by Layla Silver
"Hi Linc," Claire said, and I gave her a light kiss on the cheek before handing over her plastic bag. "Thank you.'
"You’re welcome," I said with a smile.
"Come on in. The boys are out back, getting the grill started."
I nodded and followed her into the house, using the back door to go to where Kyle and a few guys were laughing outside.
"Hey man, you’re just in time. These steaks aren't going to grill themselves," Kyle grinned, patting me on the shoulder.
"Hi Lincoln," Josh said while the other two nodded in greeting and raised their beers.
Josh, Ryan, and Pete lived on the other side of the ranch. The ranch was technically Pete’s; he’d inherited it from his great-uncle. I didn’t see them often, because I kept mostly to myself.
"Hi guys," I replied, then gestured to the grill. "Here to help this idiot man the grill?"
Everyone except Kyle laughed before Josh responded, "We were going to take a quick run through the woods before dinner, but this one chickened out."
"Hey, I can't leave my mate all alone here, slaving over the stove alone!" Kyle exclaimed, but we could all see right through him.
"It will only be for a few minutes, come on. We haven't raced in ages," Pete coaxed.
I laughed and pointed at Kyle. "Was he any good?"
Kyle scoffed. "Good? I used to wipe the floor with these losers! I don't know why they’re so keen to be humiliated."
Talking about racing reminded me of my upcoming change in living arrangements. I cleared my throat and looked at Kyle.
"Speaking of racing, I have a guest coming over tomorrow. Or at least, that's the plan. But I'm not sure that she's used to seeing Bears a lot, and I don't want to frighten her in her state, so it would be good if no one shifted in front of her," I said.
Kyle looked at me in surprise. "What kind of guest?"
"My surrogate," I replied. "She'll be staying with me until the baby arrives."
"But, I thought you went the anonymous route?" Kyle continued.
"I did, but something came up, and she's moving in."
"Whatever you need, man. I'll let the other guys know to behave," Josh said with a smile, and I nodded in gratitude.
"Everything is okay, though?" Kyle asked, still looking concerned.
"Yeah, everything is perfect. The baby is healthy and will be here before we know it," I said. Then to lighten the mood, I added, "It's probably time I asked Claire for nursery decor advice."
"You sure you want to go down that route, man? Claire doesn't do anything halfway!" Josh said as he shook his head and laughed.
"Hey, I heard that!" Claire called out. "I have a strong hearing, you idiots!"
We all laughed, knowing that she knew we were only playing around. Everyone loved Claire just the way that she was. And even though I had once hoped to have a mate as perfect for me as Claire was for Kyle, it hadn't worked out, and I had accepted that. I was content just to have my child and my Bear family. And this was the time that my Bear loved to remind me that I was a liar because for just a second, I had been hopeful of something more. Before Dakota ruined it.
Yeah, we were in it together, buddy, I thought. You liked her first. And with that, my Bear went silent, leaving me to enjoy the time with my friends.
I woke up late the following day, feeling the after-effects of a late night out. The dinner had been great, but we'd stayed up the entire night just eating and having fun. And we'd had that race after all, although I couldn't remember who'd won. Luckily, I wasn't working today. Which meant I could sleep the whole day if I wanted to. I brushed my teeth and showered, then got back into bed. I would wake up later and make a late breakfast.
My Bear was not having it, though. He didn’t like my lazy routine for the day, even though I groaned and tried to ignore him.
"I'm a Bear, and I can hibernate if I want to. Sue me," I mumbled, covering my eyes with my arm.
That's when I heard the doorbell. Damn it, how could I have forgotten? No wonder my Bear was restless. I got out of bed quickly and put on a t-shirt with my sweatpants, then rushed to the door.
"I'm sorry I—" My voice got caught in my throat as I opened the door and saw the smiling face in front of me.
Her nervous smile disappeared as she took me in as well. What the hell was going on? Why was Dakota at my door and ... My eyes went to her large belly; she was pregnant? A million thoughts ran through my head, and I blinked in confusion. How had she found me? Had I accidentally gotten her pregnant? Then the foolish thought quickly went away as it registered that I had indeed gotten her pregnant. Just not when I had slept with her. But how was this even possible?
"You're my surrogate?" I asked, my voice coming out in a whisper. I felt like I was being strangled.
"And you are Mr. Pierce," she said with a look I couldn't decipher.
And that was the moment my Bear so helpfully nudged me to open the door. My child was home. He just conveniently ignored the fact that the woman carrying that child was the same woman who'd made it clear that she never wanted to see me again.
Chapter 12 - Dakota
When the agency had called me to let me know that the intended father had offered to give me a place to stay, I had been both relieved and terrified. One, I didn’t know the man, and this had not been the plan. Two, what if he wasn’t nice, and I would have to bear the thought of leaving the child with him? I knew that the agency did background checks and all that, so he would have to be a decent guy somehow. But once upon a time, someone had deemed my uncle fit enough to adopt me. And look how that had turned out. People often looked good on paper, but the reality could be very different. Not that it was my place to judge whether someone would be a fit parent or not; this child was not mine after all. The past couple of months had made it abundantly clear that I could barely take care of myself, let alone a child.
