace. I know you hate talking about it, but if you could just relax, I think it will help you in the long run.”

  “Look, Harley, I’ll deal with it. I won’t work as much, for one thing. I’m thinking of ways I can cut back on expenses. I spend too much money on stupid shit. I don’t need to buy every single thing I want.”

  “You’ll have my life insurance, too.”

  “Oh geez do we have to talk about that, too? You just barrel right in with this stuff.” Harley laughed and took his hand.

  “It’s supposed to give you some relief. That and Social Security. I’ve paid into it, so now the girls will get money every month. Don’t forget about that.”

  “I did forget. Thank you, honey,” he said, squeezing her hand. “Can we change the subject now that we have finances covered? I’ll go to the girls’ games, okay? No worries.”

  Harley couldn’t help herself; she sighed, a loud, long sigh. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.”

  “Me either, so let’s stop,” he said. “We’re supposed to be having fun at the orchard.” He pointed and up ahead was the sign, a jug of cider and a box of donuts ten feet across cut out of plywood.

  “Oh, poo, it’s raining,” Harley said as drops fell on the windshield.

  “No worries, you stay put and I’ll run in.”

  She didn’t argue with him, her bones aching from the weather. When he opened the car door, the wonderful aromas wafted in to her, increasing her disappointment that they weren’t going to walk around the mill, watch cider pressing, smell the fragrance that came from the wooden boxes of apples stacked everywhere. He’d taken her to a similar place when they were first dating. The memories were so vivid; she could even smell the layers of fallen leaves under foot as they tramped up the path to the cider mill.

  In minutes, he was back, running toward the car in a steadily falling rain with two one-gallon jugs of cider, a huge paper bag of donuts and a smaller bag of apples. He’d remembered she loved Honey Crisp apples.

  “The donuts just came out of the fryer,” he said, chuckling. Harley didn’t need to worry about her weight anymore. In the past, she’d lament over every bite.

  “Let’s eat now,” she said. “I wish we had glasses for cider.”

  He reached into the bag and pulled out two plastic cups. “ESP! The lady shall have cider.”

  Holding the glasses for him, a moment of peace prevailed for Harley as Jason poured the cider, no thoughts of death or money worries, just fresh cider and hot donuts.

  “We needed this,” he said. “Such a simple thing.”

  “I agree,” she said. “Yum, this is
so good.”

  She ate an entire donut and dug in the bag for another.

  “You have to eat them while they’re hot,” Jason said, stuffing a whole one in his mouth while Harley laughed at him. “And the cider has to be chilled. This is icy good.”

  Harley sipped the cider. “Gosh, this is delicious.” She looked over at Jason and he was gobbling another donut, being such a guy, as Bea would say. It made Harley happy he was behaving normally.

  “I feel normal for a change,” she said, putting her head back again. “Nothing can be wrong in a moment like this.”

  Jason burped. “You’ve got it, kid. Do you want anymore of this?” She shook her head, letting him wrap up the rest of the food and put it in the backseat but not before stuffing one more in his mouth.

  “We’ll have donuts for breakfast tomorrow,” she said.

  In minutes, as Jason pulled onto the turnpike toward home, she fell asleep.

  Chapter 13

  After the weekend at the shore, Harley felt better physically. Neither she nor Jason examined it closely, looking at it more as a respite than a gift. As life slowly returned to somewhat normal, it gave everyone a chance to regroup. She avoided talking to casual acquaintances who pressed her for more information than she was willing to give, asking well-meaning questions about her condition and the therapy she wasn’t getting and offering advice she didn’t want to hear and was never going to take. Leaving the word cancer out of her dialogue helped her regain a feeling of well-being. Cancer wasn’t ruling her. She was in charge of her life again and except for not returning to work, it was about as normal as could be.

  All the things she’d longed to do as a working mother, she was now free to participate in, from being the homeroom mother for Devon’s first grade class, to taking a yoga class with Tina, and attending every game Angie’s team played. Bennie was adamant about going to the local community college, even though they’d tried to get her to go to one of the big universities nearby.

  “This will be fine,” she said, seeing how disappointed her parents were. “I’ll transfer later. Right now I want to take it easy and be close to the family, if that’s alright.”

  “It’s fine, as long as you’re doing it for yourself,” Harley said, aware Bennie was doing it for her. “I have to admit I like seeing you everyday.”

  “Me, too,” she said, hugging Harley.

  Bennie offered to babysit every weekend, encouraging Harley and Jason to go out on dates. They went to one disappointing movie and gracefully declined after that.

  “I love being home with my girls,” she said, hugging them. “Movie night in the den eating pizza in my recliner, it doesn’t get better than that.”

  “No, it really doesn’t,” Jason said.

  The family closely guarded the routine. Friday night was family night. They might chose to stay up all night playing games or cards, Bea and Dave often coming over to join in.

  As Thanksgiving approached one week away, Harley felt better than she had in months. “I almost wish I could go back to work,” she said. She sat on the edge of the bed, watching Jason dress for work Friday morning.

  He looked up at her, weighing his words. “It’s so nice having you here at home. I hate to admit I’m spoiled, not rushing around like we used to. Every night, dinner is special with you relaxed and happy instead of getting things done.”

  Harley laughed. “Yes, that’s what I used to do,” she said. “I don’t miss the tight ship, either.” She watched him combing his hair carefully, tucking the back of his shirt in his jeans.

  “You’ve lost weight,” she said, concerned. “Am I not feeding you enough?”

  He walked to her, bending down to kiss her. “I’m eating just fine. Go back to bed after the girls leave,” he said, moving toward the door.

