Trying Not To Love You

by Megan Smith

Shit! I could lie to him and tell him my mom figured it by seeing me getting sick but I didn't want to start our relationship off with a lie. "I need you to promise me you will not get pissed off." He nodded. "It was actually Logan."

  He glared at me and then I explained to him everything that had happened up until the day he found out. He hated that Logan figured it out and that Dominic was involved at all.

  My eyes were growing heavy listening to Hunter's heart beating, "I love you."

  "I love you too CC." Hunter whispered and that was the last thing I remembered that night.

  Hunter, Hailey, and I returned to school that weekend, on the way back I told Hailey what my plans were for next year. I explained about going to school in Jersey so that I was closer to home and the baby and I could be with Hunter. She agreed with me that, that would be for the best. She said she would be transferring too since there was nothing left there for her. I was staying in Jersey and Mason would be moving back to Jersey as well.

  Hailey and I made an appointment to speak with our councilors that week to explain to them the situation and started the process of transferring our credits to our local community college.

  Hunter had refused to let me stay at the dorms after the first night that we were back. He said he didn't like the fact that he couldn't take care of me the way he wanted. He spoke with Bentley, and they both agreed to have Hailey and I move in with them. I felt bad for not giving Bentley a choice but he assured me that he was perfectly ok with us and he even joked around with Hailey and me about cooking to earn our keep. I stuck my nose in the air at the mention of food while Hailey and Hunter laughed at me. They had to explain that cooking food made me sick but Hailey said she had it covered. I was really going to miss seeing Bentley when we moved back home; he turned out to be a great guy even when he threw some crazy parties.

  Hunter and I had our first little argument since getting back together about me keeping my part time job at the library.

  He had his hands on his hips, scowling at me he said, "I don't want you working, you don't have any reason to."

  "Yes I do, I'm not just going to quit when I am perfectly capable of working."

  "I don't like it Kenzie. You need your rest."

  "Hunter, I'm fine. If I feel it becoming too much I'll give them my two weeks' notice."

  I eventually won since he had no valid point that I couldn't. My first day back, I pulled Logan aside and thanked him for talking to Dominic about him figuring out that I was expecting. Hailey stopped by one evening to check up on me, Hunter's part of the agreement that I could work, and she and Logan talked about what happened earlier in the year. It came down to a huge misunderstanding about Brittany. Dominic was also stopping by a few times as well to check in and see how I was going, Hunter didn't like that but he was dealing with it. Dominic told me how he and Brittany were fighting once again because she refused to believe that the baby wasn't his.

  "I don't mind telling her myself that this baby is Hunter's, Dominic. Just say the word." I told him one night as he was walking out to Hunter's truck.

  "No I don't want you anywhere near that crazy bitch. I told her if she kept this up that we were done." Dominic shifted his weight from one foot to the other while standing next to the passenger side of the truck.

  "Ok well the offer still stands." I reached up to open the door and Dominic helped me in.

  "No, I'll take care of it." Dominic and Hunter mumbled hellos and then Hunter took me home.

  "So what was all that about?" Hunter asked as he reached over to rest his hand on my thigh.

  "Brittany is giving him problems. She is convinced that this is Dominic's baby. I offered to set her straight but he refused my offer."

  "Good, stay away from that nasty whore CC."

  I didn't even attempt to argue back, I just let it go.

  I was still doing well in my classes despite missing a few because of headaches and morning sickness. April rolled around, and Hunter and I drove back home for a doctor's appointment and to meet with a contractor my dad found to help with the house. We had our first ultrasound scheduled for this appointment. It was the ugliest thing and most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Hunter said it looked like a gummy bear with his heart on the outside; we were also able to hear his or her heartbeat for the first time that day too. Mrs. McCormick, Mom and Dad met us at the house along with the contractor after our appointment was over. We showed off all the pictures the nurse gave us to our parents who were excited about becoming grandparents again. The contractor arrived while we were showing the pictures off so my Dad and Hunter told them what we were looking for and told them we would get the contract back to them as soon as we reviewed there proposal. Later that night we made our journey back to school.

