by Layla Silver
"Fine!" I said in frustration, going to my bedroom to shower and change out of my uniform.
I looked into my broken mirror as I tied my hair into a messy bun. It reflected how I felt at the moment, and I wished I had money to fix it. When I had moved in, it had been one of the many broken things that came with the apartment. Broken bathroom doorknob, broken sink, cracked tiles, and broken mirror. I had been desperate and didn't mind the state of the apartment at the time. Now, looking around, it just further enhanced my misery. My stomach made an angry noise yet again, and I rolled my eyes. It really was being insanely persistent.
"Don't even act like you have never gone hungry before," I muttered as I grabbed my keys and walked to the door.
With any luck, I wouldn't run into my landlord on my way to spend some of her rent money. But it wasn’t like I had much of a choice now; I needed food. I felt ashamed at the relief I felt when I got to my parking bay without being spotted, then immediately started to panic when my car wouldn't start.
"No, no, no, no," I cried, turning the key again and again.
The engine gave an exhausted cough and nothing else, giving up on me just when I couldn't deal with any more problems. I tried everything I could to encourage my little car to start, but it just wasn't having it. Like my apartment, my car had been broken when I had bought it. It had never broken down after I'd had it fixed, though, but I had also tried to be extra kind to it knowing it could die at any moment. But whatever had been keeping it together all this time had finally given up, and I felt tears filling my eyes as I banged my head against the steering wheel. Even the horn sounded exhausted.
"I'll do anything, just ... please, just start," I whispered, hoping by some miracle that my car would listen.
I got out and opened the hood, sighing when nothing inside looked familiar, and as far as I could tell, nothing looked wrong. I needed to get it back to Wrench which would mean spending more money that I didn't have. My eyes burned with tears as I closed the hood and took a deep breath.
I am stronger than this, I thought. I just needed a plan. For now, I was going back up and having my packet of noodles as I tried to figure out how to make everything work. I made it back into my apartment without being spotted again, and I breathed in relief when I finally locked the door behind me. I put some water into the electric jug then placed the noodles into a bowl as I waited for the water to boil. One of my kitchen drawers was full of coffee and sugar sachets that the motel gave us for free sometimes. The instant coffee was terrible, but it would help to get my belly full right now, and I took out a sachet and a cup. With some powdered milk and sugar, I was ready to have the breakfast of poor champions.
I sat down to eat a few minutes later and eyed my phone, which was just a few centimeters away from my cup. I deserved a better life than this, and I owed it to myself to get more information about this surrogacy thing. It wouldn't hurt to call, I thought. I could help someone in need who could afford to help me in return. It would give me a proper nest egg, and I could go somewhere and start over. I could go back to school, get a better car and even a better apartment. The opportunities the money would provide were endless for someone like me. Someone with almost nothing. And it was all one phone call away.
I reached for my phone then hesitated as I considered what I was about to do. This was a child I was thinking about. A little human being that would give some family hope again, and I could be a part of that. It really didn't seem so scary when I thought about it that way, so I finally decided to give the agency a call. I took my phone and opened the picture with their contact details, quickly dialing the number before I had a chance to hesitate again.
"Welcome to First Class Surrogacy, bringing life and hope to families everywhere. If you know the extension you require, please dial it now. For general inquiries, dial one."
I listened to the recorded voice then immediately dialed one. There was just one ring before a friendly female voice answered.
"First Class Surrogacy, good day," a female voice said.
"Umm, good morning, how are you?" I said, immediately regretting not having written down what I needed to ask.
"I'm well, thank you, how are you?" the voice replied.
"I'm fine, thanks. Can you help me with some information?"
"Of course, what exactly are you looking for?"
I rubbed my temple and tried to calm my racing heart. It was just a phone call, I told myself.
"Umm, what do I need to know if I’m considering becoming a surrogate?" I asked, hoping I wasn't too vague with my question.
"There is quite a lot that goes into the process, but we have trained professionals ready to explain everything you need to know. Perhaps you would like to come to our offices and find out more?"
"Sure, that would be okay, I guess. Do I make an appointment with you or …?"
"You can come in at any time," the woman replied, sounding like she had a huge smile on her face.
I really wish I had a job that I enjoyed like that.
"Even now? I really don't need an appointment?" I asked again just to make sure.
"No need at all. Please feel free to come in whenever it is convenient for you. All inquiries offices are open from eight to six," she replied.
"Thank you, then I’ll come by in the afternoon," I said, then remembered I only had a phone number without an address. "May I please have the address?"
I committed it to memory, then thanked her again.
"You are welcome. Thank you for your call," she said.
I wrote the address down as soon as I hung up then cleaned my little kitchen. I didn't have a car now, so I called an Uber, hoping that I wouldn't regret using more of the little money I had left to visit the agency. I snuck out of my apartment one more time as I took a step towards a very interesting future.
Chapter 5 – Lincoln
There, I thought as I put down my phone. It was done. The surrogacy idea had been on my mind nonstop for the past week, and I had finally decided to just get it out of my system and find out more about it. I figured if I understood better, then I could move on with my life. Either by going through with it or deciding that it wasn't for me. Besides, I was headed for the hardware store in town anyway to get some extension screws, so I might as well drop by and get some pamphlets or something. I didn't want to make a big deal of the whole thing lest I got disappointed.
