“Yes, I do,” Harley replied, going slowly, taking her cues from Devon.
“Are you hurt?” Devon asked.
“I had an operation,” Harley explained. That seemed to satisfy her. That night, Bennie brought Devon’s Malibu Barbie to her parents, naked but with a bandage applied vertically across her chest, hiding one breast.
“Well, I guess she gets it,” Bennie said.
Jason and Harley roared with laughter, although later she’d think it wasn’t that funny. Nothing about the experience was humorous, although her sense of humor sustained Jason, and maybe even the girls.
No special words were necessary now to acknowledge her surgical site. It was a mastectomy. With a reoccurrence there, the surgeon kept whittling away at her chest, finally taking skin from her thigh to graft when the area became too large to bring the ends of her flesh together. When that happened, she knew the end wasn’t far away, hoping for another summer, but thinking if she could make it through Christmas they’d be lucky.
“Hey,” Jason said, his voice raspy with sleep. “You awake?” His hand smoothed her arm, long strokes that felt wonderful.
“Yes, awake, in heaven lying here. I can hear the waves hitting the beach,” she answered, sitting up, taking his hand. “Do you want coffee? I’ll bring it back here because I’m not ready to face the masses yet.”
“No, neither am I. Yes, coffee sounds good if you’re up to it.”
She got out of bed naked, her arms across her chest, no point in rubbing it in, although she would let him see the unaffected side, as she referred to her remaining breast in her head. Slipping sweat pants and shirt on, she tiptoed past her children’s rooms. Snoring came through the doors of both of the adult rooms. Michael must still be asleep, she thought.
Staring out the window at the wind swept beach while she waited for coffee, a lone human walking with a dog braved the rain. The gray sky melted into the gray water, white foam surf hitting the beach. Making a vow to get up by sunrise every morning just to see that view, the promise of it renewed her faith. As long as she could fulfill one simple wish for herself, there was hope.
Taking the coffee back to their room, she paused at the girls’ door and could hear Angie whispering to Devon. The older girls were coming through for her in so many ways, taking over instead of standing back and waiting to be told what they could do.
Handing Jason his cup, she went back to the door and quietly closed it. Now would be the time to ask her questions about Kathy and Dave unless he brought something else up first. Best to get Kathy out of the way first.
“Before I forget, would you mind if I invited Kathy Agin back for games tonight?” She watched Jason’s face, and couldn’t decipher what look it was, perhaps a combination of worry and dislike.
“I guess it’s okay. We usually have just family on game night.”
What he was thinking, but wouldn’t share was that he thought it might be the last family game night they had at the shore. Did she really want a stranger there? But he couldn’t say such a thing to Harley, it was too cruel.
Ignoring his comment, Harley continued. “Okay, thanks. I’ll call her later. But first, I have to ask you a question and I’m swearing you to secrecy.”
“What?” he asked, curious.
“Is everything okay with your brother?”
Jason’s set jaw gave him away. He knew what the trouble was and it was going to take a crowbar to get it out of him. “Did Bea say anything?”
“She suspects it’s something really bad, like infidelity,” Harley admitted. “Has he talked to you?”
“He has,” Jason said, reluctantly, betraying Dave’s confidence, but understanding Harley’s need to know. “If you say anything to Bea it will make it difficult for me with my brother.”
“Oh no,” Harley groaned. “It’s that bad?”
“Well, not yet, but it has the potential to be bad.”
Harley thought for a moment. “Don’t tell me, okay? I don’t want to know. But what I hope is that you’ll tell your brother to stop being a pig. I need him and Bea together now, for our daughters. He has to give up his selfishness and pull it together.”
“I was going to say something like that to him but didn’t have the words without sounding selfish, like he needed to change because we needed him. It should be about being loyal to Bea.”
“Make it about our girls, then. We need Bea, especially. She’s my best friend, Jason,” Harley said, her voice breaking. “Friend and family, all in one. I can’t have my girls exposed to any babes, and somehow I feel like whoever Dave would be involved with would be a babe.”
