by Layla Silver
There was one ad for a waitress position in an upscale restaurant, and I opened it. I didn’t have any experience, of course, but if I went in for an interview and showed them how fast and confident I was, then surely I would have a chance. I filled in their online application and smiled as I pressed ‘send,’ feeling positive about it. I reminded myself that I always had to be positive; I had been in a situation far worse before, and it could only get better from here.
Another ad on the screen caught my attention, and I clicked on it then frowned slightly. It was an agency looking for surrogates, and it was just completely out of place with everything I had been looking at so far. Out of curiosity, I expanded the ad and read it in detail, wondering if this was something I would ever consider. It had never been on my radar of things I would consider doing in my lifetime, and I had never met anyone who had done it before. The whole thing was alien to me, and I doubted I could ever do it, but I couldn’t help but take a photo of the agency’s number with my phone as I thought of how much bravery I would have to build up to go through such a thing. Still, it never hurt to have information that could be used someday, no matter how weird it was.
I browsed through some more job ads and finally checked out some online courses I was interested in. Most were starting towards year-end, so I still had a bit of time to prepare in that regard. Meanwhile, I had been doing some free courses as well whenever I could, just to prepare myself for intensive studying and get some skills in the process. I now knew my way around the computer well because of it, and if ever I got a job that required the use of some Microsoft packages, I was ready for it. It always amazed me how easy some things were to do, and why my uncle had kept me from all of it.
It was one of the things that had finally given me the courage to run away from home: the fact that I didn’t have anything for myself, and that I would die in the suffocating village I had grown up in. The only female role model I had was my aunt, who wasn’t much of anything where that was concerned. She was a mean drunk who took out all the anger that she couldn’t show her husband on me. We had something in common, though, and that was the fact that we were both dependent on my uncle. That realization had been something I couldn’t live with, and I had finally run away to the city with nothing to my name except a phone and a few items of clothing.
I often wondered if my uncle would have treated me better if I had been born a shifter. The fact that I was not was one of the things they never let me forget, and it had cemented my status as an outcast in the family. Which left me to wonder if me not being a shifter was the main problem or just an excuse for people who were already cold-hearted to be mean to me. I had never met or heard of anyone like me, a human born to shifter parents. I was nature’s reject as if being an orphan was not already enough. My abnormality made everything ten times more difficult for me because I had nothing in common with any of my living relatives who prided themselves on being shifters. No, I was just a boring human with boring brown hair and eyes.
At least now I was a free and boring human, and I would take that any day over going back to my uncle’s. Armed with that happy thought, I glanced at my notebook to make sure I had done all that I had set out to do, ignoring the number I had written down earlier. When I was satisfied that I had everything, I logged out and left to go home. My apartment was no five-star place, but it was still home.
Chapter 3 - Lincoln
I lay down the boards carefully, feeling every muscle in my body protest against the heavy lifting. I would stretch after I was done, of course, but for now, this was good exercise for me. The progress I had made today wasn't too bad either, and I couldn't help but think of how big my house looked. Had it always been this big, or was I just feeling lonely again? Why was I even building this enormous house when it was just for me? I was an only child and wouldn’t be having any nieces or nephews coming over. So, having four bedrooms was probably overkill, and all the space was getting to my head.
I kept thinking about how great it would be to have a child of my own. Julian had made it sound so simple and uncomplicated, and I really liked the idea of having a child without having a mate. I was done with all that, and I didn't think I would be ready to have another mate any time soon, if ever. My parents had been one of those couples that were so loving and affectionate toward each other, and I had grown up thinking that falling in love was the best thing that could ever happen in my life. I couldn’t wait to put everything my father had taught me to good use. ‘Always open the door for her. Never let her pull out her own chair. A gentleman takes care of his lady, and she wears his affection like a crown. You work hard to put food on the table and make sure that your lady has the most comfortable life you can offer her.’
My father had been an old-fashioned gentleman, and one of the best men I had ever known. His little nuggets of wisdom had stayed with me well into my twenties when I had proposed to my wife. I had been smitten with her, and she reminded me of the kind of person my mother had been. Soft-spoken, well-poised, and an excellent cook. Looking back, it probably wasn’t the best way to choose a mate, but I had been happy then, and I had vowed to give her everything she could ever want. My mechanic’s salary wasn’t much, but I made the best of it and provided a comfortable life for us. Going from that rose-colored mindset to catching my wife betraying me had been such a shock to my system. But now I was glad that I knew the truth: my parents had been the exception to the rule.
I had always planned to have kids later in life when I was more financially stable and had built the largest home that I could afford. It was just too bad that everything was now happening in a different order than I thought it would. I remembered how Julian had also said he hadn’t planned on things going the way they had, but in the end, it had turned out perfectly for him. It gave me hope that maybe modern medicine could give me the family that I had always wanted.
