“We don’t need to investigate anyone,” said Nora. “We know it’s Owen.”
“Do we?” said Maddie. “How do we know that exactly?”
Nora chewed on her lip, looking to Sawyer for assistance.
“Well,” said Sawyer. “I mean, it makes sense, right? Because we know he hates the muses.”
“No, he doesn’t,” said Maddie.
“Yes, he does,” said Nora. “He’s angry because he was exiled.”
“That’s not what motivates him, Nora,” said Maddie. “He’s only motivated by trying to get you back. Everything he’s done thus far has been about you.”
Nora and Sawyer looked at each other, both considering what Maddie was saying.
“That’s true,” said Sawyer.
“You don’t think it’s Owen?” said Nora.
“No, it probably is,” said Maddie. “I don’t care one way or another.” She really didn’t. She felt like Nora and Sawyer were both being incredibly stupid and she wondered if they’d always been so dumb. Maybe she hadn’t noticed before. Or maybe all the kissing they were doing was scrambling their brains.
“You have to care,” said Nora.
“No, I don’t.” Maddie folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t have to do anything.”
“People are getting sick,” said Nora. “They aren’t getting better. This is bad, Maddie. So, you have to care. Because if you don’t then…”
“If I don’t then what?”
“Well, you just do.”
Maddie rolled her eyes. “I don’t care about anything. Because whenever I start caring, it all hurts too much. Does that make any sense to you?”
Nora reached for her. “I know you’ve been through a lot, Maddie, but we’re your friends. We want to be here for you.”
Maddie shook her head. “You guys don’t want anything except each other. You think I can’t see how you’re always putting your hands all over each other and making those googly eyes? I notice. You’re both completely distracted by the other one. And I know you wish I was happy for you or whatever. But I don’t have it in me. Okay?”
She set down her basket of seeds and walked off. She’d been temporarily insane to think that she could actually spend time around the two of them.
CHAPTER SIX
Agler was heading through the woods, his guitar strapped on his back. He’d been out walking and playing. He still wasn’t a very good guitar player, but he liked to play. He didn’t play much in the music enclave, though. When he did, he was usually barraged by comments from other musicians. They wanted to give him tips to improve. He only wanted to play in peace.
Playing in the woods meant he was away from everyone else. He liked the solitude.
But he heard the sound of someone crying.
It wasn’t a loud, wailing sound. Instead, it was quiet. Sniffling and staggered breath.
He walked in the direction of it until he found Maddie sitting on a log in the middle of the woods, her head buried in her hands.
Should he say something? Should he walk away? Pretend he hadn’t noticed her?
He hesitated, unsure of what to do.
She turned on him, her voice angry even though it was full of tears. “What?”
He felt nervous. “Um…”
She rolled her eyes and turned away.
He came closer. “You okay?”
“Peachy keen.”
He sat down on the log. “Okay, that was a stupid question. Obviously, you’re not okay. I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “What do you want, Agler?”
“I…” He set his guitar down on the leaves that made up the floor of the forest. “I don’t want anything. You’re sad. I thought maybe…”
She wiped at her eyes.
He peered at her. She was kind of pretty, wasn’t she? Sure, she’d look better if she didn’t have red-rimmed eyes from crying. But she was nice to look at. Why had he never noticed that before? He guessed she used to be a little chubby. She wasn’t anymore, though. She was actually really skinny. “You, um, you want to talk about it?”
She shrugged. “I just hate Nora and Sawyer.”
Agler laughed. “Really?”
“Oh, I guess you don’t like them either. You made that rule just to keep the two of them from screwing.”
Agler reached down for his guitar. “That’s not why I made the rule. I’ll leave you alone.”
“Hey, I’m glad you did. I can’t even imagine how much more annoying they’d be if they were actually having sex.”
“So, um… they’re not?” Agler ran his finger over the neck of the guitar, stroking the strings.
Maddie laughed. “You’re still into her. Gods, what is it about that girl? How can every guy on earth have a crush on her?”
“I’m not into her.” Agler stopped touching the guitar. “She’s too young for me. And she’s, you know, nuts. I couldn’t handle the drama.”
“Whatever,” said Maddie.
“Why do you hate them?”
“I don’t know. I shouldn’t. It’s stupid. I want to get over it, but I can’t stand how happy they are. I mean, seriously, no one should be that happy. And they’re so into each other, it makes me sick.” She got up off the log and kicked at the leaves. “Nobody’s ever going to feel like that about me.”
“You don’t know that,” said Agler.
“I know that,” said Maddie. “Girls like me don’t have big, epic love stories. I’m not that kind of girl. I’m the sidekick. Nora’s the one everyone likes. Being friends with her is asking for it. No one even notices me next to her.”
“That’s not true,” said Agler. But he had to admit that whenever Nora and Maddie had been together, he’d mostly paid attention to Nora, not Maddie. “You’re pretty, Maddie, and—”
“Stop it,” she said.
“It’s not like you’ve never had a boyfriend. Daryl was crazy about you.”
She gave him a withering look. “He was working with Owen. He was only pretending to like me so that he could spy on Nora for Owen. Because everything’s about Nora.”
