A Fistful of Love: A Domestic Violence Anthology

by Thomas, Dominique

  “I’m just stating the obvious. Your ass is knocked up. I’m about to put that request in for you. Good luck at court today.” Ashley left out of the cell, and all I could do was shake my head at her ass. I was too mad she kept saying I was pregnant. Mainly because I was starting to believe that it was true.

  *****

  As I was escorted into the courtroom I locked eyes with Stone’s mother. She had the meanest mug on her face. Stone’s sister was holding her and they were both crying. I rolled my eyes at their ass, because they were just putting on a show. Granted I killed their son and brother. At the same time, they were fully aware of all the pain that he had put me through. Tears welled up in my eyes when I locked eyes with Boss, as he talked with a well-dressed man in a nice Italian suit. I looked over Boss’s shoulder and Shannie was sitting directly behind Boss. I smiled at her as she mouthed the words “I love you” to me.

  “Hello, Ms. Kyles, I’m your new attorney Maximillon Brooks. You can call me Max. I’ve been hired by your friends to take over your case. We have a lot of work to do, young lady. No matter what the prosecution says in here or what evidence they present against you. It is in your best interest to plead not guilty.” Before I could respond the judge banged his gavel and the courtroom became silent. I watched the judge as he looked over some paperwork.

  “Ms. Kyles, you’ve been charged with First Degree Murder. How do you plead?”

  “I plead not guilty, Your Honor.”

  “Your Honor, the defendant was found standing over the victim’s body, in possession of the murder weapon, by the arresting officers who are present in the court room.

  “That is true Your Honor. However, my client was simply defending herself from an abusive boyfriend. Who had inflicted many years of mental, verbal, and physical abuse.”

  “Your Honor, there is no record of the victim ever laying a hand on the defendant.”

  “Counsel, proceed to the bench.” I watched as my lawyer and the prosecution approached the bench. The judge looked as if he was chewing both of them out. I started to bite the side of my lip as I became nervous watching the attorneys walk back towards me.

  “Court is adjourned! Next case!” At this point I was confused. I know I’m not a court expert, but I’m almost sure it shouldn’t have ended like that. I felt so helpless as the guards grab me and escorted me back to the bullpen. About an hour later, I was back in my cell. Before I could even sit down, I was being called down for a special visit.

  I thought that I was going to go down to the same visiting area, but instead I was led to a private room. When I walked in my lawyer, Max, was going through some paperwork.

  “Hello again, Ms. Kyles.” He gestured for me to have a seat in the empty chair across from him.

  “Hi, Max.”

  “I’m going to just cut straight to the chase. This is going to be hard case to fight, but I’m willing to fight for you. I’ve talked with your friends, and they’ve informed me of the abuse you endured at the hands of the victim. The only problem is there is nothing to prove that he ever laid a hand on you. I mean, I’ve searched high and low for police reports, or some type of documentation showing your claims. Now we can proceed and take this case to trial, or you can take the plea deal that prosecution has offered.

  “What did they offer?”

  “If you plead guilty to voluntary manslaughter they are offering five to ten years in a Woman’s Correctional Prison. You have thirty days to make a decision. Now as your counsel, I want what’s in your best interests. I’ll be the first to tell you to take the deal.

  “If you fight the case and lose it, you will most likely spend the rest of your life in prison. I believe that you were abused and mistreated by this man. However, it’s not me you have to convince. It’s twelve jurors, who will be looking at all of the aggravating evidence against you. I’ve looked over the case and the odds are stacked highly against you.” I took in everything that he was saying, I really had some thinking to do. In a sense, I wanted to defend myself. On the hand, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in prison.

  “I’ll take the deal, Max.”

  “Okay, Ms. Kyles. I’ll get with the prosecution and we’ll go from there. Oh yeah, here. Mr. Miller told me to give this to you.” He handed me an envelope, and I stashed it inside of my pants.

  As I was escorted back to my cell, I couldn’t help but think about what I had just agreed to. Although I would be pleading guilty to killing the motherfucker, who caused me so much pain, I felt a sense of relief. Stone was rotting in Hell. My daughter and my parents could now rest in peace.

  As for me, I would have a second chance at life. I would be thirty years old when I got out of prison. That was still more than enough time for me to better myself, and give myself a better life. It was crazy that I was sitting thinking of how my life would be after prison, when I had not even started my sentence yet. Life has a way of changing within the blink of an eye. That’s just how quick my life changed. One minute I was making plans to leave Stone and start a new life. The next, he was on the floor in a puddle of his own blood, and I was holding the smoking gun.

  I closed my eyes tight hearing the slamming of my cell door behind me. At the same time Stone taking his last breath flashed in my mind. I smiled because at the moment he was taking his last breath. My family was gaining their wings.

  I fell across my bed and pulled out the envelope that Boss had sent to me. I could only imagine the contents.

  What’s up Yonnah Baby?