I took my grocery list off the fridge before locking up and walking to my car. Like my house, I was enjoying working on it and upgrading it. I had just put in some new speakers for my radio, and I tried them out on my way to town, listening to some bloke sing about his broken heart. Was that all people sang about these days, I wondered? Not only was it depressing, but it also brought back memories I tried really hard to bury at the back of my mind. I changed the station and smiled when I heard some classical music blasting through my speakers. It distracted me well enough, and before I knew it, I was turning off the engine in Barry's parking lot.
"Lincoln, how nice to see you," Barry smiled as I walked to the counter.
I checked my watch just to make sure that I wasn't running late. I wasn't, of course, but it never hurt to check.
"Hi Barry," I offered, taking out some bills and giving them to him.
“Any special orders this week?” he asked as he took the money.
“Just these, thanks. I’ll let you know if anything comes up,” I replied.
He punched my purchase in, handed me the screws I’d ordered, and gave me the change before giving me a two-finger salute like he always did. I had never given him room to chat more than the basic greetings and talking about building materials, but he seemed like a nice guy.
"Thanks, have a good day, Barry."
"You too, Lincoln," he said to my back as I turned to walk away.
I put the screws in the trunk and made my way to the agency. I tried to keep my mind on everything I had to do the next day, which was finishing up my front porch and starting on the kit
chen cupboards. It meant that I would have to make another big order from Barry, which would further deplete my savings. But I was investing it in my house, so it wasn’t a bad thing. As soon as the agency came into view, though, all those thoughts disappeared from my head.
My first impression of the place as I pulled into the parking lot was that it was beautiful. The buildings were immaculate, and everything seemed to be well maintained. The place looked like a private hospital, and as I walked in, I noticed the signage that indicated there were offices on one wing and clinic wards on the other. I walked to the inquiries desk where the lady behind it looked up and smiled at me.
"Good afternoon, sir, how can I help?"
"I have an appointment at three-thirty with Elton," I replied.
"No problem, sir, you can sit in the waiting area. Take the first left, and you won't miss it."
I nodded and managed to remember to thank her before walking away. There were a few people in the spacious waiting room, and I went to sit in the chair furthest away from anyone. There was a woman seated two chairs from me, but I paid her no mind, and she seemed to be engrossed in her magazine anyway. I sighed audibly as my body sunk into the most comfortable chair I had ever sat on.
"They are really comfortable, aren't they?"
I turned my head to look at the woman next to me, who was now looking at me with humor in her eyes. I hadn't been able to tell when she had been looking down at her magazine, but I could see clearly now that she was an incredibly attractive woman. I felt my Bear stir in excitement, surprising me. I hadn't felt attraction to any woman since my ex-wife had gone and broken that part of me.
"Ah, yes?" My answer came out more like a question, and I mentally kicked myself for sounding so lame.
The woman didn't seem to notice, though, because she just smiled and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Her eyes were brown like her hair, and she wore no makeup that I could notice. Her lips were full, which made her features a beautiful mix of sexy and adorable. They were moving as she said something that I completely missed because I was a weird idiot.
"—and it's like they don't want us to leave, right?"
I nodded as I caught the last part of her sentence, hoping I was agreeing with something I had knowledge about.
"If only I could find car seats this comfortable," she continued, making me realize that she was still talking about the chairs.
"You should check online," I suggested. "I've always thought your car should be like a second home."
She laughed, and I found myself leaning closer to capture every second of it. My Bear was getting excited, along with other parts of me, and I had no idea why. I had never reacted this way to a woman before. Let alone a human.
"You are one of those Top Gear kind of guys, aren't you?" she said, her eyes still shining with laughter.
I shrugged and smiled back. "Guilty as charged. I’ve loved cars since I took the wheels off of my very first toy."
"You must have been a nightmare to buy toys for then," she said, tilting her body so that she was facing me more.
I felt strangely good, having her undivided attention like that.
"It explains why my father started getting me Legos," I said seriously, pretending to come to some realization.
She burst into laughter again, and I smiled a little, feeling as if I had entered into some kind of twilight zone. Sullen old me was making this woman laugh; who would have thought?
"Well, better Legos than nothing, right?" She was smiling as she said it, but something passed in her eyes for a second.
"So, what about you? Something tells me you weren't taking off heads from your dolls or causing any kind of trouble for your parents."
She shook her head, and I noticed a certain sadness clouding her eyes this time. I hoped I hadn't said anything wrong, but I didn't want to make it worse by apologizing or asking if I had.
"No, I never caused any kind of trouble for my parents," she replied, then smiled. "You can say that I was perfect."
I chuckled and shook my head. "Then, I guess you really deserve those perfect car seats."
"Amongst other things," she said and laughed.
"Like what?" I asked, really curious.
She already had perfect skin, a perfect laugh, perfect everything from where I was sitting. I was getting distracted again, and I had already missed part of what she had said. I really needed to get myself under control.
