“I’m not,” he said, trying to look nonchalant. “Just curious, I guess.”
“Well, how would I know? I don’t know how girls kiss, do I?”
That was true. He nodded. Honestly, he wasn’t sure how he wanted her to answer. Part of him was kind of excited by the idea of kissing like a girl. But part of him was frightened that Nora would only be satisfied if his kissing was masculine. And he wanted Nora to be happy. That was more important than anything.
The two sat in silence for a few minutes, both shoveling food into their mouths and chewing.
“Is kissing me… different than the other guys you’ve kissed?”
“Well, yeah.”
“It is?”
“Yeah, because you’re… Sawyer. I mean, everyone kind of has their own way of kissing. And the way I feel about you, it’s, you know, different than anything I ever felt before.” She mumbled the last part, blushing a little bit.
He smiled. “Really?”
She raised her gaze to his. “Yeah.”
He wanted to kiss her right then. But they were at the main fire pit, and there were so many people around, and they were in the middle of eating. It didn’t seem like the right time to kiss. So he took her hand and squeezed it instead.
She grinned at him. “You’re the one who’s kissed both girls and guys. Do guys kiss differently than girls?”
He cocked his head. “I’ve kissed Jack and you. That’s not a lot of people.”
“So, do I kiss differently?”
He thought about it. “You do. I mean, like you said, everyone’s different. But, you know, now that I think about it, a kiss is a kiss. I don’t know that gender makes that much difference.”
“God, I wish you’d been there to say that to those stupid girls.” She made a face. “I wanted to kill them. And then at the end, it was like they ran out of stuff to say, so then they just started telling me that you were obviously gay, and that there was no way you and I were going to work out.”
Sawyer rolled his eyes. “Oh, trust me, I get that too.”
“You do? But you never said anything.”
“I’m used to it,” said Sawyer.
“You aren’t, though,” said Nora.
“Well, but I am,” he said. “Sort of.”
“You’re bisexual,” said Nora. “It’s like people in Helicon have never heard of such a thing before.”
“That’s a thing?” said Sawyer.
“Well, people talk about it in the mundane world,” said Nora. “Admittedly, I never really met a bisexual person. But I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything. A person can like both genders. They really can.”
He gripped her hand tighter. “We’re going to be okay, Nora. We’re going to make it.”
And she leaned close and kissed him. Even though they were at the main fire pit, and everyone was around to watch. Sawyer loved her for that.
* * *
“Ouch,” said Nora. That had hurt.
Sawyer looked up from her neck, which he’d been kissing. “What?”
The two were in the woods outside the tweens and rebels enclave. Nora was pressed up against a tree. Something was poking her in the back.
Sawyer moved away from her.
She looked back at the tree ruefully. “That branch.” She pointed. “Ouch.”
“Sorry,” said Sawyer.
“It’s not your fault,” she said.
Sawyer took her hand. “Let’s find another tree.”
She let him lead her over a few feet to another tree trunk.
He reached up and caressed her cheek.
She smiled at him. She liked the look he got during times like this. He was completely focused on her, and he adored her.
Their lips met. Kissing Sawyer was exquisite. Her limbs felt weak, and she rested against the new tree for support.
Sawyer’s body molded itself against hers.
She often found herself surprised at how strong he was. He seemed so graceful and lithe, but when he was pressed against her like this, she could feel his strength in the way he touched her. It sent little thrills through her body.
She ran her hands over him, feeling the muscles of his back under his shirt.
He gasped.
His hands skimmed her waist.
She sighed.
His mouth traveled away from her mouth, over her chin, to the underside of her jaw.
She moaned.
His fingers moved, tickling her rib cage, inching higher…
She held her breath in anticipation of it.
He brushed the underside of her breasts.
She let out her breath in an audible whoosh.
He captured her lips with his own, and one of his hands cupped her breast.
Pleasure burst through her. She groaned, her hands roaming lower on his back, exploring the curve of his backside beneath his skirt. Loving the way his body felt hard and solid underneath the soft fabric.
“Ouch,” said Sawyer, pulling away from her.
She was startled to be pulled out of their moment.
Sawyer disentangled himself from a thorny branch that had somehow gotten stuck to his shirt.
“Sorry,” she said.
“It’s not your fault,” said Sawyer. He took her by the hands again and repositioned her, moving her around the tree. He fixed her with a hungry gaze. “Where we we?” he breathed.
She felt shy.
But then his hand found her breast again. “Oh yeah. Right here,” he whispered.
She gasped.
“So soft,” he murmured against her ear. His lips caught her earlobe.
Shivers went through her body. Her stomach turned over. She wasn’t sure why, but those words affected her very deeply.
Maybe it was because everything about Sawyer seemed the opposite of soft right now, from the way his body felt under her fingers—sleek and solid and wiry—to the way he was pressed against her—urgent and fierce.
She wanted him.
She grabbed his hips and tugged them tight against her own.
He ground against her, pinning her against the tree, and she could feel how exactly opposite of soft he really was.
She let out a little gasp.
