“Well,” said Sawyer, when he got close, “it’s not him. But I feel really icky all over thinking about Owen like that.”
She patted him on the back. “You just need a drink.”
* * *
Jack was pounding on a drum with the other musicians, but Agler was too drunk to keep rhythm. He sat on the grass, staring out into space. He’d been drinking all day, and he was pretty sure that even Jack didn’t want to be around him anymore. Admittedly, he was sloppy drunk. He had a hard time talking or standing.
Jack had given him a glass of water and told him to drink it, but Agler had knocked it over. He knew drinking water was a good idea, but he didn’t trust himself to get up and get more. Instead, he sat on the grass, listening to the music and watching the sky grow darker and darker.
The fairies would be showing up soon.
He remembered what May Day had been like last year, dancing with Nora amongst all the fairies. It had been beautiful, surrounded by the lights and the sparkling dust, the fairy music swelling all around him. But now the fairy music didn’t seem so exotic. He’d spent six months with them last year, and during that time, he’d been sure that he was over Nora.
So why was it that he was obsessed with her now that he was back home?
He lay back on the ground, staring up at the stars.
Jack nudged him. “Agler?”
“What?”
“I’m going to the mundane world. I guess you’re not up for it?”
“I’m not moving,” said Agler.
Jack chuckled. “Dude, you are way too drunk to even get laid. What were you thinking?”
Agler glared at him. “Just go away.”
“Stay safe, okay?”
Agler closed his eyes. He supposed that Jack walked away, but he didn’t hear him if he did. Agler listened to the music. He began to feel as if he’d been sucked into the ground beneath him, like he’d become part of the earth. He lay there, absorbed into the dirt, and the music around him reverberated through his body. He was part of that too. He was the earth. He was the music.
He was… spinning.
He opened his eyes.
The spinning stopped.
For a minute. Then it started up again.
He groaned. He did his best to sit up. It was a struggle.
But he managed. And he realized that the fairies had arrived while he’d been resting his eyes. They were everywhere, the tiny flying spots of bright light and also the larger fairies, the ones who looked like sleek, thin humans with wide eyes and pointed ears. He used to think that there were two different species of fairies, but when he was in the fairy dimension, he’d learned that all fairies had the capability to change into small winged beings. They could switch between forms.
Agler tried to stand up.
He didn’t make it.
Whenever he tried, he lost his balance. The ground seemed like it was tilting one way or the other. It was impossible to stay upright.
Strong arms grabbed him from behind, steadying him, helping him to his feet.
He staggered around. “Thanks.”
“Sure thing,” said the guy who’d helped. He was smirking.
“You’re, uh, Roth, right?” said Agler. “Mack’s son?”
Roth nodded. “And you’re Agler. I remember you from back home. You visited last year.”
Right. Roth was half-fairy.
“Never saw you this drunk before.”
Agler waved a hand carelessly. “I been way drunker than this before.” But his words came out slow and furry. He stumbled.
Roth laughed. “Right. Well, have fun.”
Agler held up a finger. “I have to go.” He had been seized by the certainty that he was going to throw up. He scrambled away from Roth, off into the darkness where no one would see him get sick.
* * *
“Hey, Sawyer,” said Roth, sitting down next to him near the main fire pit. The fairies flitted back and forth in the air between them.
Sawyer was surprised. “Uh, Roth. Haven’t seen much of you around this year.”
“Yeah, well, my dad’s sick or something,” said Roth.
“Oh, I did hear about that,” said Sawyer.
“He’s not weak, though,” said Roth. “At least his mouth isn’t. He screams at me all day long, complaining about being stuck in his bed. It’s really annoying.”
“Sorry,” said Sawyer. “Maybe, you know, I could help out sometime?”
“Funny, that’s what your girlfriend said,” said Roth. He looked around. “Where is she, anyway?”
“Getting us more spiced wine,” said Sawyer. “She’ll be back in a second.”
Roth nodded. “I, uh, might have been kind of rude to her.”
Sawyer waited for Roth to apologize. He didn’t. Sawyer wasn’t sure what to say.
“You’re really not gay?” said Roth, squinting at him.
“No, I still like guys. I just like her too,” said Sawyer. He shrugged. “What do you care, anyway?”
Roth shrugged. “I don’t. I want to go home. I went and hunted down my mom, and I begged her to take me back with her tonight, and she said no. And I’m stuck here. With my sick dad. And no friends.”
“Well, I’m your friend,” said Sawyer, even though he wasn’t exactly sure that he was.
Roth arched an eyebrow at him. “We have nothing in common, Sawyer.”
Nora approached. She handed Sawyer a glass of wine, eying Roth. “What’s he doing here?”
Roth stood up. “I was leaving. Never mind.”
“You don’t have to,” said Sawyer. “If you didn’t mean to be rude before—”
“I meant it,” said Roth. He gave Nora a look of disgust.
Nora sighed.
“Hey,” said Sawyer. “If you’re not cool with Nora, then you’re not really cool with me, you know?”
