“If you could, how many children would you prefer to have?”
“At least two. Four at the most.”
“Four! My goodness. That’s a lot of mouths to feed and a lot of little souls to worry about all the time.”
“I would love to look after four little ones. And I’d teach the older ones to help as it went along so I don’t always have to do all the work.”
Both women laughed.
“That’s quite a goal, Marie,” Alice said, shaking her head. “That’s quite a goal.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
JAKE TELLS THE TRUTH
JAKE TELLS THE TRUTH
The men could smell the scent of their dinner cooking through the front window, which had been cracked open for ventilation.
“It looks like the ladies are okay,” Adam said, looking over at Jake. “Or should I say, it smells like they are okay.”
“I guess I shouldn’t be expecting Marie to come stomping out here, demanding to know who I think I am hurting her feelings the way I did?”
Adam laughed. “I don’t think so. Marie is a very respectable and respectful woman. She has never humiliated anyone in public as far as I know. She wouldn’t do that to you.”
“She has a temper, you know.”
Adam looked surprised. “Well, I guess she does. She’s an adult. We all know she’s not the angel she seems to be. Everyone is human.”
“Exactly.” Jake felt justified. “Not everything that happens is my fault.”
Adam shook his head. “No one said it was. It’s taking responsibility for yourself and doing so without climbing over the backs of the people trying to help you that means something.”
Jake was quiet for a moment, letting that roll over in his mind. He didn’t want to believe he was using Marie. He refused to believe he was doing that. He cared about her. He didn’t really want to think about the day that they would part. Sometimes he thought about leaving and going to another town, starting completely fresh, with a new frame of mind. Then he thought about leaving her and the urge to leave dissipated. He didn’t want to leave her.
“What happened at the saloon tonight, Jake, if you don’t mind my asking?”
The question brought Jake out of his thoughts and he was relieved to be thinking about something different. “At the saloon?” he asked.
Adam nodded. “That’s where Marie and I went to look for you. No offense, but that’s where we thought you’d be, so we went there.” Jake just nodded. Adam continued. “Sam told us you had an encounter with Big Jim. He’s the one who broke your arm.”
Again Jake nodded but did not offer up any more information.
“Sam said that when he came out from the back, he saw you talking with Big Jim at the door and then you left. One of the customers told Sam he’d confronted you and you just talked to him, instead of getting belligerent.”
Adam knew it was because Jake had only had one beer. If he’d been in there for much longer and drank many more, the situation might have been different. He didn’t say that to Jake. He figured the man already knew that anyway, so why mention it.
“Yeah, that’s what happened,” Jake clearly remembered the confrontation he’d had with Big Jim. He’d been tempted for a split second to react like he normally would. The same actions that got him repeatedly beaten and kicked out of the establishment.
“What did you say to him, Jake?” Adam sounded genuinely curious.
Jake glanced at him and then looked back out over the road in front of them, with the pasture beyond, the green from the grass and the various colors of flowers spread all through it. “I was just sitting there drinking my beer and he came up behind me. Said some nasty things. I turned around and was going to react, but… but then I had this… this vision in my mind.”
He paused. Adam wondered if he was going to continue. He looked at the strange look on Jake’s face and drew his eyebrows together. He didn’t say anything. When Jake wanted to tell what was on his mind, he would.
It took a few more minutes before Jake continued. Long enough for Adam to think he wasn’t going to.
“I saw Marie, standing on our porch, holding a baby. She was waving goodbye to me. It was… so real, Adam. It was like I was actually there. I felt so much love for her right then. I don’t know… how to feel about it now. That was our baby, Adam. Our baby. I could feel it.”
Adam was stunned to hear what his cousin was saying. He didn’t say anything, just looked at Jake, trying to hide his astonishment.
“And… and I just thought, I can’t keep doing stupid things if I want that. If I really want that. So I told Big Jim that I wasn’t gonna fight him, that he could punch me if he wanted to, but I’m not the man I was when I came in the saloon that first night. I’m doing better for myself and even though I didn’t feel like I should have to explain myself to him, it was the right thing to do.” He looked at Adam. “Do you think it was the right thing to do?”
Adam nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
“So Jim comes to the door with me because I told him I had a date with a beautiful woman…” Jake trailed off and then resumed. “And I stopped to help Mrs. Patterson and lost track of time and then here she comes, searching for me like I’m some kind of lost child…”
“That’s not what we were doing,” Adam said. “She was worried about you, yes, but not because you’re like a lost child. Because you are a man she cares about. She doesn’t want to get into your business or know where you are every minute of the day. She just wants to know you’re safe. Because she loves you. That’s how love is. It makes you protective of the other person. Sometimes overprotective.”
Jake didn’t say anything, but Adam could tell that he was listening.
“And I’m the one who had the idea to come looking for you. Marie only said she would come along because if it was just me, you might not want to talk to me. She didn’t want us to fight or for you to feel like I was going to confront you somehow.”
