Begin Where We Are

by Knightley, Diana

  I nodded crying.

  “Tis a shame, we haena seen ye in months and now this. Whenever ye leave I worry on ye so much. Tis much like trouble follows Young Magnus. He gets in more than most and drags ye intae it.”

  She spoke to the woman washing me and I was brought a white shift to wear. The women were fascinated by my dress. It looked like water the way it shimmered and flowed and felt like silk. Lizbeth was admiring it so much I gave it to her, happy for it not to be mine anymore.

  And then Lizbeth adjusted the tartan around her shoulders and it dawned on me to ask, “You’re pregnant?”

  “Aye, I be with child, Kaitlyn. I haena seen ye in many months.” She whispered, “I landed the husband I was wantin’ too.” She loaned me a plain bodice and a dark skirt and helped me step into it. She was lacing up the back when one of the women entered to give us news. “They have Young Magnus in the upper rooms now. He daena look well.”

  I burst into tears again. “I need to go see him.”

  “Of course.” Lizbeth gave my laces a last tug and tied them. “I’ll send for the physician.”

  One of the young women led me up the back stairs to our room.

  * * *

  Sean was standing outside the door. When I arrived he asked, “Is Lizbeth sending for the physician?”

  “Yes.” His face was so worried I thought I might faint.

  He asked quietly, “What happened tae him?”

  “I don’t know, broken ribs?” I clutched my skirts in my hands. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

  He scowled, “The physician will come, although he heals verra few.”

  I couldn’t say anything else. I rushed to Magnus’s bed and climbed in beside him. He was staring up at the ceiling. I nuzzled my face onto his shoulder. “What should I do?”

  He said, “I likely need tae rest, the physician told me such before and I hadna time.”

  “Were your lips blue like this when you saw the doctor? Because you don’t look—”

  He shook his head. He gasped for a breath. “He was givin’ me air.”

  “Oh.” I tried to imagine why we ended up here in the eighteenth century. “Why didn’t we go to Florida?”

  “Because Lady Mairead—” He coughed, groaned, and held his ribs.

  I said, “You need pain medicine too. Plus air.” I crawled off the bed. “I’m going to go get it for you.”

  “Nae Kaitlyn.”

  I opened his sporran and pulled out a vessel. Then I walked his sporran with the other vessel to the other end of the room as far away from the bed as I could get it. “Don’t you follow me, Magnus. I’m going for medicine.”

  “Ye canna travel—”

  “I can and I will.”

  “What if they grab ye while you are…”

  His gun was in the sporran too. “I’m taking the gun. And what if? But you know what, fuck them. Fuck all of them. I’m going to get you some medicine.” I turned to the bed. “Don’t you die. Do you understand me? Don’t die. Just lie here and breathe and don’t die. I mean it.”

  I ran out the door. When I passed Lizbeth in the hall, I said, “I forgot something. I have to go get it,” too frantic to come up with any plausible excuses.

  “I should come with you—”

  “I’ll be back! Wait, what day is it today?”

  “Four days before Lughnasadh.”

  I pulled to a stop. “Lunessa?”

  “Aye, in four days we will celebrate Lughnasadh, the harvest festival.”

  I had no idea what that meant. But just to be clear I asked, “Lunessa is a day in 1703?”

  “Och aye, but maybe ye think of it as Lammas? Are ye feeling well, Kaitlyn?”

  “Not really, but I really have to go get something. Will you watch over Magnus? Don’t let the physician do anything crazy to him.”

  “Like what?”

  I started running again. “I don’t know, like bloodletting or something — no leeches!” I ran down the hall, out the door, across the courtyard, through the gates, over the gravel drive, across the field, and into the woods as far as I thought I needed to go. I was thinking the whole way, when did I leave, when should I get back? What date? Lunessa, Lama’s day, lama day, llama day? I counted in my head, picked a date, two weeks after my trip to Scotland, and then I twisted the ends of the vessel and recited the numbers. The ones I knew best, aimed for the beach in front of my old house in Florida. Because I had no idea how to get to the apartment building where I actually lived.

