by T. K. Chapin
“Oh, just need to control my eating habits… Exercise more, that kind of thing.” I lied out of the fear of his reaction.
“I see…” Dale replied. “Can I fix you something to eat? I’m sure you’re hungry.”
“Why are you sure I’m hungry?” I asked. Did he know? There wasn’t any way he could know. I hadn’t even gotten the courage up to phone my best friend in the world to break the news to her.
“You’ve been gone for hours… you missed lunch,” He said with a raised brow.
“Oh, well, yes… I’m hungry.”
“I’ll heat up lunch; we had chicken noodle soup and rolls.”
“Yummy… Homemade?”
“You know it,” Dale smiled.
CHAPTER 16
As I finished up my chicken noodle soup, Jennie pulled into the driveway, arriving back from a trip into Spokane. She’d make a big grocery store trip to town every couple weeks to load up on supplies and food. The boys, Isaac and Todd, ran through the kitchen and out to the suburban to help unload the groceries, almost as if it was a competition to see who could bring in the most sacks. Each trip into the house, whatever boy it was would call out a number.
“Four and five,” Todd said, smiling as he set the bags on the counter, just to turn right back around and dart out the front door to get more. It was nice to see him happy.
When Jennie entered the kitchen, she looked over at me on her way over to Dale. “Hey Claire,” she said, smiling warmly.
“Hi,” I replied.
She kissed Dale on the cheek and began putting groceries away. “Lizzy…” She shouted over her shoulder towards the living room.
Lizzy came running into the kitchen and over to her mother. “Yes, Mom?”
“Please get started on these dishes.” Lizzy began washing the dirty dishes that had stacked up over lunch. Lizzy came over to the table and I handed her my bowl. Dale and Jennie had never owned a dishwasher in their life. They felt it was a waste of money and God provided them with children and hands that could do the job just fine.
“Tonight’s reading is going to be the story of the woman near the well,” Jennie said, looking at me while she stood near Dale. “Are you familiar with the story?”
Family bible reading was once a week in the Vander household and while I was resistant at first, I couldn’t help but find a certain attraction to the stories they would share. They seemed real, not fabricated like I had thought previously. Everything they did as a family would draw me closer to them and the idea that a God could exist. And thinking about my baby girl growing inside of me now, I knew I’d wanted something similar to what they had as a family. Responding to Jennie’s question, I replied, “I’m not familiar with the story.”
“It’s a good one,” Dale said, looking over at me. “The woman’s a prostitute and Jesus shows her God size love.”
“There are prostitutes in the Bible?” I asked. I was surprised that the Bible had people like that in it, but I learned quickly through the studies that God often used people that were unlikely candidates by today’s standards.
“There are all types of people in the Bible, Claire. It’s a big book! And every person has a story… a real authentic story. Look at Paul’s life before he became a Christian!”
“What’d he do?” I asked.
“He murdered Christians before he became one!”
“Oh jeez… and he ends up a Christian himself?”
“Sure does… and he went on to be a beacon of faith.”
“Wow…” I replied, letting my words trail off as I thought about it. “God uses bad people for His own desires?”
“Those are the best ones,” Dale replied coming over to the table. “When a person knows it’s not them doing the work, God gets more of the glory.”
Nodding, I replied, “Makes sense.”
“It sure does,” Jennie said.
“Well, I’m excited to listen in on it.” Excusing myself from the table, I headed for the back porch to go on a walk. As I pushed open the screen door, Jennie came up to me.
“Would you mind watching the children tonight? Dale and I want to go grab dinner and a movie.”
“Yeah, that’s fine, but what about the Bible study?”
“We’re going to do that shortly.”
“Okay.”
“And for dinner I bought some chicken nuggets and fries from town.”
“Okay, that works. You can go ahead and start the study whenever, I won’t be gone long, I just need some fresh air.”
“Sounds good.”
Continuing outside, I stepped off the porch and headed into the woods. Hearing the sounds of birds and other animals, I could tell spring was in the air. I took a deep breath in and came back to thinking about the little human growing inside of me. I’m going to have a baby? I thought to myself with a half-smile as I touched my tummy. Thinking about the Vander’s and all the time I had been spending with them made me really long for a family of my own. Maybe I should give church a try? I thought as I came to the railroad tracks.
While I tried to keep my balance on the rail I went further down the tracks. Why’d my parents believe in God, but not teach us their beliefs? My foot slipped, and I stepped back on. Did they plan on ever telling us about God? These were questions I had, but wouldn’t ever be able to figure out, only speculate on. Maybe they had bad experiences? Lost interest? Dale did say the argument at the reunion was about wanting us to figure it out on our own. I wasn’t sure what their reason was, but I knew the Vander’s were a kind and loving family.
I followed the train tracks which led me down to the river. The tracks vanished beneath the surface of the water. Stopping at the edge, I peered across the river and saw Monty’s Island a little over to the right. I watched the river’s current as it carried the twigs, branches and water down the way.
Exhausted from walking, I sat down to call Nicole and tell her the news. While it rang, I bit my nails in anticipation.
“Sup Claire?”
“Heyyyy…” I replied.
