A Fistful of Love: A Domestic Violence Anthology

by Thomas, Dominique

  “Damn, bae, I smell that bad? I just left from practice.” He cracked a smile. We both laughed. I placed my hand on the side of his face, looking deep into his eyes, and then I kissed him.

  “Come on y’all, come downstairs. That’s how y’all got in the situation you’re in now.” My aunt yelled from the living room, interrupting the passionate kiss that I’ve been yearning for.

  “There will be more time for that when we get home. I know you missed me. I missed you more.” He rubbed my belly.

  “I missed the both of my ladies.” He kissed my belly and we went downstairs.

  Renee and my aunt talked for hours, about everything under the sun. It kind of felt weird watching them two get along so well. I mean, of course I’m happy, but it just doesn’t feel genuine. Since Tranquel and Renee rode together, we were forced to stay and wait for her.

  “Ma, come on. We’ve been here way too long. I was at practice all morning. Can you have some respect.” Tranquel said sounding annoyed. He got up from the couch and walked out of the door.

  “Okay, Keisha, I'll chit chat with you a later day about the…” Renee began whispering, covering her lips with one hand.

  Twenty minutes later we were on our way to my new home. I’m guessing that’s what I should call it. As soon as we pulled in the driveway, Renee covered my eyes with a handkerchief from the backseat. She tied it with a little too much force, but I didn’t say anything.

  “What’s going on, Trany?” I asked.

  I heard my door open. I was pulled out of the car slowly. I felt around, feeling Tranquel right beside me. He wrapped his arm around mine and led the way. We came to a complete stop, and my shoes were being taken off. I took a couple of steps. I wiggled my fat, Vienna sausage toes in the plush carpeting. It felt so relaxing against my skin.

  “Come on now, Tranquel. I can’t stand up for too long, I’m tired.” I whined. I folded my arms across my chest, yeah, my stubborn, bitchy ways just kicked in.

  “Welcome home, babies!!!” The handkerchief was snatched away from my eyes.

  I can’t believe what my eyes are seeing. My heart began to beat fast as I walked around the room.

  “You did this all for me?” I asked. I was unsure of what to say as I moved around the room. “But why did you do this for me? I’m such a bad girlfriend. I turned my back on you when you were trying to change.” I wept.

  Tranquel pulled me close to him, and kissed my forehead. There’s something about a kiss on the forehead that ensures you that everything will be okay. And that the person giving the kiss loves you. He turned me around, and I began to feel warm and fuzzy inside.

  What used to be a guest bedroom is now my little diva’s nursery and my bedroom. The walls were painted mint green with different exotic flowers drawn on the wall. The wooden blinds allowed a little sunshine to peek through. The room has a soft, baby scent to it. As if someone rubbed baby lotion all over the walls.

  The sandy colored plush carpet made love to my feet. The room’s set-up reminds me of a nursey in a magazine. The chocolate colored changing table, crib, dresser, rocking chair, and nightstands all are angled in the perfect position. A huge flat screen TV hung on the wall. In the middle of the room sat a pearl colored bassinet with a princess canopy hanging down from the ceiling. On the right side of the room was a chocolate queen-sized high bed.

  Tranquel brought me to the baby’s dresser, and opened the drawers. The drawers were filled with clothes, I felt thankful. Earlier I was upset at having to be at Tranquel’s house, now I feel this is where I should be.

  Tranquel and his parents went all out for my baby-girl. The changing table was stacked with all the baby’s necessities. Pamper boxes of all sizes were line up along the window. He opened the walk-in closet.

  “We had it made for you. I couldn’t find a dresser to match the room. So I thought, why not a closet. I got you a couple of things. I wasn’t sure of how big you’d gotten, but we can go shopping later on during the week.”

  I walked over to him, grabbed his face, and kissed him. I made sure I got to kiss him as long as I wanted without any interruptions.

  “I love you, baby. Thank you so much. Everything is great.”

