“I know.” Jake sounded depressed. “I don’t want to hurt her. I never have.”
“She loves you.”
“I know she does. I can tell.”
“I’ve never had a chance to talk to you about it because we haven’t talked in several months. But I know you’ve talked to Alice in town.”
“I have.”
“I’m sure Alice has told you at least a few times that Marie loves you, hasn’t she?”
“Yes, she has.”
“Then what is causing the problem? You have a beautiful woman who cares for you, waits on you, and dotes on you. What is the problem?”
Jake shook his head. “I don’t know why or how she could fall for someone like me.”
Adam’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ve wondered the same thing, Jake.”
Jake gave him a sharp look, which Adam returned full force. “You don’t have a good reputation. You do a lot of stupid things. But you are getting better. You’re working and making some money, paying back Sam for the tab you’ve run up. Have you thought about giving Marie any of that money to help tide her by?”
“She doesn’t seem to need it. She makes good pay and has always been able to buy her own supplies. Whatever she needs people will donate to her. She’s got her stuff together.”
“Yes, she does. But it would be a nice gesture.”
“We did go and have a drink the other day at Sam’s.”
Adam nodded. “You didn’t really go have a drink though, Jake. You were there and she showed up.”
“Much to my surprise,” Jake admitted.
“I’m sure of that. But she showed up. Did you think she was stalking you then? Did you think she was out trying to find you then?”
Jake thought back, then shook his head. “No, the thought didn’t cross my mind at the time.”
“Then why did you explode on her tonight? Why did you make her feel like a nagging shrew? How could you make a sweet woman like that feel unwanted and unloved? Does she really deserve to feel that way?”
Jake lowered his head, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his trousers. “No. She doesn’t. I know that, Adam. I really do. I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling to her. She doesn’t understand what I’ve been through over the years.”
“Why don’t you try telling her? Tell her what’s troubling you? Be open about it. Do you think you will ever fall in love with her?”
Jake pressed his lips together, suppressing a heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Adam. I love her, but I’m not in love with her. I don’t know how to feel or what to do because I know she loves me. I don’t think I can give her what she deserves.”
“You aren’t a very passionate guy, are you?”
“I can be! I definitely can be.”
“Well, that’s not what the rest of us see. Especially Marie. I think she’d probably fall over in a dead faint if you ever kissed her.”
“I’ve wanted to. Several times. But I never tried. I was drunk and I didn’t want to be disgusting to her.”
“I think that’s an unlikely scenario.” Adam said the words before he thought about it. “On second thought, I take that back. I’ve seen you stumbling drunk and I wouldn’t call that attractive. Especially not to a woman. But you have brought yourself further than I would have thought since you came to stay in Wickenburg. It almost makes me glad I made you leave my house. It was a coincidence that you came across Marie. Or maybe it was divine intervention.”
“Hard to tell,” Jake said, thinking about Marie’s qualities, her beauty, and her laughter.
“It was something. It was meant to be. I know, I know, that doesn’t mean marriage or being together forever. But you meeting her that night was a blessing, that’s for sure. There’s no one else better you could have met. She has a shining light, a soul that never stops giving. You are a lucky man to have her. You should try harder to keep her.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Adam,” Jake admitted. “I really don’t. I am just trying to live and recover from the problems I’ve created for myself. I can’t concentrate on someone else right now. I have too much work to do on myself.”
“I know the hole you dug for yourself is deep,” Adam responded. “But you’ve come a long way, in my opinion. You aren’t drinking as much, you work, you pay your dues. What else can you do at this point? My concern is for Marie. She is going to be devastated and heartbroken when you skip out of town or find a woman in town to take to bed.”
Jake looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Adam, what do you mean? Does she expect me to take off out of town anytime soon? Why would she think that? And who said I was looking for another woman?”
“You see a lot of women when you go out every day. You can’t tell me you don’t find any of them attractive.”
“Of course, I do,” Jake conceded. “But that doesn’t mean I’m trying to replace Marie. She is a comfort for me. I am used to seeing her every day, talking to her. And I do worry about her from time to time, but most of the time she is so secure in who she is, I feel like there isn’t a need for me to worry about her. She’s certainly not looking for a man, whether it’s me or not.”
Adam sat on one of the chairs and relit his pipe. Jake sat next to him, leaning over so that he was closer to Adam.
“Listen, Adam, I don’t want to hurt that woman. I’m just worried because I don’t want her to think I’m ready for something I’m not.”
“Will you ever be ready, Jake? Be honest with me. Because I gotta tell you, son, it doesn’t seem to me like you ever will be. And what you got going for you now will not always be there. I suggest you step up your game. Be a man. Don’t confuse the woman.”
“I can’t help confusing her when I’m confused myself.” Jake sounded downtrodden. “What do I do?”
Adam was quiet for a moment while he thought about their conversation.
