Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow

by Nathan Bransford

  “I think so.”

  “Do you think so or do you know so?”

  “Um . . .”

  “Answer the question.”

  “Yes,” Dexter said quietly. “I understand.”

  The scientist gave just the slightest upturn of the corners of her mouth, and she bowed. “Good. Right this way.”

  Dexter and the scientist approached a large mirror in the center of the room that had swirling gold edges and hovered in place. Even though Dexter had seen almost nothing but mirrors ever since he had entered the building, this one seemed different from the rest, even aside from the fact that it was hovering as if it were exempt from the laws of gravity. It had an almost otherworldly shimmer and a presence of its own, like a living thing.

  “Now, Mr. Goldstein,” the scientist said. “Whom do you want to see?”

  “I already told—” he said.

  “Don’t tell me. Just think about them and you will see them.”

  Dexter thought quickly about Jacob and Sarah and Mick, but he knew there were more important things that he needed to know first. He had to make sure everyone was still alive on Earth.

  Dexter took a deep breath and stared at the mirror. He thought about his parents and concentrated on a mental image of their faces. Even though he had just heard the rules of the Looking Glass, he held out hope that they would somehow know that he was watching and that he was alive and that he needed their help. He wanted some sign or miracle that they could help him find his way home.

  He noticed the light bending on the Looking Glass, and had the sudden sense that he could see all the way through it and that it was opening up a world in front of him.

  The light rearranged itself, and Dexter saw his mother. His initial elation at seeing her alive and realizing Earth still existed soon gave way to panic as he saw that she was lying in a hospital bed, looking deathly pale, with tubes emanating from her body and a steady, terrifying beep counting her heartbeat. Her black hair, normally pulled back into a crisp bun, was messy and disheveled. She stirred softly, as if she was uncomfortable but didn’t have the strength to move.

  The door to the room opened and Dexter’s father walked in, his face pale and concerned.

  Dexter’s mother slowly turned to face him. “Have they found Dexy?”

  His father looked away but didn’t answer.

  His mother stared back at the ceiling and took a deep breath. After a moment a tear slid down her cheek.

  “No!” Dexter shouted. “Mom, no! I’m okay!”

  The image grew blurry, and then Dexter saw himself in the Looking Glass, looking hysterical and terrified.

  “No!” he shouted again, his voice echoing across the distant walls. He turned to the scientist, who was standing serenely with her hands clasped. It was worse than he could have imagined. Not only was his mom in the hospital, but they were worried about him. It dawned on him that the stress of his disappearance must have made her sick. He could have been responsible for everything. “I have to get back to Earth. How can I get back to Earth? Please! She looks sick! What if she’s going to die?”

  “Did you say Earth?”

  “Yes! Please, the route is under construction and I have to get back. I have to, I have to!” Dexter’s voice cracked and he searched the scientist’s face for some signal that she would help him. “Please!”

  “How old are you, young man?” the scientist asked.

  “I’m . . . twelve and . . . What does that have to do with anything?”

  “A twelve-year-old Earther,” the scientist said, scratching her chin. “Very curious.”

  “Listen to me!”

  The scientist stared off into the distance. “Why, what’s that over there?”

  Dexter turned and looked, but all he saw were distant mirrors. “What? Where?”

  He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and a cloth over his nose that smelled like cough medicine. He tried to scream, but his voice wouldn’t come. He felt suddenly numb and weak.

  And then everything went black.

  CHAPTER 32

  Sarah Daisy stared at herself in the full-length mirror in her suite on Planet Royale. She was wearing a long black dress that brought out her blond hair and blue eyes. Her ears felt heavy from long jeweled earrings, and she wore a silver necklace with a large green gemstone. She had never, ever dressed up so fancily before, even for her biggest piano recitals. Part of her wanted to tear it all off and find the nearest pair of jeans, but another part of her actually kind of enjoyed the way the dress moved in the mirror.