  Chapter 38

  I forced myself awake, clenched my jaw and forced myself up. I’m sure I looked like a monster — matted hair with dried blood, because that hurried sponge bath in the eighteenth century hadn’t been good enough. Plus the whole bodice and skirt thing. My expression. I wanted to scream but couldn’t. My throat couldn’t take it anymore. I was incapable of the screams that needed to come.

  Now I needed to save Magnus’s life.

  The beach was empty, being in the middle of a windstorm. The tide was high and I was super lucky I didn’t land in the ocean because it was churning like a washing machine. The wind sandblasted my skin. I lurched over a sand dune and realized I had to walk about five houses down to the public access.

  I tucked against the wind and pushed my body toward the path. I’m pretty sure I blacked out for a little while because I remember nothing until I was standing on the edge of the road, waving my arms, hoping a car would pull over for me.

  It was someone I knew, Matt Jones, from high school.

  Barely functioning I got into the back of his car.

  “Um, I’m not an Uber, Katie, but you need a ride? I’ll give you a ride.”

  I gave him my address.

  “Man, I haven’t seen you in forever. I’m living in Jax now, just up here to see my parents. What you been doing with yourself?” His eyes kept checking me out in the rear-view mirror.

  “I got married.”

  “Anyone I know, not James right?” He shook his head. “He was nothing but trouble.”

  “Not James, you don’t know him. He’s from Scotland.”

  “Oh.” He sat for a moment at a red light. “Well, hopefully he treats you better. What’s with the costume?”

  I clamped my eyes shut. “Costume party, a mean hangover, that’s why I’m so…”

  “Yeah, I get it, morning after sucks enough, but the costumes make it even worse. You look down and ‘Why the hell am I dressed like Batman at nine in the morning?’”

  I tried to laugh but didn’t really have it in me.

  A few minutes later he left me in the lot in front of my door and Quentin was rushing from the apartment to meet me.

  Chapter 39

  I could barely get the words out because they tumbled out of me all at once. “I found him, he’s sick, oh my god, I came for medicine—”

  Quentin asked, “Where is he? And why are you — Katie there’s blood all around your hairline,” he picked up my hand, “your fingernails. What happened?”

  Zach and Emma rushed over from their place. Zach said, “What the fuck happened? Are you okay?”

  “No, not really. I went to the future. I found Magnus. It was not good. I killed someone, Donnan, his dad really. I killed him.”

  “Holy shit Katie, keep your voice down,” Quentin put an arm around me and brought me into the apartment and closed and locked the door behind me. “Okay, what happened again? How did you get the cut on your face?”

  I wailed, “I don’t have time to tell you all the details. Magnus is really sick, but I went to the future and I was a captive and this man was all over me, raping me. He cut me, and I—”

  I sobbed into my hands.

  “—and I killed him. But then I just murdered the king so they wanted to arrest me and Magnus got me out of there and took me to Scotland. I think he thought we would be safer there.” My eyes got wide. “Has anyone been here, anyone looking for us, me?”

  Quentin said, “No, no one.”

/>   “After we time jumped to Scotland, I woke up and Magnus is not well. His lips are blue, he’s having trouble breathing. He’s in a castle and—”

  Quentin said, “Shit Katie, what is it, what’s wrong with him?”

  “I don’t know, I think a broken rib?”

  Emma said, “My dad broke a rib once in a car accident. He punctured a lung, and it hurt really bad. He had to have oxygen and—”

  “Can you Google it for me, what I need? I have to get back to him. I can’t stay here. I have to go…” Zach ran next door for his laptop. Quentin was investigating the gun I brought with me.

  Emma said, “You really need to take a shower Katie. You’re covered in someone’s blood. It’s dried in your hair and you smell like blood. You have to shower. Zach will Google it. He’ll make a list. We’ll collect it all and then you can go back. We’ll work fast.”

  “Promise?” I twisted my skirt in my hands. “Promise you’ll go fast?”

