For Love & Torture_A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  Thinking about her words, I think she’s right. There is no time like the present. “I’ll be there and I’m going to be bringing a woman who’s very special to me. A thing I haven’t been showing her. I think it’s time to change how I’ve been shutting her out too. It’s time for a drastic change to occur. I’ll see you for dinner, Jenny.”

  The smile on her face and the grateful expression of my little sister makes those last bits of stoniness tumble away from my heart.

  The time has come to make some changes and I’ve never felt more alive.

  How can trying to talk to my mother’s ghost make me feel so alive?

  Chapter 20

  Isabel

  I’m standing in the kitchen when Grant walks in and I notice right away that something is off. He doesn’t look himself. He grabs me, pulling me into his body and hugging me tightly. I can feel his body shaking as he holds onto me like I’m a life preserver. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I am. Please forgive me. Please.”

  I know I’ve been cold to him. I left his bedroom that night and took the room across the hall. For three days and nights, I’ve given him the cold shoulder. I’ve been staying with him as he asked me to, but it hasn’t been pleasant for either of us.

  The truth is, I thought he’d eventually tell me to leave. But each night, just as the club closes, he comes to my office to get me, taking me home with him, forgoing the nightly dinners with the other owners. The rides have been made in silence, and we part ways as soon as we get into the house. Yet, he’s still taken me home each night.

  And now this…

  “Grant, do you understand why I’m upset with you?” I have to ask because I’m not about to give in just because he can’t take it anymore. I have to know he understands what he did to piss me off in the first place.

  Loosening his grip on me, he leans his forehead against mine. “I know what I did, Bell. And I know you don’t believe me about my reasons for keeping us a secret. I have an idea about that—you see the real reason I’ve wanted it all kept a secret is because I don’t want that attention from people. You know, congratulating me on finally finding someone, having people try to get involved in my personal life. I can get over that, I know I can. But so many things are changing right now that I’ll need a smidgen of time before I’m ready to go all out with this. At the club anyway,” His lips brush mine, sending heat through me with just that little bit. “I’ll become the man who deserves you, is what I’m trying to tell you.”

  I’m stunned. Not happy or sad, just stunned.

  “And in the meantime, we will have a relationship in private?” I have to ask. With Grant one never knows.

  “Yes. I want you to stay with me. Not in the bedroom across the hall. I want you in my bed every night. I am sorry, Bell. And I’m going to make huge changes. I’m doing it all for you, baby. Every last bit of it is for you.” His hands run down my arms, grasping my hands as he takes a step back. “So do you agree to this?”

  Do I?

  Should I go along with this? “Can I think about it?”

  “I suppose so. But can we put this coldness away?” He tugs me by the hand, taking me with him as he moves to a chair. He sits down and pulls me onto his lap. Running his hand through my hair, he kisses my cheek. “Please, baby.”

  My heart is melting fast. I don’t know how in the hell I can be okay with what he wants, but I’m finding it in myself to be just that. “We can put the coldness away. For now. But I will tell you this—if I don’t see you making real changes, making real progress, then this is over. All of it. For good. Do you understand me?”

  With a nod, he kisses my cheek again. “I get it, Bell.”

  “Okay then. It looks like we’ve made up. Time for the makeup sex,” I tease him as I stroke his beard and bounce on his lap.

  “Yeah, can we put that off for a few minutes? I have something else I want to talk to you about.” His expression grows serious, and I’m intrigued. He’s never put off sex to talk.

  It must be important. “Of course.”

  “My sister Jenny had me meet her. What she told me is beyond belief.” He stops and shudders.

  Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him. “Is it that bad, Grant?”

  “Bad?” He shakes his head. “No, not bad. Just unbelievable. And she wants me to come to Mom and Dad’s old house to see if I see what she has.”

  “And what would that be?” I ask. I’m utterly confused.

  “Mom’s ghost.” He just looks at me, waiting to see if I’m going to laugh or not.

