Sawyer yanked on her ribbon. “Your boobs are lopsided, Nora. Fix them.”
Nora looked down at herself and tried to shift her breasts further forward.
“No, no, no,” said Sawyer, his hands going to her chest, “like this.”
The minute his fingers touched her, Nora sucked in breath. Sawyer’s gaze met hers. Abruptly, he turned bright red and took three steps back from her.
“Maybe you should do it yourself,” he mumbled to his toes.
Nora adjusted herself without looking at Sawyer.
Maddie came out of her tent. She looked back and forth between the two of them. “What’s up with you two?”
“Nothing,” said Sawyer.
“Nothing,” said Nora.
Maddie shrugged. “Okay.”
And awkward silence descended upon all three of them. They might have stayed that way for a long time, but Daryl came through the archway of the tweens and rebels enclave holding a basket. He waved to Maddie.
Maddie waved back. “What are you doing here?”
Daryl hurried over to them. “I brought breakfast. I wanted to make up for running out on you last night. I thought we could have a picnic. I brought enough for everybody.”
“Sorry, we’re in a rush,” said Sawyer. “No time.”
“Yeah,” said Maddie. “I’m not even hungry.”
“Oh.” Daryl hung his head. “You’re pissed off at me, aren’t you? Look, it wasn’t like we had solid plans exactly. My friends in the security enclave missed me. We hadn’t been to the mundane world in a long time, and we used to go a lot. You said it was okay.”
Maddie kissed Daryl on the cheek. “I’m not mad. I’m just not hungry.”
“I’m starving,” said Nora. “What do you have in that basket anyway?”
“Nora,” said Sawyer, “we don’t have time.”
But Daryl was already fishing things out of the basket. “How about a bagel? You got time for a bagel, right?” He held up a bagel in one hand and a small tub in the other. “With fresh goat cheese?”
“No,” said Sawyer.
Nora snatched it from Daryl anyway.
* * *
By the time they arrived in the dance enclave to line up for the procession, Nora was feeling quite satiated from the bagel she’d eaten. Neither Sawyer nor Maddie had eaten anything, and they’d yelled at her to finish eating as quickly as possible. Even so, she wasn’t sure why they were so upset. They were practically the first people there. Himeros and Natalia were chatting together in one corner. One or two of the other Maypole dancers had straggled in.
As it was, they ended up milling about in the pavilion, waiting for everyone to show up, for over an hour. As more and more of the dancers appeared, Nora began to feel an increasing amount of nervousness. She wasn’t sure why. Sure, she was going to be participating in the Maypole dance in front of all of Helicon. Everyone would be looking at her. But she didn’t remember feeling nervous about that last year. She fidgeted and stayed quiet, taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself.
Neither Maddie nor Sawyer seemed to notice. Maddie was caught up in the excitement of May Day. Sawyer was preoccupied with his role as May Queen. Nora remembered feeling caught up in the excitement that Maddie was feeling. Last year, it had seemed to be flowing through the air. But this year... she only felt a little afraid.
So when Himeros came to collect Sawyer so that they could lead the procession, Nora felt immediately apprehensive. She knew Sawyer was going to cause a scene. She had a feeling it wasn’t going to go well.
Himeros put his hand on Sawyer’s arm. “Let’s go. We’re the leaders here.”
Sawyer shook off Himeros. “I’m not doing this alone. I’m bringing my friends with me.”
Nora flinched, sure that Himeros was going to get very angry.
But Himeros only gave Maddie and Nora a once over. “You can bring her.” He pointed at Nora.
Himeros’eyes shifted, and they flashed blue, just like Owen’s. Nora gasped. Was it a trick of the light? Why had she seen that? Himeros’ mouth curved into a smile. He smiled right at her, and it wasn’t a nice smile. Nora cowered.
“Both of them,” said Sawyer.
Himeros shook his head. “Just her.” He sauntered off before Sawyer could argue.
Sawyer fumed.
“It’s okay,” said Maddie. “I’m sure he doesn’t want everybody to see the fat chick is all.”