  “I promise.”

  I started to walk to the shower. “Can you come with me Emma? I don’t want to be alone with myself.”

  “Of course.”

  When we went to the bathroom I tried to sound normal and not on the edge of a breakdown though who was I kidding? I had tipped over the edge already. I was in breakdown. I just couldn’t stop moving and live in breakdown-town because Magnus was going to die— “So where’s Ben?”

  “He’s asleep, you got here right at his naptime.” She turned on the shower and adjusted the temperature controls. Then she helped me undo the laces Lizbeth had laced just hours before. Centuries before.

  My hands were shaking. It was hard to breathe and that reminded me of Magnus struggling to breathe and here I was in Florida climbing into a hot shower, a murderer.

  Emma helped me climb out of my clothes. I got into the stall, closed my eyes and stepped under the water. Then I opened my eyes and looked down —

  “I can’t— oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. There’s blood, everywhere, oh no — I killed him. I can’t…” I burst into tears and cowered on the wall as far away as I could get from the water. I put my hands to my eyes, but then remembered my hands had blood on them. I tucked them into my armpits and cried piteously.

  Through the clear shower walls I saw Emma kick off her leather shoes. The stall door opened and Emma stepped in fully clothed. She made soft shhhhhh noises, took the shower head off the wall, and began to wave it over my hair. “Shhhhhh Katie, it’s okay, It’s okay.”

  She ran the water making her soft calming noises until she said, “See, the water is running clear now. Wait, close your eyes again.” She concentrated the water on an area near my right ear where I smeared blood right after I killed him. “It’s in your ear, hold on, keep them closed.”

  Then she washed under my hair on the nape of my neck. “You’re missing a hunk of hair here.”

  “He did that.”

  “And he cut your cheek?”

  I nodded.

  “Raise your arms.” She directed the water all over me. “I need to ask, you’ve been taking the pill, right? I’ve been filling your prescription…”

  “Yes, I was on it.”

  “Good.”

  “Yeah, that would’ve sucked.” I closed my eyes while she spayed around my face. “I’m going to have to give you a raise now that you’ve had to bathe blood off me.” I sort of laughed even though the joke was very weak.

  “Working for you is truly insane. Months of barely anything and then something so big and bizarre I wonder if it’s ever happened in the history of the world.”

  “Welcome to my life. All I do is wait for Magnus, then almost die when I’m with him.”

  She lathered shampoo in her palm and began to wash my hair. “How did you do it?”

  “Kill him?” I gulped. “I waited until he was on me and got a rope around his n—” I pantomimed tightening it.

  “Fuck Katie.”

  I laughed through my tears. “You sound like Zach.”

  “The moment calls for it. That is the scariest thing I’ve ever heard. I’m amazed you survived it.” She rinsed me on all sides. “You know, Hayley is right about you, you’re a freaking superhero.” She handed me some soap. “Lather up all your underparts. Get that creep off you good.”

  I did as I was told. I was bundled into towels and herded into a bathrobe. And though I begged her to let me get ready to go and go already, Emma bossily replied that I should eat something, let them gather my stuff, and then I could go.

  Quentin and Zach were gone — headed to the medical supply store, the drug store, and the grocery store.

  Emma went next door to check on Ben and grab me some food. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. At least a day. Maybe longer. While she was gone, I sat in silence and stared at my wedding photo on the wall.

  I didn’t recognize myself in it.

  I looked young and carefree. But also, at the time, terrified, but that brand of terror — scared of Magnus? Seemed so pedestrian now.

  Emma returned with Ben in the sling. I drank glass after glass of ice water. Then asked for a beer. The pain of the journey was almost abated. I was at the stage now where I could usually begin to think about getting up. Mind over matter. I would need to remember that I was capable of it when I got back to Scotland today. I would get up. I would save Magnus’s life.

  Quentin and Zach brought up bags and bags of stuff and then they sat down on chairs and acted like they had a big thing to say.

  “What?”

  Quentin said, “This time I’m for real going with you.”