  That night we made love. Tranquel didn’t want to, he was scared because of the bay, but I told him she was fine. We ate pizza, watched movies, and talked about everything we’d missed the last couple of months.

  He seem shocked that in a short period of time I was able to accomplish so much on my own. I told him about my future plans, and how I want him to be a part of every step. Then he told me the truth about him. Over the last couple of months he realized football isn’t what he wanted to do. It’s actually what his parents wanted him to do.

  He was offered a full-time position for a landscaping company, and he was waiting for my approval before taking anything. I let him know that’s what he wants to do, I’m here for him 100%. Before his parents find out he isn’t going to Ohio for college, we should have enough saved up to move out. That was it. We map out our future. I fell asleep in his arms, never feeling better in my life. I woke up to yelling.

  “DIAMOND, WAKE UP. WHAT’S GOING ON?” Tranquel was on his knees on the bed holding the covers up. His eyes showed signs of danger.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  I placed my hands on the side of my thighs trying to sit up. I felt some sharp pains on my side. Realizing the bed felt wet, I looked down. The mint green sheets are now stained with my blood. Finding myself sitting in a puddle of blood made me go into a state of shock. I lift my bloody, shaking hands up in the air.

  “MA!” Tranquel ran out the room crying, and calling his mother.

  When she came into the room she began crying. Tranquel had called 911. Renee took the phone from him to hear what the operator was instructing him to do. My pain grew stronger, and I had the urge to poop. I didn’t want to push, but I felt like my body was doing it on its own. The pain became unbearable causing me to pass out on the bed.

  On November 10, 2007 a beautiful baby girl was born at 5:23am. Weighting 5 pound exact and 20 inches. Yes, 20 inches, she’s going to be a basketball player. For the most part, with me giving birth at 7 months pregnant, she is healthy. She has a little skin discoloration but that’s about it.

  I woke up to the sun beaming on my face, and a room filled with flowers and balloons. I touched my belly, in disbelief that I had my baby-girl. I can remember bits and pieces of what happen but not too much.

  “Good morning, Diamond. I’m your nurse, Nicole. How are you feeling?” she asked.

  I could tell she loves her job. She was a young, Filipino woman. She walked over to my bed and checked my vitals.

  “I’m okay. Thanks for asking. How is my baby? Can I see her?” I threw questions at her, still feeling a little groggy.

  “She’s fine. When your husband left, we brought her to the nursery, so that you could get your rest. She’s so beautiful. I’ll bring her in once someone comes to visit you or when your meds wear off. You lost a lot of blood, and the doctor says you have to stay off of your feet.” Her voice reminded me of a cheerleading chant, it was very high-pitched. “Please get your rest. You and the baby may be able to go home tomorrow.” She whispered to me as if I weren’t supposed to know that information. I nodded my head yes.

  She removed the blood pressure cuff from around my arm. Nicole fixed my bed level and pillows. Next, she closed the blinds, and left my room.

  I must have really been tired. This time when I woke up, Tranquel was on the couch holding our baby. Watching him with her made me feel like this is what life is all about. I know I’m only 18, but I promised to be the best mother I could be. I continued to watch him with her until Renee walked through the door blowing my cover.

  “Hey, sleepy-head.” She walked over to my bed and kissed my cheek.

  “You scared the hell out of me the other day. I’m happy you and the princess are okay.” She slid a tray close to me revealing a break
fast plate.

  “Wait it’s still morning? I feel like I slept for hours.” They both laughed. I didn’t catch the joke. Tranquel sat on the bed next to me.

  “Bae, you’ve been sleep for a whole day. Our baby girl is two days old.” He kissed my cheek and placed our baby girl on my chest. Damn, I was sleep that long. It doesn’t even feel like it.

  I wrapped my arm around my baby and softly brushed my fingers over her hair. She started moving her head back and forth, I looked up at Tranquel unsure of what to do.

  “I think she can smell your milk. Try breast-feeding her.” Renee said.

