A cool breeze blew her hair back from her face. She let her eyes close.
The breeze was so cool... Usually, even at night, it didn’t get that cold in Helicon. Maybe it was because they’d walked through the woods.
Nora’s eyes snapped open, and she broke away from Agler. She knew where they were. She turned to confirm it. Sure enough, behind her was the edge of Helicon.
“I’m sorry.” Agler put a tentative hand on her shoulder. “I shouldn’t have pushed. It just seemed like you were into it.”
Nora looked back at him. “It’s not that. I was into it.” She gestured. “Do you see where we are?”
Agler furrowed his brow in confusion, and then his eyes widened in understanding. “I’m guessing you don’t like this place very much.”
Nora wrapped her arms around herself. “You know, last year on Valentine’s Day, he brought me here. He was angry because I wasn’t spending enough time with him.” She walked over to the edge and peered down. “He forced me over here. He held me over it. He said, ‘What would happen if I let go of you?’ I thought he was going to drop me.”
Agler was behind her. “I didn’t know that. You stayed with him after that. For months.”
Nora didn’t look at him. “He’d always protected me. Somehow, I couldn’t believe he wanted to hurt me.” She nudged a small rock over the edge. “But he did.”
Agler took her by the elbow. “Let’s get out of here. Let’s not stay here.”
But Nora didn’t move. She stared out into the infinite darkness over the edge. “He ran here after what he did to Dirk. I struggled with him. I hit him over the head. He was lying there, helpless. I wanted to drag him over and throw him off the edge. I wanted to kill him. Sawyer stopped me. Sometimes I wish...”
Agler tugged at her. His voice was soft. “Nora, we don’t have to stay here.”
Nora turned to face him. “If I’d killed him, maybe I wouldn’t be so scared now. Maybe this thing with me and you wouldn’t be so difficult.”
Agler brushed hair out of Nora’s face. “If you’d killed him, who knows what it would’ve done to you.”
It was all too much, suddenly. The threat of Owen, the memory of his cruelty, the place where she’d seen him transform into a monster. She flung herself into Agler, tangling her fingers into his dreads, and pressed her lips against his.
Agler staggered a little bit, surprised. He wrapped his arms tight around her waist. But Nora’s forward momentum caused both of them to lose balance, and they ended up on the ground, Nora lying on top of him.
She kissed him again.
His lips responded to hers, kissing her back forcefully.
Nora felt as if something fierce was overtaking her, and the only way to let it out was to use it. She threw all of her overwhelming emotion into kissing Agler. It was nearly violent. Her heart banged away in her chest. Her breath came in wrenching gasps. She assaulted Agler with her lips, her tongue, her hands.
And he met the level of her fervor, crushing her against him, kissing her just as hard as she kissed him. He rolled her over, so that she was pinned under his body. The firmness of his muscles pressed against her. His mouth was hot and demanding on hers.
She squirmed beneath him, gasping. She thrust her hands under his shirt. Yanked it over his head. She ran her hands over the bare skin on his back. It was like warm silk.
Agler groaned.
She shoved him onto his back again. Straddled him. Let her fingers run over the front of his chest.
Agler sighed. He moved his hands too. Over her shirt. Up her rib cage. His palms grazed her breasts.
Pleasure jolted through her. She made a strangled sound in the back of her throat. She seized the hem of her shirt with both hands, intending to pull it off.
But Agler’s hands were on hers, stopping her movement. “Wait,” he choked.
She paused, panting. Why was he stopping her?
Agler let go of her and squeezed his eyes shut. “We should talk about this for a second.” He was out of breath too.
“Talk?”
“Yeah, part of me thinks I’m an idiot for stopping you.” He sucked in a sharp breath. “But let’s just back this up for a minute.” He opened his eyes.
Nora scrambled off of him. Sitting on the grass, she hugged herself.
Agler sat up. “Hey, I’m not saying I wanted to stop completely. But, you know, if we are going to do that, there’s a conversation we should have first.”
