The Secret Pond

by Gerri Hill

  Lindsey shrugged. “That’s where my job was. I wanted to stay in this area, but…well, I couldn’t turn down the job offer.” At Hannah’s unasked question, she smiled. “I am…was…an architect. It was a fairly large firm. We did a lot of commercial projects.” She glanced over as Jack jumped off the pier again, and again Barney refused to follow. “After the accident…I was pretty much worthless to them. I couldn’t really function in my day-to-day life any longer.”

  “Did you move here with the intent of being close to them…or…?”

  Lindsey sighed. “I’m not sure, really. I have an uncle. He lives in New York. He came down. He helped me with…well, with the arrangements. He’s the one who finally convinced me to move out here. I was spending every day, every night inside my dark apartment—alone. I was—” She paused, wondering if she should be telling Hannah all this.

  “Go on,” Hannah said quietly. “You were what?”

  “I was sinking into a deep, dark hole of depression,” she admitted. “I didn’t…want to live.”

  Hannah’s eyes softened. “But you didn’t want to die either?”

  “Oh, I wanted to die,” she said. “I just didn’t have the courage.”

  “Oh, Lindsey…I’m so sorry.”

  “I don’t know what I really expected when I moved out here. I quit my job, sold my car.” She smiled. “Bought a Jeep and got a puppy.” Her smiled faded. “It was hell the first month.” She looked over at Hannah, meeting her eyes. “Actually, it was pretty much hell until I met Jack.”

  Hannah held her gaze. “I am so, so sorry that I tried to make you stay away from him.”

  Lindsey waved her apology away. “That was partly my fault. I shouldn’t have been sneaking off with him. I should have come up to meet you sooner.”

  There was a huge splash, and they turned, finding that Max and Barney had both joined Jack on his jump into the pond.

  “He did it! He did it!”

  She and Hannah clapped and cheered, watching as Jack once again headed back to shore with two dogs hot on his trail.

  “Lindsey…come throw me in!”

  Lindsey flicked her eyes at Hannah. “You might not want to watch this.”

  * * *

  Hannah stared with wide eyes as Lindsey grabbed Jack’s wrists and started spinning him around like a pinwheel. He was laughing like crazy when Lindsey let go of him, flinging him far out into the pond. He popped up quickly, still grinning as he swam closer to her and his noodle.

  “That is so much fun!”

  “Aren’t you dizzy?”

  “Yeah! That’s what makes it fun!”

  She didn’t go into the fact that being dizzy could make him disoriented, especially under water. This was obviously a game they’d played before. Maybe she should have taken Lindsey’s advice and not watched.

  She did watch, however, as Lindsey stood at the edge of the pier, preparing to dive in. At the last minute, Lindsey turned, meeting her gaze. A quick smile, then she pushed off, executing a perfect dive into the pond, barely rippling the surface as she went under.

  “She’s been teaching me to dive too,” Jack announced. “But I’m not very good. I keep landing on my belly.”

  “Why don’t you go try it for me?” she suggested.

  “Okay. But don’t laugh.”

  Lindsey swam over and got back on her float. “Lock your thumbs together,” she said to him. “Keep your arms straight. Push off with your legs.”

  His first try was not a success. Neither was his second, and Hannah could tell he was getting discouraged.

  “As good as he’s been with everything else, he hasn’t gotten the hang of this yet,” Lindsey said quietly, keeping her gaze on Jack as he got out of the pond and went to try again. “Hang on, buddy. Let me come up there.”

  He seemed very stiff, almost like he was afraid. She didn’t understand that. He’d been splashing in her parents’ pool long before he even walked. He’d always been comfortable in the water. Lindsey stood beside him, urging him to mimic her stance.

  “Bend your knees, like this.”

  “I am.”

  “Okay, look. When you run and jump in…you push off, right?”

  “Right.”

  “When you’re diving, you do the same thing. Watch.”

  Lindsey took several steps back on the pier, then ran forward, pushing off at the last second. Hannah’s eyes were on her as her body split the water with barely a ripple. When she came up, she treaded water, bobbing up and down near Jack.