  She had waited all day for the gala, desperately searching for something to do. First she had walked down to the lagoon to try to talk to the pink dolphin, but she soon learned that dolphins weren’t particularly interesting conversationalists. She searched the palace grounds for an escape route, finding all sorts of storerooms filled with pillows and chandeliers and bathrobes and slippers, but she didn’t find any possible hint of a way off the planet. She tried to get a suntan but didn’t last five minutes lying still, and even took Sven up on his offer to book an appointment with the royal masseuse, an ancient woman with white hair and hands of steel. Sarah made sure that the appointment involved rigorous tapping and strange contortions because at least that was somewhat entertaining. She found the cook and offered to help him with the next meal, but he was too distracted to speak to her. She even caught a glimpse of the king, a tall man with white hair, walking around the gardens with his hands clasped in contemplation, but she ducked and ran away, too scared to talk to him.

  After pretending a pillow was a soccer ball and kicking it around her suite, and tapping out a sonata silently on the desk, Sarah finally yelled, “Get me out of here!” and after no one came to rescue her, she began dressing for the gala, where at least she might be able to use some of the steps she learned in ballet.

  As she was admiring her dress in the mirror, she heard a proper voice say, “Mistress Daisy?”

  She looked around and up at the ceiling and she grinned. “Praiseworthy?!”

  “Oh, great goose’s gold, it’s so good to hear your voice! The palace’s computer allowed me on his circuits so that I could tell you that I’m sure you look simply beautiful and dazzling, and you will be the envy of tonight’s gala.”

  Sarah’s eyebrows went up in happiness and she thought she might cry. “Praiseworthy, that’s so nice! I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so much.”

  Suddenly a loud alarm went off and lights began flashing. Sarah looked around in confusion.

  “Mistress Daisy,” Praiseworthy whispered urgently. “You must save me! The palace mechanics are going to paint me pink and turn me back into a princess party cruiser. Oh, the humanity! I simply can’t bear it. I’ve created a diversion. Run! Run! Please help me! I can only keep the palace’s computer at bay for so long!”

  “Where are you? I’ve been looking all over for you!”

  “The spaceport is at the end of the hall to your right! I’ve unlocked the door for you. Please hurry!”

  Sarah ran out into the hall and closed the door behind her. She peered down the long hallway of the palace and began walking briskly. Red lights were flashing and the alarm was sounding throughout the palace. She saw a servant at the other end of the hall waving his arms at her. “Miss Daisy, you must move outside, the alarms . . .”

  Sarah smiled and pointed down the hall. “I’m just ... um . . . going . . . and . . . um . . . yeah.” She grimaced at her poor performance and hoped the sergrimaced at her poor performance and hoped the servant wouldn’t follow her.

  She kept on walking toward the spaceport and breathed a sigh of relief when she entered and saw Praiseworthy, still painted a sloppy black. “You came!” he shouted. “Oh, Mistress Daisy, this is such a happy day.”

  “Let’s get out of here, Praiseworthy!”

  “How I hoped you would say that! Yee-haw!”

  Sarah wanted to hug him even though he was a huge spaceship. But a figure stepped out
of the shadows.

  “I thought I’d find you here,” Mick Cracken said with one of his insufferable grins. He was wearing a tuxedo with shimmering fabric, and his hair was actually arranged properly rather than its typical mess of tangles. Sarah had to admit that he had cleaned up into something approaching handsome, even if his cocky grin ruined the effect.

  “What do you want?” Sarah said with her hands on her hips.

  Mick’s mischievous grin morphed into an innocent smile. The change in expression was a Mick Cracken specialty. “You look lovely. Black is the perfect color on you. You’re a vision.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes.

  “I came to apologize,” he said. “I’m sorry I lied to you. I said some things I shouldn’t have. And I hope you’ll forgive me. I know I doubted that you like me.”

  “I don’t like you,” she said.

  Mick smiled again and stepped slowly toward her. “Exactly. It shows you like me for who I am. Or rather dislike me for who I am. You’re not caught up in . . .” Mick waved his hand. “All this. So many people are.”