Nora felt heat rise to her face. She was glad it was dark, and Agler couldn’t see her. “Conversation?”
“Yeah. Okay, so maybe it’s not a particularly sexy conversation, and I’ve completely killed the mood...” He rubbed his forehead ruefully. “So, it’s pretty obvious you’ve done this before. Was it, um, was it just with Owen or... I just think it’s responsible to know how many—”
“I haven’t done this before.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Oh.”
Nora studied her fingernails.
“It’s only that you were... sort of aggressive, and I thought...”
“Have you done this before?”
“Well, yeah. There was a girl I knew before you. I think last year I told you that I’d had a really bad breakup.” Agler wasn’t looking at her either. “But only with her.”
“Oh,” said Nora. She swallowed.
“Damn it. I made everything awkward.” Agler crawled over to her, settled on the ground, and pulled her into his lap. He stroked her hair and whispered to her. “If it’s the first time, let’s not do it here. Come back to my tent, to my hammock. It will be nicer there. This place... you don’t want it to happen here.”
“I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to be so...” The word eluded her. “Brazen,” she finally settled on.
Agler chuckled softly. “I didn’t mind.” He kissed her.
She let him. But it felt different now. She wasn’t full of fiery desire anymore. She pushed him away. “If you wanted it to happen, you shouldn’t have stopped me.” She stood up.
Agler stood up too. He sighed. “Come on, Nora. You can’t expect me to... I’m older than you. And you’re kind of... fragile right now.”
“You’re not that much older than me.”
“Maybe not.” He took her by the shoulders and made her face him. “But I’m old enough to know that this is not how you want to lose your virginity. You wouldn’t have wanted it to have been like that.”
Nora felt angry. “How do you know what I want? Maybe I wanted it to be exactly like that.”
“Fine. Then blame it on me. Maybe I don’t want to make love to you for the first time in this place.” He let go of her shoulders and swept his shirt up off the ground. Shrugging back into it, he said, “He took over my mind. He was there all the time. Maybe I don’t want the specter of Owen around when we do it.”
“If we do it.”
Agler’s shoulders sagged. “I do not understand you. Two minutes ago, you were ripping my shirt off. Now it’s ‘if.’ You either want me, or you don’t. What do you think the odds are that you’ll make up your mind about that anytime soon?”
Nora took a breath to speak, realized she had nothing to say, and closed her mouth. She chewed on her lip. “You were right before. Let’s get away from here.”
* * *
Nora pulled her robe tight against her body as she made her way inside the public baths. They were located in a cavern at the north of Helicon. The water there was hot springs that bubbled up out of the ground. Inside, the baths were stately and ornate, filled with sculptures and a particularly exquisite fountain. After what had just happened, she thought being enveloped in warm water would make her feel clean. She wanted to be submerged.
She only hoped no one else was in there right now. She wanted to be alone.
She heard splashing noises. Damn it. She almost turned around and left.
“Nora?”
She recognized the voice. She stepped deeper into the cavern, peering out over
the water. “Sawyer? I thought you were making dresses.”
Sawyer was standing up in the shallow end of the bath. Water glistened on his bare chest. “After that thing with Himeros, I felt dirty. I came here.”
“Oh. That sucks. You know, Sawyer, maybe we should say something to someone if Himeros makes you so uncomfortable.”
“No!”
Nora was taken aback by the force of his reply.
“It’s not Himeros. It’s me,” Sawyer muttered.
Nora chewed on her lip. What did that mean?
“You getting in the water?” Sawyer was grinning now. “Want me to turn around until you get out of your robe?”
She fidgeted with it. “It’s okay. I mean, you’re practically a girl—”
But Sawyer’s back was to her already, and she felt relieved as she stripped off the robe. For some reason, she wasn’t keen on Sawyer seeing her naked. She slipped into the water, which felt delicious against her skin, and waded in his direction. Not too close, however. The shallow end would...expose too much.
