Claire's Hope: A Contemporary Christian Romance (Love's Enduring Promise Book 3)

by T. K. Chapin

  “I just forgot I had something to do,” I said standing up.

  “Oh, okay…” Sharon replied with a nod. I could tell she was skeptical and could see right through me. “You’re welcome here anytime Claire.”

  “Thanks…” As I headed for the door, Kelsey caught up to me before I could make it out.

  “Hey…” she said softly as she grabbed my arm.

  “I’m sorry,” I replied looking at her and then back at the group. “I didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

  “It’s okay. The first week is pretty hard, we just restarted the study.”

  “You redo the course every time?”

  “Yeah, a few of us do… it’s nice for ongoing support.”

  “I’m sure it is for you,” I replied. “I mean that in the nicest way… I’m just not really in a spot where I can get real with God. I don’t even know what I believe right now.”

  “I understand,” she said, looking at her feet.

  “Thanks,” I replied, opening the door. “Take care; I’ll see you around at work, Okay?”

  Heading out to my car in the driveway, the stars were shining brightly. I noticed a flood light shining down on a chicken coop across the driveway just on the other side of a white picket fence. Joshua came waltzing out of the coop’s door and waved over at me.

  Waving back, I came to meet him at the fence. “What are you doing?” I asked, peering over his shoulder.

  “I’m working on gutting the inside of the coop right now… It’s a project my Grandpa has been wanting done. There’s a bunch of dry rot.”

  “I see…”

  He looked over at the house. “How was the study? Isn’t it still going on?”

  “Yeah… I just couldn’t do it.”

  He nodded. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. It was just a little much for the spot I’m in right now.”

  “I understand.” He glanced over his shoulder back at the coop. “Well, I better get back to it.”

  “Okay, have a good night Joshua.”

  Looking back at me, he flashed a smile and said, “You do the same Claire.”

  As I drove back to my aunt and uncle's house, I thought about that woman in the video from the Bible study. The idea of being set free from my past sounded like a good thing, but facing God and dealing with what I’ve done, that sounded uncomfortable. I knew through the Bible studies with Dale and Jennie that God forgives people of what they’ve done, but I just couldn’t see how God could love someone like me for the things I’ve done. Confessing, repenting… all that wasn’t something I was ready to do.

  I was relieved when I got home to find Dale and Jennie had already retired to their bedroom for the evening and the round of questions about leaving the group early were nothing but a figment of my imagination. As I climbed the stairs up to my bedroom, I wondered what might come of Sunday. Could I be just as disappointed as tonight? Why am I even going? Touching my tummy as I went into my room, I remembered my baby. I have to try it.

  That night as I lay in my bed, my body was exhausted but my mind was racing. I missed my parents so much and I wished my mom could be here for me to help raise the baby. Then my thoughts shifted over to my dad. Grabbing onto the locket that hung around my neck, I turned on my side. Peering out my window at the moon, I wondered if he was looking down from somewhere like heaven. Maybe he was protecting me and Todd and looking down on us? I didn’t know, but I liked thinking he was in some kind of heaven. Maybe Dale was right telling Todd that a while back. I wonder if they’d be proud I was keeping their granddaughter, or mad that she even exists. I would like to think they would support me, and be here for me and her. After a few hours of tossing and turning, I was finally able to find the slumber my body so desperately wanted.

  CHAPTER 19

  Sunday morning had finally arrived and the Vander house was in full motion as everyone prepared for the early morning service at nine thirty. I elected to do my make up in my bedroom instead of fighting for mirror space in the bathroom upstairs. There was a mirror in the bathroom downstairs, but the space was tight and there were no essentials to assist anyone in their efforts to get ready. No make-up, toothbrushes, or hair gel made the bathroom rather useless for getting ready.

  Through the morning chaos, I could hear the back porch door open downstairs and I felt my heart jump a little thinking it might be Joshua. I smiled.

  “Hey,” Joshua said from my doorway, causing me to jump.

  “You scared me!”

