For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  “Didn’t I just see you walk out of the hallway where the private rooms are?” I stop and turn to look at her, finding a frown on her pretty lips.

  “Never mind about me.” I turn and tug her hand, taking her to my private sky box. It overlooks the whole ground floor. A bird’s eye view of the festivities.

  Once I have her inside, I turn to her, pressing her body between mine and the door. “Grant, don’t.”

  “Do not tell me what to do.” Breathing her in, I find the animal in me going insane.

  Is this jealousy?

  It feels like far more than mere jealousy. But it’s real, and I really hate it.

  Purposely, I take a step back and turn away from her. My shoulders slump as I put my head in my hands. I’m overwhelmed by the flood of adrenaline that’s coursing through me.

  Her hand is on my shoulder, soft and comforting. “Grant, things don’t have to be this way.”

  Her words only make me angrier. “Look.” I spin around and grab her by her arms, stopping her from touching me. Her touch does something to me, and I can’t take it. “You have no idea the demons that reside in me. You have no clue. No one does. And that’s the way I want it. No, that’s the way I demand it to be.”

  “Do you want me to resign? Is that it?” She stares deeply into my eyes and I loosen my hold on her.

  “You can’t resign. The five-year contract holds you to this place. But I don’t want you out mingling. Can you understand that? I can’t see men hitting on you. I can’t do it. You’ll have to stay in your office. At least when I’m here.”

  The concern in her eyes from moments before is now gone, leaving them vacant as she looks at me. “I understand you, Grant. I do. But you should understand that I care about you, and I think you need to see someone about all this anger and the demons you’ve just told me about. That’s not healthy for you.”

  “There’s no reason to see anyone about what I have going on in my head. It’s normal what I’m dealing with. Well, normal in my DNA anyway.” I bite my lip, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Now, go to your office. Do as I say and things should be alright.”

  Her lower lip is quivering as she turns to walk away from me. “I’m so sorry for you, Grant Jamison. I truly am. And I will always have a spot in my heart for you. I am here any time you need me or want to talk.” She stops just before opening the door.

  I turn to watch her go, and we catch eyes. “I am sorry, Isabel.”

  Her lips quirk up to one side. “Yeah, I know. And you should know this—I love you, Grant Jamison. I think I fell in love with you right from the start.” Then she just leaves me.

  Standing in the middle of the plush room I made myself at the top of the dungeon I created, she just leaves me with those words echoing in my head.

  She loves me…

  How can anyone love a person who has done the things to her that I have done?

  It makes no sense to me at all. I have never tried to get her to love me. I’ve been honest with her at all times. So how the fuck did this happen?

  Stumbling to the thickly cushioned red leather chair, I take a seat and look out the tinted window that allows me to look down on my members.

  Masks and fancy clothes cover the people down there. People who have come here for their own reasons. People who seek more than normalcy.

  Isabel has accepted me with all my faults and abnormalities. And I have tossed her away like a piece of trash.

  What is wrong with me?

  Chapter 11

  Isabel

  The hours have passed since we opened the doors of The Dungeon of Decorum for the first time. And they’ve passed since Grant and I exchanged words. My mind has run the gamut of emotions, all of them running through me like a rushing river.

  I don’t recall ever feeling this much pain before. I don’t feel it for myself—not at all—but for Grant. The poor man has something so deep going on inside of him and it’s tearing at his soul.

  How could such a strong man be that damn weak in any area?

  I don’t understand it and don’t know if I want to. What darkness is behind the man?

  And why do I love him so damn much?

  Taking a seat at my desk, I open up my laptop. Maybe I can do a search on his name and get some idea of what has him so messed up.

  I know his mother is dead and that her death has everything to do with his emotional problems, but how did she die?

  Just as I click open the search engine, my door opens, and there he stands. I see the dark bags under his eyes as he takes off his mask. I can tell he’s been beating himself up over how he’s treated me. I want him to stop, his sub-conscious wants him to stop, but he just won’t let himself.

