Bittersweet Hate (Bittersweet #3)

by J. L. Beck

  “Yup, everyday sweetheart” I say smirking at her. We make our way to the tables in silence. Just as I’m pulling my books out of my backpack my phone starts vibrating. Pulling it out I smile knowing that it’s probably Corey. Honestly who knew he could be boyfriend material.

  “You look pretty today.” Is all the text says, and it’s from the same number that texted me before, when I was at the bowling alley. I look from my phone, sweeping my gaze across the room. I return a text back to the number asking ‘who is this?’ Hoping just maybe they’ll actually tell me the truth. I look from my phone and back to Kennedy, who’s looking at me like I’m on crack or something.

  “What?” I ask disgusted trying to hide my terror. This is getting beyond fucked up. If Brody can get to me on campus, then no place is safe for me.

  “Are you okay? You look, I don’t know, frantic. Kind of like a crazy cat lady whose lost her twelfth cat.” I’m glad she can make light of a joke in this situation but I can’t. My phone vibrates again and I’m almost afraid to look at it, almost.

  “You know who I am,” Is all it says. I feel sweat building up on my hands, as I rub them on my jeans.

  “Where are you?” I text back, if he’s going to come after me again then he’s going to have to do it in the eye of everyone here.

  “Would you please shut that thing off, and help me with this project. You know half the dang grade is yours too. I might look dumb but I am not.” Kennedy’s voice echoes in my mind but all I can do is look around the room hoping to spot him.

  While trying to block out the fact that Kennedy is ready to explode because I’m ignoring her, I see him. Just his hair, but still he’s here watching me. In a way I’m not scared, I’m excited, I want to punch him in the face. Then shove his dick down his throat. I grab for my phone, it almost slips out of my hand. I’m shaking, and it makes it impossible to text fast enough.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you? If this is Ryder I’m sorry…”

  “Stop it’s not about Ryder…” I all but ignore her, as I turn around walking over by the lobby. Come on, Corey. Come on. Nothing. I look over my shoulder, and see him walking towards me, slow, not to draw attention but still creepy as fuck.

  I do the only thing a rational person would do, RUN. I run with all my might, over by the stacks hoping to run into someone. I make it to the stairwell before turning around to see if he followed me. I’m gasping in breaths, praying that I lost him. Just as I get my breath caught, I see him, making his way through the adult lit section. FUCK.

  I pull whatever courage, and energy I have left and open the stairwell door. I sprint up the stairs taking them two at a time. By the time I make it to the top I’m winded.

  “You can’t run from me Mimi. You’ll always be mine.” His voice is like acid raining down on my body. I freeze to my spot. What do I do? He got away with it the first time, and there might now be a second chance to put him away.

  The only thing I can thing to do is run, outsmart him, and hide. I find a door to my left my mind racing with horrible thoughts, things that will happen to me if I don’t get moving.

  I find a low lying book shelf and crawl into it. The room is pitch black and all that can be heard is my shallow breathing. I hold my breath the instant I hear the click of the door open and light pours into the room. Squinting my eyes tight, I try and tell myself more and more that I’m not afraid, that I will see Corey again, but I honestly don’t know.

  The silence is almost suffocating me, it seems like minutes or even maybe hours I have been hiding here, afraid to leave my hiding place. I’m getting more and more claustrophobic by the minute. Then, I hear footsteps directly in front of me and I stop breathing. Strong hands come around me, pulling me from the book case. I let out a shrill scream, as the person holding me shakes me.

  “Open your eyes Mimi, I got you.” I pop my eyes open at familiar voice.

  “Ryder?” I ask faintly, not sure if I’m seeing him or not. His green eyes shine down on me glimmering in the small amount of light in the room. He gives me his signature panty dropping grin and I can’t help what I do next. I’m overcome with so much emotion that I hug him. Really hug him, like bear hug.

  “Thank you so much, I’m so fucking relived I could kiss you right now.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far, but you’re more than welcome to. I’m always up for offers.” I laugh the crazy kind of laugh when you’re caught between happiness and sadness.