“I didn’t like seeing her out there. It scared me.”
“Why did it scare you?” Adam was surprised Jake was being so open with him. The man must have been bottling up his feelings with no one to talk to for months.
“Because I think I’m in love with her and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to give up my freedom and start something with a woman. I went down that road and I didn’t like how it ended. I don’t want to do that again.”
“So you push her away because if you pull her too close, you won’t be able to resist any more,” Adam said.
“Yeah, that’s it exactly.” Jake sounded confident. “Yes.”
Adam sighed. “That’s a problem you’ve got right there, my friend. That’s something only you can figure out.”
“I don’t want to fall in love with her, Adam. I’ve got options. I’ve got places I can go and things I can do. I can’t do that with a wife.”
“So she doesn’t like to travel?” Adam asked. He knew he was making a point and he hoped Jake would catch on without much prodding. Jake stared at him for a moment.
“I don’t know.”
“You’ve never asked?”
“No.”
“Then how do you know she doesn’t like to travel and wouldn’t want to go on adventures with you?”
Jake turned his eyes away from Adam. He wondered why he hadn’t thought about that before. He had the spirit of a wanderer. Perhaps she did, too.
He shook his head. “I can’t see that being the case. She’s been in Wickenburg all her life. She could have traveled when her husband died.”
“She has deep roots in Wickenburg,” Adam said, nodding. “But that doesn’t mean she’s never thought about leaving and just didn’t have a way or a destination. Maybe she didn’t want to go on her own. You never know unless you ask.”
“She wouldn’t want to leave her house behind.”
“She can find someone to live in the house while she’s gone. If not, I would be more than willing to keep up with it while sh
e’s gone. There are ways around every obstacle if you look for it.”
“Not all obstacles can be overcome.”
“Most can,” Adam insisted. “You just have to have the will to do it.”
“And the patience to see it through from beginning to end,” Alice’s voice came from the doorway. “Why don’t you boys come in and get some food? We are waiting in the kitchen. Everything is ready.”
“The children are in bed?” Adam asked, standing.
“You know they are,” Alice giggled. “You don’t have to ask that.”
“And you fed them, right?” Adam had a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his lips. “You didn’t make them starve, did you?”
Alice slapped him lightly on the arm. “Of course I didn’t, honey.”
Adam leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
Jake looked away but when he did, his eyes met Marie’s. She still looked stressed and sad.
He walked over to her and put his arms around her, holding her close in a tight hug. “We will talk later tonight, okay, Marie?”
She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his shoulder. He put a soft kiss on her shoulder and pulled away. “All right?” he prompted. She nodded.
“All right.”
He didn’t let go of her hands and was staring her in the eye. “It’s nothing bad. Don’t get worried. I’ve figured something out and I think we need to go over it when we’re alone.”
“Yes, okay.” Marie nodded, but her heart was beating a mile a minute. What did he want to tell her? Was he leaving Wickenburg now that he was better on his feet? He’d said it was nothing bad. However, very often, what’s not bad to one person is extremely bad for another.
She didn’t want to get her hopes up. She wanted to remember who she was, who she’d been before Jake came into her life and her home. She wanted to remember the confidence in herself that she’d always had before.
The four of them sat down and ate in near silence. It seemed each person was so deep in thought, they didn’t realize none of them was talking.
Eventually, Marie became aware of the silence at the table. She looked up at Alice and said, “This is the most delicious meal, Alice. What a good cook you are.”
Alice smiled. “Thank you, Marie!”
“Marie makes some fine dinners herself,” Jake spoke up off-handedly. “She has a big recipe book and everything. Sometimes she puts something extra in there to boost the flavor. She really knows what she’s doing!”
Jake smiled at her. She was shocked he had been so complimentary. She smiled back weakly.
“Well, you are, aren’t you?” Jake said, chuckling. “Don’t look so surprised. I already told you I like your cooking. You act like you’ve never heard me say that before.”
“Not in front of others,” Marie said quietly.
“Well, it’s not something to be ashamed of,” Adam spoke up. “I dabble a bit in culinary projects sometimes, but I don’t have the knack for taste like my wife does.”
“Culinary projects?” Jake sat back and laughed. “Are you dining with the royals sometime soon?” He continued laughing and Adam joined him.
“We are the king and queen of our own castle, Jake, and don’t you forget that.”
“I won’t forget it, your highness,” Jake said between laughter.
This caused the rest of them to laugh, too.
They enjoyed the rest of the meal. Every now and then Jake would catch Marie’s eye. Each time, he smiled and winked at her. The loving look on her face that he got in response touched his heart. He wanted to hug her again. He wanted to hold her close. He wanted to kiss her face and show her just how much he loved her.
However, there was still that nagging inside. That fear that he would go through a repeat of his previous marriage. Marie was nothing like that woman had been. She’d been a nagging harpy who was never satisfied with anything. When his gambling took away the house, she went with it. He was glad to be rid of her, but his love for her had taken a long time to fade. He still thought of her every now and then.
