by Gerri Hill
Hannah was moaning, her breath hissing between her teeth, her hands clutched in Lindsey’s hair. Lindsey’s tongue flicked against her, then she covered her again, sucking her clit hard, her tongue moving against it at the same time. Hannah was writhing against her and Lindsey held firmly to her as her mouth—her tongue—continued to stroke her.
Hannah’s hips lifted off the bed and a guttural scream left her body as she climaxed. Her legs were squeezed so tightly against her that Lindsey could hardly breathe. Hannah’s hips jerked again, almost violently as Lindsey sucked her clit, bringing out the last of her orgasm.
When Hannah relaxed, when she released Lindsey, she lay still on the bed. Lindsey lifted her head, shocked to see tears running down Hannah’s face. She got to her knees, moving closer, but Hannah turned, curling into a ball, her arms wrapped around herself. The sobs that Lindsey heard made her heart stop. Oh, God. No.
“Hannah…I’m so sorry. I don’t know—”
Hannah lifted a hand and shook her head. “Don’t.”
Lindsey reached out to touch her but stopped. Hannah’s shoulders were shaking as she cried, and Lindsey didn’t know what to do.
“I’m sorry,” Lindsey murmured again. “God…I’m sorry.”
She got out of bed, going to her dresser. She opened a drawer and pulled out a T-shirt, slipping it over her head as she walked out of the room. She paused at the door, looking back at Hannah, who had her back to her. She closed the door quietly, shutting out the sight of Hannah’s tears.
“What have I done?”
Chapter Forty-Nine
Hannah couldn’t explain her tears…not even to herself. She also couldn’t stop them as they continued to fall. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed out of her chest, and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself, rocking on the bed, trying to get her emotions under control.
Oh, my God.
“Oh…Lindsey.”
She wiped at her eyes. It was…it was just too much. Too good. Too incredible. She felt like someone had plugged her into an electrical socket and left her there. How could she possibly have just had her first earth-shattering orgasm? What did that say about her marriage? About James?
She turned her face into the pillow and cried. Was that it? Was she feeling guilty? Was it too soon? No. No, that wasn’t it. The guilt she was feeling was because…because Lindsey drove her to heights she’d never even imagined. And she did it with her mouth.
She rolled onto her back and forced her eyes open. Lindsey made love to her. Lindsey. A woman. At one point, when Lindsey’s mouth first touched her, Hannah thought she was going to pass out. Lindsey made love to her with her mouth.
“Oh…God…and it was so incredible.” So much so that she’d thought she might possibly die from pleasure right then and there. When her orgasm hit, it was so intense, so powerful, she felt like her body was being ripped apart by the explosion.
The explosion came all right. In the form of tears.
What must Lindsey think? She sat up and rubbed her face. Oh, she knew what Lindsey was thinking. She got up quickly. She needed to find her, to explain.
“God…I never cry,” she murmured as she opened drawers, stopping when she found a shirt.
She went out into the kitchen, seeing Lindsey through the window, sitting on the porch, the dogs beside her. She stared at her for a moment, feeling overcome with emotion at the sight of her.
How am I going to explain this?
She finally opened the door. Lindsey didn’t turn, but Hannah knew she’d heard as there was a slight tilt of her head. Hannah walked up behind her, slipping her arms around her neck.
“I’m sorry. The reason you think I cried was not the reason at all. It was…it was too much. I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting it to feel like that. It was different. It was a good different.” She smiled. “It was a great different. And…and I was overwhelmed by it. And…and I couldn’t stop.” She bent down, her mouth to Lindsey’s ear. “Come back to bed. We’re not finished.” Lindsey turned then and Hannah saw the streaks of tears on her cheeks. “Oh, honey…no. I’m so sorry.” Their eyes met and Hannah moved closer, kissing her gently. “It was so…so intimate. I loved it,” she whispered. “Now come back to bed.”
* * *
Hannah was still at her breast and Lindsey looked down, her heartbeats nearly choking her. She jerked slightly when Hannah’s fingers pulled out of her. Hannah lifted her head and their eyes met.