Roth shrugged. “Whatever.” He turned away.
Nora sat down. “Jerk.”
Roth turned back around. “Hey, um, that Agler guy who made the rule in the tweens and rebels enclave?”
Nora narrowed her eyes. “What do you know about that?”
Roth snickered. “Man, everybody knows about that. He’s jealous, and he’s trying to keep you guys from…” Roth inserted his finger into his fist and moved it in and out.
Nora clenched her teeth.
Sawyer felt heat rushing to his face.
“Anyway,” said Roth, “he’s really freaking drunk. I bet you guys could do anything you wanted tonight, and he’d have no clue.” Roth turned back around and walked off.
Sawyer took a drink of his wine. He was glad that it was dark outside, and Nora couldn’t see how red his face was. “Sorry about that. I don’t know why he’s like that.”
“Well,” said Nora. “He’s probably right.”
“About what?”
“About Agler,” she said. She reached over and grabbed his hand. “We could go back to the enclave. There’s no one there.”
Sawyer set down his wine. “I don’t know, Nora. I mean, I haven’t really had time to prepare things, you know.”
“What’s to prepare?” she said. “Besides, we were really close before, so I don’t see what the big deal is.”
He took a deep breath. “You really want to do this?”
“You know I do.”
He let the breath out slowly. “Okay.” Gods. He was going to mess this up somehow. He just knew it.
* * *
Agler had thrown up most of what was in his stomach, but he still felt a little bit drunk. He was eating some bread and cheese and drinking a tall glass of water by one of the fire baskets. Other people were dancing, but he couldn’t tell who was who in the scant light. He watched the other muses whirl past him. It made him feel dizzy.
“Agler.”
It was Maddie. She danced away from the rest of the group. She was still wearing her Maypole dancer dress. It was made of layers and layers of diaphanous white fabric, so that when she moved, i
t looked like she was floating.
The dresses were longer than they had been last year. He remembered Nora’s thighs had only been covered by a skirt of ribbons. He remembered touching her, out in the fields.
The fabric of Maddie’s dress was easy to see through in the fire light. Her form was illuminated, and the dress seemed to glow around her curves.
“Hey,” he whispered.
She smiled at him. “Hey. What’s going on? I thought you would have headed to the mundane world tonight. Isn’t that what you usually do on May Day?”
He laughed. “Uh, too drunk.”
She nodded.
“Why didn’t you go?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Guess I wasn’t feeling it.” She swayed in time to the music, undulating her hips.
Agler had trouble swallowing the bite of bread he’d just taken. He forced it down, and then he threw the rest of the food on the fire. “You’re a good dancer.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You’re probably only saying that because you’re drunk. But, as it happens, I’m drunk too. So, thanks.”
He laughed a little.
Maddie tossed her hair. It fanned out, glinting as it caught the light of the fire.
“You’re pretty,” said Agler softly.
She stopped moving. “I’m not.”
He stepped closer to her. He picked up a lock of her hair and let it slide through his fingers. “You are.”
“I’m fat,” she said.
“No.” He shook his head. “You aren’t at all.”
She looked up at him. “I…”
He kissed her.
CHAPTER NINE
The skin on Sawyer’s chest and stomach was smooth except for one tiny spot around his belly button, where there was a gathering of blond fuzz. Nora liked that part the best. She liked the way it looked next to Sawyer’s blue silk skirt, the collision of his maleness and his femaleness.
He was lying down in the hammock next to her, and she was sitting up, running her fingers through the hair on his stomach. They were in Sawyer’s tent. There were candles burning on the ground next to them, and the air had taken on a hazy glow.
“You’re tickling me,” he murmured.
She smiled. “I am? But you’re not laughing.”
He stopped her hand. He pulled her down and kissed her.
She lost herself in the kiss. It was deep and sweet, like she was falling into him. She was excited and a little bit nervous, but she thought this was the right thing. She loved Sawyer. And she was ready. So, she was glad it was going to happen.
“I’m kind of nervous.” Sawyer’s eyes searched hers.
She nodded, biting down on her lip. “Me too.”
For a minute, they just stared at each other.
Then Nora sat back up. “I guess I could…” She pulled her shirt over her head, so that they were both only wearing skirts.
Sawyer sucked in breath sharply.
She looked at him shyly.
He tugged her down against him. His hands were on her, making her gasp and squirm. They were kissing again.
Everything Sawyer was doing felt really good. She kissed him as hard as she could, feeling buoyant. She was swimming in sensation. She could hear the sounds of their labored breath, and in the distance, the beat of May Day, a far off groove and steady rhythm.
But then Sawyer pulled back. “Nora, I really have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Neither do I,” she said. “It’s going okay so far, though, don’t you think?”
He gulped.
She giggled. “I like the way you’re touching me.”
He put his hands back.
She shut her eyes. She put her lips against his again, and tried to sink back into the place she’d been before, where everything was moving with the rhythm of the rest of Helicon, and she and Sawyer had seemed like integral, moving parts.
But she couldn’t find it now.
She opened her eyes.