“All I can say is wait and see what happens. If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But don’t go catting around behind her back and keeping secrets from her. Don’t lie to her about anything because it’s worse when they find out, trust me. Give her your trust and she will give you hers. You have to prove yourself to women. You know that.”
“I do know it. And it’s no fun. No fun at all.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
ALICE AND MARIE TALK
ALICE AND MARIE TALK
Marie hurried into the house as soon as she saw Jake coming. Adam waited on the porch.
“I’m gonna have a talk with him,” he’d told her as she went in and he closed the door behind her. Alice was sitting at the table, which had been set for four people. She looked up at Marie and then stood, crossing the room to give Marie a warm hug.
“It doesn’t look like things went well, my dear,” Alice said. “Come on, sit down on the couch and talk to me.”
They went into the living room together and sat on the couch. Alice took Marie’s hands. “Tell me what happened. Did you find him at the saloon? Was he in terrible shape?”
Marie shook her head. “No, as a matter of fact, he wasn’t there. He went there at first and had a beer. I suppose that was after he did that job he wanted to do. He must have had some money from doing the job. Either way, Sam said he only drank one beer and left. He saw Big Jim--apparently that’s who beat him up when Jake first arrived. They had words, but it ended peacefully.”
“Big Jim,” Marie searched through her memory. “You must be talking about Jim Mayhue. He’s a big guy, for sure, long beard and mustache, built like an elephant. Or an ape. Big man, that’s for sure. But you say he only drank one beer? Where has he been all this time?”
“He stopped at old Mrs. Patterson’s house on his way here. The one out by the…”
Alice was nodding. “I know Mrs. Patterson. I’ve baked her cakes on occasion.”
“She had a tree in her yard that was dead and about to fall on her house. Jake stopped and chopped it down for her and saved all the good wood he could from it. I saw him
piling it up as I was walking back here.”
Alice frowned. “Why were you walking back here? Where was Adam?”
“He stayed at the Horse N Saddle to talk to Sam.”
Alice raised her eyebrows. “He did, did he? And I suppose he got himself a beer.”
“And one for me.”
Alice smiled. “I’m not upset, I’m just teasing you. He can do that if he wants. I’m just surprised he let you go out walking when it’s so close to dark. You could have fallen and gotten hurt.”
Marie giggled. “I’m not a small child, Alice. What are you thinking?”
Alice laughed softly. “I’m a mother. I worry about people that way whether they are adults or not. Especially women. We’re fragile.”
Now both of them were laughing.
“So do tell me, Marie,” Alice said when their laughter died down. “Why were you so upset when you came in when you obviously found him in a good place, rather than in a ditch like you expected.”
“Oh I was so hoping he wouldn’t be in a ditch,” Marie said, tilting her head and looking sad.
“But you didn’t. So tell me what upset you.”
Marie shook her head. “He got mad at me for coming to town to find him. It didn’t matter to him that we had plans. He did what he wanted to do without regard for anyone or the fact that we were here waiting for him with a hot dinner. I know what he did was a noble thing. But surely there would have been enough time for him to come here and maybe he and Adam could have done it together.”
“They are just now talking again and we don’t even know if it’s going well,” Alice reminded her. “I’m sure the thought of asking for Adam’s help didn’t even cross Jake’s mind. So you said he was angry with you? Why? Because you went looking for him?”
“Yes.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I guess it implies something he doesn’t want implied. He doesn’t want me to think I have the right to worry about him or ask him where he is or where he’s going. It’s not because I want control of him. It’s because I am a curious person and I like to know where people are. If something were to happen to him, I would never know.”
“You wouldn’t know anyway until someone who saw it happen came to get you. And if he ended up in the clinic, someone would come get you because everyone knows you live with him.” Alice looked at her closely. “You realize what a rare breed you are, my dear?”
“What do you mean?”
“No one I have ever known but you will take people into your home and nurture them back to health, get them on their feet and let them go. You’ve been doing that for a long time.”
“I have.”
“No one does that. Especially not a woman. This is the western side of the country, where the population is a lot less and mostly male. A single woman living alone simply doesn’t invite drifters into her home and take care of them. It just isn’t done.”
Marie giggled. “I don’t know any other way to be.”
“Well, you are one of a kind, my girl. You really are.”
“Thank you.”
“So what did he say that upset you?”
“He told me that he couldn’t tell me he was stopping with his mind. He said I don’t need to worry about him, that he can take care of himself. Those kinds of things. He made me feel ashamed. I felt like there was something wrong with me for being concerned and for caring about him at all.”
Alice shook her head. “He is a tough nut to crack, Marie. He may have issues you don’t know about. There is so much about his life that you don’t know. Even Adam doesn’t really know because hearing secondhand from people who already didn’t like him isn’t very trustworthy news, is it?”
Marie shook her head. “I hate being confused. I don’t know what he wants. I know he cares about me. I’m sure of it. He acts like it and we have fun and laugh and talk. But then sometimes, he pulls away from me and it’s like he doesn’t want me anywhere near him.”