  “No, it’s gotten more dangerous than I—“

  He interrupted, “How long have I been working for Magnus?”

  “Like two years.”

  “Yep. And I think I’ve done a good job. I’ve kept you safe while you’re here. Have you had any near-death experiences while I’ve been your security guard?”

  “No.”

  “But you guys won’t let me really guard you. You won’t let me journey with you. In Scotland you went by yourself and look what happened, I couldn’t protect you when you need me. So here’s the thing, I’m going with you today or I’m resigning and you’ll have to find someone else to watch this empty apartment because I’m done with guarding Zach. Nothing ever happens around him.”

  “But—”

  Zach said, “I agree Katie. He’s going with you. I’ll send a sack of food and he’ll attend you—”

  “You can’t, Quentin. You don’t know how awful it is. It hurts. Emma, do you hear this?”

  Emma said, “Yep, I hear him, and I agree with him, Katie. He should go with you.”

  “But it’s even deadlier now.”

  Zach asked, “Where is Magnus right now?”

  “A castle.”

  “With his family around him, a fucking castle. Probably with a moat.”

  “No moat.”

  “Okay, that doesn’t matter, no moat, fine. But he’s got his family there, weapons, and though it’s been dangerous, he hasn’t let anything happen to you. He’ll keep Quentin safe. Quentin will keep you guys safe. Plus, a while back I bought astronaut ice cream for him and he needs it. Quentin will deliver it. I bought a ton of food. I’m going to load it up and Quentin will carry it in the cooler. Quentin will take guns.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I’m not comfortable working for you guys anymore if you won’t listen to us about doing what is safest, right? Emma and I both. I’ll end up working at McDonalds and raising Baby Ben on minimum wage.”

  I kept staring at Quentin blinking. I was going to take him before, but now… This decision was beyond me. It felt life and death, but also he was being so serious about it, like he wouldn’t work for me anymore. I needed to ask Magnus if it was okay, but I couldn’t, and time was running out. “What if Magnus doesn’t make it?”

  Zach and Quentin didn’t answer, but Emma said, “Even more of a reason for him to go. To help you come home. I think you should let
him help you.”

  A memory flashed, my bloodied hands, my voice, Help me, please… please, help me.

  “Okay, you can come. Just to help me get Magnus well. Then he decides what to do with you. You’ll need clothes, maybe Magnus’s kilts?” I tried to think if I was forgetting anything. “Oh, can someone figure out what Lunessa Llama day is? I left four days before Llama feast day.”

  * * *

  Forty-five minutes later I was back in my dress. Quentin was wearing one of Magnus’s traditional kilts in black with a modern gun in a holster belted around his waist. Plus a loose black shirt with a shoulder holster and another gun. Also a sword. A cloak to hide it all. He was wearing a pair of hiking boots. A bag containing a three thousand dollar portable oxygen concentrator was slung over his shoulder. In the side pockets of the bag we stuffed five very expensive extra batteries.

  He also carried a soft-sided cooler with the astronaut ice cream, antibiotics, pain killers, protein shake powder, Emergen-C packets, yogurt in tubes, and a lot of food. Emma filled a ziploc bag with a bunch of hippy meds — rescue remedy, essential oils, arnica, and some herbs.

  And we were off.

  I knew now that Lughnasadh was a harvest festival that was celebrated on August 1 in 1703. And we figured out what numbers to say to return on the date four days before.

  The weather was whipping — wet, windy, insane. We said goodbye to Zach and Emma and Baby Ben in the car and then they sat with the window wipers running and the lights on while we fought the winds to get out to the beach.

  “It’s really painful. I’m truly sorry about this.”

  Quentin said, “Just do it already, I saw combat action, I got it.” We huddled together and held on to each other’s forearms.

  I twisted the vessel and said the numbers for Balloch Castle and ripped a friend out of time with me.

  Chapter 40

  I was in the dirt writhing and moaning in pain. My voice inside — getupgetupgetupgetup — I forced myself to sit. I shook Quentin, “How are you doing?”