Sawyer was gazing at her. “Do you think we should take off the rest of our clothes?”
She chewed on her lip. “Okay.”
Neither of them moved.
She laughed.
He did too. “I’m screwing this up, aren’t I? I should be smoother than this. I should know what I’m doing.”
“You’re fine,” she said, touching his cheek. “Everything’s fine.”
She reached for the drawstring of his skirt.
He reached for hers.
They giggled again.
Together, they wriggled out of their skirts and tossed them off the hammock.
Nora felt exposed and vulnerable.
She let her gaze travel over Sawyer’s body, settling on the part of him that was sticking straight up.
Sawyer looked at it too.
They were both staring at it.
Nora had never seen one up really close like this. She was kind of surprised by how big it was. And pink. And swollen. And… curved. Kind of like a banana. She wondered if Sawyer’s was different, or if everyone’s was curved like that.
She kind of wanted to touch it, but she felt shy. So, she only stared.
Sawyer cleared his throat, sounding embarrassed.
She looked up into his eyes.
“Well,” he said. “Now what?”
* * *
Maddie was lying on her back in the field. She could hear the music still playing, and she knew that the celebration was still going on. Sometimes, she even saw fairies darting through the air above her.
Agler was on top of her.
Her dress was pushed up. All the way up.
Sometimes Agler kissed her, but his breath tasted sort of sour, and she was glad enough when he didn’t do it.
Still, she was out here, in the field, with Agler.
He wasn’t with Nora.
He was with her.
That meant something to her.
His hands fumbled over her bare skin. They were clumsy and urgent. There were occasional bursts of pleasure, but they didn’t last long. She had long since stopped trying to touch him back.
He hadn’t seemed to have noticed.
His fingers were between her legs, and everything he seemed to be doing down there kind of hurt. She squirmed away from him. “You might as well just get on with it,” she muttered.
“What?” He lifted his head to look at her.
“Just do it,” she said.
He raised his eyebrows. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” She wanted it over with. Last year, she’d thought that she and Daryl were going to have sex, but it hadn’t happened because Daryl had disappeared. And anyway, everything with Daryl had been fake, not real.
When it came down to it, Maddie was beginning to think that everything in life was fake anyway. If her friendships with Nora and Sawyer had been real, she would still care about them. She didn’t. She didn’t care about anything. It was like she was in deep water, and she’d given up trying to swim. But instead of drowning, she continued to float and breathe and live. She didn’t understand why.
Maybe having sex with Agler would change something. Maybe it would be like screaming for help from someone on shore. Or maybe it would be like tying her foot to a heavy rock and sinking below the water. She didn’t care what it would be like. She only wanted to feel something.
Agler kissed her again.
She grimaced and pulled away. His breath was foul.
“Are you all right?” Agler whispered.
“Yeah,” she said. She slid a searching hand between his legs.
She found him, rigid and throbbing.
He grunted.
But now that she was holding it, she didn’t know what to do with it. She moved her hand over it.
He made a strangled gasp.
Was that good or bad? Maddie wasn’t sure. She felt stupid and afraid, unsure of herself. She let go of him.
His mouth was at her neck, his hands running over her breasts and belly. Then further down, nud
ging her legs apart.
He pushed the hard part of his body between her thighs.
He wasn’t in the right place.
She reached down to help, moving him down an inch or two.
And then…
It hurt.
It was too big. It was too much. And Agler was rubbing in and out of her too fast, and it was like a rug burn, dry skin on dry skin.
She gritted her teeth. Tears sprang to her eyes.
She went limp, not moving, not responding. She realized she was even holding her breath.
And Agler kept going, oblivious to her discomfort, his head buried in the crook of her neck and shoulder, his breath coming in soft groans.
She looked up at the stars, at the soft, dark, night sky. And she hoped it would be over soon.
* * *
Nora shifted on the hammock, trying to slide underneath Sawyer.
Their legs were entangled in each other, and the movement was making the hammock swing back and forth.
“Do you think this is going to work in the hammock?” Sawyer was struggling to position himself over her.
She wrenched her arm out from beneath her body. “I don’t know.”
Her arm banged into Sawyer’s head.
“Ow,” he said, clutching his forehead.
“Sorry,” she said.
He pulled his leg away from hers. “Should we maybe try the floor?”
“Well…” She propped herself up on her elbows. “I don’t know. I think the hammock is more comfortable.”
He rearranged his body. “Well, we’re not going to be comfortable if we fall out.”
“But… I think we’re almost…”
He settled on top of her.
He was between her thighs. Both of her arms were free. They were face to face.
“There,” she said.
He grinned at her. “Hey.”
“Hey,” she breathed.
He kissed her forehead. He kissed her lips.
She moaned softly. She really liked the sensation of their bare skin sliding against each other. It was soft and smooth and very pleasant.
Sawyer pushed himself up, looking down the length of their bodies to the place where they collided. The place where they were going to be… joined.
Nora swallowed.
He shifted his gaze back to her face. “So, I mean, do we…”
“I… um…” She nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 72