“I’m not a girl, you know,” Sawyer was saying. “Not really.”
“I know,” she said. For some reason, it seemed painfully apparent right then. “You can turn around now.”
He waded out to meet her in the deeper area. “So, you just felt like a bath?”
She ducked under the water and resurfaced. “A thing happened with Agler. A weird thing. Maybe I felt sort of dirty too.”
Sawyer stopped moving. “A thing?”
“I basically threw myself at him. We almost... We’re not even dating. I don’t know why I did it. It’s completely not like me.”
Sawyer swallowed. “You almost...?”
“Did it. Went all the way. Had sex.” She started through the water for the fountain.
Sawyer followed her. “But you didn’t. You stopped him.”
“No,” Nora said. “He stopped me. I was acting like a total...” She shot a look over her shoulder. “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I don’t know why I was like that. I felt out of control.”
Sawyer floated closer to her. “Do you want to do that with Agler?”
“I did right then,” she said. She shook her head. Then she dove under the fountain. When she resurfaced, jets of water were splashing over her. She giggled and swam out a little to where Sawyer was still floating.
“Sometimes I want to do things with Jack,” said Sawyer, “but I get freaked out. The whole thing freaks me out.”
“Jack freaks you out?” Nora asked.
Sawyer shrugged self-consciously. “A little. He’s so much more experienced that I am. He acts like things are no big deal, but they’re a big deal to me, because I’ve never done them before.”
Nora ran her fingers over the surface of the water. “Yeah, Agler started in on this whole, ‘If we’re going to do it, let’s be honest about our sexual history thing,’ and maybe that’s what made me stop. He was making it all... like a business transaction or something. And I would have been fine never knowing that he slept with someone else before.”
Sawyer laughed. “Only one person? Consider yourself lucky chica.”
“Why? Has Jack slept with a lot of people?”
“I don’t think there was much sleeping involved. I don’t know how many exactly. But more than one, for sure.”
“How’s that make you feel?”
“More freaked,” said Sawyer. “What if I really suck at it?”
Nora had never considered that she might be bad at sex. She ducked underwater again. “You know, it would be so much cooler if the first time you did it, it was with someone who was as clueless as you were.”
“Would it?” said Sawyer. “Because then neither of you would know what you were doing.”
“Well, you could figure it out together,” said Nora.
Sawyer sighed. “I don’t know. I get really nervous talking to Jack about that kind of stuff. I don’t know how good I’d be about figuring it out with someone. I might be completely speechless.”
“You’re talking about it with me,” said Nora. “Maybe if it was with someone who was more like a friend. Because we would never be awkward with each other.”
Sawyer gave her a strange look.
“Not that we would ever...” She cleared her throat. “I only meant as an example.”
“Right,” said Sawyer.
They were both very quiet. Nora stared into Sawyer’s eyes. They were reflecting the ripples of the water, and they looked like they went on forever, like she could get lost in them. Sawyer was actually very attractive, wasn’t he?
“Do you want to talk about something else?” said Sawyer.
* * *
Nora woke up early on May Day to the nip of cooler air on her nose. She pushed her way out of her tent to stretch. She smiled as she breathed in the spring air. All around her, the trees of Helicon were blooming in vibrant color. Despite the fact that it was summer year-round here, Nora still felt charged with the promise of spring. They didn’t have much of the seasons here. Just a taste. But Nora liked it that way. She stretched out her arms as if she could pull all her surroundings to her.
Maddy scrambled out of the tent next to hers. She turned a grinning face to Nora. “Happy May Day!”
“Happy May Day,” said Nora. She hugged her best friend. “Do we wash our faces in the dew now?”
“You bet we do you.” Maddie flung herself onto her knees and began wetting her hands in the grass.
Nora followed suit, rubbing her dew-drenched hands over her face. “Hey, remember that charm you said last year? I think it worked.”
Maddie drew her hands over her face. “It did. I wanted to meet a boy, and I met Daryl.”
“So... was I right?”
