Beautiful Broken Things

by Sara Barnard

  Thank you to my wonderful editor, Rachel Petty, and everyone at Macmillan Children’s for their enthusiasm and support at every stage of this book’s creation. I’m so proud to be able to call myself an MCB author.

  To everyone involved in the Authors for Philippines project in 2013, particularly Keris Stainton, thank you. You did such good, and in doing so set in motion small ripple effects like me and this book. Sara O’Connor, who went above and beyond the call of duty, I am inexpressibly grateful for your advice and encouragement. I will do my best to pay it forward.

  Thank you to Claire’s Coven, especially its intrepid leader Alexia Casale, for being so welcoming and supportive and for continuing to make me laugh every single day. Particular thanks to Alice Oseman, Lauren James and Catherine Doyle. I feel so lucky that I got to achieve a dream and make such amazing friends at the same time. Tusen takk, Melinda Salisbury: my dinobro, my friend.

  This book has involved a lot of research over the years of one kind or another, but I am particularly indebted to the generous folks on Twitter, who responded to my incredibly niche questions with the generosity I’d usually associate with my closest friends, not near strangers. Particular thanks go to Rosie Claverton and Joanna Cannon, who understand how to balance accuracy with storytelling, and helped me with both.

  Thank you to Erin Hanson, for writing such beautiful poetry and for allowing me to use the perfect four lines at the opening of this book. Anyone who is interested in finding out more or in reading more poems can visit Erin’s website at thepoeticunderground.com.

  Thanks to Rachael, who read this book when it had no title and has championed it ever since, and my other early readers, Lauren, Emily, Rebecca and Catherine. The fact that you wanted to read this story before it became a book meant the world.

  Mum and Dad; James and Monika; Anna and Richard; Holly, all the Barnards and beyond: thank you. What a family I have. You’re wonderful. Dad, I could never have been a writer without your example, advice and support. I said that to you once and you looked so surprised. Thank you for that, and for so much else.

  Thank you to Tracy, for the photos, the advice, the pep talks and above all your friendship. If everyone had a friend like you, we’d have a smarter, funnier, kinder world. Jane, thank you for your wisdom, your empathy and your time.

  A special thank you to DT – there are no words to explain how much your support, humour, enthusiasm and kindness have meant to me. You have made me a better feminist, a better writer, a better person. I am grateful beyond words for your friendship.

  Thank you, Tom, for everything. For your patient rereading of draft after draft, for saving Suzanne when even I had almost given up, for looking after the cat and not complaining (much) when I disappeared with the laptop for hours on end. Thank you for giving me Brighton and for not being the slightest bit surprised when any of this happened.

  And finally, but most fittingly, to Lora, who was my best friend then and remains my best friend now, who continues to bring sparks and surprise to my life. I don’t know who I’d be without you, but I know this book would not exist. You are brilliant. I would climb out of a window for you.

  When I set out to write what would, many years down the line, become Beautiful Broken Things, all I had in my head was a girl. I knew she had a dazzling smile and sad eyes. I knew she’d been hurt, but that for all her wild spirit and fury she was full of warmth and love. I wanted to tell her story, because it felt like a story that needed to be told.

  Many stories about abuse end with the rescue or escape of the victim (a loaded term in itself), because that is the best thing about stories: they end when we want them to end. But in real life a child who escapes a violent home carries that experience with them. With Beautiful Broken Things I wanted to talk about what happens next. Who do you become after trauma, when you are still learning about yourself? How do you tell the people you meet in your new, safe life about your past, or do you not tell them at all?

  This is Caddy’s story because trauma is not just something that happens to one person; it touches the lives of everyone they love and are close to. Being a friend to someone in pain can be difficult and upsetting, but it is invaluable. We all have opportunities to be darkness and light in the lives of those we love, and in the truest friendships there will always be both.

  Friendship is at the heart of this book. It is a love story without a romance, because there’s no love quite like that shared between teenage girls. When I think back to my teenage years, I can barely remember the names of the boys I had crushes on, the faces of early boyfriends gone blurry. But I can tell you about the time my best friend and I carved peppers instead of pumpkins at a ‘fake Halloween’ sleepover when we were thirteen. I can remember entire conversations we had while sat on a wall down the road from our school.

  I wanted to honour this kind of relationship – because it is a relationship – with the story of Caddy, Rosie and Suzanne. I really do believe that, for all the arguments and misunderstandings and fallouts and tears, the best thing you can be to someone is a friend.

  To anyone who is suffering, whether this is due to experiences similar to Suzanne’s or to something entirely different, hold on. Better days will come. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who are waiting to love you.

  Don’t be afraid to talk to someone that you trust, whoever that may be. Know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If the thought of speaking to someone you know feels like too great an obstacle, there are many wonderful organizations and charities that exist purely to help those who are struggling, even if that is just to offer a friendly word. If and when you are ready, here are some people you can reach out to, but until then, their websites have a lot of very useful information.

