Angela's Hope (Wildflowers)

by Banicki, Leah

  We have decided to adopt the children as our own if they all agreed to it. Heidi was not hard to convince but her sadness over losing her parents created a melancholy in her for a time. The good Lord is helping us all to see her through it. The young ones are a constant joy and challenge. God has supplied me, at 43 years old, with a family I never could have expected.

  Henry and I have discussed the topic at length and prayed extensively. Upon Henry’s next re-enlistment he will decline. With his savings we have decided to continue west. We have our hearts set on being near you, Angela. You are a daughter of my heart and I would love to raise my new family on a piece of land near you. We would love to teach the girls to grow things, and Peter to have a place to run and grow into a Godly man. I have a dream of a nice cabin with room for a big garden and a farm stand to sell my produce. I do so love that part. Seeing people buy what I grew, it is less about the money and more about the providing someone with good healthy food. I am rambling on and on. I miss our chats.

  Henry will be done with his post in April 1851. We will be well prepared to head out to the great unknown. I pray we stay safe and see you again. Lord willing our paths will cross once more.

  With much love,

  Edith Sparks

  Angela’s heart was full at the thought of her dear caretakers finally having a family. Only God can take a tragedy like those orphaned children and turn it around. Angela spent much of her day praying for this dear girl Heidi, who like herself, had seen both of her parents die too young.

  She went about her week, thinking and planning. Hoping somehow to share the news with Corinne soon. Being so far away was getting harder. Oregon was the place she wanted to be.

  * * * * *

  She had a white handkerchief tied around her hair to protect it. The white wash was a bit runny and her arms and the front of her dress was splattered. A few of the young people volunteered to paint the fence and the storage shed next to the new church. Angie was in the back of the church chatting with Sheila Henderson and enjoying the camaraderie of just being silly for an afternoon. The wind had died down and the bay was calm. Gabe was running the store and Amber had enjoyed a few peaceful days.

  When they announced the need for a fence and shed at the Sunday service a few men volunteered to build it. Not one minute later Bradley made the suggestion that the young people could perhaps paint the fence and shed and also plant a few trees around the new church building.

  This morning Angie was up early and Gabe was happy to see her bouncy and up before dawn.

  The fence was nearly done but Angela decided to wait a few minutes to see if the whitewash was evenly coated. Sheila left her alone to go help with the a tree planting. Bradley loaded a few tools into the shed next to Angela and then approached her.

  “You actually watching paint dry?” Bradley asked with a chuckle. He hadn’t come by since that awkward conversation several weeks ago.

  “Yes, I am. How silly. I just wanted to make sure it dries evenly.” Angela thought about saying more about being perfect like a good servant but stopped herself.

  “I understand, I enjoy finishing a job well myself.” Bradley held his hands behind his back a minute and tipped on his heels nervously. “I was wondering if you would like to go with me to the theatrical this weekend. It is the first one held at the new theatre, everyone is talking about it.” Bradley forced himself to stop nervously talking.

  “I have heard about that, Mr. Henderson, but I am nervous that the show will be inappropriate.” Angela didn’t trust the flyer. She had heard that several of the dance hall girls were cast in the play. They enjoyed parading on Kearney St. in nothing but their skivvies on most days. Angie had no interest in seeing that kind of show sitting next to Bradley Henderson.

  “I hadn’t thought of that.” Bradley looked perplexed.

  “I will be glad to in any other case Mr. Henderson, truly. Just the theatre is a little untested for me.” Angie smiled to calm him down. In many ways she felt older than him. Even though he was nineteen to her seventeen.

  “I understand, could I interest you in a dinner with my family some night this week?” Bradley rebounded well and his nerves were a bit calmer now, his voice had lost a bit of the tension.

  “That sounds delightful, your mother’s cooking is getting acclaim all over the city. Men constantly talk about spending their gold dust at the Henderson’s family restaurant.” Angie flattered him well and Bradley puffed his chest out unconsciously. Angie noticed and smiled to herself.

