Ascending Shadow

by Church K Calvert

  “You just have to let that go,” he said, pleadingly, “Let me help you. You don’t have to end like this. All you have to do is forgive me. Don’t do it for me, do it to save yourself, Danielle.”

  I looked up at Christian, hopelessly.

  “Arghhhh,” I cried out, as I felt my ribs crack. The final orb had begun to separate from me as the skin ripped under its weight. I felt it slipping off. Just as the skin peeled back and detached from my body, I reached down into the water and barely grasped the end of the chain.

  “Just let it go,” Christian said with his hand still extended. I looked at the orb.

  “It’s not mine to forgive.” With my remaining strength, I tossed the orb over my head into the well opening.

  I pushed my hands and feet against the sides of the well, abandoning the rope, pushing myself up, and lunged for the top ledge of the well. I gripped the edge and pulled my chin up over the top, then I inched my foot along the wall until I could sling it over the side and transfer my weight, slinging myself out of the well and onto the dirt below.

  I laid there on my back, panting, still trying to catch my breath. I noticed a dark cloud forming above me, with the sun barely peeking out in a single ray of light. A figure appeared above my face, blocking out the light.

  “Oh, you’ve done it now. Why do you continue to torture yourself, Danielle? Do you really think it is worth all this trouble? That the world needs you so much?” Franklin asked.

  I rose to my feet. The well had transported me into a graveyard. Several headstones stood scattered throughout the grounds in a nonsensical fashion. Many of them appeared extremely old and several were broken. The single ray of light had expired behind the clouds, creating an ominous atmosphere. Everything was still and exceedingly quiet. The large, dark, dead trees did not sway in the wind and the grass that covered the grounds was black, like it had once been set ablaze.

  “Why is everything here so dark?” I asked.

  “You have one of the darkest minds in existence, what did you expect?”

  I felt a slight tremble beneath my feet.

  “What is that?”

  “That is all those things you’ve kept hidden. All those things that make you feel guilt and shame. Everything that you’ve repressed and tried to forget. Well, those things can only be hidden so long. Surely you can’t pretend like they never happened, can you?”

  I stepped away from Franklin and began pacing around the grounds, trying to find an exit.

  “Hey, over here,” came a voice to my left, near a massive black tree. I glanced over and stumbled back in horror.

  “It’s not so bad,” said the voice of Abel, as his hand clutched the key to the wooden door, now attached to a giant black tree.

  “Abel?” I said.

  “That’s right. You remember what you did to me, Danielle? Do you?” he asked.

  “Of course I do,” I said, stepping backward.

  “Do you? Do you remember what you did?” he screamed at me, his eyes turning black as black liquid began to stream down his face.

  I stumbled back in horror and ran in the opposite direction. I glanced back repeatedly but didn’t see Abel behind me. I slowed my pace as I came upon a small concrete bench, and saw a figure sitting on it, weeping. I walked in front of the figure and it looked up at me. It was my mother.

  “How could you do this to me?” she said, weeping. “Look, this is all your fault!” she held out her wrists as black, tarlike liquid poured onto the cemetery floor, splashing as it fell.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I said, confused and mortified, turning my back to her.

  Every step I took, I turned my head rapidly, hoping I would not encounter anything else. I stepped back and fell over an object of some sort. As I did, I heard the familiar growl from my previous delusions. It was that beast. I had knocked off the blanket and it stood, looking at me, growling. It had the hungriest look in its eyes. I crawled away from it, moving backward on the ground, thinking it could probably break out of that cage and devour me.

  “I was just a schizophrenic patient with my own life struggles and you beat me until I was braindead,” said William, stepping out from behind a gravestone. His body was mangled just like it had been after the last encounter I had with him.

  “You killed the father of my son,” said Trish, materializing in the air.

  “You killed my brother,” said Cain.

  “You deformed my son the day he was born. He will have to live like this the rest of his life,” said my father’s sister, holding a mangled baby in her arms.