I heard a whistle behind me, and I turned to see my friend Kyle, who was also my neighbor now, plus the unofficial Alpha of the ranch. We lived a little away from most other Bears who lived on the ranch. We liked our peace. “Wow, you’re really not playing games, are you?”
I laughed and took off my gloves so that I could greet him.
“Hi man, just thought I would get as much work done as I possibly can before I start feeling lazy,” I said, feeling proud of what I had done so far as my friend inspected my recent work with an impressed look on his face.
“I have to hand it to you; you are doing a great job. Maybe you should invite a few people out here for a barbeque; it wouldn’t hurt to improve your social life,” he said with a smirk.
“Is Claire complaining about me taking up all of your time?” I joked.
Kyle nodded. “Yes. So, you need at least five more friends; then, I get to have you only on the weekends.”
“I doubt anyone will have me, but I will try.”
Kyle scoffed. “Please spare me the pity party. There’s not a single unattached woman in the clan who doesn’t want you to spare them a glance. They were all tripping to introduce themselves to you.”
I groaned at the memory of my introduction to my new clan. I had never been so irritated in my life. While I was not a very social person, I could succeed in blending in most of the time. My Bear, however, could not, being very impatient and aggressively so. I had been on edge the whole night, trying hard not to shift and run away from all the new scents and voices, the female ones in particular. While all that most of them saw was a potential mate, all that I saw was potential trouble. I understood where they were coming from though. Bear shifters were a very close-knit community, and only on a few instances did you find anyone of us marrying outside our own kind. Which made dating a boring affair because most of the kids grew up together in a clan, and that would be the same pool of potential suitors to choose from. It was probably exciting to have me join the clan because I was a new topic to discuss.
“Well, if any of them ever decide to push a wheelbarrow and haul in some logs, the
n they are welcome here anytime,” I smiled, then quickly changed the subject. “How is Claire doing? I’m surprised she let you out of her sight today.”
Kyle winced, but I knew it was all for show, he loved his mate dearly. He had confided in me that they had decided to try for a child, and though he hadn’t said anything in detail, I had gotten the gist of it.
“She told me to check on you then be back in time for dinner, which gives me about,” he paused as he checked his watch, “an hour and a half.”
“And we all know how Claire is about time,” I chuckled. “But half the male population wishes it had your problems, so don’t complain.”
“Yeah-yeah,” he said, waving it off but smiling at the same time.
It hit me then that maybe Kyle was the best person to confide in, the only person in my case anyway. He had an open mind and was so damn positive about almost everything. If anyone could give me a valuable opinion on the matter, it would be him. Since I was almost done with my work outside, I decided to finish the rest of it tomorrow and offered Kyle a seat on the finished side of the porch. I went to my kitchen and took out two beers, then we both sat outside.
“So, how have you been honestly? Haven’t seen you in a while,” he said before taking a sip of his cold beer.
I shrugged. “Same old, same old. I can’t complain.”
“You don’t have to hide out here all alone, you know. It can’t be all that interesting spending all of your time in this humongous house.”
I smiled and replied, “Well, about that, there’s something I’ve been considering, and I want to know what you think.”
“Should I be worried?” he said with a raised brow.
“Maybe a little,” I said then took a drink from my bottle.
“You made me promise to remind you never to get married again, remember?”
I laughed at my friend. “It’s not that, far from it actually. I was thinking of surrogacy.”
Kyle looked genuinely surprised. “You are? I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s just that that was the last thing I thought you would say. But I’m all for you doing anything that makes you happy. You know that. Except when it’s locking yourself away in your large house in the woods.”
“Thanks, I know. So, what do you think?”
Kyle ran a hand through his hair. “What do you know about it? Is it safe for us, I mean? You know what happens when mates are not compatible, that’s why many shifters don’t mix with humans.”
I nodded; I knew it all too well. Shifter cubs born to incompatible mates were often born weak and had trouble shifting. The Bear gene was strong, and the transformation could be too much for the weak ones.
“Well, apparently this one specializes in shifter pregnancies. I haven’t really done full research on the whole process yet, but they come highly recommended by someone I hold in high regard,” I answered.
Kyle nodded thoughtfully. “That’s good then. If you’re happy with their services at the end of the day, I think it would be a great step for you. You will make a great dad, and it might make you more cheerful.” He winked at me, and I chuckled.
“Thanks, man, I’ll do some more research and see how I feel about it.”
“You know you’ll always have us as your support system, and Claire will be ecstatic to have a baby to spoil,” Kyle said.
I smiled at that, knowing that Claire really would enjoy that. Kyle and I talked some more before he had to leave, and I tidied up my porch and put my tools away. Again, my house felt bigger than usual as I threw myself onto the only uncovered sofa in the living room. The space looked like an ad for DIY projects, but it was so much better now than when I had begun, so it didn’t bother me too much.
“Okay, let’s see what you’re all about,” I said to myself as I opened my laptop and looked up the agency’s website.
