Nora saw him and started chewing on her lip, like she wasn’t sure if she should be ignoring him or not.
He came over to her. “I need to talk to you.”
She looked around and sighed. “Okay, fine. Let’s go on a walk.”
The two set out behind the visual arts enclave, winding past tents for various kinds of sculpture—clay, bronze, marble, steel… Between the welding and the chipping, it was pretty loud. They had to wait until they were clear to say anything.
“Look, I know Maddie’s overreacting,” said Nora. “But we do this for each other, you know? When she was mad at you last year, I didn’t talk to Sawyer for over a month because she needed me. And you shouldn’t have said what you said anyway. You know how weird she is about her weight—”
“I didn’t say she was fat,” said Agler.
Nora spread her hands. “Okay, well I guess she didn’t put it in so many words. She said you were commenting on her weight, though, and honestly, I cannot figure out—”
“Yeah,” he said. “I was telling her that she was too thin.”
Nora gave him a funny look. “What?”
“She said I commented on her weight? Well, that’s the only comment I ever make. ‘Eat something, Maddie.’ That’s what I tell her. I mean, she doesn’t eat, Nora. You telling me you haven’t noticed this?”
Nora furrowed her brow. “I know she was dieting, but I don’t think she is anymore.”
“Watch her,” he said. “The next time you eat together. And I guarantee, you won’t see her putting much in her mouth. She’ll break things up. She’ll mash them with her fork. She’ll stir them. It looks like she’s doing something with her food, but she’s not eating it.”
“Well, she does seem really thin.” Nora tapped her chin. “If she’s really not eating…”
“She’s not,” said Agler. “Look, I’m not coming to you because I want you to try to help me get her back.”
“You aren’t?”
“Well, I want her back, obviously. I don’t want to be fighting with her. I want her to talk to me again.” Agler sighed, rubbing his forehead. “But I’m really talking to you because I’m worried about her. When she and I were spending time together, I made sure she ate something every day. She knew I watched her, so she’d eat a little bit. I’m afraid that without me around, she’s just going to stop eating entirely.”
She chewed on her lip again. “It’s really that bad?”
“She gets pissed off every time I bring it up.”
“Whoa,” she said.
“So, if you could… I don’t know maybe if you talk to her about it, maybe she’ll be more open to that? Maybe you can get through to her.”
“I don’t know, Agler. If you’re right, then Maddie’s anorexic.”
“Anor-what?”
“Don’t you guys have sicknesses here at all? You’re creative, right? You’d think someone would have a mental illness.”
He was seriously confused. “You mean, like your brain would be sick?”
“Yeah,” said Nora. “Like, if Maddie’s doing this, it’s because her brain is telling her that she’s fat. Whenever she sees a reflection of herself, she doesn’t see herself the way we do. She has this distorted image of herself, and so she’s starving herself to try to fix a problem she doesn’t even have.”
“Exactly,” he said. “You do understand.”
“Well, it’s a disorder that people get in the mundane world,” said Nora. “There’s a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way, you know? Especially in the mundane world. It’s better here. But Maddie’s always felt bad about herself…”
“Well, if it’s a disorder, then there’s a way to do something about it.”
She considered, turning to stare into the visual arts enclave, which they’d left behind.
Colin Oak popped out of one of the tents.
She waved. “Hey, Colin!”
Colin looked up at her. He grinned and waved back.
Nora turned back around. “Um, I’m just going to go say hi to Colin, okay?”
“Colin?” said Agler.
“Yeah.” She grinned. She started away from Agler.
“But we were talking.”
“Oh, we’ll talk about it later, okay?” She shot another grin over her shoulder.
Agler went after her. “You were just about to tell me if there was a way to help Maddie.”
“Hmm?” Nora shot him a look. “Look, it’s not like we were having a really important conversation or something, Agler.”
“Um, actually—”
“Colin.” Nora planted herself in front of him, grinning from ear to ear. “How are you?”
Colin surveyed her. “I’m all right.”
“Yeah?” Nora giggled. She twisted a piece of her hair around her finger. “That’s so cool. What are you doing?”
“Working on a sculpture.”
“Wow.” She giggled again. “Can I see it?”
“Sure,” said Colin.
Agler glared at her. “What the hell, Nora?”
She rolled her eyes. “Bye, Agler.” To Colin, “I swear, I don’t know what’s up with him. You are the only thing I’m paying attention to right now. I promise.” She and Colin disappeared into the tent.
Agler stared after them. Okay. That was a little weird.
* * *
Sawyer eyed Agler, who was standing just outside his tent. “Um, you’re speaking to me? That’s funny, because no one else is.”
Agler looked at him like he was crazy. “Of course I’m speaking to you.”
“Yeah, well you haven’t,” said Sawyer. “Not since Valentine’s Day.”
Agler shrugged. “So? It’s not like we talk every day.”
“We sort of used to. We ate breakfast together. We hung out at the fire pit before the council meeting. Sometimes you lent me a drum for the drum circle afterward.”
“Yeah, but that was just because…”
“Because we were dating best friends,” said Sawyer, hanging his head. “Not because we were actually friends.”