  Up close Mick’s freckles weren’t quite as ugly as she had thought they were and his eyes were very blue, although she certainly didn’t choose her friends based on their eye color. She appreciated that he knew he had been wrong and decided to apologize to her. Perhaps he was merely partially rotten instead of completely rotten.

  “I’m sorry too,” she said. “For being rude to you sometimes. Even though you mostly deserved it.”

  “An apology from Sarah Daisy.” Mick laughed. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Enjoy it while you can, bucko,” Sarah said sternly, although she let a smile creep through. She even chose to overlook that he had just violated the rules by saying her full name.

  She stepped forward and hugged Mick, who tensed with surprise and then put his arms around her. He was actually a decent person for a boy.

  But he was no Jacob Wonderbar.

  She pulled back and looked him in the eyes. “I’m leaving, Mick.”

  “Why?”

  Her face glowed and she felt a sudden rush of excitement. She couldn’t wait to get off the royal planet and hoped she’d never be forced to relax again. And this time she really would be the one in charge.

  “I have to go save Jacob Wonderbar.”

  She ran aboard Praiseworthy and left Mick behind.

  CHAPTER 33

  Jacob stepped slowly to the edge of the forest of apple and coffee trees. He saw a clearing up ahead and heard some faint noises and music. He hid behind a tree and carefully peered around, fearful of what he might find.

  In the middle of the clearing was a large swimming pool surrounded by adults wearing old one-piece bathing suits. Many of them were reading magazines and drinking coffee, and they looked as if they had not been out in the sun in years. Several adults were sitting at a table nearby playing Scrabble and some were reading thousand-page books. Classical music was blasting from a nearby stereo.

  Jacob snuck closer to a table and heard one of the adults say, “And I told our union rep that we needed to have a spring week like they have in the next county over, but with all the cutbacks, they can’t even get my health insurance straightened out, and I don’t even know what in the world I’m going to do when the summer comes.”

  The other adults clucked in sympathy. “Sounds like Ms. Plummer is going to have a bummer of a summer,” someone said. The other adults tittered.

  He racked his brain trying to figure out who these people were. They were dressed somewhat similarly as the substitutes, and yet they were clearly something different.

  “Young man,” Jacob heard a woman say.

  Jacob turned around and his eyes nearly popped out of his head. It wasn’t possible. The woman in front of him was someone he knew, but how in the heck could he actually find someone he knew in outer space? He wiped his eyes and looked again. No mistake. He was face-to-face with his teacher. From Earth. “Miss Banks?! It’s . . . you?”

  “Jacob? What in the world are you doing here?”

  “What are you doing here?” Jacob shouted.

  “That’s what I said!”

  Jacob reached out and grabbed a tree to steady himself. “I don’t believe this.”

  “Jacob, how did you get here? Take your time. Do you need an apple?”

  Jacob took deep breaths. Miss Banks? On Planet Paisley? He tried to make sense of it all. He looked over and there she was, short blond hair, thin glasses, and slightly twitchy hands. It was really her. But something was very different and very, very wrong. He tried to figure out what was strange about her, and then it hit him.

  “Miss Banks, you’re wearing jeans!”

  Miss Banks looked down and laughed. “When I’m not at school, Jacob, yes, sometimes I wear jeans.”

  “I didn’t think teachers were allowed to wear jeans.”

  “Believe it or not, it’s perfectly legal.”

  Jacob wasn’t so sure that it should be. But he looked up at her and could only think of one thing to say. “What are you doing here?”

  “Where do you think teachers go when you have substitutes? Oh, Jacob, this place is heavenly. They have all the fresh coffee you could ever want, we sit around discussing current events for hours, we give each other brain teasers . . .” Miss Banks closed her eyes and sighed. “It’s magical.”

  Jacob looked over at the adults sitting near the pool. “They’re all teachers?”