  “If you try that, you’re gonna bust your belly, though,” she said with a smile. “So it’s easier to learn by standing still. But you’ve got to push off. Lead with your hands, your arms. Your head will follow.”

  Jack was nodding while she talked, and Hannah wondered how many times Lindsey had recited those same words to him. She watched as Jack rubbed his hands together, his expression serious. He took a deep breath, then assumed his diving position. She could tell he was silently counting to three, then he pushed off…and fell into the water, knees first.

  “Don’t worry about it so much,” Lindsey told him. “It’ll come. Just takes practice.”

  She swam back over to her float and Jack found his noodle. The dogs were lying in the shade, each chewing on a stick. Hannah relaxed again, enjoying the cool water on her skin on such a hot day. But she knew they needed to end their playtime. She needed to get home and start on dinner. Making meatballs from scratch took a little time. Even though there was a package of frozen meatballs in the large chest freezer—which would suffice for Jack—she wanted to make her homemade ones. They were so much better and she thought Lindsey would appreciate that.

  She glanced over at her now, finding her head back, her eyes closed. She turned to Jack, who was floating silently beside her.

  “About time to go,” she said.

  His face scrunched up in a frown. “Already? We just got here.”

  “I’m sure we’ve been here well over an hour.”

  “Oh…Mom. I don’t want to go yet.”

  “We’re having company for dinner tonight,” she reminded him. “Your room needs to be cleaned and it’s your turn to vacuum.”

  The reminder that Lindsey was coming over seemed to appease him.

  “Okay…but let me jump off the pier a few more times.”

  “It does seem like we just got here,” Lindsey said when Jack swam off.

  “You’ll thank me later when you bite into one of my meatballs.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Hannah had just seasoned the ground meat—a combination of both beef and pork—and was about to plunge her hands in to mix it when she heard the front door open.

  “Great,” she murmured, knowing Margie was about to pop her head into the kitchen.

  “Oh, I was trying to catch you before you started dinner.”

  “Hi, Margie,” she said, eyeing the basket of veggies she carried.

  “I just came from the garden. The squash are really coming in. And I have a bag of green beans,” Margie said, holding one up. “I thought you could use some vegetables for dinner.” She looked into the mixing bowl. “What are you mixing up?”

  “Meatballs.”

  “Well, I really do love that you make your own meatballs from scratch, but spaghetti and meatballs isn’t what I’d call a healthy meal.”

  “It’s Jack’s favorite,” she said. “But I am making it a little differently tonight.” She pointed to the sauce that was simmering. “I’m putting zucchini, mushrooms and spinach into the sauce.” She smiled. “Don’t tell Jack.”

  Margie held up a zucchini from her basket. “Then you can put this one to good use then.” She sat the squash on the counter. “Where is Jack?”

  “Cleaning his room, I hope.” She debated whether to elaborate, then decided she wasn’t going to hide her friendship with Lindsey. “I’m sure he’ll want to show it to Lindsey later.”

  Margie eyed her sharply. “That woman is coming ov
er? Here?”

  “Yes. She’s coming for dinner. Thus the vegetables in the sauce.”

  Margie let out an exaggerated sigh. “Lilly would have an absolute fit if she knew that a McDermott was in her house.”

  “Then I guess it’s good that she doesn’t know.” Hannah washed her hands and dried them on a towel. “How is she doing anyway? Any change?”

  “No. It’s so sad to see her like that. Dennis refuses to go. She doesn’t talk. She doesn’t know that we’re there.”

  “Yes, that is sad.”

  “I wish you could have gotten to know her. She was just the sweetest lady,” Margie said wistfully. “I do miss her being here.”

  Hannah had to hold in her laughter. From what she’d learned over the years, Lilly was quite the opposite of sweet. James had even referred to her as the devil.

  “Of course, if she was still here, you and Jack wouldn’t be.” Then her face hardened. “Not that we get to see that much of you. I don’t know why you won’t bring Jack around more.”