“So…so was it…”
Lindsey smiled. “What? That scream didn’t give me away?”
Hannah nestled beside her. “That was incredible. To be inside you like that…to feel how wet you were.” She moved her head, kissing her lips. “You’re so soft. Your skin…”
Lindsey ran her fingers across Hannah’s cheek. “Are you okay? With…with us? With everything?”
“I’m okay. Right now, I’m okay. Honestly, I’m not sure that it’s even registered with me yet that we’re…that we’re lovers. When I see Jack…tonight, when I’m alone…I don’t know. Right now, it feels almost like I’m in a dream.” She smiled. “A very, very nice dream.”
“If it’s too much, Hannah…if you need to go back, we can try. We can—”
“We can what? We can ignore this attraction between us? We can pretend that we didn’t just make love to each other? I love being with you, Lindsey, like this. What we did today, I don’t want to undo it.” She sat up and leaned on her elbow, her hand lightly grazing Lindsey’s stomach. “I want to be honest, though.” She looked up and met her eyes. “I don’t know what I can give you. I don’t know how far I can take this. I may wake up tomorrow and say ‘what the hell were you thinking?’ or…or I may be overcome with guilt and cry in my cereal.” Hannah’s hand moved to her breast. “I don’t want to hurt you, Lindsey. Most of all, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Lindsey knew there was a very good chance she was about to get her heart broken. But as Hannah had said, could they ignore this? The attraction between them had been building for months. Talking about it now, though, after they’d just made love wasn’t the time. She didn’t want anything to take away from what she was feeling. And that was a quiet contentment that she hadn’t felt in so long, she hardly recognized it.
So she took Hannah’s hand—the fingers that had been inside her only moments ago—and brought it to her mouth, kissing it gently before entwining their fingers.
“I think we should get you back. The school bus will be around soon.”
“What time is it?”
Lindsey looked past Hannah to the clock on the nightstand. “Almost three.”
Hannah sighed. “Yes. I should go.” She leaned forward and kissed Lindsey. “You asked if I was okay. What about you?”
“I’m scared,” she answered honestly.
Hannah nodded. “Me too.” She sat up, then cupped Lindsey’s cheek. “It was a beautiful day, Lindsey. Thank you for that.”
Chapter Fifty
Hannah stared out into the darkness. She wasn’t certain what she was feeling. Earlier, she’d had a touch of nervousness when she picked Jack up at Margie’s. She had feared that Jack would take one look at her and know exactly how she’d spent her afternoon. But his normal chatter never ceased as they drove home and he told her about his day at school. And he didn’t even notice that their dinner had been leftovers and not the chicken and rice she’d promised. He did, however, notice that she was being quiet. He’d asked her in a rather adult voice if she was feeling okay.
He was now in bed and she was in the rocker, trying to make sense of her day. As she’d told Lindsey, she didn’t want to undo it. It had been too special for that. In fact, just thinking about it, about making love with Lindsey, made her heart flip.
It was the guilt that had her confused. Or rather, the fact that she had no guilt. She tried to picture James’s face…his smile, his blue eyes. In her mind, she saw Jack instead. Jack was nearly a carbon copy of his dad. She’d had a good marriag
e, she told herself. She was happy. She and James were good together. Toward the end, James had told her to move on from him, he’d told her to find someone else to make a family with Jack. He’d been so firm in his request, she’d agreed, even though—at the time—she couldn’t imagine there being someone else in her life.
Certainly not a woman—not a beautiful, sensitive, passionate woman. Lindsey was falling in love with her, Hannah could tell that. Lindsey was probably already in love with her, whether she would admit it or not.
Hannah leaned back in the rocker, putting it in motion. And what about her? Was she falling in love? She thought back over the summer, back to the first time Jack had mentioned his new friend, back to the first time she’d met Lindsey, back to when she’d first gone swimming with them at the river. They’d gotten so close, so fast, she had a hard time recalling a time when Lindsey hadn’t been there for them. Picnic lunches, play days, dinners. Good-bye hugs. When had that started? She didn’t remember a time that they didn’t hug. And when did the hugs change? The Fourth of July? She felt the attraction way back then, she knew.