  “Hey, I just want you to know I’m really thankful for you staying in here. I mean it.” Grant’s dark blue eyes move from mine to the laptop that’s open in front of me. He walks in, still looking at it.

  I close it and look at the thing he’s coming to see me about, trying to think up an excuse for why my computer was open. Going into business mode, I forge ahead to show him I can move on, that I’m not going to let myself be stuck in a depression over him. Even if I am faking it.

  “I was going to reread the contract we came up with. I think it might need tweaking for each couple,” I tell him. “We’ve had a couple of people come in already for contracts, and one of them asked for things that aren’t in there. I think I’ll make some areas in the contract that can be tailored for each couple. Does that sound like a good idea?”

  “Yeah, it does.” He takes a seat in one of the chairs on the other side of my desk. “You okay?”

  With a light chuckle, I answer his vague question, “Are any of us?”

  He sighs and leans back in the chair. “Not really.”

  The light way we’re talking makes me feel better, and it seems to be making him feel better too. He and I get along so well when it’s just the two of us—so long as we’re not talking about our relationship, or lack thereof.

  I don’t know if that’s good or bad, I just know it is what it is.

  “We have a crowd of three hundred and two tonight. Not bad for a grand opening of a private club, boss.” I pull open the bottom drawer where I still have some Scotch hidden and take out two glasses. I place them on the desk, fill them both and push one over to him. “We should have a drink and make a toast to the success of your little dream.”

  His smile is devastating as he takes the glass, lifting it up. “To many years of success together.”

  I clink my glass against his. “To a fruitful business endeavor.”

  We each take a drink then put the short crystal glasses back down on the desk. “Did you buy that for this occasion, Isabel?”

  “Maybe.” I wink at him, trying to keep things light. They seem to be working better that way after all.

  “Great choice. And one that’s none too cheap. Macallan eighteen-year-old Scotch is pricey—you can’t afford that, can you?” He chuckles as he pushes his big hand through his thick salt and pepper hair.

  “My boss pays me well. I can handle the cost of some good liquor, thanks to him.” Putting the glass to my lips once more, I inhale the scent before I take another sip. I need it more than ever to keep pulling off this act.

  As nice as it is to be getting along with Grant, it’s hard as hell not to want to crawl right into his lap, throw my arms around his neck and kiss those full lips of his that send me to a place no one else’s ever have.

  But that might bring this nice time with him to an end so I won’t be doing that. And my door is now wide open as well. That would look so unprofessional if anyone came to see me.

  But damn, it would feel so fucking good to do just that.

  “I and the other owners are going out for breakfast once we close.” He taps his fingertips on the desk next to his drink. “You coming?”

  “Are you inviting me to join you all?” I’m elated to be invited by him. But I’m not showing it. I don’t want
to spook the man.

  “I am. You’re as much a part of the success we’re having tonight as the rest of us. You may not have put in the money we have, but you certainly have put in the time. We all are thankful to you for that.” He leans back, putting his hands behind his head and looking sexy as hell, as usual.

  “Well, then I would be honored to join you all for our first after-hours breakfast.” I give him a smile and raise my glass. He does too, and we touch glasses once more. “To many, many after-hours breakfasts together.”

  “Cheers to that.” He takes another drink then looks at me over the glass. “Thanks for being you, Isabel. I appreciate the hell out of you. I want you to know that.”

  And I love you.

  I think it, but I don’t dare say it again. “I appreciate the hell out of you too, Grant. All of you guys. I was a poor college student when I applied for this job. I’ve already surpassed my five-year goal, thanks to this opportunity.”

  “We ask a lot out of you, though.” His cheeks glow and I know he’s thinking about the part of my job that had us fucking on what had been a daily basis for months. But then his expression goes serious. “Now that we’ve opened and shown the members our scene, there’s no reason to ask that of you any longer. You did more than anyone could ask for. We won’t be asking you to do that anymore.”