  He laughed. Taking a step into my room, he paused. “Could I come in for a moment?”

  “Sure,” I replied. I continued putting my eyeliner on as he came closer.

  He gently lowered my arm and whirled me around towards him into his arms. Being there was pretty heady stuff, as my heart raced and heat poured into my face. Joshua leaned forward and kissed me. I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled back. “What was that Joshua?” I asked, unable to remove the smile.

  “Claire I’ve liked you for a long time, and last night, when I saw you at my grandparents at the fence line, I realized something.”

  “What’s that?”

  Nick came into the room just then causing us to jump apart. “Hey Joshua, let’s go.”

  Joshua turned around to Nick and said, “Just wait a minute. I’ll be done soon. Please.” Nick left, shutting the door partially. Joshua turned back to me and grabbed both my hands. “Claire.”

  “Yes?” I replied, smiling.

  “I think about you all the time. You are always on my mind and I’m crazy about you. I know you are going through some stuff right now, but I want you to know that I care and I like you. I will never do anything to hurt you.”

  His words were perfect and my heart was saying it wanted to be with him, but my mind was scared of being hurt. “I like you too… I just don’t know if I can be with you.”

  “Why? What’s wrong?” He asked.

  “I’m just scared.”

  “So am I,” Joshua said coming in close to me. Placing his hands on my cheeks, he shook his head. “I’m scared to death… but when I was on my way to Nick’s room and I saw you in here wearing this yellow dress… I just had to come kiss you and tell you how I felt.”

  Smiling as I lifted my head and looked into his gorgeous brown eyes, I leaned in and kissed him. Those lips, they were perfect in every way. I felt butterflies fill my stomach as I pulled away from the kiss.

  “That was amazing,” Joshua said grinning. “I really gotta go.” Heading for the door, he glanced over his shoulder and smiled at me as he shut the door behind him. Smiling as I continued applying my make-up, I couldn’t keep my mind off of him, my fears forgotten.

  Sitting next to Joshua in the pew at church, he pointed out an older man that was a few pews up. “That there is Roy… he has a farm up the road from Floyd’s place. And there’s Floyd and Margret over there, as you can see, Floyd cleans up nicely for Sunday.”

  “I’d say so!” I replied. “He looks like a million bucks compared to the other day.”

  While the preacher taught, we kept quiet, but soon into the message, I could feel a touch against my leg. It was Joshua scooting a little closer. Just that little touch sent shock waves through my body. If it wasn’t for being in church, I am pretty sure we would have been locking lips ten minutes into the message.

  After the service, the pastor invited everyone downstairs for coffee and donuts. Joshua and I sat with my aunt, uncle and Todd at their table since I felt kind of awkward with the idea of sitting with Joshua’s grandma and grandpa after the whole thing that happened at the Healed and Set Free study just a few days prior.

  While we were eating our donuts and sipping on coffee, one of the youth came over and beckoned Joshua.

  “Hey Joshua, could you come explain to Tim that whole ‘crucified with Christ’ thing you were telling us at youth group the other day?”

  “Sure,” Joshua replied. Standing up from the table, he excused himself
and headed over to the group of kids.

  “So you two are looking like you’re getting along…” Dale said.

  “Yeah…” I said, smiling Joshua’s direction.

  “Nick told me you two were kissing,” Todd added.

  My face went flush in embarrassment, I thought he had left and didn’t see anything. “Oh… he did?”

  “You better be careful,” Jennie said. “Joshua is a really good kid…”

  “What does that mean? You scared I’m going to screw him up?” My tone was sharp. Why was I suddenly so angry? I felt like crying and punching someone all at once.

  “No… I wasn’t saying that at all. All I was saying was to be careful.”

  My donut didn’t sit well and I felt a sudden urge to get sick. “Please excuse me,” I said quickly as I got up and ran for the restroom. Hopefully I can make it to the bathroom! I thought as I covered my mouth. As I walked briskly, it felt like everyone was staring at me as I hurried my steps. Pushing the ladies bathroom door open, I quickly made my way into a stall just in time.