“He isn’t used to being with someone, Marie. You are with him all the time. When he was out of work for his broken arm, you two were together nearly 24 hours a day. You stopped doing your volunteer work at church because you took care of him. Remember?”
Marie nodded. “Of course I do.”
“And now that he is out doing some work and is recovered and seems to be doing better, you’ve been going back, haven’t you?”
Marie nodded again. “Not as much as I would like to. But I find that my other work takes up a lot of my time, too.”
“That’s a good thing. It will help distract you from this complicated relationship you are in.”
“He says we are a couple, but that we aren’t actually a couple. What does that mean, Alice?”
Alice shook her head, her face looking bewildered. “He has me stumped on that one, my dear. I don’t understand him.”
“I don’t either.”
“You’re going to keep giving him a chance to change his mind, though, aren’t you?” Alice said, grinning softly.
Marie sighed. “Yeah, I suppose I will. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about this whole situation I’ve gotten myself into. I don’t want to regret taking him in, but it’s so hard to love someone that you know doesn’t feel the same way and have to live with them, too.”
“Is it difficult not to ask him to leave?”
Marie hesitated, not wanting to admit to the truth, “It is. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in my own home.”
Alice frowned. “He makes you uncomfortable? How does he do that?”
“It only happens every now and then, mind you. But sometimes we will end up in the same room, doing something and I get the distinct feeling he thinks I’m following him around the house.”
Alice let out a quick laugh that she tried to halt by slapping her hand over her mouth. “He thinks you’re following him around the house?”
“He’s never said it directly, but it’s the impression I get from the way he moves and the look on his face.”
“What do you do when that happens?”
“I finish up what I had planned to do and go on.” Marie laughed. “What else should I do?”
“I agree. What else does he do? Anything besides thinking you are stalking him?”
“I don’t know. It just makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be around me. I hate that feeling.”
“Of course you do,” Alice shook her head. “I wouldn’t like that either.”
“I never know whether to expect him in a good mood or a sullen one. Sometimes I can’t get a smile out of him to save my life.”
Alice continued shaking her head. “The man is strange.”
“To say the least.”
“I do tend to be drawn to his laid back nature, though,” Alice said. She looked sharply at Marie. “Not that I’m attracted to him, mind you. I have a husband that I love more than anything. I would not step on your toes with your man anyway, Marie.”
Marie enjoyed the words “your man”, even though Jake technically was not.
“I’m just saying, he seems so calm most of the time. Even when he’s arguing, he seems so calm.”
“That’s probably why he gets in fights at the saloons,” Marie mentioned. “He gets them riled up because he never shows any fear, but he’s not intimidating either.”
“It could be. I know Big Jim wouldn’t take kindly to someone trying to talk their way out of something they did. He wouldn’t have anything of it, I’m sure.”
“I don’t like to think about it. It makes me angry. I didn’t even know who it was until Sam said something about it earlier tonight. Now whenever I pass him on the street, I will feel uncomfortable.”
“Funny you should mention that. I was just talking to Big Jim earlier. I was out on a stroll after church before you were to arrive and he was working in a yard. We stopped and talked for a minute.”
“Did he bring up Jake?”
“He did. I’ve talked to him ma
ny times since it happened, but he’s never mentioned it before. This time he did. He said he was amazed by how different Jake had become. That he had a chance to make peace with him and he was glad of it. He wanted me to thank you the next time I saw you.”
Marie lifted her eyebrows. “Thank me? For what?”
Alice shrugged. “It seems everyone in town who got the gist of the kind of man Jake is attributes his changing to you.”
Marie didn’t know how to feel about that. She liked the praise, but wasn’t sure she deserved it. It was Jake who had put forth the effort to change. Marie looked at Alice. “I think it’s because he’s progressing and turning into the man he was supposed to be that I’m having such a hard time not loving him. I knew he had the potential to do great things. Now that he’s on his way, I want to love him so much more. Instead of him drawing closer to me, he’s pulling away because he likes the independence of doing what he wants. That’s nice to hear that people are giving me the credit for the change that’s happened. But it really isn’t me that’s doing it. It’s him.”
Alice shook her head, smiling at her friend. “And it’s just like you to say something like that. Do you want a cookie or a piece of cake? Or do you think we should go ahead and heat up the dinner I had cooked? I’m sure it will be just as good now. I didn’t really finish preparing it all. Would you like to help me?”
Marie looked around. “I just realized the children aren’t here. They aren’t already in bed, are they?”
“They are. I went ahead and gave them their dinner and Riley is helping me with the baby tonight so we can have some fun adult time. That’s what she called it.”
“So sweet. Your children are adorable.”
“You want to have children someday, don’t you, Marie?” They both stood up and Alice asked the question as they went out the door and moved into the kitchen.
Marie nodded. “I do. But I’m afraid I might be getting too old for it. I don’t want to live a barren life though. I want to marry and have a child. At least one.”
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