Ballistic

by K. S. Adkins

  Christ, right now I’d give just about anything to have a family with this woman. She reminds me so much of my own mother. Until now, I’ve been loved unconditionally by one woman and if she were here, she would approve of Lina. My mother would have taken Lina in and treated her as her own. That was just her way. That need is building in me again. I know it doesn’t make sense. I know she wants to be selfish for a while, but her idea of selfish and mine are very different. She wants a chance to be selfish, keeping me to herself, not having to share. I want to be selfish with her and selfishly have as many children together as she’ll give me. I want to watch her belly grow, work with her mood swings, and watch her nurse our children. I want her selfishly, all of her attention, all of her love and to raise a family. Together. More than anything, I want to see her smile every day.

  I remind myself that saying this out loud would send her running, I don’t say shit. Instead, I decide to up my efforts in other ways. But first we have to get this meeting out of the way. Parking a block over, we walk hand in hand toward Venessa, waiting for us at the door. I hope she doesn’t give us any grief on her home turf, she opens the door, inviting us in, but she stays fairly silent, which I believe was for Lina’s benefit. Venessa knows what using her ability costs Lina and in that moment, my respect for her grows.

  “I thought our bedroom would work best for you, Lina,” she says when Rogan walks in, owning the room. “It’s closest to the living room, and the walls are paper thin. Great for listening, yeah?”

  “Yeah,” she says quietly. “Thanks, Venessa.”

  “You’ll go with her, Tony,” she says. “If the cap sees you---“

  “I’m aware,” I tell her quietly while taking Lina’s hand in mine. “Lead the way.”

  Entering their bedroom is all sorts of awkward for both of us. I don’t look around and neither does she. Instead, she grabs a chair and sets it by the door. Opening her bag, she pulls out her notebook followed by a pen, then just sits down not speaking to any of us because she’s in her own headspace.

  “All good in here?” Rogan asks, coming to Venessa’s side.

  “Yeah,” Lina says, looking at the floor.

  “Okay, so let’s just say even Macy hasn’t chilled in here before, it’s awkward, yeah? I’m not alone in this am I?” Venessa asks, looking at each of us and we each nod while Rogan laughs. The man laughs now, crazy.

  “Room’s as clean as it’s gonna get,” he booms from the door. “Just don’t look under the bed. Angel’s a slob.”

  “I am not!”

  “Liar,” Lina whispers absently while making notes on her pad.

  “Oh, that’s not even fair!” Venessa shouts with a smile on her face.

  “Lina gets it,” Rogan says, pulling her from the room.

  “Well yeah,” Venessa says, laughing. “She always gets it, she’s evil like that.”

  If you didn’t know what to look for, you wouldn’t notice when Lina’s body stiffens at being called evil, but I noticed. But before I can do anything, Rafe walks in with Macy and as usual, it’s comical. “So this is where the magic happens?” he asks diving onto their bed and dry humping it “Jonas!” growls Macy.

  “Get over here! Wait is that a Tempurpedic?” she asks, joining him on the bed. “Oh god it is! We have to get one of these!”

  “We don’t need one, princess,” he says, slapping her ass. “They have to have one because he could roll over and crush her. She’s liter-sized.”

  “Pint-sized, you ass,” she says. “What about you, Lina? What size bed do you have? Tony’s a big guy.”

  Waiting her for response, I’m hoping she’s not uncomfortable with the focus being on her again. Based on her posture, I had the feeling she preferred to go unnoticed. I’m ready to jump in at her defense, but she looks up, sets her pen down and looks at me. “He has a king,” she says, smiling. “But I usually sleep in a dog bed on the floor.”

  “She’s kidding, Jonas,” Macy says, laughing when Rafe frowns.

  “Tony has a king, but what do you have?”

  “Whatever’s available,” she says, looking over her shoulder. Just before the doorbell rings, she whispers, “batter up” and in that second, the mood shifted. They leave us and head out to the living room. Pulling up a chair next to her, I take her hand and she lifts it, and kisses my knuckles. Leaning into me she whispers, “Thanks for being here with me.”

  The second she hears the captain’s voice, her entire body tightens next to mine. I watch her eyes cloud over and I know I’d lost her that quickly. There are no words to describe how horrible that feels. I’d lost her before I had a chance to ask her how she knew he arrived, and to tell her there was no place else I’d rather be.

  His voice irritates me. He was once a man I respected, a man I thought could do no wrong. That afternoon in the cell, I made a deal with the devil thinking he was my friend. He changed after that, slowly, day by day, nothing too noticeable. I was young and eager to please. I wanted to use this ability to help people, to help him. I ignored the discomfort his lies brought me, I tucked them down deep. But like all lies, they refused to stay buried.

  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted them too.

  He was the only father figure I had, that we girls had. I did everything I could to prove his innocence until I couldn’t prove it anymore. Sitting in this chair, in Venessa’s room even with Anthony’s body heat next to me, I feel nauseous. Everything he said is false and they’re falling for it because they can’t feel it like I do. They want to believe him as I once did. Fighting my way back, I can feel my heart wanting to reject the idea of him doing wrong, but my head says “fuck that, he needs to be held accountable.”

  Being sensitive is difficult enough for a normal person. My being sensitive is physically painful. I’ve done a bang up job of keeping emotion out of my life most days, but today is not one of those days. Knowing the man in the next room is playing my friends like a fiddle, angers me. Floating back to awareness, I blink, take a breath and stow my heart away and focus on what I’m good at..

  Getting answers.

