Ascending Shadow

by Church K Calvert

  “Oh, wow.”

  “Do you like it?” he asked with praying hands, waiting for approval.

  “I love it,” I said, genuinely impressed.

  “Excellent. Let’s get started. “

  Chad helped with everything and taught me all the information one could possibly desire to know as he used each tool and applied each product. He poked, prodded, filed, and shined my nails, then applied a gray polish to them. We soaked our feet in warm water in the tub and used some sort of sandy scrub on them. They turned soft and smooth. It was like magic. We moisturized our legs and put masks on our faces. While waiting for them to dry, we chatted with each other a bit.

  “This shit is so amazing,” I said, “I feel so rejuvenated.”

  “Right?” Chad said, with his eyes closed, “It’s paradise.”

  Knock, Knock, Knock.

  “Are you almost done in there? I need to shower,” came Caleb’s voice from the other side.

  “Go away!” Chad said, not opening his eyes.

  “Chad, you’ve been in there for an hour.”

  “Use the other bathroom!” Chad called.

  “My stuff’s in this bathroom,” he said.

  “Well, come in and get it,” Chad said with a smile, opening one eye to peek at me.

  Caleb was silent.

  “Gaw, Caleb, give me five more minutes. You literally never shower. I’m teaching Dani something important and you’re interrupting. ”

  “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know. I’ll come back later,” he said, as I heard his footsteps walking away.

  “He’s so fucking cute,” Chad said, his eyes closed again.

  “Caleb?”

  “Oh my God. Yes, girl, and he’s so nice, I can’t help but be an asshole to him,” he said.

  “He is really nice,” I said.

  “You’re up with Rebecca next. Be careful, girl. She’ll wanna eat you alive.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She’s bi and you’re just her type. She’s like a mini version of Caro. Caro actually used to be her mentor, ya know, same gifts.”

  “Oh, I see.”

  I was slightly guarded and intrigued when I sat down with Rebecca to train. It was just us two in her room, on her bed, with a deck of cards. It was a twin-sized bed like the rest and we sat facing each other.

  “Okay. We’re going to play a game. You are going to draw a card and I am going to ask you questions about the card. You can either tell the truth or lie, and I have to determine which it is.”

  “Okay,” I said, picking up a four of diamonds.

  “Is the card in your hand a red card?” she asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Is the card in your hand a jack?”

  “No.”

  “Is it a number?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is it the number six?”

  “No.”

  “Nine?”

  “No.”

  “Four?”

  “Yes.”

  “Four of Hearts?”

  “Yes.”

  “Dani, this training doesn’t work unless you lie,” She said with a seductive smile, looking into my eyes.

  “I did lie.”

  “What? No way!” she exclaimed.

  “Yeah, it’s not the four of hearts, it’s the four of diamonds,” I said, holding the card in front of me but not showing it to her.

  “I don’t believe you,” she said, sitting up and leaning towards me to look at the card. I felt her hair run across my wrist as she glanced at it. She turned her face toward me, so we were inches apart. “Would you look at that, it is the four of diamonds.”

  “Yeah,” I said with a grin.

  “I think you should kiss me,” she said, as she leaned towards my ear.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I said, leaning back.

  “You’re lying,” she whispered.

  She placed her hand to the right side of my face and pulled me to her. She kissed me once softly and looked up at me.

  “Not so bad,” she said.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t,” I said, grabbing her hand and pulling it down from my face.

  “No?” she said, putting her lips millimeters from mine, “Then tell me to stop.”

  Her lips grazed mine and mine reached for hers. She crawled on top of me and continued kissing me. My hands pulled her hips towards me, wanting more. She pulled her shirt off over her head, revealing a black lace bra. She had clearly planned this. I leaned her back on the bed and crawled on top of her, kissing the side of her neck, collar bone, and chest. She ran her hands through my hair.

  “Do you want to have sex with me?” she asked, between breaths.

  “Yeah,” I said, thinking the answer was understood.

  I continued kissing her neck and I felt her hands move to the front of me and press against my shoulders. My right hand gripped the side of her waist and she turned her head away from me.

  “Slow down,” she said, almost inaudibly. I slowed what I was doing and loosened my grip on her. I pulled her face up towards mine to kiss me, she started to kiss me back momentarily, then immediately became absent. She pushed me back and I halted.

  “Stop, just stop,” she said. I sat back on the bed away from her.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, surveying her composure and noticing she was shaking dramatically.

  “No,” she said and let out a mild laugh of embarrassment.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, reaching for her hand.

  “Please don’t touch me,” she said, pulling her hand away and waving it in front of me. “I’m so sorry.”

  She began to get up and fix her appearance.

  “Wait, did I do something wrong? I’m sorry—” I began.

  “No,” she said, continuing to prepare to leave.

  “Please just tell me what I did wrong,” I said, lightly reaching for her once more. She aggressively avoided my hand.

  “Your touch, Danielle. When you touch me. It doesn’t feel good. It feels .sick,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I know it’s probably part of your gift, but I can’t stand it. When you touch me, I feel unsafe. I feel like you’re going to hurt me or like there’s something inside of you that wants to hurt me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, unable to imagine what that must feel like. I felt my cheeks light up red in embarrassment and I cast my face down to hide my shame.