“I can’t insist on anything,” Jason said. “He’s a grown man.”
“But we have a crisis here and he’s acting like a spoiled child.”
“You talk to him, Harley,” Jason said, gritting his teeth. “I don’t like that my brother’s problems are getting us into a fight.”
Harley sat on his lap, kissing him. “We’re not fighting,” she said softly. “Okay? It’s not about us. We’re upset about Dave and Bea, that’s all. No fighting.”
He moved her off his lap and stood up. “I need to pee. Be right back.”
The movement in the big mirror over the dresser was as quick as a flash, but she didn’t miss it. Jason had slipped his phone into the pocket of his sweatpants. Suspicions rising, Harley couldn’t believe it.
Addressing it instead of letting it fester, as soon as he came back she asked him about the phone.
“I didn’t want to leave it here in case Tiffany decided to call,” he said abruptly. Harley was confused; he seemed so ready to tell her, doubts rose that he was using Tiffany as a smoke screen for something worse.
“Is she apt to call?” Harley asked, trying to be calm.
“Yes. I’ll give you my phone so you can see the length of the calls; I rarely answer it when her number pops up.”
“Maybe you should let me talk to her,” Harley said. “Why does she call?”
“I don’t know, because it amuses her, I guess. Harley lets not waste a second talking about Tiffany, either. She’s just a person I know, okay? I’m not in love with her; I don’t want to sleep with her.”
“Don’t have anything to do with her then,” Harley said. “If she’s so unimportant, why allow her to hurt me.”
Jason gently took her by the upper arms and looked intently into her eyes. “Harley, I swear to you, I’m not having an affair with Tiffany.”
“But I’m afraid when I die you will and I don’t want my daughters exposed to her. I’m beginning to sound like a broken record.”
“Look, you’re upset because of Dave. I’ll talk to him, and I think you should, too.”
“If I talk to him, he’ll know Bea spoke to me,” Harley said dismayed.
“Bea shouldn’t have unloaded that crap on you,” Jason said, annoyed. “It was selfish and unnecessary. She should have come directly to me.”
“We’ve argued in a circle,” Harley complained. “I’m so sick of selfish friggin men who have to have their ego stroked by bimbos while their wives wring their hands. Stop it!”
Harley got up to leave the room, catching a glance of Jason watching her, eyes wide and mouth open. “Harley, don’t go away mad,” he said, grabbing for her.
In the past, Jason would have let her go, thinking she was acting childish, or he’d get angry with her for nagging. But the awareness of the time clock ticking, he didn’t want anything to come between them for a second.
“I’m not mad,” she said, pulling away. “I’m sure Tiffany would love to know that the last few moments we are spending in my favorite place on earth is being wasted talking about her.”
“Is this really your favorite place on earth?” Jason asked.
Frowning, Harley nodded. “Yes. You know that. I love it here, always have. We didn’t come because you didn’t want to, not because of me.”
“There was always so much to do at home in the summer; the lawn, building the
patio, the kids activities. I’d think about those things rather than relaxing while I was here. It was counterproductive,” Jason said. “I’m sorry.”
“There is no need to be sorry,” Harley replied, exhausted. There was no resolution to any of it. “Let’s just enjoy what’s left of the weekend. I’m hopping in the shower.”
After she gathered her clothes, Harley left Jason alone with his cellphone. When he heard the water running in the shower, he dialed Tiffany’s number.
Leaning close to the mirror, Tiffany carefully lined her lips with a magenta lip pencil. Next, she picked up a cherry red, long-lasting lipstick, and filled in the lines. Bringing her lips together, she pouted for the mirror, happy with the effect. She was going to Sea Isle to see Jason. He’d finally called her first thing that morning after she’d left him umpteen messages.
“I can’t stay long, just for a cup of coffee,” he said. “Are you sure you want to drive two hours for that?”
“Yes, I’m sure,” she answered. “It’ll be fun to get out of town.”
