by Gerri Hill
“A relief?”
“Yes. It was. I think I told you that before…I was relieved when it was over. I feel terrible for saying that. But he was in such pain. You always hear people say, well, at least their pain has stopped. Yeah. Everything has stopped. But I felt selfish when it was all over with because I felt relieved. Then…well, then I felt…”
“What? Guilty?”
Hannah nodded. “Then I felt guilty, which is why we ended up out here. But I tried to put all of that behind me. The change was good. It was needed.” Hannah took her hand. “Meeting you…that was the best thing that could have happened to me and Jack.”
“And this?” she asked quietly as she touched Hannah’s nipple with her finger.
Hannah leaned closer, brushing her lips. “I can’t imagine us not having this, can you?”
“No.”
“Lindsey…I’m in love with you. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love with anyone again…certainly not a woman. But when I’m with you, whether we’re playing or having dinner…or making love, everything feels so right in my world.”
Lindsey was still as Hannah moved closer, welding their bodies together. Yes, Hannah was in love with her. She was in love with Hannah.
Now what?
Hannah kissed her softly. “I know what you’re thinking,” she whispered.
“Do you?”
“It’s going to be okay, Lindsey.”
Lindsey pulled her tight against her. “I hope so. Because I’m madly in love with you.”
Chapter Fifty-Three
“I like it when you make burgers,” Jack said as he sat in a chair, watching her put the patties on the grill.
“I guess so. You ask for them enough.” Lindsey glanced over at him. “You excited about tomorrow?”
His eyes lit up. “Yeah! I’ve never been on a camping trip before. Aaron says they go a lot.”
“We should have practiced,” she said. “But you’ll have fun.”
“Have you been to Lost Maples before?”
“Yep. We used to go over there when the leaves changed. Do a hike. It was fun.”
“Yeah…we’re going to go hiking too.”
“So how many are going?”
“Six of us boys, then Aaron’s dad and Joey’s dad.”
“Good. You’ll have a great time.”
His young face turned serious. “Will you and Mom be okay without me? Especially Mom. She’s not used to being by herself at night.”
Lindsey hid her smile. “You know what? Maybe I should invite her to stay with me tomorrow night. She and Barney.”
He nodded. “Yes. That’s a good idea. Do you think she will?”
“I don’t know. Let’s ask her.”
“Ask me what?” Hannah said as she brought out the platter with the hamburger toppings.
Jack looked at Lindsey and she nodded at him.
“We were thinking…since I’m going to be gone tomorrow night, maybe you should just spend the night over here with Lindsey. You and Barney.”
Hannah raised an eyebrow, then turned to Lindsey, a smile playing on her lips. “Is that what you were thinking?”
“Yeah. Jack was worried about you being there by yourself.” She could no longer hide her smile. “You know, I’ve got lots of room here. I think I could stand you for one night.”
Hannah laughed. “Well, then I guess I’ll plan a sleepover tomorrow.” She pinched Jack’s cheek. “Don’t want you worrying about me while you’re gone.”
Lindsey rubbed his hair affectionately. “I’ve got something for you. Be right back.”
She went inside and down the hall to Shane’s room. She paused only a second before opening the door. She’d been in there twice. Once to get swimming trunks for Jack way back when they first sneaked off to go to the river. Then again when they went fishing, she got the rod and reel she’d given to Eli for Christmas. She went to the closet and opened it. In the back, against the wall, were the two hiking sticks she’d given to the boys several years ago. She took the bigger of the two—it was Jett’s—and wrapped her fingers around the top of the shaft, holding it tightly for a moment. It was from one of the many juniper trees on the property. She cut it, sanded it smooth, then stained and varnished it. A leather strap was wound through a bore hole at the top and she’d carved a J onto the handle. J for Jett.
She held it close to her chest for a moment, remembering Jett’s smiling face when she’d given it to him…remembering the times he’d used it when they hiked up the Mule trail to Antler Peak.
She took a deep breath, rubbing her finger along the handle for a second. Now… J was for Jack. Jett wouldn’t mind that she was giving his stick away and she knew Jack would cherish it.
She held it behind her when she went back out to the deck. Hannah was sitting in the chair she normally used, holding a glass of wine. Jack was waiting, looking at her expectantly. She smiled at him, then brought the hiking stick out from behind her back.
“I want you to have this,” she said. “You might need it tomorrow.”
As expected, his eyes were filled with wonder as he took it. He saw the J and looked up and met her eyes. She nodded.
“Yes, it was Jett’s. I made it for him a couple of years ago. I want you to have it.”
“Wow,” he whispered as his hands felt the smooth wood. Then he looked up. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He hugged her tightly and she had to hold back her tears. “Thank you, Lindsey.”
“You’re welcome.”
She went to the grill, flipping the burgers over even though they could have gone a minute more. Anything to get her emotions under control. Then she felt Hannah beside her. She leaned closer, until their shoulders were touching. Hannah seemed to know she needed that contact and she pressed against her.
“Can I go try it out?”
Hannah was the one who answered. “Sure, honey.”
Jack and the dogs bounded off the deck and he headed down the path toward the garden. Lindsey found herself engulfed in a tight hug as soon as he was gone.