Was she falling in love? Had she been slowly falling in love all summer and not even known it?
She took a deep breath and folded her arms around herself. What was she going to do? Go forward with it? Sneak around and hide it from Jack? Hide it from her family? God…hide it from Margie? Or…she could play it safe. She could tell Lindsey that they should stop.
She felt her heart ache at the thought. Lindsey would stop coming around as much. Lindsey would withdraw from her…from Jack. Eventually, there would be no more Lindsey over for dinner or play days. Eventually she would simply disappear from their lives. She wiped at a tear that escaped. Could she handle that? If Lindsey walked away, would she let her?
The truth was she didn’t want Lindsey to walk away. She didn’t want to tell Lindsey that they should stop this before they got in too deep.
Because the truth was, she was already in too deep. Today told her that. Yes, she was falling in love with Lindsey…a woman. And she didn’t want to stop it. It felt too good.
She didn’t know what she would do…about Jack, especially. How in the world would she be able to tell him, to explain to him that she and Lindsey were in a romantic relationship? He couldn’t possibly understand it.
No one would understand it.
She took a deep breath, then stood, going to the edge of the porch. She leaned against the railing, looking up into the night sky. What was Lindsey doing? Was she out on her deck? Most likely. Most likely she was worrying about tomorrow…wondering what Hannah was going to tell her.
Well, she didn’t want Lindsey to worry. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. They’d agreed not to call. They’d agreed to take the night to think about it, to sort it out. They’d said they’d talk about it tomorrow.
She smiled. There’d been no mention of texting.
* * *
Lindsey heard the bell on her phone. She picked it up, wondering who was texting her this late. Actually, wondering who was texting her at all. Her friends in Dallas had long ago stopped trying to contact her.
“Today was the best day ever. Can we do it again tomorrow? I’m dying to know how you taste.”
“Good Lord,” she murmured. She let out her breath as she read the words a second time.
Then she smiled, sending back a one-word reply.
Chapter Fifty-One
Hannah looped her arms around Lindsey’s neck and sighed. “I hate the weekends.”
“Really? But Jack loves them.”
“Oh, I know. But we don’t have a second alone on the weekends.” She leaned closer, kissing her. “We can’t make love on the weekends.”
Lindsey laughed. “You’re insatiable.”
“Yes, I know. It’s all your fault.”
And it was. The last two weeks had been pure bliss. Oh, they’d attempted to keep things normal…like going to the pond. The problem was, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Thankfully, the weather had cooled enough that the water was too cold now in the pond. That was the excuse they used, anyway. A light north breeze had chased away the summer temps, and there was a hint of fall in the air. Today, though, Lindsey had a picnic planned for their Friday. A blanket. A bottle of wine. And no dogs. They’d left them inside the garden fence.
Lindsey spread the blanket out on the pier and they sat down cross-legged, their knees touching. Lindsey was wearing a white T-shirt. Lindsey wasn’t wearing a bra. Hannah pulled her gaze away, wondering when she’d become so wanton…wondering when she’d become so, well, so sexual. She and James had a good sex life, but it was never like this. It was more physical, less emotional. Making love with Lindsey…everything about it seemed more passionate, more intense, as if Lindsey was reaching into her very soul when they touched.
“What are you thinking about?”
Hannah looked at her, looked into her eyes. “I was thinking about how I feel when we make love. How…passionate it is. How…different.”
Lindsey’s eyes gentled. “Compared to James?”
Hannah nodded. “But I’m not making comparisons really,” she said quickly. “Being with you, being with him…two completely different things.” She touched Lindsey’s arm lightly, rubbing her fingers across her skin. “Different physically, certainly. But different emotionally, too. I feel…closer to you, more connected. Being with you—making love—I feel a bond with you that…that I think was missing with James.” She looked away for a second. “That scares me. I feel like I’m a different person. Inside…I feel different inside.” She leaned forward and kissed her lightly, her lips moving slowly across Lindsey’s. She pulled away, again meeting her eyes. “I need to tell you something.”