  “I was trying to stop Franklin’s reign by running for mayor and you killed me for no reason,” said the man from the campaign party.

  “You tortured the father of my son in front of him,” said Cindy.

  “You let Christian molest me for years and then you just left me alone,” said Nathan.

  I rapidly turned my head back and forth, surrounded by these dark representations of my thoughts.

  “Shut up, shut up,” I said, closing my eyes. I tried to block it out, until I heard horrifying shrieks. My eyes shot open. The figures that had stood before me moments ago had begun to transform. There were dark figures ripping out from inside their bodies, like demons escaping. They were thin, black, lanky creatures that walked on all fours with round heads, razor sharp teeth, tongues like serpents, and no eyes. They resembled smaller versions of the caged demon, hissing and growling at me as they closed in around me.

  I rose to my feet, paralyzed and shaking in fear. They nipped at my ankles and I kicked toward them to keep them at bay, still looking around for an exit. I took a step back and one lunged at my ankle and clamped down.

  Its serrated teeth dug like razor blades into my flesh. Another pounced at my arm, digging into my forearm. The teeth ripped through the skin with ease, creating a gill like wound in skin on my arm.

  “If you head for the door, they’ll let you go,” said Franklin, standing behind them as they prepared to make a meal of me. “They’re sadistic demons, Danielle. If you resist, they’ll tear you to shreds.”

  As he said this, two more pounced on me, one gripping my side and digging its teeth into my shoulder, the other biting into my waist.

  I fell to the ground in front of the cage as the demons ripped apart my skin. The beast stood there watching me be devoured. It had a terrifying rage in its eyes that was difficult to look at. In that moment, I realized what it was. It was my shadow, as Anarah had told me, I had it caged up in my subconscious.

  “I need you!” I screamed at the creature. I lifted my hand and undid the latch. The door swung open slowly.

  The other demons halted in their acts as it crawled out of the cage like a majestic, demonic cat. It glanced down at me with sick displeasure, and I heard a groan growing from within it. One of the creatures in the background lunged at me.

  My shadow caught it in its talon-like claws midair, then gripped it around its waist and tore its body in half. Black blood splattered across the grass.

  At this signal, all of them bounded toward me or my demonic shadow at once. I covered my head with my arms, as I lay on the ground. I could hear it. I could hear it ripping each of them apart, tearing them to shreds, dismantling their limbs.

  It was so powerful, so protective, and it had been caged up this entire time. The sound surrounded me like a pack of dogs fighting to the death, growling, hissing, barks, yelps, and the sound of ripping flesh.

  I opened my eyes to see it finishing off the final demon. Streaks of scratches and bite marks adorned its skin. It panted in exhaustion, looking around to see if there were any challengers left. Once it seemed to realize its job was done, it looked at me and let out a small yelp as it sauntered off among the trees.

  “Wait!” I called to it, but as always my shadow was never much for listening. I got up and examined my limbs. They were back to normal.

  “Wait,” I called again and ran toward
the trees to try to track my shadow down. As I went further into the trees, it became increasingly darker. I felt around, trying to see through the darkness. I pushed myself through more trees and came upon a clearing.

  The place was familiar to me. The grounds were drenched with the waters of recent rains and puddles formed in crevices of mud. To my left, I noticed a set of swings and a ladder that led up to a long, wavy slide. To my right, a hand propelled merry-go-round. Franklin sat at the edge of the ride, his feet on the ground.

  “Come, join me,” he said, patting the spot next to him.

  I reluctantly approached, sat down, and laid my back against the metal as water seeped into my shirt.

  “This is unlike any dream I’ve ever had,” I said, shutting my eyes.

  “Oh, this is no dream,” he replied.

  “It’s a Mortal Night. I get hurt and still the wounds heal,” I said. “It must be a dream.”

  “You’re under the impression that you’re faring well in this battle,” he said.