  Bradley saw her smile and took it for flirting. Angela’s pretty smile had done wonders for his confidence.

  * * * * *

  Two days later Angela was dressed in her dark green print dress with her hair up and lovely.

  The dinner was at six, they had a big table downstairs in the restaurant. The place was full but the big room in the back was for families or special parties.

  “We got some beef in from Sacramento yesterday, so steaks for everyone.” The father said loudly in his booming jovial voice.

  Angela clapped with the family as the plates were handed out. She was seated next to Bradley on one side and Sheila on the other. She did try to talk with Sheila but she was rather quiet today. Her relationship with Sheila was not a developed one yet. No matter how hard Angela tried it just wouldn’t get past small talk. Angie didn’t want to force it and kept it light throughout the evening. Angela strived on being a pleasant dinner guest and hoped everyone enjoyed her company.

  “Let us walk down to the big rocks and watch the ships. I will keep you away from the riffraff.” Bradley offered his arm after dinner and his parents grinned and nodded. Angie wasn’t sure if Gabe or Clive would like for her to be out after dark but Bradley was a strong strapping lad. Angie was sure she would be safe.

  “Thanks for inviting me to dinner Mr. Henderson.” Angie said while watching the moon as it reflected off the bay. The rocks were up ahead and the night was relatively still. She could hear the ruckus of the saloons a few streets over but they were not bad tonight.

  “I wish you would call me Bradley.” He said.

  “As you wish.” Angie paused. “Bradley.” She said to appease him. He was friendly so she didn’t want to offend.

  “I love the sound of your voice, with your accent. It’s very pretty Angela.” Bradley took a firm hold of her hand as it was clasped around his arm. She felt a little uncomfortable with him holding her hand, even with her gloves on it felt intimate and forced. She also had a brief thought that he had not asked permission to call her Angela. His hand holding hers was now pushing her boundaries.

  Would it be rude to pull away? She wondered.

  “Thanks Bradley.” Angie says a little stunted.

  “I feel like we have finally a moment alone to talk. I have a lot I want to say to you.” Bradley took the hand he was holding and gave the gloved hand a kiss.

  “Bradley, perhaps this isn’t the time but I hope you understand I don’t feel ready for a romantic relationship.” Angela blurted out before he said anything embarrassing.

  “I don’t understand.” Bradley looks dumbfounded. “I have money and will be opening up a restaurant in Sacramento in a few months. I want to take you with me.”

  “You barely know me.” Angie stammered.

  “You are sweet and beautiful and we get along well.” His face was calm.

  “Three days ago we were barely acquainted. I am flattered by your attentions but I do not feel your declarations are appropriate.” She stated, trying to keep annoyance out of her voice. Bradley shrugged, unaffected.

  Angie started to wonder about his ability to understand complete sentences.

  “I will give you more time, sweet Angela.” He leaned to give her a peck on the cheek and infuriated her further. “I should have listened to my sister. She thinks you are too shy to get married.”

  “Married? I have no intentions of getting married to you.” Angela could not help but raise her voice a little.

>   Bradley was not paying attention.

  “Not yet my girl. I will give you the time you need.” Bradley tucked her arm back into his arm and walked Angie back. She was so mad and confused she did not know what to say. He was not listening to her. When they arrived at the mercantile door Angie had to push him away when he tried to kiss her cheek again.

  “You are such a sweet little thing.” Bradley chuckled and patted her on the head. Suddenly Angie felt her temper rise up in her chest. She was more than angry. She went in, locked and bolted the door behind her in a huff. She wanted to stomp up the stairs but she controlled herself but did climb them two at a time. What she needed right now was a task, or someone to slap silly.

  Gabe sent her a quick look from his cushioned chair by the fireplace and a half scared smile spread across his face.

  “What has happened to you Red?” Gabe tried not to laugh but a small little cough sound escaped. “You look a bit bothered.”

  “I cannot say that I have ever been this dumbfounded in my life…” Angela swallowed and tried to think how she would word it. A crash happened in the next room and all words and anger were forgotten when Angie and Gabe found Amber holding onto the desk in her bedroom. There were books on the floor and the hem of ambers dress was wet and moisture was spreading across the floor.