  “You should have heard the wonderful haiku that Mr. Harrison came up with. It was such a hoot, and—”

  “Are all of my substitutes from this planet?”

  “Of course! The Astrals were getting so scared of Earth, they wanted to try to rehabilitate Earth children, and with all the budget cuts, the free substitutes came in quite handy. But usually the subs are just so bewildered they ...” Something occurred to Miss Banks and she looked back down at Jacob. “What happened to Mrs. Pinkerton? Don’t tell me that you terrorized her too. Do you know how hard it was to get someone from this planet to take over my class?”

  Jacob laughed nervously.

  “You’re notorious! I had to promise Mrs. Pinkerton a year’s worth of number two pencils just to get her to even consider it.”

  “How many Astrals are there on Earth?”

  “I don’t know about that. Only the king knows for sure. But let me tell you, once you know there are Astrals on Earth, pretty soon everyone starts looking like a space human.”

  “The king? What . . .”

  Another adult materialized nearby. She handed a pink note to Miss Banks. “From the principal’s office,” she said.

  Miss Banks peered through her glasses to read the note, then turned her head to Jacob with alarm.

  “Jacob, is this true?!”

  Jacob wondered what the note said and realized there were any number of messages it could have contained that would have been cause for a great deal of alarm. Jacob decided to tread cautiously. “Is what true?”

  “You evaded an angry band of substitute teachers?”

  Jacob felt a rush of pride, but he tried not to show it. “They almost lassoed me with earphones, but I got away.”

  Miss Banks laughed in that high, chipper way that he sometimes heard in class. She looked around and then leaned forward and whispered, “The subs are kind of strange, aren’t they?”

  Jacob looked over at a group of teachers playing badminton and thought that perhaps Miss Banks shouldn’t be the one calling people strange.

  “How did you get here?” Miss Banks asked again.

  Jacob scratched his head. “Well, I got arrested on a planet full of scientists and they ditched me here. Oh. And I kind of broke the universe.”

  Miss Banks’s eyes went wide. “That was you? Do you know I can’t get back to Earth because of that mess?”

  “Earth’s okay?!”

  “Of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?”

  Jacob closed his eyes and thanked the stars. He took a
deep breath and steadied his knees.

  “Good thing I like it here.” Miss Banks laughed again. “Oh, Jacob Wonderbar. You know what? Of all the kids I’ve had over the years, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised that it was you who found a way to outer space. You’re a pretty special kid.”

  “Thanks,” Jacob mumbled, embarrassed at the compliment.

  Miss Banks looked at him with that serious and earnest expression teachers adopted whenever they were about to impart a piece of wisdom. “Jacob, I know you’ve had some real challenges the last couple of years. And I’m very, very sorry about that. You’re a special kid, and . . . well, I’ve already said too much, haven’t I?”

  Jacob blushed when he realized that Miss Banks probably knew everything about him, including his father leaving home, his mom’s frustration with his problems at school, and possibly his blood type and dental records. But Miss Banks was different from the other teachers. She looked at him through those glasses and it was like she saw past what was actually happening in the moment and could see what was really happening.

  Jacob cleared his throat and said, “I’m sorry I let the air out of your bike tires.”

  Miss Banks smiled. “It turned out to be a nice walk home.”

  She hadn’t written him off like nearly everyone else at school. She thought there was more to him. She thought he showed promise.

  “Time to run, Jacob,” Miss Banks said. “The note said you’re wanted in the principal’s office. Trust me, you don’t want to go to the principal’s office. You’d probably be assigned so much detention, you’d never be able to leave this planet. What do you say we let bygones be bygones and you consider this a head start back to the spaceport?”

  Jacob hugged Miss Banks, who patted him on the back in a motherly way. “Now, now,” she said. “Let’s not get emotional.”

  “Thank you, Miss Banks,” Jacob said. “You’re the best teacher ever.”

  “Well,” she said, her eyes twinkling, “that’s what every teacher wants to hear their kids say someday.” She winked at him. “And Planet Paisley is our secret.”