After checking the address that I’d been given, I’d driven slowly towards my destination. I’d been trying to delay the inevitable, and I was feeling really embarrassed that this man had to take me in like some homeless pet. When I had finally arrived, I had taken a deep breath and mustered the best smile that I could before knocking twice. I had been prepared to make a good first impression despite my situation, and it had been a shock to see Lincoln standing in front of me. He looked as good as I remembered, but what was he doing answering the door? This particular door, where the intended father was supposed to be? I didn’t have the wrong address, of that I was certain, which meant that this was really happening. I could only numbly follow him inside after he got over his own shock and let me inside the house.
"This is your room," he said, putting my bags by the side of the bed. "I haven't had time to prepare it, but I'll bring you some sheets and blankets unless you want your own. Let me know if there’s anything you need to make your stay more comfortable," Lincoln said in a flat voice.
He sounded like a hotel manager, I thought. I was not welcome in his home. It was like he was trying very hard to be polite because that was his nature. But beneath the surface, he was cursing me ten ways to Sunday and would have thrown my bags out if I weren’t carrying his baby. I could see the tightness of his jaw; he really was holding back. And I didn’t know what was worse, imagining what he was thinking or him deciding just to tell me what he was thinking. I could only wait and leave the decision up to me. To lash out, or not to lash out.
"Your bathroom is through there. Let me know what you like in terms of soap and shampoo," he continued. "And food preferences too; I'll go shopping today."
I nodded but said nothing; I didn't know if I could. This whole thing was insane, and I still couldn't believe I had found Lincoln after all this time. Who knew all I had to do was get fired and need a place to stay? And he was the father of the baby I was carrying? That was too much for me to process right now. It seemed to be too much for him as well because he was focusing on getting me settled so badly I could only assume it was to keep his emotions in check.
All I had were a few clothes, a pair of sheets, some towels, and a couple of blankets. Then a few kitchen utensils and gadgets that I had bought when I first moved in. My apartment had come fully furnished, even though everything was old and threatening to fall apart. I had actually been shocked when I’d had to pack my bags and realized that I had so little stuff. Was my life really so pathetic that it fit in two bags? And here I had thought that I was doing so well for myself. It made for easy packing though, and I had been anxious to leave my apartment.
"Okay then, I'll leave you to unpack," he said, then started walking out of the room.
I wondered what Lincoln must think of me, and how pathetic I must look to him. Here I was in this huge home that belonged to him, and all I had were two bags.
"Lincoln," I said, wanting to apologize for what had happened between us. I didn't know how to, though, so I let the silence hang between us.
He turned to face me, and I looked into those eyes that I had dreamed about so often. I begged him with my own eyes to understand. To forgive me. To say something, anything. He could even shout at me and tell me that I had hurt him. Or tell me that he hadn’t once thought of me in the time we had been apart. With a guy like him, it was probably the latter. But it would be better knowing instead of this silence between us.
"I'll let you know when I'm leaving," he finally said, closing the door behind him.
That was it then. He was making his position clear. I sat down on the bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I wanted to scream and maybe cry a little, but it wouldn't help. So I just went ahead and unpacked my bags, then made the bed. I looked around the house when I left my room, finding that everything was a cross between beautiful and being a work in progress. I followed the sound of dishes and found Lincoln in the kitchen, washing some items in the sink.
I stood at the door and saw his shoulders tense as he stopped what he was doing, but he didn't turn around.
"Lincoln, I'm sorry," I said quickly before I lost my nerve.
He turned around and acted like I hadn't said anything. "Where is your nutrition chart?"
"Um, in my room but—"
"Please get it, I'll put it on the fridge," he said seriously.
I bit my trembling lip and nodded, leaving and returning a minute later with the chart. He put it up on the fridge and looked at me.
"What should I buy for you?" he asked. "I made some sandwiches, but if you would like something else, the kitchen is all yours. Please feel at home."
I sighed, knowing he wasn't going to make this easy for me. "We need to talk about what happened, Lincoln."
He took out some plates and served the sandwiches and two bowls of fruit salad before pouring some juice into two glasses. Everything looked really nice, so I knew now that he wasn't some helpless bachelor. Lincoln knew his way around the kitchen. I supposed I would be getting to know him a lot better during the course of my stay, and I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.
"It's in the past," he finally said as he sat down. "And it’s in both our interest to just focus on the baby."
I took my food and breathed in, wishing he would talk to me. Maybe another time when both of us had gotten used to this new development.
"Is it alright if I eat in my room?" I asked. I couldn’t bear just sitting there and not talking to him while we ate.
"You live here now, Dakota. You don't have to ask my permission for anything," he said, sounding tired.
I nodded and turned to leave.
"I'm going out after I finish. You haven't told me yet what you want," he added.
I faced him again. "I'm not picky. I can use whatever you use. And I'll eat anything."
He nodded, and I walked away, feeling like everything was falling apart all over again. And that's pretty much how I kept feeling in the days that followed.