  “My water broke and I bumped the dresser.” Amber’s forehead was damp with sweat.

  “No need to apologize. Let’s get you ready. Let me clear the bed.” Angela said, clear headed.

  Angela grabbed all the linen from the bed and pulled out a rubber tarpeline they had ready for the occasion. Angie got the bed remade with the tarpeline under the sheet and then she helped Amber out of her wet gown and underthings and into a comfortable nightgown.

  “You are all sweaty. Were you having any cramps yet today?” Angie asked. She saw a nod but Amber was holding her breath. Angie could tell her pains had started.

  “I will help you into bed. Gabe went for the Doctor. If he cannot come Mrs. Henderson will be here. I am not leaving. I have done this before.” Angie wasn’t sure why she was talking so much but it made herself feel confident. Amber crawled into the bed with a little help and Angie propped her up with a few pillows. Angie lost all her confidence when she saw drops of blood on the sheets.

  “Amber, I think you are bleeding a bit.” Angie said calmly.

  “I know. That is why I knocked over the books. One second later my water broke. I have been talking to God while you got the bed ready. This baby is moving inside me. He is okay. I know it.”

  Angela left Amber a second to get a pot of water boiling. She checked back every minute to make sure that nothing had changed.

  “I am fine now. My cramps are not close together. We have time.” Amber gave Angela a peaceful and weary smile.

  Mrs. Henderson burst through the door without knocking. “I came to help.”

  “Good. Finish filling the pan and keep stoking the fire in the stove. There is fresh water in the pot on the counter.” Angie said.

  Amber piped in from the other room. “You keep checking on me every sixty seconds. Just get done what you need too.” Amber’s chuckling eased Angie’s fears. Amber must be a calm person in a storm. She would make a good mother.

  Mrs. Henderson got busy in the kitchen and Angie grabbed towels and a few baby blunts set off to the side. She found the sharp scissors and scooped some of the boiling water out with a ladle and washed the scissors well, she gasped as the steaming hot water scalded her hands lightly. It only hurt for a second and no harm was done.

  Angie heard Amber moaning and joined her next to the bed to hold her hand.

  “Are the pains getting worse?” Angie tried to say the right thing, but maybe there was no right thing in this moment.

  “I am fine, love. I know this is the way of birthin’.” Amber let her breath out and grinned when it was over. Angie was amazed at how Amber was trying to comfort her in this situation. Some women were truly extraordinary.

  Chapter 18

  The doctor arrived with Gabe after thirty minutes of more contractions. Amber was uncomfortable and Angie noticed that there was more blood on the bed.

  When Doctor Frasier got her situated and gave her a cursory exam he also noticed the blood. He felt how strong the contractions were with his hand on her belly. He listened with his stethoscope and said the heartbeat was still strong from the baby.

  After a few hours of contractions he had raised concerns that the child’s heartbeat was fast, but Amber was nearly fully dilated. Gabe was sent away and the women were to take care of Amber.

  The pushing began and it only took a few minutes for the head to come out. Angie kept a hold of Amber’s hand and had been cheering her on during each phase of pushing. Amber was so small but grunting and fighting like a warrior to deliver her baby. Angie was so proud of her.

  “Angela, I need you to do something for me.” Doc Frasier got Angie’s attention. “The baby is struggling, see around the neck. I think the cord is cutting off the airway. I need you to reach in and pull the cord loose, you may have to push the baby in a way to do this.”

  Angie was dumbstruck, not sure if she could do this thing he asked of her.

  “Will this hurt Amber?” Angie questioned more in her head that but it was the first thing she could think to say.