  “Well, I’ve made it this far. I don’t know what could be worse than what I’ve already endured.”

  “Should you live, Danielle, you will carry the wounds you receive today for the rest of your life,” he said, looking back at me.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked.

  “I’m not doing anything. I’m merely a representation of Franklin, but I could be anyone,” he said.

  “I wish you were Caleb,” I said.

  “You say that, but if I were Caleb, and you did survive, you wouldn’t be able to tolerate his presence if he was the one who inflicted the things I have and will continue to inflict on you.”

  “I’m going to make it out,” I said.

  “Take a look,” Franklin said. I sat up. He pointed towards a puddle next to the slide, “You’re barely hanging on as it is.”

  As I looked into the puddle, I saw a vision of myself. I was back at the hospital where Franklin held me captive. I surveyed myself, still chained to the chair. My body had drained of all color and invisible seams in my skin seemed to have begun to tear. Blood was coming out of my ears, eyes, nose, and mouth. I watched my body convulse in pain. I watched Caro reach for me.

  ‘That’s enough! We need to stop this!’ she shouted at Franklin. Franklin backhanded her and she collapsed to the ground.

  ‘There is no way to stop it!’ Franklin said.

  ‘Someone’s coming,’ said Franklin’s security guard.

  “They found me. Law, and the others. They’ll get me out of this,” I said, looking at the water as the vision faded out.

  “There is no way to be ‘saved’ from this, Danielle,” Franklin said. “There’s only one way in and one of two ways out. Either endure the remainder of what your mind has in store for you- or you walk through that door.”

  Franklin pointed at the wooden door which had appeared once more. It stood alone in the middle of the park, suspended in air.

  “I can’t do that,” I said.

  “By the end, you will have wished you did,” he said. He stood from the merry-go-round and placed one of his hands on the bar. “Are you ready for the next step?”

  “What’s next?”

  “You’re going to find out who you really are,” he said, and gave the bar a push, causing the merry-go-round to spin. It spun continuously for several moments. When it came to a sudden halt, my body slid sideways, banging into one of the bars.

  “What are you doing here?” came a voice I immediately recognized and I shot into an upright position.

  I got up from the ride and found myself in an apartment. It was a basic one bedroom, nothing special, with a sufficient amount of furniture. There were clothes strewn about but it was rather well-kept.

  “I need something,” came another voice. The voice of my mother. I glanced across the room to see her walking through the front door of the apartment. She was undoubtedly my mother but she wore the skin of a much younger woman. She couldn’t have been any more than twenty years old.

  “Bridget, you’re drunk. Did you drive over here?” came Christian’s voice as he appeared on scene. He too looked much younger and had his unwavering good looks.

  “No,” my mother said, waving him off, “I walked.”

  “Is everything okay? It’s really late, I have work tomorrow,” Christian said, looking impatient with her.

  “He cheated on me! That mother fucker,” she said, and began to cry, walking toward Christian for comfort.

  “Alex? Alex cheated on you?” he asked, allowing her to hug him.

  “Yes, Christian, Alex cheated on me!” she said and began crying more, as Christian held her in his arms.

  “I’m so sorry, Bridget. Do you want to stay here tonight?” he asked.

  “You want me to stay the night?” she asked with a drunken gaze, “In your bed?”

  “You can sleep in my bed and I can sleep on the couch if you want,” he said, as he grabbed her by her arms, beginning to push her back slightly. “Let me just grab some blankets.”

  “No,” she said, pulling him back to her, “I want you to sleep with me.”

  “Okay. . .” Christian replied, still trying to back away from her.

  “What? What the fuck is wrong?” she asked, waving her arms in the air. “You don’t want me? What, because I’ve been cast aside by Alex, or what, am I too old now?”

  “Bridget,” Christian replied, clearly flabbergasted by her words, “No.”

  “Then give me what I want,” she said and advanced towards him, kissing his neck as he attempted to pull away from her.

