A Fistful of Love: A Domestic Violence Anthology

by Thomas, Dominique

  “Dig in, everyone,” she said, handing us a can sodas. This was the perfect chance to put my plan in effect.

  “Ma, I was thinking, since it’s the last week of school. Do I really have to go? I mean, all of my grades are already in the system. We aren’t going to be doing anything, please.” I placed both of my hands together in a prayer position, I was on my knees with my eyes closed.

  Everyone got quiet, waiting to hear my mother’s response. She stood there with a smirk on her face, I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. But the way I looked at it. She can either say yes or no. I really wanted to go to school, I love school, but I wanted Tranquel to think something is with up me.

  “I’ll let you know before the night is over.” I nodded my head and continued chowing down my messy nachos. We decided to watch one more movie, Coming To America before my aunts left and we all hit the sack.

  Two hours later as planned we said our good-byes to my aunties. They promised that they would treat us to a movie date next week. I went into my room, grabbed my towel, and took a nice hot bath. My mind was relaxed, I just needed my body to be on the same level.

  After my bath I laid on my bed with a towel wrap around my body. I can’t wait to be a senior next year. I’m going to sign-up for all the architectural engineering programs my school has to offer. I promised myself to give my all into my future. I was in deep thought with a huge smile on face when my mother entered my room.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” she asked me noticing my smile on my face.

  “Yeah, I’m just mapping out my future. I already know what I want be when I grow up. I’m ready to study hard to get there, and to make you proud.” I said with so much excitement in my voice. I sat up on my bed. My mother stepped closer in my room, taking a seat on my bed.

  “That’s great, baby-girl. But I mean why you don’t want to go to school your last week?” I looked at her with a puzzled look on my face. I wished I could read her mind to know what she’s thinking.

  “Yes, everything is okay. I promise.”

  “Okay, well, if that the truth, yes you can stay home.” I smiled as she walk out of my room. Yes! Now my plan will work the right way. A couple of minutes later she came back into my room.

  “Baby, I honestly want to say I’m sorry about before.” I attempted to tell her it’s okay, but she kept on talking.

  “No, I need you to hear this. It isn’t okay how I’ve been acting. I took your father’s death hard. I turned to drugs, alcohol, and sex instead of turning to God. I realize how much I’ve hurt you. I’ve started going to church, asking God and your father for forgiveness. I’m trying to be the woman I was before your father left this earth.” Her words hit my heart, making me shed some tears.

  I stood up, walked to my mother with open arms, and squeezed her so tight. She embraced my hug, placing a kiss on my forehead, and wiping my tears away. We let each other go, and this time she shut my room door behind. Damn, I knew my mother was messed up, but I never thought she would see it for herself.

  “God, I thank you. Lord knows a teen needs a mother.” I whispered to God in the hopes that he could hear me thanking him.

  I decided to turn on the phone Tranquel gave me. As soon as the phone came on it started beeping like crazy. I quickly shoved the phone under my pillow, pressing the side button, turning the phone on silent. After a few moments, I pulled the phone out. I had 35 unread text messages, I knew they were Tranquel.

  I already knew these were guilt text messages. He started with the first 15, stating how much he loves and misses me. He said he was going to college in Ohio to play football, and that he’s taking me with him. Then the messages turned anger.

  Tanquel: I know you see me fucking calling you, answer my phone, you probably being a whore like your mother, call me now.

  Okay now he had pissed me off. Tranquel was showing me that he has a disrespectful side, and I’m not with it at all. I don’t care what his father does to his mother, or what she allows, but I will not tolerate any of that bullshit. The last 3 messages he wrote were paragraphs. At this point, I didn’t care too much to read, but I continue reading anyway.