  “Yes, there will be discomfort. I need your small hands. It will hurt less and we need you to do this now.” Mrs. Henderson handed Angie a warm damp towel and she cleaned her hands. Without thinking too much she reached around the child’s head and felt the cord indeed starting to tighten around the baby’s head, its little face bunched up and almost purple. Angie felt her heart latch on to some courage and she felt the small shoulder beneath her finger and gave the smallest push. The resistance was real and she could hear Amber yell out, her body was now fighting against Angie’s intrusion. The baby moved back in the canal and gave Angie a little room to get a hold of the umbilical cord, she didn’t want to pull it tight and choke the baby completely. Instead the slippery cord cooperated and was around the head and the child was out of danger. She had a moment of inspiration and instinctively she grabbed the child by the shoulders and hearing Amber pushing with the contraction Angie helped pull the child’s shoulders out. Angie caught the baby and immediately gave the little boy to the doctor.

  The body was moving a little, Angie thought. Amber was crying and Angie was holding her breath, her heart pounding in her ribs like a drum. She could not believe she had just done what she did.

  The room was quiet but for the soft voice of Dr. Frasier hovering and murmuring to the young boy, so red and fragile on the bed. The room was warm and the ears of everyone straining to hear the sound of life, something, anything to say that this was a good delivery.

  “Doctor, please!” Amber sobbed out finally.

  Doctor Frasier turned his attention away for the briefest moment his face a wash in regret and pain.

  “No, no, no!” Amber yelled in a wail and laid back to sob, her arms lay limp at the sides of her. Angie let out the painful breath she’d been holding and reached to comfort when the sound they have all waited for escaped the young boy’s lungs. A crackly scream escaped again and you could feel the tension in the room lift and fly away. Instead of sobs, laughter resounded and a cheer rose up from inside the room.

  Angie wiped at the tears of agony and joy that mingled against her cheek. The boy was quickly making up for lost time by shouting his protests about all the poking and prodding the doctor was doing.

  “A healthy baby boy, Mrs. Quakenbush.” The doctor announced and handed the baby to the mother swaddled in a clean blanket after he had been thoroughly washed and checked over.

  As the women cooed and crowed over the child the doctor helped Amber through the rest of the process. Angie was in awe. Her heart didn’t know how to handle the feelings. This moment was so overwhelming and intense it stole her ability to think. Her heart was raw as she watched Gabe enter and
share the joy with his wife over their own firstborn child.

  The only thing Angie could think at such a moment was, ‘My cup runneth over.’

  Angie stood in the corner and wept her overwhelmed tears and rejoiced and praised God in her own way for the miracle she had witnessed.

  Mrs. Henderson did help Angie with cleaning up and getting mother and child ready with a clean bed. A small cradle was near the bed to retrieve for breastfeeding.

  * * * * *

  Baby boy Silas Gabriel Quackenbush, Angela wrote the boy’s name into her journal. She had written about his birth and how the experience made her feel. There was a pride in her heart knowing she had helped in the delivery. She realized with every birth she had seen that the miracle of life was not something little to her. It was an enormous blessing and responsibility that the Lord placed into the hands of every parent. She thought a little about Edith Sparks and how her and Henry were taking on the responsibility of the three orphaned children, then she thought of her own story. Her step-father had sold her and her brother to the workhouse to avoid the work of raising children not his own. Angela was certain when she delivered her children into the world she would never intend for them to struggle so much. Angela wrestled with her thoughts but came back to a thankful spirit of realizing how much God had helped her out of the workhouse and even returned her inheritance. If she could have written a note to heaven to tell her mama that she was going to be fine, Angela would have done so on the spot, instead she prayed for her sibling. Thinking how a mother would pray for her children to be safe, she prayed as her mother would, that Sean would be safe and that God would protect him from evil and harm.

  Angela slept fitfully, waking with every noise in the house. The nights and days blurred a little as everyone adjusted to the little guy’s schedule. Though Angela had no part in the feedings, the house was up together when Silas was upset. He had lungs and knew how to project, well. Angela covered many shifts on the counter but loved when she would get time to take care of Silas when one or the other parent needed to catch up on sleep. Amber had been slow to heal from her ordeal and had been weak for a few days. The doctor was concerned at first but by the fourth day her color perked back up in her cheeks and she claimed she was improving. Everyone was watching her carefully though.