  “How did you know?”

  He raises his eyebrow at me, “Well, I know it’s hard to believe but I do watch out for you girls. I saw you panicking, and noticed him before you did. I called Corey and let him know and I took care of him.” He smiles, and I can’t help but be thankful. For once I’m glad Kennedy was with us, because I know he wasn’t watching me just to watch me, or maybe he was. Who knows? Corey is family after all.

  “What did you do?” I eye him curiously. He looks anywhere but at me, as a slow blush mars his cheeks. There’s not a hair out of place on his head, no bruises line his jaw, and he appears to be unharmed. But still his eyes won’t meet mine which means he did something. I grab for his hand but he pulls away, putting distance between us. When he finally does look at me there’s darkness in his eyes.

  “It doesn’t matter what I did to him. All that matters is that you’re okay.” His voice is gruff. I shudder not really in fear, but because of the way he’s looking at me. I get the feeling Ryder’s darker than Fifty Shades of Grey.

  “Right, thanks.” I stammer unable to look away from him, not really knowing what else to say.

  “Stop staring at me.” He says glaring.

  I shake my head trying to bring myself out of the trance. Ryder would so be worth someone’s time if he wasn’t such an ass.

  “Um… I’m going to go.” I slide past his body, and to the door. Before I even get a foot away from him his hand wraps around my wrist, stopping me dead in my tracks. His grip is light, but I know it could change in a second. What makes him so different from Rex?

  “That girl you’re with, what’s her name?” Oh really, curious huh.

  “Anyone ever tell you curiosity killed the cat?” I couldn’t be anymore annoyed with him right now. I know he saved my life, but to be so cold afterwards and ask me about someone he shouldn’t be is just wrong.

  “Anyone ever tell you that when I want something I get it?”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes at him; this is what I don’t like about Winchester men. They are arrogant, cocky, pricks who think that if they see something that it’s automatically theirs to take. Sorry sweetheart, but life isn’t like a box of chocolates.

  “Anyone ever tell you that when you talk to someone like a cocky prick, it gets you nowhere?” He releases my wrist, and I grab it with my other hand rubbing in the exact place his hand was. It’s warm and it feels as if I’ve been burned by him.

  “Don’t cross me Mimi, this is the least you could do for me. After all I did just help you out in a major fucking way.” My nostrils flare, anger surging through my veins.

  “Do you have a death wish? Don’t make me feel fucking guilty. I’m grateful for your help. However, I won’t be very happy with myself if I find out I told you about Kennedy and then you went and fucked her five ways to Sunday. She’s a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. God knows she doesn’t need to get wrapped up in you.” I let out a breath. “You don’t love girls Ryder; you break them and beat them down. You use them, and she doesn’t deserve to be used.”

  His breath stalls as he stalks over to me, his height blocking out the light from the door. “Kennedy…” He says it as if he’s just testing out how her name sounds on his tongue. “Kennedy… has nothing to worry about. She’s too good for me, of that I know.” A tiny look of anguish, a heartbreaking look of pain encompasses his face and is then gone. He steps back turning on the ball of his feet, leaving me in the very room I ran into.

  I feel like letting a tiger eat me, or even letting t
he floor swallow me whole. I hate that I hurt Ryder, I hate that I made him feel like he’s not good enough. Guilt washes over me, he’s heartbroken and I don’t understand why. He saved my life and I don’t know why. He’s misunderstood and I don’t know why. For the first time in a long time, I’m left feeling like a jackass.

  Friends with Benefits

  “Hey, are you okay?” Corey asks, as he walks into my room. I can’t help but drag my gaze up his body, stopping in all the perfect spots.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I look back to my sex ed book, it’s not like I don’t know about the bird and bees. Hello, I think I’ve been well introduced to them.

  “No, I mean are you really okay?” I look back up at him, letting out a deep sigh as he sits on the edge of my bed making me feel smaller than I really am.