“That’s it,” said Sawyer. “I’m not doing this. That guy is a big jerk.”
Nora nodded. For some reason, she felt like it would be safer if this whole May Day thing wasn’t happening. “We can go back to our tents.”
“No,” said Maddie. “If you leave, you’ll ruin May Day. You won’t just be hurting Himeros, you’ll be screwing things up for everyone. You can’t do that.”
Sawyer sighed. “Maybe you’re right.” He took Nora’s arm. “Come on, Nora. Let’s lead the procession.”
Nora let him lead her to Himeros. Once they were next to him, Himeros yelled out for quiet. “Does everyone have a torch?” he called.
Most of the muses did, but Nora and Sawyer had somehow missed picking them up, so they each found one. At Himeros’ urging, all of the muses in the dance enclave gathered together, putting their torches together in the center.
Himeros’ voice rang out. “Together, on this May Day, we welcome the spirit of spring into our midst. The fire of passion is lit again, and we bring the fire to Helicon.”
Immediately, a huge ball of flame encompassed the edges of all of the torches. They were all lit. The muses cheered. Feebly, Nora raised her voice with theirs, but inside she still felt cold and afraid. Why wasn’t she in the May Day mood? She shuffled into place next to Sawyer at the head of the procession. Himeros stood in front of both of them. He lifted his torch high. “Let the procession begin!”
More cheers. Again, Nora tried to let the joy they felt wash over her, but it didn’t seem to be working. She thought that perhaps when they arrived at the music enclave and the musicians joined the procession that she’d be able to shake off the ice that was flowing through her veins. But they arrived there, lit the fire in the fire basket, and Sawyer called out, “The fire of spring is lit! Who joins our celebration?” And even when the drummers, singers, and instrument players fell in at the end of the line, making an ecstatic and beautiful clamor, nothing changed.
They went throughout all of Helicon, lighting all the fire baskets, summoning each of the muses in each enclave to join the procession, and Nora still felt nervous. No, it was worse than nervous. It was fear. Cold, freezing terror. She had to cling to Sawyer just to keep moving.
When they reached the Maypole in the center Helicon, Nora realized she was going to have to let go of Sawyer. She didn’t want to do that. Even though she was surrounded by muses, she was so afraid. What this normal? Was this pre-performance jitters? Or did it have something to do with the fact she had seen Owen’s eyes looking out of Himeros’ face?
But she had to let go of Sawyer. He was the May Queen. Nora was only a dancer. She had to go into the inner ring right around the Maypole and wait while the dance between the Green Man and the May Queen went on. So, still trembling, that was what she did. She found her ribbon, the one she would hold during the dance, and she sat down next to it.
The drumbeat was pounding staccato, pulsing inside her skull. She could hear the whoops and yells of the surrounding muses. Generally, the excitement around her would make her feel free and happy, but it almost sounded sinister.
“Let the dance begin!” cried Phoebe.
Sawyer was moving forward to meet Himeros. Nora forced herself to focus only on the dance and to ignore the strange emotions she was feeling. She told herself it didn’t mean anything. She only felt this way because she had thought of Owen earlier. Clenching her teeth together, she stared at Sawyer and Himeros.
Music began. It had a flowing quality, like water trickling over stones. But the drumbeat behind it m
ade it jaunty.
Sawyer threw off his black cloak, and left it in a heap on the grass. He was standing about four feet away from Himeros, who was eyeing Sawyer with obvious desire. Looking at Sawyer standing there, no one would have any idea that he’d had any reservations about being May Queen. He was tall and regal, arrogant and sure of himself. He cast a glance at Himeros that communicated just how aware he was of Himeros’ desire and just how little it fazed him.
For several seconds they stood that way, simply gazing at each other. And then the high notes of a violin came into the music, and Sawyer turned gracefully, leaping into the air away from Himeros. In time to the music, Himeros gave chase. This was the dance between the May Queen and the Green Man. It was the dance of fertility. The May Queen ran away, coquettishly teasing the Green Man, but eventually she always gave in. Because if she didn’t, there would be no new life. It was sacred and ancient. And while she watched it, Nora felt as if the fear from earlier had been banished. The power of the dance filtered it out, and for those moments she was safe.