  “This isn’t right, we can’t do this,” He said, attempting to take a step back.

  “Shut up, Christian,” she said, shaking her head through tears, “You think I give a fuck what you want, what you think is right or wrong? You stole my childhood! You stole my fuckin’ childhood, Christian! You don’t like my unwarranted advances? Well, guess what? I don’t give a damn. You owe me this, you fucking owe me, and if I have to threaten to report you to the police, I will. I’m going to get what I want from you tonight and you’re going to see what it fucking feels like to be the victim. Now take off your clothes.”

  Christian stood there, motionless and in shock for several moments.

  “Now!” my mother screamed at him. He continued staring at her as he removed his shirt. She walked up to him and pushed him back against the couch, straddling him.

  I turned my back, sickened by the sight, “That’s not real, that never happened.”

  “But it did,” said Franklin’s voice, “and look at the result.”

  He pointed behind me and I turned my back to see my mother once more. She was no longer in Christian’s apartment. She was in the bathroom of another apartment, staring at the mirror with something in her left hand. She stood there looking at herself, so much rage in her heart as she stared at the mirror.

  “Fuck! You fucking idiot!” she screamed at her reflection. She pounded her fist against the mirror in self-hatred, causing her knuckles to split and the glass to crack in various places. Blood splatters sprinkled across the glass and she collapsed on the ground, dropping what was in her hand to her side. A white stick with two lines.

  The scene dissolved before my eyes as my mind refused to process the meaning behind these dehumanizing scenes. They re-evolved into the front porch of our old house. My mother stood there banging on the door, furiously.

  A woman opened the door, peeking out cautiously.

  “Bridget? What are you doing here? Is everything—” she began.

  “I need to see Alex,” she said, wiping her face and attempting to convey a calm composure.

  “Alex just got off work, he’s sleep—”

  “Wake him up! I need to see him now,” my mother demanded.

  “Fine,” she said in an offended manner and shut the door on my mother, not inviting her in.

  Several moments later a much younger
looking version of my father appeared in the doorway, he had an unexpected smile on his face.

  “Bridget, I’m so glad you came. I thought I would never see you again,” my father said, reaching for her. Her arms uncrossed from around her waist and she shoved his hands away from her.

  “Don’t touch me,” she said, “I’m disgusted with you, Alex.”

  “I told you, Bridget. I am so sorry. I was so drunk and it was a terrible mistake. I regret everything. I never wanted to lose you,” he said pleadingly.

  “Well, we can’t break up now,” she said, pulling the pregnancy test from her pocket and shoving it into his chest as she turned and walked away, “Guess you got what you wanted!”

  My father stood there on the porch with the test in his hand. He wrapped his fingers around it, held it close to his chest, and collapsed on the first step of the porch.

  “I don’t believe whatever it is you are trying to imply with these images,” I said, feeling my insides attempting to escape me. My feet wavered, as I tried to immediately delete what had just entered my consciousness.

  “You know it’s true,” Franklin said, appearing next to me, “I know you can feel him inside of you. Didn’t you ever wonder why the parasite is so dominant in you? Dual Souls aren’t made from the trauma of one parent, it requires both. Didn’t you ever wonder, if he was so willing to prey on your mother, why he never preyed on you, or his own son? You may have forgiven yourself, but there’s a part of him in you that you can never forgive. He is your father.”

  “You’re a fuckin’ liar,” I said angrily and began to pace the now empty space.

  “Looking for a way out?” he asked, watching me.

  “As a matter of fact, I am. I’m done with this place,” I said.

  “Well, the door’s been there all along,” he said.

  “I don’t want that door!” I screamed. “I want to get back to my life, my friends, everything. I want to forget about all this bullshit.”

  “Consider this for a second, Danielle. You want more than anything to destroy Christian, right? He’s the one person you cannot bring yourself to forgive.”

  “Yeah, I hate him. What’s your point?” I asked.