  Hailey, Hunter and I were in full swing of finals and were busy studying every night. Chloe had been calling me a lot lately since their wedding was fast approaching. I promised that we would go dress shopping as soon as I moved back in a little over a week. I didn't want to go too soon, because my baby bump was getting bigger and bigger. I wanted to make sure the dress still fit by the time the wedding came.

  We all took our finals in the middle of May, and Hunter graduated the following week. We had a full house the week of graduation. Mrs. McCormick and Jaylinn stayed with us so that they could attend Hunter's graduation and help us pack up all of our belongings. Mom and Dad were going to see Cooper and Mason graduate in Boston, so we said we would plan a party for them once everyone was back home.

  When we arrived home, it looked like a completely different place. With the renovations finished, it finally felt like home. Hunter told me the baby's room was off limits since he wanted to work on it himself.

  We had another ultrasound scheduled so we could find out the sex of the baby. Sitting in the waiting room, Hunter and I discussed whether we wanted to find out or not, but we still did not have an answer when the nurse called us back.

  "Hunter, we are going to have you wait right out here while we get some measurements of the baby. Then, we will have you come in, and show you everything as well." The nurse explained all this while leading us back to the Ultrasound room.

  "Sure, that's no problem." Hunter kissed my forehead before I disappeared behind the curtains.

  After the nurse finished all of her measurements, she stepped out of the room and asked Hunter to join us.

  "So, I will let you guys listen to the heartbeat for a few minutes while l work on getting you two some pictures."

  Hunter stood next to my head, reached for my hand and gave it a little squeeze. The baby's heartbeat was nice and strong. It was like music to our ears. I wished we could bottle the sound up and take it home with us.

  "So would you like to know the sex of the baby?" The nurse asked us.

  Hunter looked down at me and I smiled. I was letting him make this call. He knew I really didn't want to know.

  "No we're going to let it be a surprise."

  "Very well then, Ms. Cahill, you are all done here."

  I cleaned up and we went to Baby's R Us to look around at all the different stuff that we were going to need. We knew we needed to stick with natural colors that would work for either a girl or a boy.

  Two weeks later, we threw the boys a graduation party at the shore house and had the wedding rehearsal for Jackson and Chloe, all on the same weekend. We tried to fit everything in, and we took up everyone's weekend.

  After the rehearsal was over, I was feeding Alex his bottle while Chloe took a nap. Jackson walked in and did a double take when he saw me sitting on his couch.

  "Getting your practice in?" He asked, after he kicked off his running shoes.

  "I guess you can call it that." I looked down at Alex and gave him little kisses on his little chunky cheeks. "Or you can call it spending time with my awesome little nephew."

  "Did you burp him yet?" Jackson asked, taking a seat next to me.

  "Not yet, he just started drinking it." I took the bottle out of Alex'
s mouth and checked the ounces. It still had one ounce left, so I gave it back to him.

  "I know what you're thinking Kenzie. Trust me; it's harder than it looks. You are up all hours of the night, leaving the house takes forever and you have to pack half the house just to go around the damn block." He reached over, grabbed Alex's little hand and Alex grabbed hold of his pinky. "Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade it for the world, but it is hard work."

  I blinked away the tears, "I know." I sniffled.

  "Everything will work out." He looked down at Alex's bottle and took it from me. "Now give me my son. Hunter is looking for you out back."

  "Thanks Jackson." I kissed Alex's head since Jackson was already burping him, then I kissed Jackson on his cheek and left to go find Hunter.

  I went out the sliding glass doors expecting Hunter to be outside on the deck but he was nowhere to be found. I walked out towards the ocean, thinking that maybe he was down there. When I made it past the sand dunes, there he was, standing there in khaki shorts with a black button down shirt and his black hat. I looked down at his feet and saw he was standing in the middle of a heart made out of candles and seashells.