Sawyer’s movements had strength. His attitude was written all over them—cocky, sensual. Nora was struck again by the way that Sawyer was somehow both feminine and masculine all at the same time. He darted to and fro, ducking between dancers, jumping over Maypole ribbons, flitting in and out, just out of Himeros’ reach. Nora began to wonder if he was ever going to let Himeros catch him.
But eventually he did. He had to. The Green Man had to catch the May Queen. It was tradition. Last year, she remembered that Natalia and Himeros had danced together almost as if they were one being. Their skin had been melded together. She knew that this was the part of the dance that made Sawyer the most uncomfortable. He didn’t want to be that close to Himeros. She clenched her fists, a little bit of nervousness returning, but this time for Sawyer.
But if Sawyer minded, Nora couldn’t tell. The dance was just as intimate as it had been before, Sawyer and Himeros undulating together. Sawyer’s hips were glued to Himeros’ hips. But instead of looking uncomfortable, Sawyer looked supremely satisfied, the way the May Queen should. Watching the two of them together, Nora believed the truth of the dance more than she had when Natalia had been the May Queen. She was a bit enraptured by it, truthfully. So she was a little startled when the dance was over, and she had to get to her feet to begin the dance around the Maypole.
She got through the first part of the dance fine. She was still affected by Sawyer’s performance. But as she and the other dancers began to wind closer to the Maypole, their ribbons getting shorter and shorter as they wound around the pole, tendrils of fear started to return. It didn’t help that the music got faster at this point as well. It began to seem frenzied, terrifying. It was all Nora could do to complete the dance. She was grateful when the ribbons were wound around the Maypole completely, and she could sit back down in the grass.
Nora chewed on her lip all through the handfasting ceremonies. She struggled to keep breathing deeply, but her heart was racing in her chest. Why was she so scared? She closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing. She didn’t pay a bit of attention to Phoebe, who was winding ribbons around young couples’ hands and having them speak vows for a year and a day. Nora remembered that she’d loved the handfasting last year. This year she simply couldn’t pay attention.
She was relieved when it was all over, and Phoebe gave the boisterous yell that they should dig in because the food was ready. That meant she wouldn’t be stuck without anyone to talk to. She caught up with Sawyer right away. He was flushed and grinning.
“That actually went okay,” he said. “I thought it did, anyway. What did you think?”
Right. The dance. Nora shook herself. She needed to keep this fear she was feeling in check. “You were amazing.” She forced herself to smile.
“You really think so?” said Sawyer. “It felt great. I had a lot of fun out there.”
“I really think so.”
Sawyer threw his head back. “I’m starving. Let’s go get some food, huh?”
Nora tried a joke. “Now you’re hungry.”
Sawyer laughed. Nora tried to as well, but it felt phony. Sawyer was in such a good mood, though, she couldn’t drop her weird neuroses on him right now. Instead, she followed him to the food tables. She wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, so she didn’t get much to eat. Sawyer loaded up his plate, however. Nora grabbed a big mug of meade as they made their way over to the benches around the fire pit where they would eat.
Sawyer glanced at her plate. “You sure you aren’t going to want more to eat if you’re drinking all of that?”
Nora swilled some of the meade. “I’ll get more food later if I’m hungrier.” The honeyed liquid burned down her throat, and she felt a little less frightened already. Good. Maybe it had all been something stupid. Worrying about dancing had caused her to see something that wasn’t actually even there. Himeros’ eyes hadn’t changed. It had been a trick of the light or something. Nothing more.
For the rest of the afternoon, when she started to feel any nervousness coming back, she banished it with more meade. In between, she had a fun time, laughing and talking with Daryl, Maddie, and Sawyer. The three sat together chatting eagerly about the morning’s activities. Everyone agreed that Sawyer’s dance had been utterly amazing. Despite everything, Sawyer seemed pretty proud of himself.