“I love you,” Hannah whispered into her ear. “You are the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”
Lindsey held on to her, burying her face against Hannah’s neck. She hadn’t cried in so long, the tears snuck up on her now. Hannah rubbed her back soothingly, letting her cry.
She finally took a deep breath. “Sorry.”
Hannah pulled back a little, wiping the tears gently from her cheeks. “Jack knows how much you loved your nephews. For you to give him that…well, he knows what it means.”
She nodded. “Thank you. I needed a hug.”
“I know.” Hannah took a step away from her. “So…a sleepover tomorrow night, huh?”
Lindsey smiled, pushing the sadness away. “Yes. How about that? Wasn’t that nice of Jack to suggest it?”
“Yes, it was.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I was going to suggest it myself.”
Lindsey held her eyes. “So we’ll have the whole day?”
“And night. And most of Sunday,” Hannah said. “How shall we spend it?”
Lindsey shrugged. “You want to go out? Maybe drive to Uvalde…have dinner?”
“Like a date?”
“Yeah…like a date.”
Hannah stared at her. “I think I’d like that.” Then she lowered her voice. “Although if we end up at a Mexican restaurant, we must never tell Jack.”
* * *
“That was nice of Lindsey to give me this, wasn’t it?”
Hannah smiled as the hiking stick was stuck between his legs as he finished off his bowl of ice cream.
“Yes, it was.”
He looked at her. “Was she sad?”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw you hugging,” he said. “Was she crying?”
Hannah swallowed down the panic she felt. So he’d seen them hugging, huh? But to his eyes, it wasn’t out of the ordinary. He’d seen them hug before. He apparently h
ad sensed that Lindsey needed comfort. She nodded.
“Yes, she was crying. But she wasn’t sad that she gave you the hiking stick, honey. She was just remembering her nephew, that’s all.”
“Will it always make her cry?”
“I don’t think so.”
He was quiet for a moment, then he looked over at her. “When I remember Dad, I don’t cry anymore.”
She walked behind his chair and put her hands on his shoulders. “I think maybe she was crying because of you,” she said gently.
“Why?”
“Because she loves you. This was a gift she’d made for him…and now she was giving it to you…because she loves you, like she loved him.” When he looked at her he had tears in his eyes. She bent down and kissed his cheek. “And it’s okay to cry, honey.”
Chapter Fifty-Four
Hannah’s breath caught when Lindsey entered her, her hips jerking hard, pushing Lindsey deeper inside. Then a hot mouth settled over her nipple and she closed her eyes, savoring the feeling of Lindsey at her breast, Lindsey’s tongue flicking back and forth. She moaned when Lindsey sucked her nipple into her mouth, and she held her tightly, her chest heaving upward, urging Lindsey to take more.
The fingers inside of her were curled, stroking her, faster now as Lindsey devoured her breast. Hannah’s hips rocked against her hand, almost frantically as her orgasm built. Lindsey shifted, straddling Hannah’s thigh, and she moaned with pleasure as she felt Lindsey’s wetness coat her skin. She moved her hand, slipping it between her leg and Lindsey, finding her clit with her fingers. Lindsey rubbed against her in hard, short bursts, her own fingers moving even faster inside of her.
Hannah was trembling as Lindsey’s mouth continued its assault on her breast, her nipple rock-hard as Lindsey sucked it. Her vision swam as her orgasm threatened. She tried to hold on…a little longer, just a little more…but it was too much. The feel of Lindsey’s wet clit against her fingers, the feel of Lindsey’s mouth at her breast, the feel of Lindsey’s fingers as they plunged inside of her…it was too much.
Her body felt like it split into pieces when she climaxed. She could no more have held in the scream than she could have stopped breathing. It tore through her, echoing in the room, mingling with Lindsey’s moans as she continued to rub her clit against her fingers, continued to suck on her nipple, continued to stroke her. Hannah was gasping for breath, shocked to feel her body respond again, shocked to feel a second orgasm threaten.
“God…yes,” she hissed as her senses came alive again. Lindsey at her breast, Lindsey’s wet clit, Lindsey inside of her…hold on, hold on, hold on.
Lindsey’s mouth left her breast, and she let out a loud moan as she climaxed, pushing down hard against Hannah’s fingers. Hannah let go, her hips arching one last time as her second orgasm rifled through her.
They were panting, their bodies glistening with perspiration. Lindsey slowly slid her fingers out, causing Hannah to jerk as she brushed her clit. Then Lindsey’s weight was on top of her and Hannah held her close, her hands rubbing lightly across her back.
“That was…fantastic,” she murmured. “I’m so glad I don’t have to leave your bed and go home. I don’t think I have the strength.”
Lindsey leaned up, away from her. She kissed her mouth lightly. “I love you, Hannah.”
Hannah brushed the hair away from Lindsey’s eyes, meeting them. “I love you too.”
* * *
Lindsey stood at the door, listening to Hannah’s even breathing, then closed it quietly and made her way into the kitchen, startling the dogs in the process.
“Just me,” she whispered.