My first thought was how impressive their website was. It was well done and easy to navigate, and I clicked on the section for single parent surrogacy. I still wasn’t sure if this was something I would go through with, but I was impressed by how professional everything looked. It was a very detailed website, and if they were half as good as their website suggested, then they would probably be a good fit for me. I read through the section, trying to understand what they would require from me. After I was done, I decided to go for a run.
Shifting and running always cleared my mind and put things into perspective. And I wanted to make sure that whatever I decided to do, my entire being would be on board with it. I let my Bear take over as I ran through the woods, feeling the warmth of the dirt beneath my paws. I always missed that freedom whenever I was in human form, and I made the most of it now.
My thoughts went to my conversation with Kyle and everything I had read on the website. I felt one feeling washing over me: excitement. My Bear was enthusiastic about having a cub and finding out more about the surrogacy route. I wasn’t the only one who had been left with scars from a broken marriage. It had been much worse for my Bear because he had not only lost his mate, but the severing of soul bonds for shifters was an excruciating process that left scars on our skin where our mating mark would have been. It was like a physical loss of something, and I still felt that phantom pain sometimes when I shifted. It made sense why I’d had a bit of trouble shifting soon after the divorce. My Bear had needed time to heal.
The surrogacy agency brought new hope, however, and my Bear was keen to embrace that. An image came to my mind of my Bear and a tiny cub lying on the ground, and I knew exactly what I would be doing tomorrow. And that was setting up an appointment with First Class Surrogacy.
Chapter 4 - Dakota
I sighed as I took down the note that my landlord had left on my door.
'Missed you again. You are two weeks late.'
What she didn't know was that I had been trying to avoid her by all means. It was not a coincidence that she kept 'missing' me. I'd had to use the little money I had to buy some groceries. After all, if I was to keep the job that paid the rent, I had to remain healthy. I kept hoping I would have enough to cover my rentals by the end of the week, and if the worst came, I would have to pay the little I had and beg my landlord to give me an extension. I entered my apartment and locked the door behind me, feeling ashamed of the cat and mouse game I was playing.
Just a little bit more time, I thought. I would get everything fixed. This was not the first time I had been in a tight spot. To be honest, I preferred this over going back home any day. Having a free roof over my head was not worth the pain that came with it. No matter what happened, I would hold on to my little apartment and do whatever it took to hold on to my freedom even tighter. My phone vibrated as I put my keys on the table, and it made me freeze for a second. A feeling of dread washed over me because I instinctively knew who it was. I might not have been born a shifter, but I had this sixth sense about things sometimes.
It was definitely my uncle, and it would be one of those texts again.
'Come back home, you little, ungrateful human.'
'Do you think I won't find you?'
'You will pay me back for putting a roof over your head even if it kills you.'
'You think you can just turn your back on us?'
And so on.
I was really getting tired of it all. Every threat that I received served to make me even more determined to make it on my own. Even if I had to survive on only peanuts and water to make rent. Even if I had to take another job that was as lousy as my first. And perhaps do something as drastic as becoming someone's surrogate? That was a pretty big step, though, and something I didn't even have the strength to be thinking about right now. And why should I? It's not like I was even considering it.
"I really need to get a cat," I sighed loudly, throwing myself onto my old sofa.
Or get another life, I thought miserably, knowing that was not a possibility. But then again, neither was getting a pet. How would I afford the food and vet appointments? Not that I knew much about the costs of ownin
g a cat anyway; it had been forbidden to have one in my uncle's house. Shifters and cats just didn't mix well, he'd said. It had taken me years to find out that cats liked Wolf shifters just fine, just not him.
I groaned at the thought of my uncle and shifted to lie on my back before putting an arm across my eyes. I was so tired that sleep came easily to me, a brief escape from my life. I dreamed of the life I could have had if my parents had lived. I dreamed of working in a beautiful office with an incredible view. And I dreamed of a crying child.
I woke with a start, thinking there really was a baby in my apartment. But it was just my alarm, and I was surprised that I had passed out on my sofa for the whole night. And as I remembered my last dream, I wondered if it was some sort of sign or some kind of warning. Or maybe I just needed to stop thinking about babies and science labs. My stomach rumbled, making its displeasure known. I hadn't even thought about food the previous night; so much for keeping myself healthy. My stomach rumbled again, and I made my way to my refrigerator to get started on breakfast.
"What the heck?"
I stuck my head into the tiny fridge, looking for the food I clearly couldn't see. How had this even happened? I tried to recall the last time I had bought some groceries, realizing that it had been a while back. I kept hoping I would have enough money to buy some more, but I hadn't, and now I was running on empty.
I sighed, closing the fridge and banging my head against the door for a while.
My stomach rumbled again, choosing not to be supportive in our current predicament. I checked my cupboard and found some salt, sugar, powdered milk, tomato sauce, and a small packet of instant noodles. That was all I had, and it wouldn't do me any good. Which meant I had to go buy some food and delay paying rent for a little while longer. Life, one; Dakota, zero.