“Well, yeah, there’s that.” Agler winced. “But he did really like you. I’m sure of it.”
“He didn’t.”
“Besides,” he said. “No one even remembers that.”
“You don’t think so?” She studied her fingernails. “You don’t think everyone’s looking at me and thinking, Oh there’s that girl who was gullible enough to think that Daryl liked her.”
“No way,” said Agler. “No one even notices you.”
Maddie raised her eyebrows.
He cringed. He was really botching this up. “Sorry. That’s not how I meant it.”
She laughed ruefully. “No, actually, I guess that’s not a bad thing. The thing with Daryl’s not that important, is it?”
“Sure, it is,” he said. “It’s important.”
“No,” she said. “It’s not.” She smiled at him. “Thanks, Agler.”
He was surprised to hear those words come out of her mouth. “For what?”
“You kind of made me feel better,” she said.
“I did?” He could hardly believe it. “I mean, good. That’s what I wanted to do.”
“I don’t see why you’d care, really. It isn’t like we’re friends or anything.”
“Sure we are,” said Agler. “You and I are friends.”
“It’s more like we had Nora in common, don’t you think?” said Maddie. “You and I didn’t really interact with each other. We only saw each other because we were both around Nora.”
Maybe she was right, but Agler didn’t like to think that way. “No, that’s not true. I consider you a friend. We got drunk together at the Winter Ball.”
She smiled. “Oh. Yeah, I don’t remember that very much.”
He laughed. “Me either. Not after we started taking those shots anyway.”
“But what I remember of it was fun,” she said.
He held out his hand to her. “
Let’s be friends, Maddie. Officially.”
She took his hand and shook it. “Okay. Let’s be friends.”
“Next time we talk,” said Agler, “we can even have a whole conversation without mentioning Nora.”
Maddie raised her eyebrows. “Is that even possible?”
“I’m sure it is,” he said. “I don’t even think about her very often.”
She snorted. “Sure, you don’t.”
Agler picked up his guitar again. “So, um, are she and Sawyer really that happy together?”
Maddie glared at him. “Seriously?”
He squared his shoulders. “Not that I care or whatever.”
* * *
“You’re not really attracted to him are you?” asked Evie Deer, leaning against a hoe.
Nora looked up from the flower bed where she was working with her trowel. She was planting bulbs. “What?”
Evie knelt down next to her. “Sawyer. I mean, what’s going on with you two? It’s some kind of elaborate practical joke, right?”
Nora didn’t know Evie very well. She was one of the older tweens, closer to Agler and Jack’s age than hers. Evie spent most of her time in the architecture enclave as far as Nora knew. But a lot of muses helped out in the food enclave when it was time to plant things. She guessed that was what Evie was doing here.
Nora had been helping out for about a week now. She and Sawyer hadn’t been assigned to the same area today, so she was going at it solo. And Maddie had been avoiding them ever since the other day when she’d run off.
“It’s not a practical joke,” said Nora, going back to digging.
“Oh,” said Evie. “So, you really are into him?”
Nora glared up at the older girl. “Yes.”
“Sorry.” Evie stood back up and began to walk off with her hoe. Then she stopped and came back. “Can I ask why?”
Nora set down her trowel. “I like him, that’s why.”
“You do?” Evie raised her eyebrows. “You’ve noticed that he dresses like a girl, right?”
In the next flower bed over, Susan Cliff stood up. “Oh, are you guys talking about Sawyer?”
Nora heaved a huge sigh. “We should get back to work.”
Susan came over. “What do you see in him, Nora?”
“See, that’s what I was asking her,” said Evie. “Because I don’t get it. I don’t have a problem with him or anything.”
“Oh, me either,” said Susan. “I like Sawyer. He can wear skirts if he wants.”
“Definitely,” said Evie. “But I don’t think I could… kiss him or anything.”
“What’s it like?” said Susan.
“It’s normal,” said Nora.
“Well, but does he kiss more like a girl or more like a guy?” asked Susan.
Nora slammed the trowel into the ground. “I really wouldn’t know. I’ve never kissed a girl before.”
“Oh, good point,” said Evie. “But is it different?”
“How many guys have you kissed anyway?” said Susan.
“That’s none of your business,” said Nora. “Actually, maybe you guys should leave me alone.”
Evie twirled the hoe in her hands. “You were with that Owen guy when you showed up, right? And then you were with Agler. So, it’s probably only those two.”
Nora shut her eyes. They weren’t going to go away, were they?
“I kissed Agler once,” Evie continued.
Nora looked up at her, suddenly curious. “You did?”
“Yeah, we were drunk at May Day or something. It was before you got here. He was a good kisser. A little sloppy, but that could have been because we were drunk. His dreads are cool. I liked playing with them.”
Nora remembered doing that. She felt violated all of the sudden. She got up from the flower bed. “Do you just make out with everyone when you’re drunk, Evie?”
Evie laughed. “Ooh. That’s funny. I thought you were totally over Agler.”
“I am,” said Nora.
Susan smiled slyly at her. “Are you dating Sawyer to make Agler jealous?”