My new room was almost bigger than my entire apartment combined had been, and while that would have excited me any other day, all I could think of was how small the house seemed to be. No matter where I turned, Lincoln seemed to be there. I couldn't even sneeze without him appearing and asking if I was alright. It was sweet and overprotective, and though I tried to pretend that it was all for me, I knew that it was just concern for his child. Lincoln was as caring as I had always imagined him to be, just not towards me as a woman. Our interactions were always about the baby, and that was the extent of his care for me. I was his surrogate, and he took care of me, but it was killing me not having his companionship. Because as long as I didn't need help with anything, he completely ignored me.
When I had first laid eyes on him, I had been convinced that I was just imagining all of it. That my pregnancy was somehow making me hallucinate my biggest fantasy. Because hard as I tried to forget him, I still thought of him and fantasized about being in his arms again. Seeing him in front of me had almost made me faint, partly because he looked so damn good, and I was happy to see him. And partly because it hurt so much to see him again and I would have preferred any other arrangement than to have to stay with him. How could I when we had shared an amazing night and I had dismissed him the next morning? And it so happened that I was impregnated with his child the very next day?
It was all a mess.
The whole situation was as tense and awkward as it could be, and I didn't know what to say to make it better. Could I even make it better? A knock brought me out of my thoughts, and I got out of bed to go and open the door. My breath caught when Lincoln stood there with a large tray in his hands.
"I, ah, brought you some lunch and came to check on your sink," he said stiffly.
I nodded and opened the door wide before stepping aside. He really was good at taking care of me and breaking my heart at the same time with the sweet gesture and emotionless attitude. As usual, he went straight to his work, and I sat down to eat while listening to him fix the sink in the en suite bathroom. I'd told him about the sink the previous night, that there was something wrong with the drainage.
The food was warm and delicious, but suddenly I had no appetite, and I pushed the tray away slightly. Why wouldn't the earth open up and swallow you when you wanted it to? I couldn't live like this for the next three months, but I had no choice either. Where was I going to go with a huge belly and no money to my name? I couldn't get a job like this, and going back to my uncle's would never be an option even if hell froze over. He had been texting me again, demanding that I return home. As if that place had ever been a real home to me in all those years. I thought the money that I had given him would have been enough, but no, now he wanted me back too.
I placed my hand on my belly and rubbed little circles as I tried to think happy thoughts. Touching the baby always calmed me when I was feeling nervous or anxious, and I wondered if the baby was just Zen after all, and not lazy.
"You should exercise more."
I looked up and saw Lincoln frowning slightly at me, his eyes moving to my belly for a second. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"I was just thinking of whether the baby is lazy or just Zen," I replied, looking down at my belly too as if the baby could hear me.
"Zen?" Lincoln asked, and I looked at him again and found him looking slightly confused.
I laughed. "Yes, a very calm state of mind you achieve when you meditate or do yoga. I've ah, been doing some pregnancy yoga at the clinic, and our instructor throws the word around all the time. You should see him sometime. 'Yeeess, feel the energy fill your body. You are calm, you are peaceful, and you are Zen,’” I said, imitating the instructor's voice.
When I saw the tiny smile on Lincoln's mouth, I remembered what I had just said and felt my face flush in embarrassment. Had I just invited him to a yoga class without knowing? It wasn’t like we were a couple and we were having our child together. Even though technically, we were having a child together. It seemed to dawn on him too because the smile was gone in an instant, and he looked like he wanted
to be anywhere else but here. I didn't regret it though, it had been so long since I'd seen that smile, and I would do anything to see it again.
"You don't like the food?" he asked, nodding to the barely touched plate and fruits on the tray. "I can make you something else."
"No, thanks, the food is great. I guess I'm just not very hungry after all."
His jaw clenched, and his eyes darkened for a second before he walked to my bedside and picked up the plate.
"Dakota," he sighed, then went silent for a little while as if he was trying to will the words to his brain.
This was it, I thought. He was going to call a truce, and we could end all this awkwardness between us. I knew how playful and funny he could be, and this aloof and serious version of him was killing me.
"You should get some fresh air outside," he finally said, then turned and walked out.
I wanted to grab him and tell him that I had been staying in this room so that he wouldn't have to see me. So that I could stay out of his way as much as possible, and we wouldn't have to walk on eggshells all this time around each other. But I let him go, and emotionally prepared myself for our next encounter.
Chapter 13 - Lincoln
My Bear was frustrated, I could feel it. It only took the slightest irritation for my nails to lengthen or my eyes to darken. I was working extra hard to avoid Dakota in case I accidentally showed her something she wasn't ready to see. But it was hard when her scent filled every corner of the house. What had once been my personal space and sanctuary was now filled with her. And my Bear seemed to like that while I couldn't bear it.
I was still very angry at her, which was work in itself since she was still the sweetest and most beautiful woman I had ever seen. It didn't help that my Bear was extra protective of the child growing inside of her, and I got turned on every time I saw her fuller pregnancy figure. It was a primal feeling, of course, that pride I felt at seeing her round with my child. But I still hated feeling that way and being at war with myself.