Lindsey held her gaze and Hannah saw a trace of fear there. Fear for all the wrong reasons, Hannah knew.
“I’m…I’m falling in love with you. Every day, I feel I fall more and more. Then I think, what would Jack do if he knew? What would my parents say? What would they think?” She bit her lip. “I know that shouldn’t have a bearing, but it does. I’m not used to this. I’m not used to keeping things from Jack, from my mother.” She again squeezed Lindsey’s arm. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Lindsey swallowed and Hannah could see the uncertainty in her eyes. “I don’t want to get hurt either. I don’t think my heart can take it.”
“I know, honey.” She took both of Lindsey’s hands and held them. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Tell me how you feel.”
“Do you really want to know?”
“Yes. Tell me.”
“I’m already in love with you,” Lindsey said simply.
Hannah touched Lindsey’s face, rubbing her thumb across her lips. “I know. We can’t hide that when we make love, can we?”
“No.”
“I’m scared, though, Lindsey. I’m scared about Jack, about my family. I’m scared for you. If this is wrong, if it’s a mistake, what’s going to happen to you? I don’t want to hurt you,” she said softly. “What if we screw up everything and we lose each other?”
“We don’t have to tell Jack. We don’t have to tell anyone.”
Hannah stared at her. “No? This is enough for you?”
“Yes.”
Was it really enough? These stolen afternoons they had when Jack was in school…was that enough? She didn’t have time to contemplate it though. Lindsey leaned closer and kissed her, chasing away any doubts she might have had.
Chapter Fifty-Two
“Tell me about your life.”
Lindsey leaned up on an elbow, watching Hannah. Her voice was thick, still emotional from their lovemaking. Lindsey smiled contentedly as her hand brushed across Hannah’s nipple.
“You mean before? In Dallas?”
Hannah nodded.
“Oh…you know, just normal stuff. I had a nice apartment. I worked for one of the largest firms there.” She smiled. “I had no business getting a job there when I did. I didn’t hav
e enough experience at the time, but I knew somebody who knew somebody,” she said. “Anyway, I had a group of friends. And a group of work friends.” She shrugged. “And I dated, here and there, on and off. And I spent a lot of time out here, at the river. Holidays, for sure. Birthdays. Any other occasion that my grandfather decided the clan needed to get together. And sometimes just by myself. Drive down on a Friday night, spend Saturday in the water, part of Sunday. Enjoyed my grandmother’s cooking,” she said with a smile. She ran her hand along Hannah’s waist. “What about you? What was your former life like?”
Hannah sighed. “It’s hard for me to even recall the early days. It seemed like James was sick for so long, when I think back on it, that’s mostly what I remember and that’s so sad. We had a group of friends that we hung out with…backyard barbecues and get-togethers on Sundays for football games. Some were James’s friends and some were mine and we all intermingled eventually. Once Jack came along, well, I told you we were the first to have a kid, so that changed things a little.” She rolled over to her back. “We spent a lot of time with my parents. They have a big house and a pool, so that was the gathering place in the summer.” Hannah turned her head to look at her. “Normal stuff.”
Lindsey smiled. “I guess you never imagined this.”
“God, no.” She met her gaze. “Sometimes, though, when I’m with you, I can’t imagine this not being my life.” Hannah rolled again to her side, facing her. “I feel so comfortable with you…like this. It feels natural to me.” She paused. “I loved my husband. We had a good marriage. There were no fights, no major disagreements. We were compatible. And when he got sick, I told you, he changed. I can’t blame him, of course, but he became someone I didn’t even know anymore. The last six months or so, he was…he was so different from the man I married. It was really hard to go through that, to watch him change like that right before my eyes. And I know he couldn’t help it.” She paused. “The last couple of months, the last month, for sure, he was in such pain, we were just waiting for the end, really. And Jack…poor Jack, I don’t think he really knew—or understood—everything. It was a…it was…and I’m ashamed to even say this, but it was—”