  I turned my baby to her side and changed the level of the bed. I moved her tiny peeling hands from her face to find her holding a ring.

  “Diamond, I know we keep saying how we’re young and want to do things right. But this isn’t right. Us having a baby, even though we love each other. I’m willing to make it right. I know marriage isn’t easy. But I do know I want to spend the rest of my life, happy with my family. I want to make the both of you happy. Will you be my wife?”

  Speechless and tearful I shook my head yes. Tranquel slowly took the ring from our baby’s hand. He kissed the promise ring he gave me and then took it off my finger. He slide my engagement ring on my finger and we kissed. Renee opened the room door and in came my brother, sister, aunt, cousin, mother and even my nurse.

  I didn’t want to ruin the moment by asking why my mother was here, I let it go for now. Everyone came over to me congratulating me and admiring the baby.

  “What are you newlyweds going to name your little diva?” my aunt asked.

  This whole time that I was pregnant, I have not once thought about a name for my baby. My main concern was making sure I could provide her with stability. Before I could utter a word, Tranquel blurted out

  “Princess Jasmine I’yana Powers.” Everyone cheered and asked to take a picture of us.

  Am I a bad mother? I never considered a name for my daughter and her father did? Why didn’t he tell me he had a name? He didn’t even ask for my opinion or my thoughts. This really bothered me. But I let it go since I didn’t have a name to go against his. That whole princess part has to go. I think it’s so tacky when a mother names a child King, Prince, etc. Like the babies won’t grow up to be adults with real jobs.

  We I was finally discharged from the hospital, Tranquel stopped at the courthouse on the ride home.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked. I figured we were picking up Jasmine’s birth certificate.

  “You said you do, so let’s make it true.” I swear at times Tranquel can be a tab bit corny.

  “I did say that, but I didn’t know it would be today.”

  “You’re the one who said you didn’t want to have a wedding just to go to the court house.”

  I agreed to elope, I was too tired and drained to argue. It made no sense to wait. I know he owns my heart. The process at the courthouse went by very smooth and quick. The whole time I held my baby girl. Tranquel talked me into breast-feeding, it’s cool but Jasmine always wants to be on my boobs now. Of course my siblings, aunt, cousin and Tranquel’s parents were at the courthouse.

  On the ride home, I couldn’t stop thinking of how I just got married less than 30 minutes ago. It’s a blur already. I feel like I’m going with the motions, just because everyone else wants me too. I’m guessing they know what’s best for me, I’ll just embrace every moment. And be thankful for my new family. There’s no turning back now. I couldn’t ask for another life. When we got home I sat back watching Tranquel with the baby. If this is marriage, I’m in love.

  Five years later…

  Five years came and went by in the blink of an eye. Tranquel’s father passed away in a plane crash. I know this may sound messed up, but you die how you fly. At the funeral, we found out his father was cheating with up to 4 women. One of the women brought her children, which are Mr. Reaves children as well.

  With everything going on, Renee had a mental breakdown. She left one afternoon and never came back. Once a month she’d call to check on Jasmine. I don’t blame her one bit. Being married to someone for over 15 years is hard. He beat her for any little thing. From black eyes to bruise ribs, if you can think of it he did it to her. The least he could have done was be faithful. Since Renee left Tranquel took over his father’s house, cars and business.

  I was thrilled about everything except the business part. It left Jasmine and I home alone for days at a time. I did long nights with Jasmine alone, from colds to ear infections. I was only able to work because my aunt kept Jasmine.

  My marriage is heading downhill, I can feel it. We hardly speak. Every time I called his phone it would go straight to the answering machine. I never bothered to leave a voice message. Nine times out of ten he wasn’t going to listen to it anyway. I realized when I would catch him at home, he would always be negative towards me. I gained a couple of pounds from being at home more since my job cut a lot of people’s hours. He would call me big, or take my car keys, so that I would have to walk to the grocery store. I decided to change my appearance. Not for him, but to make me feel better about myself. I came home one evening with my hair dyed and cut in a bob. The whole day I got compliments, until I got home. Tranquel laughed in my face.