Agler sighed. “We’re friends. Would I be here if we weren’t friends?”
Sawyer raised his eyebrows. “Why are you here?”
“It’s about Nora.”
Sawyer laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “Maybe you haven’t heard. Nora and I broke up. She hates me, and she doesn’t want to talk to me, so…”
“Yeah, you don’t sound real happy about that.” Agler cocked his head. “What happened with you guys, anyway? You start hooking up with that Lute guy or—”
“We didn’t hook up. We haven’t done anything,” said Sawyer. He felt too guilty to let anything happen with Lute. Nora was always moping around somewhere, looking miserable, and it sent a sharp spike of pain through him every time he saw it. He still loved her. He’d never loved anyone the way he loved her. He wished that he… But it was done now.
“Okay,” said Agler. “So, then what happened with you and Nora?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay,” Agler said again.
They were both quiet. Sawyer looked at Agler expectantly. He was the one who’d come around, after all. It wasn’t like Sawyer was going to leave his tent just to get away from this conversation.
Agler leaned closer. “Look, man, are you gay or not?”
Sawyer felt like punching him. “Oh, it’s so easy for you, isn’t it? You just knew. You always knew.”
Agler shoved his hands into his pockets. “Sorry. I guess I don’t understand. That doesn’t mean that whatever it is you’re feeling isn’t genuine, though. It just means I don’t get it.”
“I love Nora.”
“So, why’d you break up?”
“I…” Sawyer scratched the back of his head. “When I look at Nora, I think about how much I love her. How I’d do anything to make her happy. How I want to protect her. How amazing she is.”
“Yeah? So, there’s a problem?”
“The problem is what I don’t think. I don’t think about her being pretty. I don’t think about being attracted to her body. I don’t think about wanting to kiss her or anything like that.”
“Well, I mean, you won’t always think that when you look at your girlfriend. I mean, after you’ve been together…” Agler trailed off. “No, you know what, you’re right. That’s kind of a problem.”
Sawyer spread his hands. “There you go.”
“So, um, you are gay?”
Sawyer didn’t know how to answer. “Did you just come here to torture me?”
“I mean, there’s something going on with that Lute guy, isn’t there?”
“Did you really come here to ask me this?”
“No,” said Agler. “Um, have you noticed that people seem to be finding Colin Oak more attractive than he actually, you know, is?”
“Colin Oak?” said Sawyer.
* * *
Nora waved at Maddie, who was hurrying across the field to the main fire pit. Nora was in line to get food. She’d almost despaired of even seeing Maddie that night. As Maddie approached, she pulled her into line with her. “Why are you so late?”
“You just made me jump the line.” Maddie peered back at the other muses behind her.
“So what? I was saving you a place. Where the heck were you?”
“Okay.” Maddie turned and grinned at her. “I have really big news.”
“What?” Nora stepped forward in line. She could smell the stuffed shells that someone had made, and she was salivating for them. She thought a few stuffed shells and an egg roll would make a fabulous dinner.
“Okay, so you know how we start the planting of new crops and flowers next week?”
“Oh, did your mom sign you up for that again?” Nora made a sympathetic face. Maddie’s mother was in denial about the fact that her daughter didn’t want to follow in the family footsteps and be a food enclave muse. She took every opportunity that she could to volunteer Maddie for various food enclave activities.
“No, I haven’t even seen my mother in months.” Maddie grimaced. “Why’d you even bring her up? Thinking about her just puts me in a bad mood.”
“Sorry,” said Nora. “It’s just that the only reason we ever volunteer for that is because of your mom.”
“Well, there’s a much better reason to do it this year.”
“What’s that?”
Maddie leaned close. “Colin Oak is doing it.”
Nora raised her eyebrows. “Really? How do you know?”
“Well, I saw him signing up. He was just casually hanging out around the sign-up sheet.”
“I see. Did you talk to him?” Nora grinned.
“Of course I talked to him.” Maddie sighed. “Gods, I don’t know where that boy came from. But every time I see him, I’m just…” She fanned herself.
Nora groaned. “I know what you mean. He is so distracting.” Then she realized the line had moved. She moved up.
“So, anyway, I signed us up too.”
“Awesome.”
“I know. It’ll be me and you, and we can just stare at him the whole time.”
Nora giggled and Maddie joined her.
“Am I awesome or am I awesome?” said Maddie.
“You’re awesome,” said Nora, wrapping an arm around her best friend.
It turned out that Nora’s prediction was right. The stuffed shells were delectable, as was the egg roll. It was a lovely meal. She and Maddie didn’t bother staying for the council meeting. Instead, they went back to their tents and hung out around the fire pit in the tweens and rebels enclave. Some of the muses were playing music. They danced a little bit.
Then Sawyer showed up with Lute, and Nora wasn’t interested anymore. She headed back to her tent.
Sawyer came after her. “Nora, wait. I don’t want things to be like this between us.”
“Too bad,” she said. “I can’t be around you right now.”
“Look, there’s nothing going on with me and Lute. Not yet. I just don’t feel like it would be right.”