“What are you doing?”
“Just sitting here… Sooo I went to the doctor.”
“Oh yeah? They going to get you fixed up?”
“Not exactly…” My words trailed off as I let out a breath of air. How can I tell her? She might be upset because of it being Matt’s.
“What’s wrong?”
Taking a deep breath, I blurted it out, “I’m pregnant…”
Nicole said nothing for what felt like an hour, but in all actuality was only a few moments. “Is it Matt’s….?”
“Yeah…” I cringed.
I could hear her curse under her breath. “Well… when are you going in? I’ll go with you. I promise to be by your side on this.”
“I’m due in four months, so… whenever I go into labor.”
“Wait. Hold up. You’re going to have it?”
Why is she referring to my baby girl as an it? Maybe it was an accident, she might have not even thought about calling my child an ‘it.’ “What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, I’m going to keep her.”
“Why wouldn’t you get it taken care of?” She paused for a moment before continuing. “You don’t want stretch marks, or to get huge, and you certainly can’t honestly want it born! After it’s born it’ll take up all your time and money and poop on you!”
“Stop calling my baby girl an it!” I lashed back at her in response.
“This is ridiculous, Claire… You have no car, no home… no nothing… and you are just going to throw away the rest of your life at eighteen for a baby? You can’t handle…” I could tell she was going to say it, but she held back. “This kind of thing right now… You are too young and it’s not just any baby, it’s with Matt!”
“I have money and I can get that other stuff… it’ll be fine. Why are you being so mean to me right now?” My eyes began to swell with tears.
“I can’t even understand you right now. I don’t even know what to say… You are
just… so dumb. You can get this problem solved and not have to waste the next eight-teen years of your-”
Click. I hung up on her. She’s out of my life, I thought to myself as I rose to my feet in tears. She was so unsupportive, so negative and so angry at me… My eyes continued to water as I walked the train tracks back towards the house. If she couldn’t be supportive, who would be?
Coming to the back door on the porch, the door was open slightly with a ray of light shining out onto the porch from the living room. The door was open because of the wood stove in the living room, it would sometimes overheat so they would crack the door a little to let in some of the cool air from outside.
I leaned against the doorframe without entering and listened in on the Bible story that Dale was leading for his family.
“Who can tell me about the woman at the well? Was she a good person or a bad person?”
“It didn’t really say,” Lizzy replied.
“She had a lot of husbands though,” Todd added.
“That’s right Todd,” Dale said. “That means she was a prostitute.”
“What’s that?” Lizzy asked.
I snickered a little and tried to hide my laughter with my hand, but it wasn’t good enough to escape Dale’s sharp ear. He looked over and spotted me at the door. Motioning me inside, he said, “Come sit with us.”
Smiling back at Dale, I came into the living room and took a seat next to Todd. The warmth of the houses’ atmosphere wrapped itself around me and soon began thawing the cold that had set in from my walk.
“A prostitute is someone who is doing something wrong… Kind of like she was kissing too many guys…” He paused for a moment as if he was trying to figure out the best way to conclude what a prostitute was to his young daughter, he added, “Basically she was doing something that God was not okay with. Make sense?”
“Yeah,” Lizzy said from her spot she sat on the floor. Her legs were curled up under as she sat on her knees. Her eyes stayed locked on her father as she waited for him to continue.
“This woman was out in the middle of the day... Why do you think she was out at this time?” He took a look around the room, before continuing. “Let me ask this, when do you think is the hottest part of the day?”
“The middle!” Lizzy said.
Peering over at Jennie, she was smiling warmly as she sat in the old wooden rocking chair that had been in the family forever. It was not just any rocking chair, it was one that was hand painted by Jennie’s great, great grandmother and fashioned from an old oak tree by her great, great grandfather. Through the generations, it had stayed in immaculate condition. As I looked at Jennie rock softly back and forth in the chair, I began to think for a moment about my baby girl and how someday I’ll be rocking her to sleep in my arms. Dale had already continued talking, but I wasn’t paying attention until he mentioned Jesus.
“Jesus was expected not to associate with someone like this woman for three reasons: she was a woman, she was a prostitute, and she was a Samaritan. Jesus ignored the customs of the time period he was in and chose to share God’s love with her. We, as Christians, cannot let our rules get in the way of sharing God’s love with others. In a world full of sin, we have to lay our judgments aside.”
I couldn’t help but think of my gay friend Kevin. “Really?”
Dale paused, put his Bible in his lap and raised his eyebrows. “Yes.”
“Why are you so outwardly against homosexuals and their lifestyle if you are supposed to lay aside your judgments? I’m not trying to be rude. I’m just trying to understand.”
Dale looked me in the eyes for a moment. “Do you think I have a problem with homosexuals?”
“I know you do…”
“Well, you’re wrong. I have no issue with the person. It’s the practice. It’s unbiblical and not okay.”
“How could you judge that?”
“I’m not judging it,” Dale replied, raising his Bible up. “It’s in here. This world has shifted recently into thinking it is an okay practice and pushing it onto society… This Bible has been around for a very long time and I believe it to hold more weight than any worldly way of thinking.” I couldn’t help noticing how similar Dale and Joshua’s words matched when it came to the Bible.