  “Oh. Well, you know it’s not beyond imagination that she has seen your mother in her old home. Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us that conjure up old things we’ve seen many times before. Such as your mother in some area of the home where you sister had seen her often.”

  Grant nods and goes on, “The thing is, my sisters and brother have lived in our parents’ home for a while. You know that. During that time no one ever saw a thing. But last year they all moved out. And all of them moved into their own places. Jenny went over to the house to do a monthly clean she’s been doing, and that’s when she first saw Mom’s ghost in the form of a shadow. She feels her presence mostly.”

  Although this sounds unbelievable, I find myself asking, “Does your mother try to communicate with her?”

  “That’s the thing.” He smiles at me, looking excited. “Only one word of communication has happened.”

  “And did Jenny tell you this word?” I move my hand down his arm, taking his hand in mine.

  He nods. “She heard my name in my mother’s voice. She’s heard it three times on three separate occasions. She thinks Mom might have more to say to me if I go over there. And I want you to come with me.”

  “And when would you like to do this?” I ask, knowing we have work every night except on Sundays.

  “Tonight. I want you to call in sick, and I don’t have to answer to anyone. What do you say? Will you do a little ghost hunting with me tonight?” His smile is bright, and I can’t recall ever seeing him with this expression on his face. He’s excited, that’s for sure.

  With a nod, I answer. “I’ll go with you.”

  He lets out a sigh and I can feel his body fill with relief, and I laugh as he hugs me. “Thank you, Bell. You have no idea how much I need you. No idea at all.”

  “And you must have no idea how much I need you,” I let him know. “I love you, Grant Jamison. With everything in me, I love you.”

  Pulling back, he gives me a wink. “And soon, I will deserve that love. I will not utter the words to you until I am the man who’s best for you.”

  “Well, that’s better than what you usually say to me about love. I’ll take it.” With a laugh, I get off his lap and take his hand, making him get up. “Now, on to the makeup sex. I’ve missed your strong hands on my body these past three days.”

  “And they’ve missed being on you too.” He chuckles as he picks me up in his strong arms and carries me away to his bedroom.

  Laying my head on his shoulder, I have to wonder if I’m selling myself short.

  Should I be demanding more from him?

  Chapter 21

  Grant

  Pulling up to my parents’ home, I get a chill as soon as I see the cars in the drive. Jenny is here, and there are two more cars. Probably Becca and Jake. “The gang’s all here, it seems.”

  The smile on Bell’s face tells me she’s very excited to meet my brother and sisters. “Great!”

  “Yeah, great.” I get out of the car and meet Bell in front of it, taking her hand I walk up to the door and open it.

  “Well, look who’s home,” Becca says as she nods in my direction. “I guess you only come home when Mom tells you to”

  I can see the pain in her eyes. The pain my neglect has caused her. I don’t know where to start to right all of my wrongs. I don’t know if it’s even possible. “Becca…”

  With a toss of her head, her blonde curls bounce over her shoulder as she inter
rupts me. “Save it, big bro. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say. I’m here to see if Mom comes through to you. That’s the only reason I’m here.”

  Isabel grips my hand as she gives me a slight smile. “So this is Becca? Your youngest sibling, right?”

  “Yeah, I’m his youngest sibling. And you are?” Becca asks as she narrows her eyes at Bell.

  Bell lets my hand go and holds it out to Becca for a shake. “I’m Isabel Sanchez, Becca. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  Hesitantly, Becca shakes Bell’s hand then looks at me. “So, you’ve managed to form a relationship with someone. But you couldn’t be bothered to form one with any of your own family.”

  Bell laughs a bit. “Oh, don’t be thinking he’s given me much more than he’s given you guys,” her smile fades and she keeps talking about me as if I’m not there. “The death of your mother has affected him deeply. But I can tell you this—he’s making some headway now. Perhaps giving him a little break would help this family get back to normal.” Slipping her arm around my sister, Bell whispers something in her ear that makes them both laugh.

  I can feel the tension in the room easing a bit. Bell is a little gold mine; I can see that even more clearly now.