She took a bottle of water from the fridge and went outside to the deck. Both dogs joined her and immediately ran out into the darkness. She hadn’t looked at the time. One? Two? Certainly after midnight. She was tired, yes, but she couldn’t sleep.
No, that wasn’t true. She could sleep…that was the problem. Going to bed with Hannah, turning out the light, making love…sleeping in each other’s arms; it was something she wanted every night, not just tonight. The reality was, though, that she couldn’t have that with Hannah. Not with Jack in the house.
She took a deep breath. Was this enough? Could she go on like this, she and Hannah sneaking off during the day while Jack was at school? Having the occasional night together when Jack was at a friend’s house? Was that enough?
It had to be. There was no other alternative.
She heard the dogs rustling next to the deck and she quietly called them back up. They settled around her and Max, of course, had a stick in his mouth. She leaned back, watching the twinkling of stars overhead. Off in the distance, she heard the call of a nighttime bird…the common poorwill. That sound, of course, brought up images of her grandmother and she smiled in the darkness, remembering walking with her down the trails as her grandmother’s binoculars swung from her neck.
“Whip-poor-will?”
She felt Hannah’s arms slide around her from behind and Lindsey touched one of her hands.
“It’s a common poorwill, but yeah, same family. The whip-poor-will doesn’t come this far west,” she said, remembering her grandmother’s explanation.
“You learn that from your grandmother?”
Lindsey smiled. “She tried her best to turn me into a birdwatcher.”
Hannah squatted down beside her chair and rested her hands on Lindsey’s thighs. “What’s wrong? It’s three in the morning.”
Lindsey took one of her hands and squeezed it. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Hannah stared at her. “What’s wrong?” she asked again.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I don’t want to get used to sleeping with you, I guess.”
“Oh, honey…I know.” Hannah knelt down and brought Lindsey into a hug. “I know. We have stolen moments, don’t we? That’s all.” Hannah pulled back, meeting her eyes in the shadows. “We need to tell Jack.”
Lindsey’s eyes widened. “What? No,” she said. “No. I…I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
“Maybe it’s time.”
Lindsey blew out a nervous breath. Tell Jack? God…
Hannah squeezed her hand. “We’ll talk about it.” She stood and tugged at Lindsey’s arm. “Come back to bed. For now, this is all we have. I don’t want to waste a minute of it.”
Chapter Fifty-Five
Hannah had just poured a cup of coffee when her phone rang. It was her mother and she smiled before answering.
“Hey…I was just thinking of you,” she said truthfully.
“Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“No, no. I just got back from dropping Jack off for the school bus.” She paused. “I’ve been meaning to call you.”
“Well, that’s why I called. It seems like I haven’t talked to you in weeks. Is everything okay?”
She swallowed down her nervousness. She’d always been able to tell her mother everything. For days now she’d wanted to talk to her about Lindsey, but she wasn’t sure how to even begin. She had no idea what her mother’s reaction would be.
“Hannah…what’s wrong?”
She took a deep breath. “There’s something that I wanted to talk to you about…something that I need to tell you.”
She heard her mother’s sharp gasp. “Oh, my God…you’re not sick, are you? Jack?”
“No, Mom, nothing like that.” She hesitated only a second. “It’s about Lindsey.”
“Lindsey? Your friend? Your neighbor?”
“Yes.” Oh, God…how do you tell your mother you’ve fallen in love with a woman? “Lindsey and I…well, I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it.” She could feel her heart beating nervously and she tried to ignore it. “Our relationship…well…”
“What is it, Hannah?”
“I’m in love with her.” There was complete silence on the phone for several seconds. Seconds that seemed to drag on for minutes. “Mom?”
“In lov
e?” her mother asked quietly. “Like…in love?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, my God,” her mother gasped.
“I just need to talk to you about it. Okay? I need to talk to someone.”
“Oh, my God,” she said again. “Hannah…in love? With a woman?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure, honey? I mean, maybe it’s just because of James…because you’re lonely. Hannah…a woman?”
“I know. And at first, I thought that too. It’s not like I just jumped into this, Mom. It’s been happening all summer and I kept ignoring it. I was attracted to her and I pushed it aside. We both did. We kinda danced around it…but it was there. We both knew it.”
“Hannah, have you…I mean, are you…intimate with her?”
Hannah smiled. “Intimate? Are we having sex?”
“Are you?” her mother whispered.
“Yes.”
“Oh, God. And?”
“And? Do you want details?”
“Oh, my God! I most certainly do not! But—”
“Mom, when we’re together, it seems perfectly natural to me. I’m more satisfied with her than I’ve ever been.” She paused. “Ever.”
“I see.”
Hannah shook her head. No, she clearly did not. “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. It’s about Jack. I’ve got to tell him.”
“Oh, Hannah…he’s too young, isn’t he? How is he going to understand? I can’t even understand this.”
“I don’t want to hide this. I don’t want to have to watch every single thing I say. When the three of us are together, I don’t want Lindsey and I to have to pretend that we’re not in love. Mom…I want it to be real. I want her to be able to stay here at night. I want me and Jack to stay the night with her. But it’s just so…so complicated.”