  Why must everyone insist on asking me twenty times a day if I’m okay? Three days ago; no, I wasn’t fucking okay. Now? Well, I was better than I previously had been and that was all that mattered.

  “Corey, I’m okay. Really I am.” I say offering him a sincere smile. He hasn’t touched me since the incident, and I can see the hunger just underneath the surface. He knows he needs to take his time with me. Slow is the key, It’s not that I think there’s something wrong with me it’s just that sometimes I have flash backs, little touches and small things can set me off real easy.

  “I just wanted to make sure my girl was okay, I didn’t know if you would be up for a triple date.” His hand caresses mine; his touch is gentle and warm. He smells like man and spice and I just want to take a huge bite out of him. I bite my lip instead stopping myself before I do something crazy.

  “Hey, did you hear me?” He demands, his hand grazing against my chin, lifting it up so I’m looking at him.

  “Oh uhhh…yeah” act normal Mimi; act as if you haven’t been caught. Don’t lead yourself into a corner. Don’t do it…. Oh no but he’s biting that lip, and I’ve tasted…

  “Do you want to go?” There he goes again asking questions when my mind and body aren’t in the same place. What did he ask again?

  “Sure.” it was something about a date. Which by me is fine, Jenna and Rex need to get out more anyway. All they do is attend classes and spend time together.

  “Okay, good. Ryder is bring a date with him tonight.” I can’t help the look on my face once I registered what he’s said.

  “Come again?” I blurt out. He smiles at me, as if he’s just as surprised.

  “Yeah I know, he says it’s not a date that they are just ‘friends’, but Ryder being just friends with anyone let alone a girl is out of character.” More like out of space, I didn’t even know he knew how to do anything other than stick his dick in them. Then again I didn’t know Corey was capable of love either.

  “Yeah so who’s the girl?” I’m down right curious now as to whom he could possibly be friends with. Not that I want to think that it can’t happen but like Corey said, it’s not common.

  “Some Monica chick.” He says, as if it’s insignificant to him and it is because he doesn’t know Monica. But I do.

  “Did you just say Monica?” I ask just to make sure I’m hearing him correctly.

  “Yeah I did. Why what’s the matter?” There must be a major look of disgust on my face, and I’m not even going to try and hide it. I’m pissed off; I’m more than pissed off. I’m so tired of him bringing random chicks on group dates. It’s getting to a point where I don’t even want to invite him anymore.

  “Monica, oh that’s just great. Yet another slut.” I say pounding my fist into the mattress. Okay, she’s probably not a slut now, but by the time he gets done with her she’ll look and feel like one.

  “Whoa feisty pants, slow down. What are you talking about? Don’t hit me, but I’m just not following the problem here babe.” He looks at me teasingly before pouncing on me.

  “Hey let go of me” I scream-giggle. The moment his hands land on my sides, is the moment he digs them in. His fingers touch my most ticklish spots and I let out a high pitched squeal.

  “See that, now you don’t even know why you were mad.” He says it as if he just saved the world from starvation.

  “Actually I do mister.” I huff out, our chest rub against one another. His eyes lock on my chest, and then skim back up to my eyes.

  He arches his eyebrow at me before saying, “I bet I could really make you forget?” I can’t help but roll my eyes, always using sex as a way to forget things.

  “I bet I could really remind you why you shouldn’t fuck with me.” His smile grows wider with anticipation I’m sure. His hands reach up encompassing my wrists above my head. His dark hair falls onto his forehead and I feel the need to reach out and brush it aside.

  Staring intently down into my eyes, “I love you…” He says, his lips barley touching mine. Every time he says it, it’s like hearing it for the first time. My insides melt into a pile of molten lava and my thoughts swirl. It’s like an orgasm for the mind. It’s exhilarating to hear someone that you never thought was capable of love say it. Let alone it be directed towards you.

  “I love you too…” I say hushed as I watch the feeling of endearment show on his face.

  “You don’t know how lucky of a man I am to hear you say that. To be here with you, like this, after what I did to you, to us.” I nod my head because there are no words that need to be said.