After a few hours, Agler and Jack joined them. The two had been playing music with other members of the music enclave. Nora felt unexpectedly shy around Agler, a fact she attributed to what had happened between them earlier that week. Still, she hadn’t thought it would affect her so much. She couldn’t meet his eyes. This caused Nora to guzzle meade all the more. Luckily, when Agler talked, he talked to everyone in the group, not just her. Maybe he was embarrassed too.
Jack threw his arm around Sawyer and kissed him on the cheek. “I thought you were stunning.”
Even though Sawyer had been praised all afternoon, he still blushed. He had his own cup of meade by now, and he stared down into it. “Thanks.”
“Even Agler thought you were hot,” said Jack. He smirked.
Agler shoved Jack. “I was watching Nora, okay?”
Now it was Nora’s turn to blush.
“What did you think, Daryl?” said Jack.
“Hey,” said Sawyer. “Why are you trying to figure out if all these straight guys thought I was attractive? It wasn’t like I was trying to pass for a girl or anything, you know.”
Jack laughed, taking a swig of his drink. “Come on, Sawyer. You try to pass for a girl every day.”
Sawyer knitted his brow. “No, I don’t. Is that really what you think?”
Daryl spoke up. “Uh, I didn’t think you looked like a girl, for what it’s worth.”
“I didn’t either,” said Nora. “I thought you looked like this perfect melding of both genders, or something.”
“Really?” Sawyer smiled at her. “That was kind of what I was going for. Actually, that’s like what I’m always going for.”
Across the fire pit, one of the tweens from the muse police waved at Daryl. He yelled, “Hey Daryl, you gonna hang out with your girl all evening or are you going to come have some fun with us?”
Daryl put his arm possessively around Maddie. “I’m having fun here.”
The tween made his way around the fire pit. Two other young members of the security enclave followed him. Nora thought they looked familiar. But that was probably because she had spent time living in the security enclave with Owen last year. She knew most of the muse police by sight.
All three of them stopped directly in front of Nora’s group. “Oh, come on, Daryl. Don’t be like that. We hardly ever see you anymore,” said one.
“Yeah,” said another. “We miss you. We get lonely.”
The boys had a joking manner, but something about it made Nora feel nervous. It reminded her of being back in the mundane world, back in high school, where she got picked on by other students all the time. They were
probably just drunk. She didn’t look at them. Maybe Daryl could make them go away.
“Sorry,” grinned Daryl. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The third member of the security enclave was looking directly at Sawyer. “Well, if it isn’t the May Queen.”
“Whose lousy idea was it to have a guy play the May Queen?” said another of Daryl’s friends.
Uh-oh. Nora had a feeling this was going to get ugly. “I don’t think Daryl is going to hang out with you guys. So maybe you should move along.”
The boys guffawed at Nora, pointing and covering their mouths with their hands. “She just told us to ‘move along.’”
“What are you anyway?” said one of the guys to Sawyer. “I see you. You’re always dressed like a girl. So what are you? Are you a girl? Or what?”
Sawyer swallowed.
“Hey,” said Daryl. “Not cool, okay?”
The guys didn’t listen. “Well, I think he’s real pretty.” All three of them erupted in laughter.
Nora stood up. “I think you guys need to leave.”
“No, it’s cool.” Sawyer stood up too. “I’ll leave.” Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Sawyer had stalked off.
Nora glared at Daryl’s friends, who were still giggling. “You disgust me.”
“We didn’t mean anything by it,” said one, trying to stifle his laughter.
“Seriously guys,” said Daryl. “Go away.”
Still snickering, the three loped off.
“I’m going after Sawyer.” Nora turned to go after him.
“Wait,” said Agler. “Don’t you think Jack should? I mean, isn’t Jack the person he’s most likely going to want to talk to right now? The person he’s going to want comfort from?”
Nora turned on Jack. “You didn’t even say anything. You just sat here.”
Jack got to his feet and put a finger in Nora’s face. “Stay out of my relationship, okay?” He took off in the same direction that Sawyer had gone.
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 40