  Centrepoint

  http://www.centrepoint.org.uk

  Tel: 0800 23 23 20

  Email: supportercare@centrepoint.org

  Central House, 25 Camberdown Street, London E1 8DZ

  Help for young people who need a safe place to stay. Advice and information for those forced to leave home.

  Childline

  http://www.childline.org.uk

  Tel: Freephone 0800 1111

  Weston House, 42 Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH

  Lines open: 24 hours, 7 days a week. Provides a confidential counselling service 24 hours a day.

  Eighteen and Under

  http://www.18u.org.uk/

  Tel: Freephone helpline 0800 731 40 80

  Text/Whatsapp: 07707531976

  Email: lormac1053@aol.com

  1 Victoria Road, Dundee DD1 1EL

  Works with young people to identify their needs and provide them with the ability to empower and survive personal traumatic experiences.

  National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC)

  http://www.nspcc.org.uk

  Tel: 24-hour helpline 0808 800 5000

  Text: 88858

  Email: help@nspcc.org.uk

  Weston House, 42 Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH

  Text phone: 0800 056 0566. Call via ISDN videophone: 020 8463 1148. Online via IP videophone or webcam to: nspcc.signvideo.tr. Monday to Friday 9 a.m.–5 p.m. A free 24-hour service which provides counselling, information and advice to anyone concerned about a child at risk of abuse. Provides support in Welsh and five Asian languages.

  Sane

  http://www.sane.org.uk

  Tel: Helpline 0845 767 8000.

  Email: info@sane.org.uk

  1st Floor Cityside House, 40 Adler Street, London E1 1EE

  Information and support to those experiencing mental health problems.

  TheSite.org

  http://www.TheSite.org/selfharm

  An online resource offering advice and support for young people concerned about self-harm.

  Youth Access

  http://www.youthaccess.org.uk

  Tel: 020 8772 9900

  Email: admin@youthaccess.org.uk

  1–2 Taylors Yard, 67 Alderbr
ook Road, London SW12 8AD Lines open: 9.30 a.m.–1 p.m./2 p.m.–5.30 p.m. The national membership organization for young people’s information, advice, counselling and support services (YIACS)

  ‘Beautiful Broken Things is the book I’ve been waiting for. It made me want to go and rugby-tackle my best friends and give them a giant hug. It’s a beautiful tale of the power and complexities of female friendship’ Holly Bourne, author of Am I Normal Yet?

  ‘Beautiful Broken Things is a book that the YA world desperately needs – a book about the beauty, passion and extremities of female friendship’ Alice Oseman, author of Solitaire

  ‘Starkly realistic and ultimately uplifting, Beautiful Broken Things is a compelling tale of pain and redemption, growing up and growing together, and finding empowerment and strength in friendship’ Catherine Doyle, author of Vendetta

  ‘Stories about female friendships are hard to come by, especially ones with no romance, but Beautiful Broken Things fills that gap in an intensely compelling and passionate way’ Lauren James, author of The Next Together

  ‘A gorgeous, bluntly honest story of friendship, hardships and rebuilding. This book captures that feeling of be-all and end-all best-friendship so brilliantly’ charlieinabook.weebly.com

  ‘Armed with a penchant for incredible warmth, intense drama and fabulously down-to-earth writing, Sara Barnard makes it clear that contemporary doesn’t have to be sugar-coated to be sweet; that books with serious issues don’t have to be defined by what we think we know about them, and most of all that some stories don’t have to involve a romance to be about love’ Arianna, Daisy Chain Book Reviews

  ‘The characters in this book are funny and heartbreaking and real, which allows the complexities of their friendships to entertain and fascinate (and break your heart, over and over). This is a beautiful book and a ridiculously accomplished debut and I have a lot of feelings right now’ sarahlikesbooks.wordpress.com

  ‘Overall this was a simply remarkable story – full of heart and soul and with characters that will remain with you’ lizlovesbooks.com

  ‘Beautiful Broken Things is a stunning look at the friendship between three girls. It feels so, so realistic’ Jim Dean, Teens on Moon Lane

  Sara Barnard lives in Brighton and does all her best writing on trains. She loves books, book people and book things. She has been writing ever since she was too small to reach the ‘on’ switch on the family’s Amstrad computer. She gets her love of words from her dad, who made sure she always had books to read and introduced her to the wonders of second-hand bookshops at a young age.

  Sara is trying to visit every country in Europe, and has managed to reach thirteen with her best friend. She has also lived in Canada and worked in India.

  First published 2016 by Macmillan Children’s Books

  This electronic edition published 2016 by Macmillan Children’s Books

  an imprint of Pan Macmillan

  20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR

  Associated companies throughout the world

  www.panmacmillan.com

  ISBN 978-1-5098-0354-5

  Copyright © Sara Barnard 2016

  The right of Sara Barnard to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  Pan Macmillan does not have any control over, or any responsibility for, any author or third party websites referred to in or on this book.

  You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital, optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

  A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

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