  Jake and Jenny come into the living room from the kitchen. “Hey,” Jake says. A cool greeting but at least it isn’t as bad as Becca’s.

  “Hey, Jake.” I walk over and shake his hand. “I’m trying my best to get back to the man I was before this happened. I don’t expect any of you guys to forgive me. What I did is unforgivable. But I’d like the chance to start over. If you guys will let me. I get it if you’d rather not.”

  Jenny steps up beside me, putting her arm around my shoulders and kissing me on the cheek. “You’ve got your chance, big brother.” She cuts her eyes at Becca as she leans in to whisper, “She’s still a bit immature. She’ll come around, you’ll see.”

  Looking at my youngest sister, I hope she will come around. Now that I’m with them all, I feel the time that I’ve wasted by staying away from them.

  This is the first step in changing. Family back together, check. Now onto making myself a respectable man for Isabel.

  Jake walks back toward the kitchen. “We made some spaghetti. Come on everyone, let’s eat.”

  It’s odd how one can stay away for years, and yet within a matter of minutes things can go right back to how they were before. Laughing and telling stories around the old dining table is making things fall right back into place.

  Jake laughs as he tells a story about me to Bell. “And then he climbed in through his bedroom window. Dad was waiting for him with a belt in his hand. Grant was a big guy even when he was just sixteen, but Dad gave him three good whacks with that belt, and I’d never seen Grant’s eyes go so wide. It was hilarious.”

  “I thought it was crazy,” I add. “And that’s when he took my car away and sold it. Needless to say, my wild teenage years were pretty much over then.”

  Bell’s hand rests on my leg and she gives it a little squeeze as she whispers, “You’ve more than made up for the loss.”

  With a nod, I agree. I have made up for the wild times I lost back then. More than made up for them, really.

  Stretching, I feel the need to get up and move again, clearing the table and filling the dishwasher. Bell hops up to help me and the others follow suit. In no time at all, the five of us have the kitchen cleaned up, and we head out to sit on the back patio to get a bit of fresh air.

  The old iron patio set is still right where it was the last time I saw it. The last time I stepped foot in the backyard. The stars have come out, and we all sit in silence as we look up at the night sky.

  Jenny is on one side of me and Bell is on the other when I feel my hand being taken. “I’m glad you’re home, Grant.”

  “It’s good to be here.” I close my eyes as I picture Mom and Dad here too. The pain in my heart pinches and pokes at me, taunting me. It’s a pain I’ve refused to feel. But now I’m going to allow it. I need to feel the pain, the loss. I know that’s the key to getting over this thing that’s stopped me from really living for far too long.

  Pinching the bridge of my nose, I try to hold back the tears but I can’t anymore. They begin to flow down my cheeks, slowly at first, then in waves that have me sobbing out loud.

  Before I know it, I have arms wrapped around me, so many arms. And we’re all crying for what we’ve lost. I’ve fought this for so long. It seems there are huge lakes of tears that need to be shed.

  Someone starts handing out tissues, and I blow my nose then grab another to wipe my eyes. And then I find Bell, standing there with the box in her hands, watching us all with tears falling from her eyes, too.

  As my family pack breaks apart, I go to Bell and hug her tightly. “Thank you. Thank you for coming with me. Thank you for bringing out a man in me who wants to live life right. Thank you, Isabel Sanchez, for being who you are and thank you for loving the jackass I’ve been.” I sway with her in my arms as she and I cry together.

  It’s funny how much lighter I feel. How much more sane I feel. I help her dry her tears and find my brother and sisters fighting back more tears as they watch us. Jenny sighs, “You’ve found love, Grant. I’m so happy for you.”

  Wrapping my arm around Bell, I give her a smile. “I have found love. Now I just need to prove I deserve it.”

  “You deserve it, Grant,” comes Bell’s quick reply.

  I don’t say anything out loud, but I know I don’t deserve it quite yet. I have some more changes to make first. But I’ll do them a lot faster than Bell anticipates.