And then her tail bone jammed painfully against a knot on the tree.
She pushed Sawyer away. “Ow.”
“What?” Sawyer was out of breath.
She rubbed the spot, cringing. “That really hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
The pain was starting to fade. She reached for Sawyer. “It’s okay.”
But he shook his head. “We should, um, maybe cool down a little bit?”
She raised her eyebrows. “What?”
He turned away from her, trying to steady his breath. “You know, we were getting kind of…”
“Yeah,” she said. “I liked it.”
“Oh, I liked it too,” said Sawyer, still not looking at her. “A lot.”
“So, then why are we stopping?”
He turned back to her. “We’re in the woods, Nora. It’s not exactly the greatest place for this.”
She sighed. Maybe he was right. “It is uncomfortable.”
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. His voice was husky. “We start doing stuff, and I don’t want to stop, you know?”
She nodded. “Me either.”
“But I don’t want to do it in the woods,” he said. “Not the first time. I want…”
“I know, you want it to be perfect,” she said.
“Yeah.” He kissed her on the forehead.
She tilted her head back, offering him her lips.
He kissed them.
She wound her arms around him, opening her mouth, her tongue darting out.
He responded, running his hands over her hips, crushing her against him. Then, abruptly, he shoved her away. “Nora, I thought we were going to hold it for a little bit.”
“Sorry.” She dragged her toe against the leaves on the ground. “S
awyer?”
“Yeah?”
“You do want to do it, don’t you?”
He looked at her like she was crazy. “You can’t tell?”
“No, I…” She felt herself blushing, thinking of his body pressed against hers. “I guess I can, I just don’t understand why you want to stop all the time is all.”
“I thought you did. You just said you did. I want it to be perfect.”
“Right.” She chewed on her lip.
“Something wrong with that?”
“No?” She hugged herself. “You do… like the fact that I’m a girl, though, right?”
His eyes widened. “Seriously?” He shook his head and started walking away from her.
She went after him. “Wait. Sawyer, I’m sorry.”
He didn’t answer, only kept walking.
She grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
He wouldn’t look at her. “Why did you say it, then?”
“I guess I worry. You did date Jack before me, and you—”
“Yeah, and Jack gave me a hard time about this too,” said Sawyer. “Jack was always accusing me of not being gay enough because I wouldn’t go down on him.”
Nora backed away. Now she had… images of Jack and Sawyer in her head. She bit her lip. They weren’t actually bad images… She shook herself. “I’m not trying to pressure you. Believe me, Owen did that to me, and it was horrible, and I would never do that.”
“So, then why?”
“I shouldn’t have. It doesn’t matter. I was being stupid.”
He looked down at the ground. “Is there something about the way I touch you that makes it seem like I’m not attracted to you?” He peered up at her. “Am I doing it wrong?”
“No,” she said. “Absolutely not. You’re… amazing. Everything is really…” She was blushing again.
“I want you to be happy. I want you to feel good. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do that.” He licked his lips. “If it would make you happy to do it right now, right here, if that’s what you really want—”
“It’s not,” she said. “I won’t doubt you again.” She kissed his cheek. “And you do make me happy. And feel good. And all of that. You’re wonderful.”
He drew her into his arms. He kissed her again.
She gazed into his eyes. “And I never want you to feel like I’m pressuring you.”
He smiled. “I don’t.”
She hugged him tighter, laying her head against his chest. “So, um, did you ever do that to Jack?”
Sawyer let out an embarrassed laugh. “No.”
“Did he do it to you?”
“No,” said Sawyer. “I told you that I haven’t had sex.” He released her and started walking.
“Well, but that’s not really sex,” she said, keeping pace with him.
He turned to her sharply. “Why? Have you done it?”
“No,” she said, laughing.
“Sometimes I forget how different everything seems when you’re straight,” said Sawyer.
“Different?” she said.
“Yeah, like sex is only penetrating certain orifices,” he said.
“Well, it is, isn’t it?”
“Um, no,” he said. “They call it oral sex for a reason, you know.”
“But it’s not the same,” she said.
“No,” said Sawyer. “It’s not the same. But, you know, if you’re gay, then other… stuff can seem sort of… daunting.”
Nora thought about it. “I see your point.” She thought about it some more. It started to make her feel uncomfortable. “Let’s change the subject.”
He chuckled, throwing his arm around her. “Oooh, can’t handle it, can you?”
“I can handle it,” she said.
“Sure.” He was still laughing.
* * *
“This is really beautiful,” said Phoebe, admiring the orchid that Nora had brought her.
“Well, there were extras,” said Nora. “And Silas told us to take them for ourselves if we wanted.”
“But you brought one to me?” Phoebe set it down next to her. She was sitting outside her tent, which was within ten feet of the main fire pit.
“I thought of you,” said Nora. “You really do a lot for Helicon, and no one appreciates what a thankless job you have, and—”
“What do you want, Nora?” Phoebe’s eyes narrowed.
“Nothing,” said Nora, trying her best to look offended.
Phoebe raised her eyebrows. “Really?”