“These people just love who they love, how could you say that’s wrong?” I asked.
“What do they love with?” Dale asked.
“What?” I asked, confused by his question.
“What part of them loves another human being?”
“Their heart… I’m not following your point.”
Dale opened up his Bible and thumbed through the pages until finally stopping. “Jeremiah seventeen nine… The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
“Okay?” I replied, not following his point.
“I’m confident homosexuals love who they say they love, but I’m also confident there are people out there that love their dogs.” I began shaking my head. “Claire, look at this way. If I’m in love with a married woman, does that mean it is okay?”
“Well, no,” I replied.
“Even if my heart says its right?”
“No… but it’s different.”
“How?” Dale asked, closing his Bible and placing it back in his lap.
“Gay people are born this way.”
“Born gay? There is no evidence of that whatsoever. People are born into sin; they are in bondage, just like this Samaritan woman at the well. People need God’s grace, mercy, love and redemption. Homosexuality is a sin, just like anything else. I feel the same way about alcoholics, drug addicts and so on… It’s just the way it is, and I cannot and will not waiver in my faith on the matter.” Holding up the Bible again he said, “This has been around for a very long time… while all this new age movement stuff is relatively new.”
He made a valid point and sounded awfully like Joshua. They both had faiths that clung to the Bible. While this new movement stuff was just… thoughts and feelings people dreamt up in recent years. It had no foundation. Dale never once raised his voice as he spoke with me; he was calm, precise and direct in all his words. Unlike the people I see with protest signs on TV screaming and yelling at Christians to accept them for who they are. I do recall seeing a few Christians yelling back at them on the protest line. “What about acceptance?”
“What about acceptance of our beliefs? They’ve been around for a lot longer. Why are we the ones that need to accept?” Glancing over his shoulder up at the clock that sat above the fireplace, Dale looked over at Isaac and Lizzy and said, “Let’s close in prayer so your Mother and I can get going on our date.”
As they prepared to leave for their date, I began preparing dinner. As I poured the fries and chicken nuggets onto baking sheets, I added quite a few more for myself. I wonder if she’ll like chicken nuggets? I thought to myself as I put the sheets into the oven. Leaning my back against the counter, I saw Lizzy grab a book from the shelf and begin reading in the living room. Someday this little baby inside of me is going to be a little person that is reading. Woah… I bet my mom was tripping when I started reading I thought with a smile on my face. She would’ve loved her granddaughter; I wish she could’ve met her…
CHAPTER 17
That evening, after the children had went to sleep and the parents were still out on their date, I had the house to myself, well almost. Nick was about to leave to go pick up his girlfriend Sally from down the road. They were heading into town to go bowling and hang out with some of her friends she knew from her old high school.
Coming down the stairs from getting ready in the bathroom, Nick’s cologne was overpowering. It wasn’t a bad smell, but it was pungent. “Slow down on the cologne dude!” I said coughing.
“Gotta be fresh,” Nick said walking over to the couch. Peering over his own shoulder at the stairs, he asked, “Lizzy and Isaac go down easily?”
“Yeah, it wasn’t too bad… Their prayers are cute,” I repl
ied.
“Oh yeah, you haven’t put them to bed since you’ve been here.”
“Yeah, the few times your parents have gone out I’ve been working.”
Nodding, he replied, “They are pretty cute prayers.”
Nick went into the kitchen and pulled out a water bottle from the fridge. My phone vibrated, it was a text from Nicole.
Can we talk? I don’t like us like this…
Sighing, I tossed my phone to the other end of the couch as Nick walked back in the living room, taking a swig of his water. “What’s going on?” he asked.
“Oh, nothing… just friend drama,” I replied clicking through the channels.
“Nicole?” He asked.
“Yep…”
He shook his head. “That can’t be good.”
“Yeah, we’ve seemed off for a bit now. Do you and Joshua ever get in fights?”
Choking on his water a little bit, he covered his mouth as he smiled and shook his head. “Dudes don’t get in fights. We might argue, but we drop it and move on…”
“Bet that’s nice,” I replied, glancing back over to the television. Landing on the cooking channel, I found a competition on. I loved the channel, but found myself watching less and less television. I lost most of my interest in television when I went full time at the call center.
Glancing at the clock over on the shelf above the bookshelf, Nick headed for the front door to leave. “Have a good night. I’ll be back late.”
“Have fun with Sally,” I said happily as he left. That kid was eighteen and had his life in order, far more than I did at least. Nick had already got into Western Washington University and was just waiting for graduation which was only a couple months away. He was going places.
“Will do,” Nick said grabbing the truck keys on his way out.
While I sat there and watched the television, my mind kept drifting back to my baby girl. Do I want her to grow up and be like me? I wondered as I stared blankly at the television set. The drugs, the abusive boyfriend… I wanted something more for her life than what I had going on lately. My parents were great, but I had to give her a real chance at life and not just let her blow in the wind like my parents did with me. Watching the Vander’s family for the last few weeks, I realized my parents’ lack of rules wasn’t good for me.