  “It’s fine. Don’t even worry about it. We just won’t say anything to anyone,” she said, as she hastened to gather her things.

  “Okay. . .” I replied, as she rushed out the door without another word. I sat wondering what had just occurred and why she was leaving her own room. She could’ve just asked me to leave. Was she that repulsed by me?

  Unsure of what to do with the remainder of the hour we had scheduled, I slipped into my room for a nap. It was midafternoon by now. We would eat, and then I’d meet with Jude, and finish my evening with Caleb and Law. I expected the extreme awkwardness that would occur working with Jude. I was not thrilled at the prospect, but since I’ve been at the house with these people, I had been known to misjudge.

  My natural reaction was to despise Jude. The thought of learning from a parasite was near repulsive. I tried to stifle that disgust, though I knew my indignation would show through around him. I was attempting not to judge him. I know I, myself, did not choose to be the way I was; I’m sure he didn’t either. I just couldn’t help but look for Christian in him. He had mentioned smuggling things for people and all I could imagine was sex trafficking like they did to Caro. I wondered if he was a pedophile like Christian, if he preyed on children that he smuggled. Did he even smuggle children? I asked myself this, attempting not to allow my mind to get away from me.

  After my nap, we met downstairs for a meatloaf dinner. Throughout dinner, I participated in casual conversation about the day with the majority of the table and dodged
awkward glances from Rebecca. Following dinner, I did my part in cleanup. I intentionally drug my feet while washing the dishes. The clock was going on seven and I was scheduled to meet with Caleb and Law at eight. If I could just eat into my time with Jude a little, perhaps it would diminish some of the awkward time I would spend with him.

  “Hey,” Caleb said, popping his head into the kitchen.

  “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

  “Aren’t you scheduled to meet with Jude now?”

  “Yeah, I just wanted to finish up in here first,” I said, cleaning that last pot for the third time.

  “Well, I wouldn’t want you to be late. I can finish up for you,” Caleb helpfully, but he did so with a clear expression that he knew the reason for my delay.

  “Ah, yes, of course,” I said, placing the last pot in the dish rack, “No need. I’m all done in here.”

  I walked past Caleb and went to my room to throw on some ‘comfortable workout clothes and tennis shoes’ as Jude had suggested in our morning itinerary rundown. Once I finished, I headed downstairs to find Jude.

  “Jude’s out front. When you get back, come grab me. I’ll be in the garage training,” Caleb said.

  “All right. See you soon,” I said, heading out the front door.

  I stepped out onto the porch. The sun had almost finished setting and the streetlight in front of the house had illuminated. In the street, I saw Jude, stretching his arms and legs as if he was about to go for a run. I strolled down to the street.

  “Hey,” he said with an upward head nod as I walked up. He wore basketball shorts, a sleeveless shirt, and worn-out tennis shoes. With his arms exposed, I was able to see he had almost every square inch of his skin covered in tattoos.

  “Hey,” I replied, continuing to survey him.

  “You might want to stretch. The training we’re going to do can be intense,” he said, avoiding eye contact with me.

  I followed his lead and did a couple of stretches, then waited for him to finish.

  “All right,” he said, “I think we’re ready. What is your trigger word again?”

  “Excuse me?” I asked, bewildered that he would be so brave as to provoke it.

  “What word makes your shadow appear?” he asked calmly, “Since you can’t bring it out naturally, we’re going to force it out, then work on bringing it back in.”

  “No, we’re not,” I shook my head.

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “Because you may not be my favorite person, but I don’t want it to hurt you,” I said, stepping back and crossing my arms.

  “I’m not afraid,” he replied.

  “Well, you should be,” I said, taking another step back.

  “I’m not, because I have this,” he said as a hazy red figure stepped out from his body. I jumped back.

  “What the fuck is that?” I asked.

  “Oh, you can see it? I thought you might be able to. That’s my alter,” he said.

  “What does that mean?” I said, continuing to move back as his alter surveyed me with anger in its eyes. “I didn’t know parasites had shadows.”

  “Not all parasites are the same. Some are internal, some are expressed. I am the most extreme form of expressed, meaning I have a full-bodied distinction of my gift.”

  “More like flaw,” I muttered under my breath.

  “You judge me,” he said, shaking his head with a smile, “but it exists in me the same way it exists in you.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m trying not to judge you, but it is very difficult for me. a parasite hurt someone I care about very much, in an unforgivable way.”

  “Nothing is unforgiveable,” he replied.

  “Well, this was,” I replied defensively.

  “I understand your current perspective. You know how dangerous a parasite can be and you know how dangerous what’s inside of you can be. I know how to discipline it, I know how to wear it out, and I know how to control it. Is it always easy? No, of course not. It takes routine, it takes concentration, and commitment. Now, I know that those things do not happen overnight, so I’m going to teach you one of the simplest techniques I used and continue to use to help gain control over it.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Simply exhausting it,” he said. “You bring it out of you and you physically exhaust it. Physical and emotional exhaustion can go hand in hand. When you’re emotionally drained, your body becomes physically drained. This is the same thing, except in reverse.”