  Tanquel: BAE I’M SO SORRY ABOUT MY OTHER MESSAGES. I TRULY MISS YOU. THAT’S WHY I’M ACTING ALL CRAZY. YOU KNOW THAT ISN’T ME AT ALL. I LOVE YOU. WHEN YOU READ THIS I HOPE YOU’LL RESPOND. IM HOPING YOU DIDN’T SEE THE PHONE YET IN THE BAG. OR MAYBE YOUR MOTHER FOUND IT FIRST. DAMN SHE REALLY HATES ME. FUCK I NEED TO GET TO MY MOTHER I HOPE SHE CAN CALL THE COMPANY TO GET THEM TO DELETE THOSE OTHER MESSAGES. I LOVE YOU.

  I couldn’t stop laughing. Yeah he’s crazy all right. But I love him. I know how he feels, shit, I’m feeling a little crazy myself, making up plans and shit. I’m going to school this last week, just to see him.

  I swear I spoke too soon. I logged onto Facebook and got an inbox from that same fucking chick. She sent me pictures of Tranquel in his bed.

  Oh hell no, fuck this. I saved all the pictures she sent me and finally texted Tranquel, sending him all the pictures she sent me.

  Within minutes the phone lit up, yup just as I thought. There’s nothing he can say pictures don’t lie.

  CHAPTER THREE

  He made the biggest mistake, or have I?

  The next week, although I wasn’t going to school, I made it my business to wake up early. I got my sister and brother ready for school, and even walked them to school. I figured since I’ll be home all day, why not help my mother out. Anytime I got bored or began thinking about Tranquel, I started writing. Each time is I wrote something different. Most of the time I wrote about my future: what I want and where I’m going.

  By Thursday, I swear I was losing my mind. I felt as though I did everything in the world. I mean, damn, I even cleaned the whole house with a pack of toothbrushes. I was doing everything to keep Tranquel off my mind. I really missed my friends. I ran into my room, reaching behind my dresser for the phone. I turned it on, closing the door to my room. This was the first time I’d turned the phone on since Tranquel sent those crazy text messages. I can only imagine what he’s saying now.

  My guessing came to an end really fast. The message pop-up on the screen was like someone sent a virus to the phone.

  BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.BEEP

  Back to back, some of the beeps even overlapped each other. This only made me angry. I went straight to Tranquel’s text messages.

  Tanquel: LISTEN HERE LITTLE BITCH. WE TOOK YOU IN. I CATERED TO YOU. YOU'RE MINE. I WAITED SO LONG TO HAVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE MINE. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT YOUR PERIOD YET, YOU'RE NOT. GUESS WE'RE HAVING A BABY.

  Tears fell from my eyes. Those words hurt me. I think if we were face to face he wouldn’t think to ever say some shit like that to me. I sat on my bed in rage.

  Wait did this nigga just say I’m pregnant? My mind raced. I can’t be pregnant. I’m not ready for a baby. I haven’t even lived my life. I took a few minutes to breathe and get my thoughts together.

  “When was the last time I had my period?” I asked myself out loud, placing my both my hands over my mouth.

  What am I going to do? I can’t be fucking pregnant. Tranquel is already showing me crazy signs, and now I understand the statement Renee said that day when she was drunk. Biting the inside of my lip, my tears grew stronger and fell down my face faster. I realized my last period was at the beginning of last month.

  There’s only one person in this world I trust, and will ride for me no matter what. Well as long as it has nothing to do with my mom. But she’s all for secrets.

  It's 1:45 in the afternoon. Great I have enough time no one is home. I thought wiping my tears.

  I slip into some basketball shorts, a graphic t-shirt with my high school’s logo on it, and a pair of black and white Jordan Retro sneakers. Tranquel brought these shoes for me last year on Valentine’s Day. For a second, I opted not to wear them, but I have no time to change my clothes. I have to get my siblings in forty-five minutes.

  I texted Tra
nquel back,

  JUST AS FAST AS I GOT PREGNANT, I CAN GET UN-PREGNANT!!!!!! BY THE WAY DON’T BOTHER LOOKING FOR A RESPONSE AFTER THIS MESSAGE. RETURN TO SENDER.