“Okay, I’ll see you at one,” he said. “Drive carefully.”
In that desperate stage of an imaginary relationship where the most minor, baseless comment is misconstrued into a declaration of love, Tiffany smiled at the phone after saying goodbye. She chose her outfit with care; new jeans, a black knit, long sleeved shirt, boots. Underneath, brand new panties and a push up bra from Victoria Secret. Once she was sitting across from Jason, she was going to try to get him to walk on the beach and if they could find a secluded enough spot, she might let him have a glimpse.
But it wasn’t to be. Harley walked out of the bathroom just as he was combing his hair, their older daughters tapping at the bedroom door. “What’s up?” he asked the girls, shoving his wallet into his jeans pocket.
“You look nice,” Harley said, concerned. “Where are you headed?”
“I thought I’d go into town and get a couple of dozen donuts before they’re sold out.”
“OMG, Dad! We were just going to ask you if we could take the car for the same reason,” Angie said.
“Come on,” Jason replied, relieved. “I’ll drive.”
He moved fast, texting Tiffany, warning her he had a change of plans and she shouldn’t take the trip, thinking it was ridiculous she insisted on driving for two hours for a fifteen-minute meeting anyway.
“Do you want anything else while I’m out?” he asked Harley.
“I’d kill for a bear claw,” she said. “And a large Wawa cappuccino.”
He leaned in for the kiss. “You got it, babe.”
The girls roared laughing. “Dad, that is so corny!” Bennie said.
“I think it’s sweet,” Tina added, the conversation she’d had with her mother about how much in love her parents were still fresh in her mind.
“Daddy loves Mommy,” Devon called out.
“Yes, I do,” Jason resounded, grabbing Harley and dipping her, her laughter ringing out beautifully as their daughters looked on with admiration.
“You’re insane, Dad,” Angie said, smiling.
Chapter 18
While Jason and Harley displayed their affection to each other with their girls as witnesses, Bea and Dave sat on the edge of the bed with Bea trying to convince Dave they should stay married.
“David, I feel like you’re just going through a rough time. We can weather this together,” Bea pleaded.
After a little probing, he’d finally admitted there was a woman at his job to whom he was attracted, seemingly proud that she was attracted to him, too.
“Nothing’s happened. I mean, you know where I am every second of the day. Even if I wanted to have an affair I don’t have the time.”
“Is it anyone I know?” Bea asked, shocked, any kind of disloyalty from Dave unthinkable until now.
“Yes, you know her,” he answered reluctantly.
“Well, who is it?” Bea pressed, eyes wide open.
“Candace Baker,” he said, with a self-satisfied smirk. Bea was mortified. Candace Baker, ten years older than Dave, was the office bimbo with bleached blond hair, too much makeup and an enormous amount of cleavage.
“Is she a reason to leave your family?” she’d asked incredulous.
“We have fun,” he said, indignant. “Candace makes me laugh. Besides that, she’s just a friend.”
“If she’s just a friend, why do you want to break up? I mean, I have male friends at work I eat lunch with occasionally. It doesn’t mean I want to divorce you so I can hop into bed with one of them.”
“It’s not that,” he said, getting from the bed, going to the window to look out, rain continuing to fall.
“I’m sick and tired of never doing anything right. I work like a dog and feel like I’m on a hamster wheel.”
“We all feel that way,” Bea said softly.
Her validation didn’t help. “I want to move out for a while just to try it,” he said. “We can stay married or make it a legal separation. I don’t care which, whatever makes you comfortable.”
“I want to stay married Dave,” Bea said. “I don’t want you to move out, either. It will destroy the girls. With what’s happening to Harley right now, if you moved out it would be devastating.”
“Now there you go. Harley!” he shouted. “The universe does not revolve around Harley because she’s got cancer. If you only knew how sick and tired I am of every decision we make determined by how it will affect Harley.”