  “You think it will work?” I asked.

  “I know it will,” he said, looking me in the eye for the first time.

  “Why aren’t you afraid?”

  “The parasitic nature of my alter- or your shadow- was created as a defense mechanism. When we’re hurt, scared, sad, or- of course- angry, it acts as our protector. It was made to handle the stuff that we couldn’t handle. Though it doesn’t always choose the most healthy of methods, it was created out of some necessity of that time. I know that since I am a parasite you cannot hurt me, and now you can understand why, if you are willing to try.”

  I watched his shadow pace around him like a guard dog as it kept its eyes locked on me, “What if I hurt someone?”

  “That’s not going to happen,” he replied.

  I shook my head, worried, “You’re going to have to say it. I’m too fuckin’ nervous.”

  I pulled out a post-it that had the word scribbled on it and handed it to Jude. He glanced down at it, nodded, folded it up and handed it back to me.

  “All right. Take a couple steps back and be sure you’re ready to run,” he said.

  “Run?” I asked.

  “Christian.”

  “Wai—” I tried to stall, but it was too late.

  An explosion of energy erupted from me and red drenched everything immediately. It knocked Jude off of his feet, but his alter remained posed in front of him, arms stretched out. Like a ravenous dog, thirsty for blood, I lunged at Jude.

  His alter grabbed me, just as I was about to reach him, and threw me backward. I attempted to attack again and it shoved me harder, causing me to lose my footing and further enrage my shadow as my elbow crashed into the asphalt on the street.

  I recovered immediately and engaged his shadow. It attempted to wrestle me to the ground. Every time our beings collided, red illuminations materialized as bright red smoke. I elbowed his alter in the face. It gripped my shoulders from behind, immobilizing my arms. I grinned, remembering Caleb’s move last time I did that very thing to him. I slung Jude’s alter over my back, slamming it’s spine into the street. As it struggled to get up momentarily, I pounced at Jude. He attempted to crawl away, and I grabbed him by the back collar of his shirt and pulled him toward me. I wrapped my arm around his throat and put him in a chokehold.

  Just as I felt life draining from him, I was grabbed from behind and cast aside once more by Jude’s alter. As I began to get up, Jude’s alter stood between me and Jude, his hand outstretched. His hand whipped in the air in my direction, then toward Jude. A blue, illuminated smoke was pulled from my body and cast into Jude. This action caused pain to shoot through my body, like being hit with a taser. However, it seemed to cause Jude to immediately recover from my attacks. He got to his feet quickly, as I struggled to get to mine.

  I heard screaming off in the distance, which momentarily distracted me. The screams beckoned my shadow, but Jude recovered my attention. He grabbed my shirt sleeve.

  “Stay with me!” he screamed, through the blur of action, “Come on!”

  He and his alter took off running down the street. The vengeful desire to catch Jude overtook me and I got up and ran down the street after him. He glanced back at me with a thrill in his eyes, “That’s what I’m talking about.”

  I chased him down the street toward an area that seemed to be a school or educational institution of some kind. His alter kept close to him and a close eye on me. As he was approaching the grounds, a
ten-foot, chain link, metal fence stood separating the outside from the property. I felt myself gaining on him, and the excitement inside of me grew at the thought. However, as he reached the fence, he immediately began scaling it with little effort and was at the top of it in seconds. He looked down at me, as I scanned the fence, determining possible alternate routes.

  “Come on!” he shouted and dropped down to the other side. He stared at me through the fence, “You going to catch me or not?” His alter reached its arm through the fence, planting it straight into the middle of my chest; red light exploded on contact and knocked me off my feet. He was provoking me intentionally. With newfound strength, I pounced to my feet and clawed my way up the fence. As I was reaching the top, Jude looked back with a smile and took off running.

  I was no match for Jude’s agility. He scaled walls and maneuvered through any terrain with ease. Like some sort of urban ninja, he made everything look like his playground. I struggled to keep up with him every minute our chase continued. Every time I thought I was getting close to him, he’d slip away- then I chased him into a loading area that was much like an alley, one way in and no way out. I picked up my pace as my feet pounded against the pavement, my knees absorbed every step of exhaustion.

  Jude stopped and looked up at the end of the alley. I did not slow to give him a chance to get away. He took a step back, and then ran towards the wall. His left foot hit one inside corner of the wall and his right foot the opposite end as he developed momentum to scale the wall. He lunged upward and grabbed the top of the wall with his hands. He barely made the lunge but pulled himself up on top of it and turned, dangling his legs over the roof side, looking down at me.

  “Enough!” I yelled up at him in frustration and complete exhaustion.

  “Yeah,” he said, pointing next to me.

  I looked to my right to see my shadow standing next to me, looking up at Jude. The red hue drained from the world and I saw it clearly. It looked weakened and unusually calm, still, it had a look of frustration from not catching its prey.

  “What do you want it to do? Command it,” Jude said, placing his elbows on his knees and folding his hands as he observed us. I wanted to touch it and I wanted it to go away. I reached my hand out.