  After sending that text message, I felt so good about myself. See Tranquel has a little hold over my heart. He’s my first crush, my first lover, my first kiss, and the only person to send me flowers. He knew how to make me feel special. He didn’t just want me for sex. It took years before we did anything like that. Some may say it's puppy love, but when you’re lacking support and love from home. The person who gives it to you becomes your only comfort zone.

  I locked up the house, and put my headphones on, turning to Teyana Taylor’s station on Pandora. It didn’t take me long to get to Tranquel’s door steps. I took in a deep breath, and checked to see if anyone was watching me. Renee’s car was park a couple of house down, which is dumb to me, since she has a driveway.

  “Damn, I am going to miss this phone.” I whispered under my breath.

  I unplugged my headphones, wrapped them around the phone, and kissed the screen, to leave a print of my lips on the screen. I removed some tissue paper out of my pocket that I took from the gift bag. I wrapped the phone in it, so no one could tell, I was leaving a brand new phone in their mail. Shit, for all I know the mail lady has sticky fingers as well. I turned walking away as fast as I could. But not fast enough.

  “DIAMOND! DIAMOND!” Renee yelled. I turned around, and she began walking towards me waving her hands as a signal for me to come meet her halfway.

  “How have you been? You know Tranquel hasn’t been able to focus on football. You know his recruit has him training already. He leaves soon aren’t you—” I quickly stopped her.

  “Hey, Renee, sorry, not trying to be rude, but your son and I are over. It was nice meeting you, and I’m happy for him. Hopefully he can find someone else who will allow him to control her.” Renee gave me a shocked look.

  Like she really couldn’t believe what I was saying to her. You would have thought we were on a soap opera. Yeah dumb bitch I’m nothing like you. My happiness, respect and sanity means way more to me than being with someone successful. I turned around, but before I could take a step away from Renee she grabbed my wrist.

  Oh hell no, this bitch got the game all the way fuck up. She thinks her husband be putting hands on her. Wait till she meets my fist.

  “Excuse me? Renee, this is not what you want,” I said and chuckled, snatching my arm back.

  “I know you’re pregnant. What are you going to do without my son’s help? You can’t do anything,” she said, answering her own question. “You have nothing.” She reminded me. Her words pinched my skin. What is up with this family and their verbiage?

  “You’re absolutely right, Renee. Bye, bye baby.” I said in a harsh tone. As if I have any choice, but to be a baby killer. She covered her mouth. If this lady isn’t the most dramatic lady in this world, I’m not sure who is.

  “You wouldn’t dare harm my grandchild. I won’t allow you too.” She said. I laughed again, this time louder, getting the attention of others walking by.

  “Allow me?” I shrugged my shoulders and walked away without interruption.

  I swear I wish this situation was different. I would have told my mother. See my mother is more of an act now, talk later, type of women. Especially when it comes to protecting her cubs. She would wear Renee’s little ass out. I got to the corner of Union and Martin Luther King Drive when Sonny, my friend, ask if I would cover him. He wanted me to watch the front while he used the bathroom at his family’s bodega.

  Sonny is one sexy Spanish, black acting, motherfucker. If our mothers weren’t best-friends, and we didn’t grow up with each, his ass would have been mine. Although I was in a rush, his fresh shape up brought his sexy appeal out more, so I agreed.

  “Yeah, go ahead. Be fast, though. You know my mother will kill both of us if I’m late picking up the kids from school. You always find a way to stick me at this cash register so you can entertain your hoes.” I said with a smirk, walking behind the counter.

  As we walked past each other, my bottom brushed against his pants. He brush his hands on top of my head like I was one of his buddies

  “Chill, Dime, I just have to piss.” He said darting to the back.

  The loud Spanish music brought my spirits up. There’s something about the beat to Spanish songs. I checked the camera to see if anyone was entering or walking towards the store. I also checked to make sure that the store was empty. I began to do a Spanish two step to the beat behind the counter. I closed my eyes having a little too much fun alone. I dumped into the shelf, hitting my funny bone. It hurt, but I had to laugh. I bent down to pick up the items that fell, I got a smack in the face with reality. My heart raced. What a coincidence, Out of all things, I dumped into a row of pregnancy tests. I glanced up at the camera, the coast was clear. My hands got sweaty. I can’t believe I’m really considering stealing. Not just stealing, but from my friend’s family business.