  I can’t even begin to tell you how I feel knowing that you’re in there suffering. I feel like this shit is all my fault. For months, I watched you suffer at the hands of that coward ass nigga. In the beginning, I didn’t want to overstep my boundaries, because as a man that’s just some shit you don’t do. A man is never supposed to overstep his boundaries, and get in between another man and his woman. That’s just the guy code. At the same time, I wanted you the first time I ever laid eyes on you. Pregnant and all. Don’t laugh, but I’m dead ass serious.

  From the moment I saw that nigga put his hands on you, I was supposed to get at him. For the rest of my life I’ll regret not rescuing you when I should have, and for that I hope that you can forgive me. Not to mention the fact that he is the one who shot my brother. When Kartier woke up, he told Shannie and me the whole story. That’s neither here nor there. That nigga is dead and my brother is still here to see his baby girl come into the world. I know that you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but fuck that nigga. Especially since I found out some shit from Big Red. I’m so sorry babe for everything that he put you through.

  When I first sat down to write this letter to you, I really didn’t know what I was going to say. The fact that I have to tell you in a letter and not face to face really fucks a nigga up in the head. I’m one of the toughest niggas ever to walk the streets, but there is something about you that makes me soft as cotton. Our last conversation and encounter constantly runs through my mind. I never should have let you walk away like that, but as a man I did what I was supposed to do. I respected your decision, but I didn’t agree with it. I also know that the morning we had sex was just as powerful for you as it was for me. (Stop smiling so hard you know I’m telling the truth LoL)

  I just wanted to write and let you know that you will have a friend in me for life. No matter what the outcome is I’ll always be here for you.

  Love Always

  That Nigga Boss

  I couldn’t help but to smile and blush after reading the letter. Lord, only knows the profound affect he had on my mind, body, and soul. Boss was the type of man that would make a woman want to marry him. But that’s neither here nor there. I’m in here getting ready to do my time, and he’s out in the world.

  I knew that Boss would one day make some woman very proud and happy to be apart of his world. The smell of his Tom Ford cologne was all over the letter. I couldn’t help but to lean in and take a deep whiff. It would be a long time before I go
t a chance to smell it again.

  *****

  The next morning, I was sick at the stomach and my head was hurting so bad that I could barely move. Ashley informed the guards and I was immediately taken to the infirmary to be checked out. The doctors had ran some tests on me. While we waited for the results I ate some crackers and ginger ale. That made me feel so much better.

  About an hour later the doctor came in and confirmed my worst fear. I was pregnant, and if my spirit wasn’t already leaving it was for sure dead and gone. I simply could not give birth to Stone’s baby. I wasn’t for sure how far along I was, because I couldn’t even remember my last period. My mind was a blur, so they did an ultrasound. It was then that I found out that I wasn’t pregnant by Stone.

  The estimated date of conception was the same day I killed Stone, which was the same morning that Boss and I had sex. That shit only further complicated my already fucked up life. How could I tell this man I was pregnant with his baby? I guess the doctor could see the look on my face, so she sent me to see the counselor to weigh my options. I had three options. The first one was that I could get an abortion, the second, I could have the baby and find a family member that would take custody. The third, I could give it up for adoption, but I would have to have the father’s consent to do that.

  That night I laid in my bunk trying my best to decide what I was going to do. I knew that I needed to make a decision fast.

  Chapter 19- K’Yonnah

  2 Months Later

  I had just been escorted back to my cell after being sentenced to ten years in prison. That would be served at the Dixon Correctional center in Dixon, IL. When my sentence was read I looked behind me and saw Kartier holding Shannie as she cried. I became saddened as Boss got up and exited the courtroom.

  As for me, I held my head high and accepted my punishment. I was now twelve weeks pregnant, and I was barely showing which was a good thing. At this point I knew that I wasn’t going to get an abortion. This baby had to be a gift from God. He wouldn’t bless me with another child if it wasn’t in his plans.

  I was able to get one last visit before I was shipped off to serve my prison sentence. I already knew that I wanted Shannie to come. She hadn’t been able to come and visit, but when I called and told her we needed to talk she agreed to come.

  *****

  “Hey, Shannie, you look like you’re about to pop.”

  “I wish. I’m only six months and this baby is huge. That’s enough about me, K’Yonnah. How are you holding up?”

  “I’m good considering my condition. As far as going to prison goes. I’m ready to get that shit over with.”

  “Condition? What do you mean by that?”

  “I’m three months pregnant.” I said through tears.

  “Oh my God, Yonnah! I’m sorry, but it’s just like Stone’s ass to fuck your life up after death. I can’t believe this shit.”

  “I’m in shock too, but there’s something else I have to tell you.”

  “What?”

  “I’m not pregnant by Stone. This is Boss’ baby. That’s why I called you down here. It’s too late for me to get an abortion and the last things I want to do is give birth and give my baby to a stranger. I was wondering if you and Kartier could get the baby for me when I have it. I know that Boss has to know I’m pregnant with his child, but could you tell him after the baby is born. I don’t want him worrying about me while I’m in here pregnant. I’ve caused him enough headache. Please, do this for me. I have a bank account with a nice amount of money. I’m going to give you all of the information that you need to have access to the funds.”