  “You think changing your hair will make you sexy again? I hope you spent your own money for your fake make-over. That shit did no justice,” he laughed all the way to his office.

  That night I cried myself to sleep. He belittled me as a person, a woman, and as his wife. It seemed like after his father passed away he turned into his father. He’s doing the same things he told me, when we were dating, he wouldn’t do. I attempted to get him to come with me to marriage counseling. He brushed me off, telling me to find one, send him the information, and he would be there. The day came, and he never showed up. No text, no phone call, nothing about why he didn’t show up. I went on with the session alone, telling this complete stranger everything.

  “The advice I will give you is, never lose yourself while trying to figure someone else out. It will be the death of you. I know you vows said ‘for better or for worse’ but you have a daughter to think about. Mental abuse carries the same, if not more, weigh than physical abuse. Studies show mental abusive stays in a person’s mind almost all of their life, or until they get help. I’m sorry to say, but your marriage is leading into a domestic violence case. It always begins with mental abusive. You’re never good enough, or other women would die to be with him. Nevertheless, when you try to leave he’s going to throw everything he did for you in your face.” She spoke to me straight forward. No beating around the bush.

  Our session went over thirty minutes, but it was worth it. I was kind of happy he didn’t show up. I’m left there with a clear mind. I took in everything the therapist said.

  “Thank you so much. You really cleared my mind and gave me hope.” We both shook hands, and he gave me the card for a divorce lawyer. Before I could leave the therapy office, the front desk told me that my card had been declined.

  “Huh, no you must have put the wrong information in.” I told the young assistant.

  She tried again, and again it declined. I called my husband. The young lady isn’t doing her job improperly. My husband removed me from our account and cancelled my credit card. Feeling humiliated, I took out my private bank account card.

  “I’m sorry, the bank is close. I’ll have to handle this tomorrow. Here, I’m sure this card will work.” I know she knew I was lying about Bank of America being close. They have a 24 hour call center. When the payment went through, she handed me my receipt.

  I damn near passed out when I saw this visit cost five hundred and fifty-five dollars. Thank God I started saving my own money that Tranquel knows nothing about. When I got home Tranquel was coming down the stairs, I close the door behind me.

  “Where do you think you’re going? Where’s my daughter?” he stood in front of me with a huge smirk on his face.

  “I�
��m leaving and she’s with my mother.” He shouted.

  “I asked where you’re going. Not what you’re doing. Why didn’t you come to our session? You’re the one who told me to set it up.” I yelled right back at him.

  With a strong arm, he forcefully pushed me to the ground. I fell on my hip, twisting my ankle in the process.

  “Bae, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean too.” His shaken voice whispered. He ran by my side, scooping me into his arms. He carried me to his car, I yelled out in pain with each movement I felt.

  “Bae, were almost there,” he assured me.

  After taking X-rays, we saw the doctor and found out I have a fractured ankle and a dislocated hip. When the nurse ask me how it happened Tranquel responded so quickly with lies. He lied so fast it felt like he already had to story down packed.

  “My wife slipped down the stairs. I guess she forgot I had gotten the floors waxed the prior morning.” He reached for my hand, taken it into his he massaged my hand, leaving a kiss on my skin.

  “Is that right, Ms. Powers?” she checked with me. I knew she wouldn’t believe him. Women know when something is up.

  But Tranquel gave me look. If looks could kill, I would have broken every bone in my body. My throat became dry. I had no choice but to tell this lady what my husband said was true.

  When we left out the hospital Tranquel acted like nothing even happened. As if he believed what he said happened really was the truth. He took care of me day in and day out. He didn’t even go to work. When I had my hip surgery he grew annoyed that I even had to have surgery. He said it’s just adding to all the bills that were piling up. Sure enough, he went back to his old ways. But this time I ignored his comments and that just made him angrier.