Nora chewed on her lip. “Okay, well I guess maybe I did want to ask you about something.”
“If it’s about Owen Asher, I have to tell you that I’m no more happy with the way things have turned out with the council than you are. We really need to be doing something more to create a dimension device, but I don’t have the solution yet. I promise that I am working on it, however. And we’re studying the illness, trying to figure it out.”
“Oh,” said Nora. “No, it wasn’t about that.” Inwardly, she chided herself. How could she have forgotten about the sickness? That was really the most important thing going on right now. Here she was asking Phoebe about stuff that was trivial in comparison. She felt ashamed of herself.
“It wasn’t?” Phoebe looked intrigued. “Well, then what was it about?”
“You remember how you put Agler and Jack in charge of the tweens and rebels enclave earlier this year?”
Phoebe nodded. “Ah, yes. The meddling of Techne. That woman makes me crazy sometimes.”
“You don’t like her either?”
Phoebe laughed, a rich, velvet noise. “Oh, Nora, of course I like Techne. How could you suggest otherwise?”
Nora could hear the sarcasm in Phoebe’s voice. She smiled. “Of course.”
“I thought you and Agler were friends,” said Phoebe.
“Not exactly,” said Nora.
Phoebe nodded. “Oh, right. You’re with Sawyer now, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” said Nora.
Phoebe lowered her voice. “Are you really sure you know what you’re doing with that boy? He seems a bit… confused to say the least. It’s very possible you’re going to get hurt.”
Nora glared at Phoebe. “I wish everyone would stop saying things like that. You know, it’s really none of your business.”
“Sorry,” said Phoebe. “So, what is it that I can do for you, Nora?”
“I think that maybe you should take away Agler’s and Jack’s authority.”
“Oh really?” said Phoebe. “How are they abusing it?”
“Well, they made this stupid rule that tweens under the age of twenty aren’t allowed to be in the same tent with their significant others,” said Nora, “and it’s really stupid. There was no rule like that before. And when I first got to Helicon, you asked me if Owen and I wanted to share a tent, so obviously you don’t care about stuff like that. And I just think it’s a really dumb rule.”
Phoebe laughed again.
“It’s not funny.”
“Under the age of twenty,” said Phoebe. “That happens to be his age, doesn’t it?” She kept laughing.
“Stop laughing,” said Nora.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Phoebe. “It’s only that you tweens are so over the top when it comes to drama.” She composed herself. “Listen, Nora, it’s rather obvious that he made that rule because of you. He’s jealous. He still has feelings for you.”
“I know that,” said Nora. “That’s why I want the rule to be repealed or whatever. It’s not fair. Techne didn’t even say anything about that kind of stuff when she complained. Agler made it all up for personal reasons. And it’s not fair.”
“Well, I suppose it isn’t fair.”
“So, you’ll do something about it?”
“I don’t see how I could do that without bringing the matter to the council again. And I doubt the council is sympathetic to the plight of tweens who have nowhere to be intim
ate with each other. Honestly, Nora.” Phoebe dissolved in laughter again.
Nora put her hands on her hips. “Never mind.”
“You know,” said Phoebe, “when I was your age, there was no tweens and rebels enclave. I had to sneak around while living with my parents. I did not have my own tent.”
“Well, you were messing around with a god,” said Nora. “I’m sure Dionysius could just whisk the two of you off to Mount Olympus whenever he wanted.”
Phoebe’s expression turned to stone. “I don’t want to discuss that relationship ever again. What I did with Dionysius was a mistake, and I don’t like it when people bring it up. Is that clear?”
“Sorry,” said Nora.
“Besides,” said Phoebe, “I was a bit older than twenty when I was being ‘whisked off to Mount Olympus’ as you put it.”
Nora chewed on her lip.
Phoebe waved her away. “Go on. You and I are done.”
Of course they were. Nora slunk away, defeated. It had been worth a try, anyway.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Sawyer was surprised to hear voices coming out of the public baths as he went in. There were hot springs to the north of Helicon, bubbling up in an underground grotto. The muses had turned them into baths, something like the ones in ancient Rome. Sawyer didn’t come here often, but sometimes, he craved the relaxation of it, and so he wandered up to the baths.
He hadn’t been in over a year. The last time he’d come, he’d run into Nora. He thought about the fact that the two of them had both been naked together in the baths, swimming together. If that were to happen now…
Well.
Anyway, he was alone currently, or so he’d thought. But he was hearing voices coming from within as he entered.
He slowed, listening.
“You’ve changed,” said a voice—male, high-pitched and upset. “I don’t even feel like I know who you are anymore.”
“I’m still the same man I’ve always been. I’m not a different person.”
Sawyer stopped short. He recognized the second voice. It was very familiar to him. That was Himeros, the head of the dancing enclave. Himeros was flamboyantly gay, and he’d forced Sawyer to dance the part of the May Queen last year. The year before that, he’d made all kinds of inappropriate comments about Sawyer and made him feel really uncomfortable. Himeros apparently found Sawyer attractive, despite the fact that Himeros was way too old for Sawyer.
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 69