She glared at him. “You’re always with him. There’s something going on. I’m not an idiot. Just leave me alone, okay?”
“But I still care about you. It kills me seeing you like this. It kills me knowing that I’m the one—”
“Go away,” she said. She was crying again. It made it worse when he was nice. She ran all the way to her tent.
Once inside, she scooped up Catling and curled up in her hammock and sobbed. She’d been through breakups before, but nothing quite like this one. It was as if there was a heavy weight on her shoulders, weighing her down wherever she went. The only time she felt any lighter was when she was around Colin Oak. If it hadn’t been for that guy, she didn’t think she’d even be functioning.
She sighed, rolling over on her back. She forced thoughts of Sawyer away and focused on Colin instead. He was so tantalizing. She thought of his freckled face and his slim frame. He wasn’t like other guys. And she was pretty sure there was something brewing between them. He was always nice to her whenever she tried to talk to him. A little interlude with Colin would be a nice change of pace from her relationship with Sawyer. And after all the pain she’d gone through these past few weeks, she could really use something nice.
With that thought, she drifted off to sleep.
The next morning at breakfast, she and Maddie were eating waffles and sausage.
Nora had a funny pang, something that she was supposed to remember, but it was confusing, because it had happened right before Colin had showed up at the visual arts enclave. But it was something about Maddie and eating.
Nora cocked her head, staring at Maddie’s plate. It was a mess of cut-up waffles and sausage, syrup all over everything.
“What?” said Maddie.
Nora narrowed her eyes. “Um…” Was there something wrong with Maddie’s plate? She sure hadn’t eaten as much as Nora had. Nora’s waffle was half gone, and she’d already eaten all her sausage.
“Why are you staring at my food?” said Maddie.
“Don’t you like it?”
“It’s delicious. Didn’t you hear me say that?” There was a sharp note to Maddie’s voice.
That confused Nora even more. “Yeah, but did you eat any of it?”
“Yes.” Maddie speared a piece of waffle defiantly and shoved it into her mouth. She chewed.
Nora took a bite herself, still feeling unsure.
“Satisfied?” said Maddie.
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why are you giving me the third degree about breakfast?”
“I’m not. I just…” What was she doing? Nora looked up and saw Maddie’s mother Doreen coming across the dining room towards them. “Oh, crap. Don’t look now, but here comes your mom.”
Maddie groaned, setting down her fork.
Doreen was chubby and bustling. She loved her daughter, that was clear. But she was also meddling, and sometimes she didn’t seem to think about how unkind her pronouncements could sound. Nora liked her, but she could see why Maddie steered clear most of the time.
Doreen sat down at the table with them. She gave Maddie a big hug. “Hi there, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Mom.” Maddie tried to smile.
“You look so nice.” Doreen held her daughter at arms’ length. “I can’t get over how thin you are.” She looked at Nora. “Can you believe it?”
“Well, Maddie’s really changed her diet,” said Nora. But that wasn’t good for some reason. This was driving her nuts. Why couldn’t she remember?
“I tell you,” said Doreen, “you set your mind to something, you can do anything you want. Now, I remember you telling me that you wanted to be a dancer, and you were just a little chub. I tried to discourage you. I didn’t want you to try something you’d fail at. We Salts are always food enclave muses, and we always have a bit of meat on our bones. But I gotta say, baby, you look like a dancer.” She smiled at her daughter.
Madd
ie beamed. “You think so, Mom?”
“I do,” said Doreen. “And I’m proud of you. I am. You’ve just transformed yourself.”
Nora didn’t think that she’d ever seen Maddie smile so big. She couldn’t help but be happy for her friend. She knew how often her mother was critical.
“Anyway,” said Doreen, “I just wanted to come by and say that I saw that you had signed up to help with the planting this year. But you two girls don’t have to do that. It’s obvious your talents lie somewhere outside of food.”
“Oh, no,” said Maddie, “that’s fine, Mom. We want to volunteer for the planting.”
“Definitely,” said Nora.
Doreen got up. “Well. You are both such good girls, I’ve got to say. I’m sure that Silas Sower will appreciate your help.” She turned away, and then stopped. “Oh, if you two wanted to come by for dinner again sometime, that would be nice.”
“Yeah, maybe,” said Maddie. She looked so pleased, like she’d won the lottery or something.
Doreen gave a little wave and then wandered off.
“Wow,” said Maddie. “I don’t think she’s ever been that nice to me my whole life.”
“I’m glad,” said Nora. “I know you always have issues with her.” She felt troubled by the whole exchange, though, and she couldn’t put her finger on why. If only she could remember what it was that had happened at the visual arts enclave before Colin had showed up. Agler had been there, hadn’t he?
Agler…
“Hey, Maddie,” said Nora, “maybe your mother’s right. Maybe you don’t need to volunteer for the planting this year.”
“What?” Maddie looked at her like she was insane. “And miss Colin? Are you crazy?”
“Well, you don’t really need Colin, though. And besides, it’s not like anything’s going to happen between the two of you. He obviously likes me.”
“That’s not obvious,” said Maddie. “What are you talking about?”
The Helicon Muses Omnibus: Books 1-4 Page 96