  “He’s nine years old and wants to play. Nothing against you and Dennis, but he’d much rather be in the river with Lindsey than sitting around visiting,” she said bluntly.

  “I still think it was a mistake not to send him to church camp. He could have met some boys his own age. Now he’ll be completely lost when he goes to school.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine.” She pointed out the kitchen door. “Why don’t you go find him and say hello. I need to get my meatballs going.” She paused. “And thank you for the vegetables.”

  Margie turned to go, then stopped. “What do you and Jack have planned for the Fourth?”

  “Oh, I don’t know yet. I’ll probably take him somewhere to see fireworks. I read that Leaky has a celebration at the park in town.”

  “Yes, it’s pretty good. But Dennis’s sister invited us over to their place in Vanderpool. They’re going to do burgers and hot dogs. Why don’t you and Jack come with us? I know Darlene would be thrilled to see you.”

  Despite not being able to come up with an excuse as to why they couldn’t join them, Hannah wasn’t going to accept the invitation that easily.

  “Thanks,” she said with a shrug. “I’ll let you know.”

  Margie stared at her for a long moment, as if she wanted to say more, but she finally nodded.

  “Well…I’ll go say hello to Jack.”

  Hannah blew out her breath as soon as Margie turned away. How could the woman—with only a stare—make her feel guilty? She shook her head. As James used to say, she was the Queen of Guilt. She plunged her hands into the meat mixture, trying to shake off the sense of obligation she felt. She again reminded herself that the main reason they’d moved here was so that Jack could connect with them. She paused in her task, staring at the wall without seeing it. That wasn’t the main reason, she admitted. James’s ghost was the real reason she’d wanted to leave San Antonio. In hindsight, yeah, she’d rushed into the move. She hadn’t given herself and Jack much time to adjust to James being gone. If she had to do it over again, she would have simply bought a new house—probably close to her parents—and started over.

  But that damn guilt that Margie could dish out. That was the real reason she was here and not at a new home in San Antonio.

  Well, too late to lament it now. She’d been over this same scenario in her mind too many times to count. The outcome was always the same. She and Jack were living in her dead husband’s grandmother’s house…being watched closely by his mother. What in the hell had she been thinking?

  As she absently began making the meatballs—rubbing the meat mixture into small balls in her palms—her thoughts drifted to Lindsey. If Lindsey wasn’t here, if Jack had never met Lindsey, what would they be doing instead? What would fill their days? How could they possibly pass the time until school started?

  “We could visit Margie and Dennis more,” she mumbled to herself, the guilt starting to worm its way inside.

  The problem with that…the only thing she had in common with Margie and Dennis was James. She wouldn’t even count Jack. Jack only saw them once, sometimes twice a year before James got sick. Which should have been reason number one for not moving here, she told herself. Again…it was too late now. Besides, now that Lindsey and Jack were including her in their daily activities, she was having fun. Did she dare say she was even enjoying herself out here?

  She smiled. Yes, she was. She felt almost normal again. She was glad Jack suggested they invite Lindsey over for dinner, even if it was a kid’s meal of spaghetti and meatballs. Wine, of course, would turn it into an adult’s meal as well.

  “Mom?”

  She looked up, finding Jack standing in the doorway.

  “Why are you smiling?” he asked.

  “Am I?” She shrugged. “Just thinking, I guess. Did your Grandma Margie leave?”

  He nodded. “She says we’re going to go with them over to Vanderpool for the Fourth of July.”

  She shook her head. “I did not agree to that yet.” She rolled the last of the meat into a ball and placed it on the platter with the others. “What do you think? Do you want to go?”

  He stood at the edge of the counter, resting one foot on top of the other. “Could Lindsey go with us?”

  She laughed out loud at that. “Margie can barely tolerate the sound of her name. I really don’t see that happening, Jack.”

  “But Lindsey’s nice.”

  “I know, honey. Like I said before, the reason Margie doesn’t like her has absolutely nothing to do with Lindsey.”

  “Then I don’t want to go.”