“No,” said Nora. She was starting to feel really angry.
“He’s your friend,” said Susan. “You could get him to pretend to date you. And Agler’s obviously jealous, what with that rule he made and everything.”
“I’m not pretending to date Sawyer.” Nora couldn’t believe Susan would say something like that.
“You aren’t?” said Susan.
“It would make more sense than actually dating him,” said Evie.
“You don’t have to date him,” said Nora. “It only has to make sense to me. Now can we drop this?”
“So you really are attracted to him?” said Evie.
“Yes,” Nora hissed.
“Are you attracted to girls?” said Susan.
“No.” Nora took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take.
“And he kisses like a guy?” said Susan.
Nora pressed her lips together. She wasn’t going to answer that question. She’d already established that she didn’t know what it meant.
“What about… you know… doing it?” said Susan.
Nora bent down to pick up her trowel. She put it into the basket with the bulbs she was supposed to be planting. She’d take this stuff back and say she needed to be assigned to a different job today.
“You haven’t done it yet, have you?” said Evie.
Nora picked up the basket of bulbs. She wasn’t going to talk to either of them anymore.
“Does he want to do it?” said Evie.
Nora started to walk away. Just because she and Sawyer hadn’t had sex didn’t mean there was anything wrong with their relationship.
Evie caught her by the arm. “Wait, Nora. I know you don’t want to talk about this.”
“What was your first clue?” said Nora.
“Look, I’m not trying to be a bitch,” said Evie. “I’m trying to help you. Sawyer is obviously gay. So if you’re really attracted to him—”
“You don’t know anything,” said Nora.
“If he wasn’t gay, he would have jumped your bones by now,” said Evie.
Nora wrenched her arm away. That wasn’t true. She’d been in relationships with two other guys and managed not to have sex with either of them and no one questioned Agler’s or Owen’s sexuality. “Just because Sawyer and I have something different doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with it. I like Sawyer. He likes me. The end. Get over it.”
“But he did go out with a guy before he went out with you,” said Susan. “That doesn’t bother you?”
“Yeah,” said Evie, “what happened? Did he suddenly start liking girls because of you?”
“He likes me,” said Nora. “That’s the only thing that matters.” She stalked away from the girls. Why did they have to be like that?
* * *
Sawyer crossed his legs, balancing his plate with one hand. It had been a long day in the fields, and he was famished. “You think if we eat really fast this time, we can get done before the council meeting starts?”
Nora was watching him, holding her own plate. “Maybe if we skip dessert.”
Sawyer took a bite of macaroni and cheese. “I don’t know about that. I saw chocolate cupcakes, and I want some. But maybe we could just take them back to our tents. ‘Course, I guess we’d have to eat them in the tree house or around the fire pit or something.”
Nora didn’t answer. She was looking at his skirt.
“What?” he said.
“Do you sit like that because you’re wearing a skirt, or do you wear a skirt so that you get to sit that way?”
He suddenly felt self-conscious about the way he was sitting. “Sit like what?”
“Like crossing your legs like that.”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Is there something wrong with the way I sit?”
“Well, it’s kind of feminine, don’t you think?”
He uncrossed his leg
s. He set his plate against his knees. “Is that bad?”
She wasn’t looking at him.
“Nora?” He looked down at the macaroni. It didn’t seem very appetizing anymore. “You suddenly don’t like it when I’m feminine?”
She sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s those stupid girls.”
“What?” He was completely confused now.
“Susan and Evie,” she said. “They were giving me a hard time earlier, asking me all these super personal questions about you and me, and then I got to dinner, and I noticed how everyone gives us a wide berth.”
He furrowed his brow. “A wide berth?”
She gestured. “No one sits close to us. Everyone thinks we’re freaks.”
“Oh.” He pushed his food around on his plate. “I’m sorry, Nora. It’s my fault. I’ve always been a freak, but you—”
“Don’t apologize.” She touched his arm. “It’s not your fault. Other people are the ones who are being jerks. And besides, I know what it’s like to be a freak. In the mundane world, I didn’t really fit in, you know. Even now, things are much better than they were there.”
She did have a good point. Things could be worse. Helicon was mostly a great place to live.
He took a bite of macaroni. “So, um, what did Susan and Evie say?”
Nora shrugged. “It’s not worth repeating.”
He cringed. “That bad, huh?”
“That was the worst of it. They weren’t really calling me names or confronting me. They were simply asking these really invasive questions.”
“Like what?” He couldn’t help but be sort of morbidly curious. It was probably better not to know what everyone thought about him, but he couldn’t help himself.
“Like if kissing you was like kissing a girl, and whether or not you wanted to have sex with me. It was way out of line.”
“So, what did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything,” she said. “I wasn’t going to dignify what they said with a response.”
“Oh,” he said. “Of course not.” He ate some more macaroni and cheese. It was started to get a little cold.
“Of course not.” She turned back to her own plate.
He watched her face, trying to gauge her expression. “Um, do you think I kiss like a guy?”
“Sawyer,” she said. “Don’t let them get to you like that.”
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 68