  I would have never stolen, but desperate times, calls for desperate measures. I check the camera again, quickly snatching one of the boxes. I stuck it into my pocket.

  “Dime?” Sonny shouted. I nervously jumped up.

  “Yeah, I dropped some stuff, just picking it up.” My voice trembled. I was ready to go, I felt all types of guilt. I hope he doesn’t sense something is up with me.

  “Okay, cool, let me help you.” He came around the counter, and picked up the rest of the boxes, and put them back in place. I took a deep breath.

  “Nigga, don’t be calling my name like that either,” I said while jokingly punching him in the ribs.

  I reached for a hug, “Okay, I'll check you later.” I smiled as I left out the store.

  Lord, please forgive me, I prayed repeatedly. I walked to pick my brother and sister up from school. I decided not to talk to my aunt just yet. I’ll take the test first, just to be sure, before I open up something I can’t handle.

  Later on that night, once my mother left to do a double for work, and the kids were safe and sound in bed. I went into the bathroom with the pregnancy stick in my hand. I tapped it against my fingers. I close the door behind me and instantly began crying.

  Why does my life have to be so complicated? I thought. I did what I came into the bathroom to do. I turned the faucet on, I heard it helps your urinate. I sat on the toilet with my legs open, and a stick in between. All I could was, “How did I get here?”

  Forty-five minutes later, a box of tissue and I were left with a positive pregnancy test. I lock myself in the bathroom, to make sure my siblings didn’t barge in. I was laid on the floor curled up, crying my heart out. How can I get pregnant my first time having sex?

  KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. And then there was wiggling of the door knob.

  Damn, now I have to show my face to my brother or sister, hoping they don’t ask me what’s wrong.

  “Hold on,” I yelled.

  I stood up feeling dizzy, flushing the toilet, and rinsing my face off. I stuck the positive piss stick in my underwear. I opened the door and Tranquel shoved me. I instantly fell down to the floor, and hit my head on the rim of the bath tub. I looked up with a confused face.

  “How the fuck did you in here?” I yelled.

  “RETURN TO SENDER?” Tranquel raged, with the phone he brought me in his hand.

  My mouth filled with saliva, I didn’t have anything to say so I swallowed all the wetness in mouth in one gulp. My quietness must have made him angry, he began to charge my way. I tried getting up, but it was too late. He is way faster than me. He grabbed me by my neck, keeping a tight grip on me, he led me into my bedroom, and slammed the door behind him.

  “Tranquel, please calm down. You’re upset for what? You’re the one who cheated on me. I’m not going to be with someone who can’t cherish me. Nor am I bringing a human into this world like this. Not to mention, I’m not ready for a baby and neither are you.”

  Everything I was saying seemed like it
went into one ear and out of the other. I had never seen Tranquel like this before.

  “I don’t care what you’re talking about. You’re mine, we’re having this baby. Those bitches don’t mean anything to me. I’m with you aren’t I?” I’m guessing I wasn’t supposed to answer his question, because before I could he cut me right off.

  “PACK YA SHIT AND LET’S GO. I'LL BE WAITING IN THE CAR,” he gritted. His loud, deep voice made the hair on my body stand up.

  “Trany, I can’t leave. My brother and sister are here. Plus, remember what the cops said, I’m a minor. Just wait ‘til after my birthday.” I said in a soft, low tone. I learned in school never to entice an angry person. If they aren’t listening to you then join them to defuse the situation.

  “You heard what I said. Make it happen before I make a scene.” Those were the last words he said before slamming my bedroom door behind him.

  What the fuck is wrong with him. He watched his mother and father way too much. I’m still in high school, only 17, what does he want me to do? I sat on the bed, zoned out. Until I heard Tranquel honk his horn. Although I live in the hood, we don’t have people honking the horn like a crazy person