  “Of course.” I feel slightly sick to my stomach. I knew in my mind that we wouldn’t be having sex anymore, but hearing him say it out loud is more jarring than I would’ve expected.

  “Like I said, we’ve already asked too much from you. I, for one, don’t want to burn you out. You’re going to be really busy now, with the members, contracts, managing the auctions and the people in them. You have a lot on your shoulders now that we’re up and running. I won’t ask you to do any more scenes. It wouldn’t be right.”

  “No, it wouldn’t be right,” I agree.

  “You’re going to get an assistant. That was the other surprise. We want you to get on with hiring one you know you can work well with. You can start setting up interviews as soon as tomorrow.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and chews on his lower lip for a moment then peers at me. “And I don’t want you out there like that anymore. I don’t want anyone to look at you that way again. I’ve also decided that you don’t need to dress so sexily. I and the other owners wear tuxes. You should look a bit more official as well. I’m thinking a nice white starched shirt that buttons up high, not showing any cleavage at all. A nice A-line skirt in black or dark blue that goes past your knees too. Tuck the shirt in and wear a heel that’s no higher than say, two inches. How about that? Can you do that for me, Isabel?” He looks a little sheepish, like he knows what he’s saying is a bit ridiculous.

  “Of course, I can.” I get it now. He’s jealous. And I like that. I like that a lot.

  Pulling his hands out of his pockets, I see a small black box in the right one. He places it on my desk and pushes it toward me. “And I don’t want to see that red collar on you anymore. Wear this instead.”

  Opening the little box, I see it’s a ring like the ones the owners wear. Only the proportions are small, feminine, and my heart is melting. A large black stone rises up in the middle of a dragon’s mouth. Red flames are at the bottom of the stone. It’s made of the club’s signature colors, red and black.

  I slide it onto the ring finger of my right hand, the same finger they all wear theirs on. It fits me perfectly. “Wow. Just… Wow, Grant. You don’t know how special this makes me feel to you all.”

  “Good. We all appreciate you and all you have done and will do for our little project here. And we all thought you should have something more substantial than a red slave collar to remember your time here with us. The ring is worth a lot of money. I’m only telling you that so you don’t lose it.” He sits back and looks at the ring on my finger.

  I can’t help but think it symbolizes our connection. He may not want one with me or anyone, but Grant can’t always get what he wants. We are connected, he and I. There’s not a thing he can do to end that.

  Not even be a complete ass, it seems.

  Chapter 12

  Grant

  One month later

  After another busy night at the club and a filling breakfast of a Denver omelet, Isabel and I head out of the small 24-hour café. We all came in the company limo, and Tad Johnson is the first to climb inside. “Fuck, am I tired.”

  Steve Wilkins follows him in. “Me too. Bushed completely.”

  Frank Devine gets in next, looking back at Isabel and me. “I’m hitting the hay as soon as the driver drops me off.”

  “Grant!” I hear a man shout at me.

  I turn slowly as I recognize the voice immediately. “Jake?” I turn to see my younger brother, a man who’s too young to be out drinking as he’s only twenty. But by the way he’s stumbling, I know he’s found some alcohol somewhere.

  “He looks like you,” Isabel is quick to spot. “Is that your…”

  “Brother.” I have to hold out my hand to stop Jake from trying to hug me, but it does no good.

  His arms are all around me as he hugs me tightly, reeking of gin. “Grant. My God. It’s so good to see you, brother. I’ve missed you. We all have. It’s been three years. Did you know that? Three years, big brother. Three years too long.” Hiccup.

  Isabel tugs on my arm. “He’s driving, Grant.” She tosses her head to the car he got out of. “You should drive him home. He’s in no condition to be driving.”

  “You’re right.” I hold my brother out and give him a scowl. “Why are you driving, Jake? Do you know how dangerous that is?”

  His light blue eyes cloud up, and he sniffles, “I miss her. I miss Dad. And I miss you.”