  As I approached, I scanned up and down the beach and we were the only ones out here. How did he do that in the peak of the season? He reached for my hand and pulled me to him; he smiled that panty-dropping smile and kissed me.

  "What's going on?" I asked.

  He looked over my shoulder, and lifted his chin in the direction that I had just come from. I turned around and saw all of our friends and family standing there, and then it hit me. He was proposing. My free hand came up to cover my mouth. As I turned back to Hunter, he dropped to one knee.

  I was a complete blubbering mess. Hunter pulled out the hand that was still behind his back, and held out a Tiffany's little blue box that held a princess cut diamond ring, with little diamonds wrapped around the band. He looked up at me with glassy eyes. "CC, you're my world, you're my light in the darkness, my safe haven. I love your more than anything. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

  I was sobbing so hard, all I could do was nod. He took the gorgeous ring out of the box and placed it on my finger. He put both of his hands on my stomach and said, "You hear that little man," He looked at me, winked and then continued, "Your mama is gonna marry me." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my stomach. At that exact same moment, the baby kicked for the first time, right where Hunter's lips were.

  His eyes shot up to me all wide and asked, "Was that the baby kicking?"

  I just laughed through the tears and winked at him. "Yeah, I guess our little peanut likes that we're gonna get married."

  Hunter stood up and wrapped his arms around me and all our family came rushing towards us congratulating us. Everyone was so happy for us including Mason, which made this day a little extra special. We had a lot to celebrate that weekend.

  The following week was extremely busy. I had my final fitting for my maid of honor dress, we were throwing a bachelorette at Chloe's house Friday night and the wedding was Saturday afternoon.

  Chloe and Jackson's beach wedding was stunning. All the girls wore coral color dresses; Jackson and the guys wore khakis pants with white shirts and coral ties. Chloe looked breathtaking in her dress; she decided to go with a destination dress, with an empire waist, all white with clear and pink crystals spread over the train. Her hair was curled and pulled up off her neck. Her parents didn't show up for the wedding, so my dad walked her down the aisle. Hailey was holding Alex in his little white tuxedo. He looked so handsome.

  Chloe and Jackson were going on a cruise for their honeymoon, and I was watching Alex while they were gone. Jackson volunteered me, saying it was good practice; I didn't have a problem with it since Hunter was going to be starting his new job that week. He was working with the local police department in the investigation unit. He was excited that he was able to land this job.

  Mom, Mrs. McCormick, Hailey, and Chloe threw me a surprise baby shower two weeks after Chloe got back from her honeymoon. Hunter and I got everything we needed for the baby, plus more. Hunter still refused to let me see the baby's room until it was not finished. I began having some swelling issues around my thirty-third week, was put on bed rest and had to go to the doctors twice a week for monitoring.

  Today I was thirty-seven weeks. I had a doctor's appointment and another ultrasound set up. This would be the last one before we would finally get to meet our little chunky monkey. Hunter had to work today, so he was going to meet me at the doctor's office on his lunch break.

  I got out of bed and started getting ready for the appointment when my cell phone started ringing.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey Kenzie, how's my little man doing?" Hailey was always asking how little man was doing, never how I am feeling and she refused to entertain the idea that I might be having a girl.

  "You know, I think you love the baby more than you love me." I laughed, "The baby's doing well, me not so much. My feet are really swollen and I'm waddling more and more like a duck."

  "Put the phone up to your belly. I want to talk to him."

  Laughing, I did as she asked. After a good minute, I put the phone back up to my ear and told her, "I have a doctor's appointment around lunch time today so I will have more pictures to show you. Do you want me to stop over when I'm done?"

  "Yeah, that would be good. Mason is supposed to come over and take me to dinner tonight."