Shocked, Bea bit her tongue. What could she say to that? It was somewhat true; the past year revolved around Harley’s treatments and wishes. Spending Thanksgiving weekend with the whole family at the shore was one example. But it seemed childish and selfish of him to want to end his marriage because he was feeling put out. What was the deeper problem?
“If it will help, the next time we’re asked to change plans we can refuse. I’m sorry if I have put her first.”
Turning back to the window, Dave frowned, the rain and gray sky a foreboding indication of winter to come. “That dating service thing really got to me,” he said, turning to Bea. “It’s the bright spot in a sea of crap. My brother loses his wife but gets a slew of new women to bang.”
“Oh my God, you’re jealous because your brother’s wife is dying? I’m sorry it’s not me Dave, so you’d be free to screw around. But listen. Don’t wait for me to die. Go for it. I’m not sure I want a little boy for a husband anyway.”
“Pack up your stuff,” Dave said, rebuffed. “We’re going home.”
“Go,” Bea answered. “I’m staying here with the kids.”
“What am I supposed to say to my parents?”
“That’s your problem,” Bea said, exasperated. “Tell them you want to get a divorce so you can be free to flirt with the office clown. That should do wonders for your climb up the corporate ladder, by the way.”
Dave plunked down on the bed again, dropping his head in his hands. She was spot on, again. Bea was always right. He knew he could trust her, but every fiber of his being was fighting it, feeling entrapped, longing for the freedom he once had. Watching his brother and his wife go through hell was not helping matters, fueling his hysteria about confronting a wasted life before it was too late.
Patting the spot next to him, he knew they were in dire need of damage control. “I’m sorry, Beasy. Sit down.”
She was almost at the place a wife gets to when the only thing that will make her feel better is to attack her husband, actually looking around the room for something to throw at him. His gentle words defused her anger and she moved next to him in defiance to it. I will not be ruled by my emotions, she thought.
“What?” she said, at wit’s end. Dave put his arm around her shoulder.
“This is so stupid,” he said. “Candace Baker is a clown, like you said. She’s amusing.”
“She’s a cow,” Bea said haughtily.
“I’m sorry,” Dave said, leaning in to kiss his wife. “I’m feeling sorry for myself. Everything is t
urning to shit.”
Exasperated, Bea turned to him and took his hands. “We have a great life, Dave. You have a good job that you’re good at, that you love. I’ve never heard you complain about work once and suddenly you’re miserable. I love you, your kids love you, we have a wonderful home you’ve put your heart and soul into. The only dark spot is that I’m about to lose my best friend, someone I’ve loved since I was a little girl.”
“I know all that,” he said half-heartedly. “Sorry I’m being such a baby.”
Bea didn’t know what to say. He was being a big, selfish baby. But she had to refocus, the emphasis on making Dave feel better about himself. Had this entire fiasco started when he found the online dating site they’d posted for Jason on her computer?
“You realize that Jason knows nothing about the online dating, don’t you? Harley’s doing it so she can go to her grave in peace.”
“I know that,” he said glumly.
“You didn’t tell him already, did you?” she grabbed his arm.
“No! What do you take me for?” But it was a lie, one he’d try to keep from her for as long as possible.
Sighing, Bea got up. “I better go make sure Michael isn’t terrorizing the girls,” she said, leaving the room. The house was quiet, no sign of the children, Harley sitting alone at the kitchen table, looking out over the water.
“Morning,” she said, looking up. “A gray day for a gray mood.”
“Where are my kids?”
“Jason took everyone into town,” Harley said. “Getting donuts the excuse.”
Already forgetting that she’d talked to Jason about Dave, Harley was determined to find a way to pull herself out of the doldrums.
“That was nice of him,” Bea said, pouring coffee. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Dave was still in their room.
“So I confronted Dave,” she whispered. “He’s flirting with Candace Baker, that tramp I told you about who wore glitter eyeshadow to Michael’s baby shower.”
“No way,” Harley said. “She’s older than Fran.” Bea burst out laughing.
“Well, not quite, but she’s older for sure. I’m going to tell him to flirt away if it will make him happy.”
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