“About what?”
“Last year I told you your first kiss was going to be amazing. Was I right?”
Maddie giggled. “Oh yeah. You were right.”
The girls hugged again.
“Why aren’t you in your dresses yet?” Sawyer strode toward them, clad in an emerald green dress. The bodice hugged his torso like a second skin. The skirt flared out in long ribbon-like strips. Over it, he wore a black velvet cloak. He had a wreath of flowers on his head. He had that sleek, striking look about him again. He wore dramatic eye makeup, but it didn’t quite make him look feminine. Instead, he was androgynous and beautiful. He was soft and hard. He was a stunning May Queen.
Nora stood up. “Whoa. Your dress is gorgeous.”
“Thanks,” said Sawyer. He looked frazzled. “You guys need to get ready. What are you doing just sitting on the grass?”
“We just woke up,” said Maddie. “Calm down.”
“Calm down? I have to lead the procession with Himeros Star, who’s been awfully handsy in our practice sessions let me tell you. Then I have to dance with him. I can’t do this by myself. You two have to help me. So you need to get ready now.”
“I don’t understand,” said Nora. “How can we help you with all that?”
“You know we’re here for you, Sawyer,” said Maddie. “But you’re on your own with Himeros.”
“That’s just it. I don’t want to be on my own. I want you two to help me lead the procession.”
Maddie looked scandalized. “But we can’t. The May Queen and the Green Man always lead the procession. The dancers are always behind them.”
Sawyer put his hands on his hips. “The May Queen is usually female, and that’s different this year.”
“Himeros will never go for it,” said Maddie.
“Himeros will go for it, or I will quit,” said Sawyer.
Maddie shook her head. “This is a bad idea.”
“But you’ll do it?” said Sawyer.
“Of course,” said Nora.
“Then get your dresses on, and let’s get moving.” Sawyer gestured insistently to their tents.
“Last year, I think we got to eat breakfast before we had to get our dresses on,” said Nora. “Do you think
your nervousness is making you rush a little bit?”
“Oh, I’m not even hungry,” said Maddie. “Besides, it’s May Day. I’d like the celebration to get started as soon as possible.” She dove into her tent.
“I’m hungry,” said Nora.
“Oh please,” said Sawyer. “There’s a huge luncheon. It’s not like you’re going to starve.”
Sighing, Nora went back into her tent.
Her dress was hanging on the center tent pole. It was made of white fabric, with a pastel blue ribbon lacing up the bodice. Maddie’s ribbon was pink. Each of the dancers had different colored ribbons. Like Sawyer’s dress, the skirt was made of long strips of fabric. The strips were multicolored, white mixed with pastel colors of yellow, violet, pink and blue. Because the skirt didn’t provide much coverage, the top part of the dress was constructed like a leotard. That way when the dancers spun in a circle, they wouldn’t flash the entire crowd. Nora liked the dress a lot. Not just because Sawyer had made it, but because she thought it was flirty and fun. She still had her dress from last year. She thought this year’s was a little bit more grown up.
Her stomach growling, she put the dress on. She laced up the bodice loosely, because, when she’d tried it on the night before and had it laced properly, it had been a little bit uncomfortable. She snatched her flower wreath up, put it on her head, and left her tent.
“Honestly Sawyer,” Nora said as she emerged, “shouldn’t we at least take a shower or something? I think my hair probably looks weird from sleeping on it.”
“Your hair looks fine,” said Sawyer, giving her a once over with his eyes. “But your bodice is gaping open.”
Nora looked down. He was right. Her skin was visible through gaps in the fabric.
Sawyer strode over to her. Businesslike, he untied the ribbon, and began to pull it tighter. “You’re supposed to look sensual but not that sensual.” He grinned at her. “You’ll make Agler lose his mind.”
But Nora didn’t grin back. She was remembering that last year Owen had been angry because he thought her dress and her dancing were too suggestive. At least he wouldn’t be around this year to rain on her parade.
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 39