  Sighing, I wiped my mouth and stood up. The stall door was partially shut and I heard a few of the girls from the youth group walk into the bathroom.

  “I can’t believe she’s pregnant… she’s such a whore.”

  Oh my goodness! I thought to myself. We are in a church and they are talking that way? Oh wait, are they talking about me? I began to feel panicked.

  “He shouldn’t waste his time with someone so destined for a trailer park.”

  My heart twisted in my chest as I tried to contain my tears that were welling in my eyes. He broke my heart, he spilled the beans and the worst part was he told a bunch of teenagers from the youth group.

  “She’s going to be a horrible Mom,” one girl said. They all began laughing.

  I began crying and darted out of the stall rushing quickly past the girls. Heading out into the hallway, I went for the double doors that led out of the church. There was no way I was going to stay, not after finding out that Joshua betrayed my trust and ripped my heart out.

  The pastor was outside in the front talking with people as they were on the way out to their cars in the parking lot. As tears streamed down my face and I wove between the people, the pastor caught a glimpse of me and tried to get my attention.

  “Claire,” he said, trying to reach me through the crowd.

  Glancing his way for a moment, my eyes were burning and my heart was trembling as I made eye contact with him. He frowned slightly. What? Joshua told him too? Did he tell everyone? Jeez. Making my way out to the truck, I got in and peeled out of the gravel parking lot of Chattaroy Baptist.

  Wiping my tears as I drove down the road, I shook my head. How could he do this to me? “I hate him!” I shouted, slamming my steering wheel. Tears blurred my vision as I sped down Elk Chattaroy Road heading back to my aunt and uncle’s house off Old Thompson Road.

  Turning sharply onto their road, my wheels slid in the gravel, causing the back end to slide out from behind me. I slowed down to a complete stop in the middle of the road, luckily there wasn’t anyone driving down the same road at the time. Crying harder, I turned and straightened out the truck, heading the rest of the way to Dale and Jennie’s.

  Jumping out of the truck as I parked it, I hurried into the house and upstairs to pack my things. I couldn’t stay there, not now. Not with my pregnancy exposed. My aunt, uncle and worse of all… Todd. They would all know that I was pregnant. I didn’t want it to happen like this. I wanted to find the right time to tell them. Joshua ruined everything! I thought to myself throwing my clothing into my duffle bags as the tears continued. Seeing the teddy bear of my mother’s sitting on the nightstand pressed up against the lamp, I grabbed it and gave it a hug.

  “I miss you Mom…” I said, tossing the bear into the duffle bag. I bet she would have been able to help me. Wiping my eyes, I shook my head… she can’t help me, nobody can. Hauling my duffle bags down the stairs, I stopped in the kitchen and wrote a note.

  To Whomever,

  I’m going away to fix everything. Don’t chase after me, I’ll bring the truck back once I cash my check.

  -Claire

  There, that was sufficient. I thought about Todd for a moment and added a note at the bottom for him.

  Todd – please call.

  It still didn’t feel like enough for my brother. But I couldn’t stay, not after this. I had to get away and start me and my baby’s life. Leaving the pen and paper on the kitchen table, I left through the front door and didn’t look back. Tossing the duffle bags in the bed of the truck, I headed towards Spokane. Looking down at my belly, I said, “It’s just me and you girl.”

  CHAPTER 20

  Recalling the homeless shelter for women down by my work off Francis, I headed that direction. It was the only place I could think of staying. I didn’t have more than a few dollars in my pocket. The shelter was a hotel back in the seventies. It shut down in the eighties and they converted it into a shelter in the late nineties for women and children that needed a place to stay. At least that what Michelle told me a while back. It was no Four Seasons, but it would do for what I needed, a roof over my head to keep warm until I could cash my check. I didn’t have the money for a hotel room and I wasn’t going back to Nicole’s house, so it was my only option. With it being Sunday I couldn’t really cash my check. Thank God though I never cashed it earlier, I thought on the drive over to the shelter. Then I thought about how I had been using my paychecks to buy Todd clothes and helping out with bills and groceries at the farm. Dang, I should have been saving that money.