  “I might,” she said. As they walked to the kitchen, she tapped on the older girls’ doors. Everyone but Devon needed to get up before six during the week. It was still pitch black out, the short winter days getting closer. Harley poured coffee into Jason’s travel mug. He didn’t take the time to hang around in the morning for coffee. She looked out the window over the sink; a stray snowflake drifted by.

  “I guess I’m lucky not to have to drive to the city in the snow,” she said, handing him his mug.

  “There you go. It’s the best reason in the world,” he said, giving her a peck on the cheek. “I’ll call you later.” He left out the mudroom door into the garage. Harley felt empty watching him go, things a little icy and unsettled between them.

  The previous week, she’d missed her old work cronies. After a doctor appointment, she took the elevator up to the eighth floor to visit. The lounge was empty except for one of the OR nurses who Harley didn’t know well. She was a younger woman who hadn’t been there very long before Harley left.

  “Hi, I’m Jaclyn,” she said, reaching across the table. “You’re Harley, right?”

  “Right,” Harley replied. “The OR must be short today to have so few in here on break.”

  “Yeah, the schedule is crazy,” Jaclyn said. “How are you feeling? You look so much better than I expected.”

  “I’m great!” Harley said, maybe too jovially. Taken aback by the woman’s veiled criticism, she debated hanging around to wait for someone she knew from Recovery to come in or get out and avoid having more conversation.

  “Wow, that’s wonderful,” Jaclyn said, eyes wide, concerned. “Tiffany confided you were having a rough time. Being a friend of the family, she was worried about you.”

  A hot flash of epic proportions flooded over Harley. Anger, Jason’s betrayal, disgust at Tiffany; she didn’t know which was worse. Choosing her words carefully, she wanted to hear what else Tiffany was sharing with the world.

  “Aw, that’s so sweet of Tiffany to worry,” Harley replied, choking down the sarcasm. “I’m actually doing much better now that the chemo is over.”

  “It must be so difficult to worry about your daughters,” Jaclyn said. The hair went up on the back of Harley’s neck. Was Jaclyn a moron?

  “Did Tiffany say I was worried about the girls?” Harley asked in almost a whisper, her voice shaking in her throat.

  “I shouldn’t repeat what she told us,” Jaclyn said, finally wising up.

  “Don’t worry about that,” Harley said, encouraging her to continue. “Tiffany being a friend of the family and all, she probably has a lot of insight.”

  “Well I guess it’s normal to worry about what will happen to your family and all,” Jaclyn said, her face and neck now a bright shade of cherry red.

  “I have to get to another appointment,” Harley said, having heard enough. “Tell everyone I said hi.” She heard Jaclyn mumbling something after her as she fled the locker room.

  Were people really so ignorant? she thought. Why did all of this crap have to surface now, just when everything was going so well? She looked at her watch. It was after eleven. The sick feeling in her chest wasn’t going to go away until she confronted Jason. Getting out her phone, she sent him a quick text. I’m in the hospital after seeing the doctor. Are you free?

  Going to her car, she turned on the heat while she waited for his response. He wouldn’t answer a text while a patient was on the table. In fifteen minutes, her phone rang.

  “I just took the patient to recovery. Where are you?”

  Taking a deep breath, Harley was determined not to start yelling at him. “I’m in my car in the parking lot,” she said.

  “What level and I’ll come out in a few minutes,” he said. She told him and said goodbye. Waiting for him, Harley decided she had to take a stand with Jason about Tiffany. Either that or come back to work to keep an eye on him.

  Looking up, she saw him striding toward her. He was so handsome, but she was concerned about that weight he’d lost, whether it was due to worry about her or because he was preparing to disrobe in front of another woman, she couldn’t be sure.

  He opened the passenger door and got in, clearly worrie
d. Maybe Jaclyn had gotten to him. “Well this is a surprise,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.

  “Jason, I can’t worry every time I come into the lounge that I’m going to see you with Tiffany or hear that she’s spreading my personal business around. Why did you tell her something so intimate about me? That I’m worried about leaving my daughters? Are you kidding me?”

  Silent and embarrassed, Jason’s thoughts alternated between lashing out at her for dying, putting him in the position of having to seek out a confidant, and feeling horrible that he’d been caught.

  “I don’t know what to say to you. I’m sorry you’re angry.”

  “That’s so not what I want to hear. Stay away from Tiffany, Jason. If you care about me at all, stop talking to her about me. What, are you a horny teenager? Can’t you wait until I die to cozy up? Only a few more months! Then when I’m dead, you’ll be free to tell her all my intimate secrets.”

  Jason looked at her with his mouth open. Shocked, guilty, he didn’t say another word, got out of her car slamming the door after him and stamped back inside. Sighing, Harley put the car in reverse and left the parking garage, defeated. It looked to her like she was going to have to look the other way to keep peace in her family, allowing Jason to behave like a child. Loneliness washed over her, sadness that her husband seemed to have jumped ship. She guessed the stress of her dying was bringing the worst out in everyone.

  Sister Melissa’s house was on the way home from the hospital. She’d make an unannounced stop. Melissa had her hands full and Harley tried to shield the worst of what was happening from her. But she needed her older sister. Two-year old Peyton and three-year-old Greg were hanging on to Melissa’s legs when she closed the door after letting Harley inside.

  “I came for tea and sympathy,” Harley said. Melissa nodded.

  “I’m going to put these boys down for a nap, so have a seat.” She disappeared with two boys in tow and when she came back, Harley was sitting at the kitchen table, looking down at her hands folded in front of her.

  “Mom’s on her way,” she said. “She just called. I told her to call your cell phone.”