"—fresh cream doughnut that's a combination of chocolate and coconut sugar. It would have to be six feet long, of course."
I raised a brow, trying not to laugh at her serious face. "Why so big?"
"So that it takes longer to finish, of course."
"Oh, yes, of course." I nodded as if this was the most important thing anyone had ever said to me.
"Not forgetting the perfect cup of coffee with it, in a large cup with lots of milk and sugar," she added with an adorable grin.
"You have quite a sweet tooth, I take it?" I laughed.
"What my dentist doesn't know won't hurt me," she said with a wink.
I laughed again just as her phone rang.
"Excuse me," she said, then turned away from me as she answered.
I looked around the room, trying to give her privacy. But she was so close, and I couldn't help overhearing her side of the conversation.
"Hi Wrench, thanks for calling me back ... yes, it just died on me this morning ... yes, of course, there is gas, I'm not an idiot," she said then laughed briefly. "I know ... I know ... but I need it fixed right now otherwise how will I go to work every day ... I know ... Wrench ..."
She sighed loudly, and I wondered what was wrong.
"How much are we talking about here? Wrench ... I barely make that in a month! No ... I know ... can you fix it for me for a little bit less? ... I know you do ... but I can't afford that right now, and I need my car repaired like yesterday ... okay ... I understand ... okay, thanks."
She sighed again before slipping her phone into her jacket pocket. When she turned back to me, that shine in her eyes was gone.
"Everything alright?" I asked cautiously.
She nodded and replied with a small smile. "Just some car trouble and my mechanic is basically asking me to sell my soul to get it fixed."
I winced. "Ouch."
She laughed and shrugged. "Well, who needs it anyway, right? It only serves to provide me with a conscience that holds me back from the most fun stuff. I can totally live without a soul."
I laughed with her before finding myself saying something I hoped I wouldn't regret later. It was like my Bear had taken over, and I was going on pure animal instinct. I just needed to help her.
"I can come over to your place and fix your car for you if you would like. I pull apart cars for a living now," I said, hoping I didn’t sound like a freak.
"The Legos didn't put you off then?" she said with a smile.
I shook my head. "Not a chance."
She laughed then sobered almost immediately. "Can you do that, really? I mean, I don't have a lot of money, and you don't even know me ..."
"I'm Lincoln," I said, cutting off her little rant and extending my hand for a shake.
She smiled and shook it, her warm hand barely half the size of mine. Something passed between us, and I quickly let go of her hand. She didn’t seem to notice anything unusual, though, which meant that I was probably reading way too much into it. Being alone for too long can do that to a person.
"I'm Dakota."
"North or South?" I asked.
It took her a second, but she laughed, and I could have shifted and run around the building a dozen times with how happy that made me. Yes, I was officially losing my damn mind.
"Nice to meet you, Lincoln. And thank you, it would be great if you could give me a second opinion."
"I would be happy to, and don't worry about the costs. I'll make sure you won't have to sell your soul," I replied, glad I hadn't added how I suspected her soul was just as beautiful as
she was.
Damn it, what was that about? I hoped my eyes hadn't turned with how my Bear was behaving under my skin. We would definitely be having a conversation later because this excitement was not good for either form. I was bound to make a fool of myself if my offer was any indication because I indeed had lost my mind. But when Dakota smiled at me again, I knew I couldn't take it back. I didn't want to. All I wanted to do was stare at her beautiful face.
And my Bear was loving every second of it.
Chapter 6 - Dakota
What had I done?
It felt like my entire life was flashing right before my eyes, or at least, the last three hours of it. I threw my keys on one side of the bed while I curled up on the other, trying very hard not to panic. Never in my life had I had a panic attack, but I was sure it must feel something like this. I didn't know how to feel, and my mind was swirling with a lot of thoughts.
I had signed the contract!
There was a saying that desperate times call for desperate measures, and I finally understood it now. Whoever had come up with that had gone through something deep. They knew that sometimes you needed to hit the hammer hard on a situation, you couldn’t afford to be picky and waste time with childish thoughts. And that is what I had done. I had gone ahead and done the most extreme thing possible to get myself out of a terrible situation. And I would be doing it on my own.
I had put my signature on a document, agreeing to carry a stranger's child. That was almost a year of my life I had signed away, and my first child was going to be someone else's. I took a deep breath and made myself even smaller on the bed, putting my hands around my head as if I could protect myself that way. I was just so confused, and I needed someone to talk to. Anything to help me calm down and get out of my head. But I had no one, which reminded me again why I had done this. There was no one to help me out, which meant I had to take care of myself.
I moved my hands to my flat stomach and tried to imagine myself with a full belly. The nice doctor, Dr. Carlton, had done some tests and taken my blood sample. She'd said that as soon as I matched with a family, they would contact me soon and call me in for the procedure. Meanwhile, all I had to do was take care of myself and remain in good health, which I was in, apparently. All the tests had shown that I was in great shape and an ideal candidate. I had been worried that I wouldn't be, considering I didn't always eat the best meals. But I had passed with flying colors, and now I only had to wait until I found a match.