  Pulling into the parking lot, I noticed the old rusted hotel sign hanging cock-eyed. It read: Needs: Toilet Paper, Laundry Soap, and Dish Soap. The pavement was broken up and jolted the truck up and down as I pulled up near the main office. Getting out of the truck, I noticed the units appeared to be in pretty bad shape. Any paint that remained on the exterior was peeling and everything just looked dirty. The roof was bowing in a few different spots that I could see on my way up to the entrance of the office.

  Opening the door, a bell chimed, alerting the attention to someone in the back. I could hear , whoever it was, stumbling around until they finally appeared through the open doorway. It was an elderly lady, with salt and peppered hair with metal framed glasses.

  “Good afternoon, Miss,” she said. “How can I help you?” Her voice was brittle, but it didn’t take away from the glow of her smile that made me feel a little more comfortable with the situation.

  “Do you have any rooms?” I asked, leaning over the counter.

  “What are your circumstances?”

  I was taken back by the question, “What do you mean?”

  “What’s your situation honey?”

  “I’m homeless… I just need a room for tonight.”

  “Do you have children?”

  “No.”

  “Okay, well the wait list right now is three months. Go ahead and sign the clip board here and we’ll give you a call.” She pointed to the clipboard on the counter, and then began to return to the back.

  Crap, three months? What am I going to do meanwhile? “I’m pregnant… if that matters?”

  She stopped. Returning back to the counter, she leaned over and looked at my stomach. I could see her skepticism. Undoing my coat, I showed her my little baby bump. “How far along are you?”

  “I’m five months. It’s not that big because she’s shifted toward my back. Three months for a one night stay?”

  “This isn’t a hotel… Well, I mean it was, but not anymore. One night never really seems to hold true. But let me see…” She looked to think for a moment. “I think we can get you into a room.”

  “Really?” I smiled and sighed. “That’d be wonderful. For just the night?”

  “For as long as you need. Hold on a moment, let me call the owner and find out if it’s okay.” She vanished into the back. As I waited, I saw some pamphlets on the counter. One caught my eye in p
articular, it was a free course at MCC, the local community college, and it was for helping adults get their GED.

  As the lady came back out, I held up the pamphlet, “This class will help me get my GED?”

  “Yes,” she said, nodding. “The owner said you can stay here, but only if you can help with the soup kitchen down the street, they need an extra hand and technically, we don’t have any rooms open right now for women without children.”

  “Wait… so I get a room, even though I don’t have children?”

  “Yes. You’re pregnant… but that doesn’t count usually.”

  “Usually? Why am I being treated special?”

  The woman looked a bit surprised at my question. “My heart just goes out to you… I had a daughter that struggled with her first baby and she went from relative to relative just trying to keep her two feet on the ground. She lives back east and she refused to come live with me here in Spokane. It was a struggle, but she made it through.”

  “That’s awesome to hear she made it through,” I replied. “Thank you so much. When do I need to go there, to the soup kitchen?”

  “It’ll be on Monday’s, and it’ll be in the evening between five and eight.”

  “That’s fine, I can get off a little early from work and do that.”

  “You work? Is it full time?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why on earth can’t you get a place?”

  “I’m going to work on getting one pretty quick. I just don’t have money for a hotel room tonight because of bills and whatnot; I didn’t know I’d be facing sleeping on the streets when I woke up today.”

  “I suppose that makes sense.”

  “Okay, great. What do I need to sign?”

  She grabbed a packet of papers and handed them over the counter to me with a pen. “Go ahead and fill that out.”

  Going over to a chair that sat against the wall, I sat down and began filling out the paperwork. There was a questionnaire attached, which took up the majority of the packet. It asked questions that weren’t the easiest for me to answer. Do you believe in God? How did your life arrive to this point? “Are all these required?”