  She put the empty bowl in the sink and filled it with hot water. “I was thinking we could go over to Leaky. They have a fireworks display at the park, by the river. Would you like that?”

  “Can we invite Lindsey?”

  Hannah smiled. “Sure. But she may already have plans,” she said, knowing that probably wasn’t the case. Who would she have plans with?

  “We’ll ask her tonight,” he said.

  “Okay, we’ll ask her. Now…is your room clean?”

  “Yes.” He bit his lip. “Kinda.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Kinda? Lindsey will want to see your room,” she said. “Let’s get it cleaner than ‘kinda,’ okay?”

  His shoulders drooped as he walked away, his sign to her that he didn’t approve of her request.

  “And don’t forget to vacuum,” she called after him.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lindsey eyed the rock bridge she and Jack had built, seeing one of the larger rocks misplaced. She smiled, remembering Hannah slipping off it just yesterday. She bent down and righted it—for at least the third time—then continued across. Wearing water sandals to dinner probably wasn’t kosher, but it was perfect for crossing the shallow creek.

  “If you get too wet, Hannah won’t let you in the house,” she warned as Max dipped his head in the water. She smiled. “Why do I talk to him like he understands?” She laughed. “And why are you talking to yourself?”

  She paused on the other side of the creek, looking around at the familiar area, remembering all the days she and Jack had spent there. Well, not exactly here. No, they’d snuck off down the creek, past where Hannah had put her markers for Jack. That seemed like so long ago. Jack—and now Hannah—had chased away her loneliness, her grief. She didn’t even want to think about what her days would be like if they weren’t in them.

  It didn’t take much, however, to recall those long, dark, empty days of spring. She blew out her breath. No. She wasn’t going to go there. Not now.

  She turned, following Jack’s trail. Max ran past her as if he knew where they were going. She had her small backpack slung over one shoulder. It contained a bottle of wine, a flashlight for tonight when they made the return trek across the creek, and a bag of dog food for Max. She took it off and put it on the other shoulder as she climbed the hill up to their house.

  She found Jack and Barney on the back porch, wait
ing on them. Jack ran up to her and she smiled as he gave her a hug.

  “Am I late?”

  “No. But I wanted to ask you something.”

  She ruffled his hair and sat down on the porch. “Okay, ask away.”

  He sat down next to her, and they swung their legs back and forth over the edge. The dogs were wrestling over a stick that Max had found.

  “Do you already have plans for the Fourth?”

  She frowned. “The Fourth of July? I hadn’t given it any thought, really.” That was a lie, though. She’d intentionally blocked it from her mind. Like most holidays, her family always gathered here for the Fourth. It was a day she’d been dreading. Jack seemed to read her mind and he leaned closer to her.

  “Mom wants to go to Leaky. They have fireworks,” he said. “Would you go with us?”

  Lindsey smiled over at him. “I think that sounds like fun. Thank you.”

  He nodded. “When…when your family was here, did y’all do stuff?”

  “Yeah, we did.” Her gaze landed on the dogs, and she watched their antics for a moment. “Food out on the deck. Burgers for the kids…ribs and chicken for the adults. A float trip on the river during the day. Fireworks out at the pond that evening.” She turned to him. “When your dad was alive, what did you do?”

  “We used to go to a park. They had a carnival with rides and stuff.” He smiled. “Hot dogs and cotton candy. At dark, they had fireworks.” The smile left his face. “Last year, though, we didn’t go.”

  “He was already sick?”

  Jack nodded. “We were supposed to go, but…well, he didn’t feel too good.”

  Lindsey put her arm around him and pulled him close. “I’m sorry, buddy.”

  “But we’ll have fun this year, right?”

  “Yep. We’ll have fun.”

  “Good.” Then he grinned. “Because Grandma Margie came over today. She wants us to go with them. Mom said we didn’t have to though.”

  “Where is your mom?”

  “Cooking.”

  Lindsey turned, looking behind her, surprised to find Hannah standing at the window, watching them. She smiled as their gazes met, and Hannah returned it, then motioned her to come inside.