  “You have to know that Boss will want his child. We can’t keep something like this from him. I know you mean well, K’Yonnah, but he has to know. Without a doubt you know that Boss will take care of that baby.

  “Not only that, Kartier and I will make sure our godchild wants for nothing. Please don’t cry, K’Yonnah, we’re your family and we will be here every step of the way, and when you’re done with your sentence, God willing, we’ll all be there with open arms waiting to receive you. I love you so much.”

  “I love you too. Please make sure my baby knows that I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for him. Tell Boss I never meant for any of this to happen, and I’m sorry. I’ll be in touch.” I blew her a kiss and got ready to go and start my prison sentence.

  As I rode the bus to prison, I couldn’t help but to think about how things would have turned out had I told the authorities about the abuse that I was enduring at the hands of Stone. I really don’t even understand how I stayed for so long, and allowed him to treat me like shit, when I knew that I deserved so much more out of life.

  In my opinion, one of the biggest misconceptions about domestic violence is that it’s just physical. Pain doesn’t only come from your significant other’s fist. It’s the pain they put on your mind. Stone mentally abused me and that’s worse than any punch, kick, or slap he could ever give me. Wounds and scars heal in time. Mental abuse stays with you forever.

  Stone brought me up, to bring me down every chance he got. Stone mind fucked me something terrible. To lay up with a man who saw you go through so much pain, knowing he inflicted it on you is enough to drive any woman crazy.

  How will I ever be the same in life, knowing my parents and my daughter died at the hands of a man who claimed to love me? What’s worse there was a time when I loved him more than anything in this world. I can go on and on about what he did to me, but then I would be playing the victim. In reality, I was a victim but I should have said something.

  If I had, I wouldn’t have been convicted of killing the sorry son-of-a-bitch. I suffered in silence for a long time before I even told Shannie what was going on in my home. I gave Stone the power over me. He knew I feared him, and he used that to his advantage. He had me thinking that all I had in this life was him. I wish I would have loved myself just a little bit more. I would have seen all the signs and took heed to them.

  Stone was a snake the moment he approached me, knowing full well he killed my parents. If I could give any woman in the world any advice who is in a domestic violence relationship, it would be to get out of there while you can. The first time a man feels the need to put his hands on you. You should leave.

  Ain’t no such thing as “baby, I’m sorry” or “I’ll never hit you again.” Truth is if they did it once they’ll do it again. If you forgive him, you’re opening up the floodgates for something much more than you could ever have bargained for.

  Most importantly make sure you report it to the proper authorities. The best thing a woman could ever do is keep a paper trail when she’s in that type of situation. It will definitely work out in her favor. Lord knows, I wish I had done all of those things and more. I can’t sit and focus on the “what ifs” or feel sorry for myself, because then it would be like I have regrets on killing him. I will never regret killing Stone. The only thing I will ever regret is not protecting my daughter from her father.

  Fast Forward- 2015

  After only serving five years of my ten-year prison sentence I was released, and placed on home monitoring. A lot had changed in the five years that I had been away. I took courses to become a Domestic Violence Counselor and I talked to other prisoners about Domestic Violence Awareness.

  I had a calling and I knew once I got out what I wanted to do. I had every intention on opening up a Domestic Violence shelter for battered women. While I had been away Shannie and Boss made sure to look after the property that Stone had took from my father. What better way then to give it back to my cause by turning it into a place to help battered women.

  Boss has kept me up to date on our son’s life. He’s now four going on five, and is the splitting image of his father. Throughout my sentence we have remained the best of friends. I’ll be the first to admit, I was kind of hurt when I found out he was getting married to his girlfriend Meesha, but I knew our ship had sailed. Too much time had passed and my prison stay was a lot on him. I’m j
ust thankful for his friendship but most importantly thankful that he had found someone who loves my baby like he is her own.

  Meesha had been there for my son and he called her mom. I was grateful for her and Boss taking care of him. He knew I was his real mother, and that’s what mattered most to me. Boss kept his promise and had been there my whole sentence. I was now out and living with Kartier and Shannie until I got off of electronic monitoring. I couldn’t wait to start my new life. I wanted nothing more than to raise my son and open up my Domestic Violence Shelter. There’s so much more to come in the life Of K’Yonnah Kyles.

  Stay tuned as Mz. Lady P brings you the next chapter in my saga titled: A Lady and A Boss: A Chi-Town Love Story

  Love Don’t Have to Hurt

  By: Lucinda John

  Prologue

  With an attitude, I blew out all the candles and cleared the table of the meal I’d spent hours preparing. For the first time in six months, Lucas missed dinner. No matter how hard he worked, he always came home at seven each night so we could sit and have dinner together. We would talk about school, his day at work, and other silly nothings that I cherished. If Lucas was too busy, he would leave after giving me the dick that I’ve fallen in love with, then go back to the office. This no call, no show shit was new to me. On top of everything else, his phone was sending me straight to voicemail.