Marie was a completely different woman. She was kind, sweet, and beautiful. Was he worth someone like her though? How could he truly show her the love he had when he was so focused on everything else? He wouldn’t be able to give her the attention she deserved. And she deserved it all.
Marie watched Jake’s face changing through the night. She knew he was thinking a lot about their situation. She was anxious to hear what he had to say. She knew what she wanted to say and what she wanted to hear.
She wouldn’t get her hopes up. She refused to get her hopes up.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
ADAM AND ALICE DISCUSS THE SITUATION
ADAM AND ALICE DISCUSS THE SITUATION
After Marie and Jake left, Adam and Alice sat in the kitchen while Alice cleaned the plates.
“Do you need my help with that, Alice?” Adam asked. “You know I don’t mind helping.”
Alice shook her head, gathering the plates in one hand and the utensils in the other. “I have been doing this for a long time now.” She laughed.
“I know. And now you must start making it a chore for the children at night.”
“Max already helps me.”
“How have I not noticed that?”
“Because you are always doing something after dinner.” Alice gave him a wide smile. “That’s what you do, Adam. You have a routine and you stick to it no matter what.”
“Surely I’m not that predictable.”
Alice shook her head. “Nothing you do bothers me, my dear. You just keep being you and I’ll be happy.”
Adam stood and came over to where she was in front of the wash basin. Her sleeves were rolled up and she was about to wash the dishes. He turned her to him, holding her by her shoulders. He looked into her eyes. “I want you to know that you are an amazing woman and I love you with all my heart. I don’t ever want to be without you. Do you know that?”
Alice nodded. “I’ve known that for years, my love.”
He pulled her into a hug and they finished it with a long, deep kiss. When he pulled away, he stepped back a few steps, but didn’t go back to his seat at the table. He leaned back against the icebox and said, “What do you think of the situation with our dear friends?”
“Your cousin and Marie?”
Adam laughed. “What other friends would I be talking about at this point?”
“I don’t know. She loves him. I think she’s fallen in love with him and is just denying it or holding back because she thinks he doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Right now he doesn’t,” Adam said.
Alice looked at him with sorrow. “That’s what I suspected, too. Do you think he will find another woman and leave Marie behind? That would devastate her.”
“I don’t know what he’s doing. He said something tonight about keeping his options open. If he’s keeping his options open, it can mean a lot of different things. So, I just don’t know. He’s not who he used to be, that’s for sure. He’s getting his life together. He’s drinking less, working more. His mind is straighter than it’s been for a long time. You know he was a drifter for years. That whole time he didn’t spend a day without drinking. Sometimes he’d find himself in a ditch on the side of the road where someone was kind enough to at least help him out of the saloon, but not helpful enough to give him a ride to wherever he was staying.”
Alice listened without speaking. When she did speak, her hands were elbow deep in water and her voice was soft. “It’s hard for me not to think that any situation Jake was in was something he created for himself. Yes, he’s making better choices now. But if he leaves Marie, that could fall apart.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You told me he had a good reputation with his family until he lost his house and his gambling was exposed. Then his wife left because he had no house and no money. He loved her. It destroyed his life. But it all boils down to the fact that he ma
de a lot of bad choices and it got him where he was. He tore his life apart on his own. He could have made better decisions.”
“Frankly, I’m surprised to hear you saying those things, Alice,” Adam said, bewildered. “You have such a kind heart. All this time, you’ve been trying to get me to see a different side to him and be his cousin again. We needed to do that. But now you are talking about how he deserves everything he’s gotten?”
“I’m not saying that.” Alice turned to lean her hip against the large basin and look at Adam closely. “I am not insulting him. I am simply mentioning the fact that if he had not made such bad decisions and had been more productive, he could already have had his own house. He could have built himself a house by now.”
Adam shook his head. “I don’t understand you sometimes. You want someone to be all right, but you write them off if they don’t meet up with your expectations.”
Adam’s low-blow insult made Alice fall silent. She knew that her expectations were low for some and high for others. However, she never judged a person based on that. Everyone had character flaws. Some people just knew how to mask them better.
She felt Adam come around behind her and his arms wrapped around her, making her feel warm and safe. She lifted one hand and pressed it on his forearm, soaking his shirt. She giggled. “I’m sorry.” She leaned her head back against his chest and he lowered his head so that he could speak directly into her ear. “I love you, Alice. I shouldn’t have said something like that. You know I didn’t mean it. You don’t write people off. You encourage and encourage. That’s what makes you so much like Marie. You’re both so ready to help people even when they don’t want it or can do nothing in return.”
Alice didn’t say anything. She closed her eyes and listened for the sound of his pulse. She loved it when he whispered in her ear. It gave her chills.
She laced her fingers through his where they lay on her nearly flat stomach.
“I love you dearly,” Adam whispered, causing chills to erupt all over Alice’s body.
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