  "Oh, really?" Hailey and Mason's relationship was rocky right now. Something was going on, but they both refused to talk about it. Any time I mentioned anything about it, they told me it was really nothing for me to worry myself. I tried talking to Hunter about it, but he just told me everything would be ok between them. He explained they weren't really fighting themselves. They were fighting about something else that was going on.

  "Nothing special just dinner."

  "Ok. I really wish you would talk to me, and tell me what is going on Hails. I hate seeing you guys like this."

  Hailey let out a big sigh. "You don't need the added stress; remember what the doctor said? You need to stay nice and relaxed. Everyone is taking care of everything. Stop worrying that pretty little head of yours."

  I was getting a little irritated because everyone was treating me as if I was made of glass. "It's stressing me out that you will not talk to me about it Hails. You talk to me about everything; why not this?"

  She huffed, "Because I just can't. Now stop worrying and go get ready."

  "Fine, but this isn't over. I'll call you when I'm on my way."

  "OK, love you and little man."

  I laughed and said, "It's Princess and I love you too."

  I was standing in my closet trying to find something to wear when I heard a crack of thunder that made me jump. I was rubbing my belly as the baby moved around. "Oh boy, chunky monkey, it's raining. We better hurry up and get out of here so we aren't late."

  After I changed, I walked to the front door, slipped on my flip-flops and grabbed the umbrella. It was pouring outside; even with the umbrella, I was still getting wet. I noticed there was a car parked at the end of the driveway, which was unusual for our neighborhood. I started the car and backed out. I thought it looked like Brittany in the car, but it couldn't have been. She and Dominic broke up right after school was over. I brushed it off, and left our development, heading towards the highway.

  Merging onto the highway, the rain was coming down harder. It was making it very hard to see, even with the wipers on full speed. I looked in my rearview mirror and noticed the car that had parked at the end of my driveway was now following behind me. I only needed to go about two exits up on Route 295. I figured I would be ok as long as I took it nice and slow and did not panic.

  About a half mile before my exit, I saw the car directly in front of me start to hydroplane. The driver must have panicked, because the car started swerving into the lane next to it. Just as the driver jerked the steering wheel, he c
ollided with another car. I tried to slam on my breaks to avoid the accident, but the person that was following me slammed into me. I slid off the highway, down an embankment.

  Screaming, I braced myself for the collision I knew was coming. It didn't happen right away. I flipped upside down three times before I finally felt the car stop. Everything was fuzzy, I couldn't see straight and my body felt numb.

  I don't know how long I had laid there before I heard someone approaching. I tried to yell for help but nothing came out. I saw a shadow of a person look in through the side of the passenger side door.

  Why are they not helping me? I thought.

  I heard a girl speak, "If I can't have him, neither can you bitch."

  I got a razor sharp stab of pain in my stomach. It was so strong; I was seeing stars, and then nothing after that.

  When I woke up, my whole body hurt. It was almost unbearable but something was pulling me from my sleep. I tried to open my eyes but they were just too heavy. I tried to concentrate and figure out what was going on, where I was. I felt like there was something gagging me; there was pain in my stomach, chest and right leg, lots of pain. I remember driving; it was really raining hard. There was a bad crash, my car flipping. Someone was there looking into my car and then there was darkness.

  I felt something warm run down my face. I tried to reach up and wipe it away but my arms were too heavy. I heard humming and knew Hunter was here with me, wherever I am.

  "Sweetheart, why don't you go home for a few hours? You could shower, grab some food and try to get some sleep? I will stay here with MacKenzie and the baby. They both need you to be strong for them." I knew that voice; it was my mom's, but what was she talking about a baby for?

  A violent stab of a pain hit my head. I was trying desperately not to give back into the darkness.

  The humming stopped and Hunter's voice spoke, "I'm not leaving them, I can't."

  I heard little whimpers of a cry, and then he went back to humming.

  I felt so confused. I tried opening my eyes again but they were still too heavy. I felt someone grab my hand. I tried to squeeze it but I didn't have the strength.