  Running my arm around his shoulders, I head over to his car with him to get him away from the others. Then it occurs to me that I’ll need a ride home after I drop him off. I’m not about to take his car home and have to deal with him tomorrow.

  Looking over my shoulder, I call out, “Isabel, come with us, please.”

  “Of course,” comes her quick reply. I have to hand it to the young woman, she’s every bit the consummate professional, not letting our little problem in the beginning stop her from making this job work for her. She’s at my side in no time. “It sounds like he’s pretty sad, Grant. Perhaps you should consider spending the night with him tonight.”

  “No.” That’s all I can say.

  I’m not entirely sure it’s such a good idea to have Isabel around my drunk brother, who has already said more than I wanted anyone to know. But I would rather it be Isabel than anyone else.

  Once I’ve gotten the car keys from Jake, I unlock the doors, and we all get in. Jake is in the back, I’m in the driver’s seat, and Isabel is in the passenger side.

  “Is she why you don’t come around anymore, Grant?” Jake lays back on the seat and glares at Isabel.

  “Me?” Her hand flies to her chest. “Not me. So your name is Jake. Hi, Jake. I’m Isabel Sanchez. It’s nice to meet you. I work for your brother.”

  “You should probably just close your eyes and go to sleep, Jake.” I don’t want him saying too much.

  “And you should just accept my phone calls. Jenny and Becca would like to talk to you too. There’s been some news we’ve been trying to tell you, but you won’t accept any of our phone calls. Mom’s body is going to be executed.”

  “Executed?” Isabel asks in horror. “But how?”

  “He means exhumed.” I shake my head as it fills me with dread to know they have managed to get that done without my help after all. “Shit! Why did you all do that, Jake?”

  “Because we had to. You don’t understand. Mainly because you don’t want to. Something else was up. We all talked and figured it out. Jenny said Mom wasn’t herself the last months before they left on the trip.” I hear Jake gulping and look in the rear-view to see he’s got a bottle of something and is chugging it.

  “Shit! Get that away from him, Bell.”r />
  She turns in the seat, reaching back and pulling it out of his hands quite easily. “You don’t want alcohol poisoning, do you, Jake?” She sits back down and smiles at me. “Bell? A nickname. I like it. My granny used to call me that.”

  “It’s just quicker, and I didn’t want him to ingest any more of that stuff he’s been drinking.” I can see her inner delight that I have come up with a little nickname for her on the fly.

  I shouldn’t have brought her.

  Jake’s slurring steals my attention again. “Dad might be innocent, Grant. Don’t you want to know if he is?”

  “I went to see him. I assure you he’s not innocent.” I can see the turn ahead for the street our parents’ home is on. I know Jake and Becca live there with Jenny and her new husband. I know that only because I do come by every so often to see if they are okay. But I do so without any of them knowing.

  Parking in front of the house, I see Jake’s eyes light up. “You’re coming in, right?”

  I hate the thought of going into that house. Every bad dream I’ve had in the last three years has had this house right at the center of it. I can’t go inside. I just can’t.

  The house is dark except for the porch light. “No. Everyone’s asleep. Just like you should be. I’m dropping you off so you can go in and get to sleep. Then I’m taking Isabel to get her car, and she’ll follow me back here then I’ll drop your car off, put your keys in the mailbox and be on my way.”

  Jake fumbles with the door handle as he tries to get out. “Fuck you, Grant. Fuck you to death, you selfish prick.”

  I get out to help him pull the car door open. He spills onto the street and just fucking lays there. I hear him snoring and just about kick him I’m feeling so frustrated.

  Now I have no choice but to go into the house I’ve had nothing but bad feelings about ever since the damn nightmares started years ago. Fuck!

  Picking up my passed out brother, I throw him over my shoulder and head to the house. Isabel jumps out and runs up with the keys in her hand. “Do you have a key for his house?” She wiggles the keys at me.