  “You’ve given to me what my father never gave to my mother. I won’t lie I was scared to love, let alone allow myself to be loved by another. Doing so puts you on the line. You’re practically waiting for someone to shit on you. But with you Mimi….” He releases my wrists, his fingers, running through my hair as he holds me closer to his body.

  “With you, Mimi, it’s easy. Our love is like a jigsaw puzzle. When you’re not in love you don’t think that anything is missing, you don’t feel a loss. But when you have love, when you have felt its power; it’s like you’ve had a piece missing from you your whole life.” His eyes melt into mine, and the last pieces of my wall fall away. I know that whatever this is with us, it is real and I’m jumping in feet first.

  “You are that missing piece babe.” His words bring tears to my eyes, the emotions swarm me, and I feel myself clinging to him to his every word.

  ***

  After cleaning myself up from the sobbing mess I became after Corey let everything out, I looked half way decent. Not that I thought I would look less than stellar but…

  “Mimi get your ass out here right now. I want to be headed wherever the hell it is we’re going ASAP. Not tomorrow, but tonight.”

  I smiled, like really smiled. Dear Jenna, how many times did I have to tell her that beauty takes time?

  “I’m already done, loser.” My voice vibrates off the walls and down the hall where I know she can hear me. I stare at myself in the mirror, contemplating life’s decisions. Most people do it in the shower but I’m a rebel so…

  “You know, if you didn’t want Ryder to go with us all you had to do was say something.” Jenna’s voice sounds behind me and I look up at her, our eyes meeting in the mirror.

  “I didn’t say he couldn’t come, I didn’t even say he couldn’t bring a date. We both know all he plans to do is screw her and move on. I’m just getting sick of the fuck and forget them girls hanging with us on our group night out.

  She smirks at me, she actually fucking smirks at me. “I know you want to save everyone Mimi but you can’t. Sometimes you have to let things be the way they are. Telling Ryder not to do something just makes him want to do it more.”

  “You would know wouldn’t you…?” The words slip from my mouth before I can stop them. She doesn’t say anything just stares at me. Suddenly I feel like a shitty friend. It’s not her fault asshole couldn’t listen.

  “I would… When I told him to leave me alone he pushed back. Let it be, if he screws her over then he does. The only person’s destiny we control is our own.” She’s so heartfelt in the way she says things. Then again she sho
uld be; she’s been through the ringer more than once. In the last year things have changed so much.

  “I know… I just hate it. It reminds me of what you went through.” I let out a deep sigh turning around and walking over to her to give her a hug.

  “I didn’t realize you missed me that much?” She says laughing in my ear.

  “I didn’t miss you… too much…” I say lying. “Okay, I missed you a lot. I never get to see you anymore, and that sucks.”

  “Why are you so emotional? You’re never emotional. What’s going on?” She looks me over worried that I maybe growing a second arm somewhere. Why am I so emotional?

  “I don’t know… it’s just been a lot going on lately, between Classes, things with Corey, You, My parents.” Sigh, my parents. Talk about drama. My mom never shuts up and my dad works too hard to ever be around.

  “You need tequila… that is what you need.” She replies as if tequila is the answer to all our worries. Only in college is alcohol the answer for everything. Can’t pay your tuition? Drink some beer. Have to study for a test? Here’s a shot. Now I understand why everyone turns to alcohol when they have a problem.

  “No I need solutions, answers. I need to de-stress.” I say in a serious tone.

  “No you don’t, you need copious amounts of liquor, and a splash of Channing Tatum.”

  “Kay, Doctor Jenna.”

  “Not funny, I’m just trying to help.”

  “Hey sweet cheeks, are you ready to go?” Corey asks while leaning against the bedroom door casually. I can see Rex’s body behind him. I know Rex and Ryder are twins but if I didn’t know they were cousins they could almost pass for triplets.

  “Uhm, yeah ready.” I reply while grabbing my purse off the dresser. Here goes nothing. Jenna exits the bedroom first, and Rex envelops her in a bear hug, his lips tugging on her ear lobe.