  “Should we go back inside and turn the lights out and see if Mom comes to us?” I ask everyone.

  Jake nods, and we all head back inside. Only when we get in, we’re all astonished by what we see. Every cabinet door is open in the kitchen. “She’s here, isn’t she?” Becca asks, then shouts, “Mom?”

  Bell looks a little pale as she looks up at me. “Wow.”

  “Scared?” I ask her. “It’s just my mother. No need to be afraid of her.”

  But just as I say that the lights go out. “Oh, hell,” Jenny says.

  Something in the living room crashes, and we all pull out our cell phones, using the flashlights on them to see what’s happened. Bell is glued to my side as we head into the other room.

  The first thing I notice is the broken glass lying on the green shag carpet. Jake points at it. “It’s a picture of Mom and Dad. Look, it’s been cut in two, separating them.”

  Going over to the picture, I pick up the piece that has Dad on it, and Jenny picks up the piece with Mom on it. Something stands out to us as we look at Mom’s picture. There’s a black area where her stomach should be.

  “That’s odd. It looks as if it’s been burned,” Jenny says. “But that’s impossible.”

  Another crash is heard, and we all turn to find that another picture from the hallway upstairs has been thrown down the stairs, leaving shards of glass sparkling in the lights from our phones.

  Jake hurries over to pick up the picture and finds it’s one of Mom all alone. She’s standing in front of a Christmas tree with her hand out, gesturing to it. And right where her stomach should be is another black spot.

  I shake my head in confusion. “What the hell does this even mean?”

  Jenny looks at me. “Mom wasn’t herself the last few months before they went on their trip. I saw her holding her stomach at times. She was weak a lot too. Her color was on the pale side. I think she’s trying to tell us that something was wrong with her internally.”

  I can feel cold slipping around me. “Do you think Dad cut her wrist because she asked him to?”

  A hiss near my ear startles me and sends goosebumps to pepper my flesh. “Innocent.”

  “Did you guys hear that?” I ask as I take a step backward.

  They all shake their heads as Bell asks, “Hear what?”

  The hair near my ear stirs as I hear the hiss again. “Inno
cent.”

  “Seriously, you guys don’t hear that?” I turn in a circle to see if one of them is playing a trick on me. But no one is that close to me. “It’s a hissing sound, and it’s saying the word 'innocent'.”

  “Innocent?” Bell asks. “Maybe she’s trying to tell you that someone isn’t guilty of what they’ve been charged with.”

  “Like Dad,” Jake says. “Maybe Dad didn’t cut her wrist. Maybe she did it to herself.”

  Bell clutches my arm. “Maybe you should have her body autopsied, Grant. Maybe you could have some specialist look at the wound. You have to do something. What if your father is in prison for no reason?”

  “He admitted he did it.” I look at my brother and sisters. “What could exhuming her body possibly do for Dad?”

  Jenny shakes her head. “I don’t know. I just know I think it’s a good idea too. We could find out if she had something wrong with her and we could get a specialist to check out the cut on her wrist. If they can verify that the wound was self-inflicted, then we can see about getting Dad out of prison and get him to somewhere that can help him.”

  “He’s not the same man,” I let her know. “He’s a shell of his former self. Nearly unrecognizable. I’m not sure if anyone could actually help him.”

  “You have to try,” Bell tells me.

  Everyone is looking at me. As if I’m the only one who can set this plan in motion. The weight is on my shoulders. Normally, it would be too much to bear, and I’d leave.

  Maybe I should do just that.

  A hand closes around mine, and I look to see Bell holding it firmly, her wide eyes trained on me. “Tell your mother you will do all you can for your father. That’s what she wants. She wants you to help him.”

  My heart is pounding as if I’ve just run a mile. Although I see no way my father will ever be the same, I say what my mother wants to hear. “I’ll do everything I can to help Dad, Mom. I promise.”

  The lights come back on, and the cold has left the air. Mom has gotten her way, but now how the hell am I going to do everything I said I would?