  Anthony keeps looking at me like I’m insane, but I’m listening, not loca. Listening takes effort and I have to give it all my attention. Who in the hell came up with these lame questions anyway? They are horrible at this. I mean, A+ for trying, but they fucking fail at Interrogation-101. Standing up, he tugs my hand, pulling me back down. “No,” I tell him firmly.

  “You can’t go out there, Sherlock,” he whispers.

  “No? Watch me.” Removing my hand from his, I move my chair so I can open the door.

  “If you go out there, he’ll shut down.”

  “If I don’t go out there, we’ll never leave this room,” I growl. “They are trying too hard. Oh, and they suck.”

  “Give them time to get comfortable,” he urges. “They have history with this man.”

  Getting in his face, I growl again to make my point. “So do I,” I warn him. “Now move.”

  Throwing his hands in the air, he stands aside, allowing me to open the door and march out into the living room. Rounding the corner I see the cap looks comfortable. He’s lounging and drinking a beer? Oh fuck that. The second I’m seen Macy and Venessa’s eye go round and the men look frustrated. As for the good captain, he gives me his usual look of disdain and like always, it hurt.

  “Ain’t no party like a Detroit party,” I offer in way of greeting and surprise, the captain immediately stands up to leave. “Going somewhere, cap?” I ask, standing next to him hindering his exit.

  “What in the hell is this?” he asks the room. “What in the hell is she doing here?”

  “She” Anthony says, entering the room, “wants answers.”

  “Fuck,” Rafe mumbles and Rogan just groans. The girls, though, they look pissed.

  “I ain’t answering shit with that one here,” he yells, pointing at me. “Everyone knows she’s a god damn phony.”

  “I’d like to remind you that you are in my home, ca
ptain,” Venessa says with her nostrils flaring.

  “Yeah, what she said,” Macy offers, looking equally miffed. “Sit down and answer her questions or I’ll have Rogan make you sit, yeah?”

  Reluctantly, he sits and is none too happy about it.

  “On the night of the Russo bust you were lead detective, if memory serves. Pulling the records from that night---”

  “You don’t have the authority to pull those records, little girl.”

  “I don’t? Wasn’t it you that gave me access, then forgot to change my username and password? Does Alzheimer’s run in your family? Doesn’t matter really, I’ll make this quick, kay? Pulling the records from that night, the raid began at what time?”

  “Approximately ten pm, you know that if you read the file.”

  “What time did it end?” When he glares and doesn’t answer me, I ask again. “I asked you what time it ended, captain.”

  “It took an hour.”

  “It took one hour and forty seven minutes, actually. A lead detective would know that because he was on site. Only you weren’t. Where we you, captain?”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Answer her,” Anthony growls.

  “Fuck you too, asshole,” he spits back.

  “If she has to ask you again, we’re gonna have problems, Captain,” Rogan says.

  Rafe follows with, “These questions ain’t gonna hurt you none if you’re telling the truth, sir.”

  “I had an emergency.”

  “What was it?”

  “My son.”

  “On the night of the Cross’ murder,” I begin and feel awful when Venessa gasps looking at me like I’m about to rip her world apart. I can’t dispute the look because it’s possible I will. “Detective Cross’ partner and wife were also murdered. What was his partner’s name?”

  “Detective Gryza,” he growls. “Be very careful what you ask me next, Halina.”

  “Sure thing, sir,” I say, smiling. “You were out of town on the night of this double homicide, another emergency, I presume. However, the officers in charge were present at both scenes, which I find utterly impossible. They were ordered by you to be in two places at once. Another interesting fact was that the officers you called to both scenes were also killed with no investigation noted, per your orders. So what I’m wondering is, if the Russo’s were, in fact, responsible for all these deaths, which it’s fair to say they were, why weren’t you killed too? Because the only officer to survive was you.”

  “I don’t know,” he mumbles, looking at the floor playing the part of the sad detective who was spared. “I wish I knew.”

  “Oh, but I know,” I tell him and when I do, I see his body tense. “You made a deal to save your own ass, then you left.”

  “That’s a god damn lie.”

  “Tell me about the deal. Were you paid off?” I ask as he starts to sweat and shift on the sectional.

  “I’m done with you,” he yells at me. “After tonight you won’t ever work in my fucking city again!”

  Sliding off the couch, kneeling in front of him, I look him in the eyes. “Do you miss them?”

  “You don’t know who the fuck you’re dealing with,” he growls down at me. “You should be ashamed.” I searched inward for the shame he mentions I should have but found none. Not that I expected to find any mind you, mostly I did it out of boredom.

  “Answer the fucking question, Captain,” Venessa says, standing next to me with Rogan next to her.

  “Yes, I miss them.”

  “Were you promised captain if you closed the investigation?”

  When I drop that one in his lap he jumps up, knocking me over in the process. Then, because he was all worked up he pretty much went ballistic. “You think I wanted this job at the expense of my friends?” he yells, while Anthony helps me up.

  “Answer her,” Anthony orders him.

  “You are barking up the wrong tree, Halina,” he says, staring me down. “Maybe you should spend your time looking into the history of the man you’re currently fucking instead of pissing all over history that needed to stay where it was.”

  “Where’s that, captain?” Venessa asks.

  “In the past!”

  Within seconds, he was clutching his chest, seconds after that, he falls onto the sectional and only Macy rushes forward to help.

  “He’s having a heart attack,” she says, moving him to his back.

  “Yeah, well, guilt will do that to you,” I offer, walking into the kitchen with Venessa and Rogan following me. Rafe calls for an ambulance and once it arrives, no one goes with the captain to the hospital. Instead they all gather in the kitchen, looking to me to drop the big bomb.

  So I did.

  My parent’s deaths haunted me. I may have been a grown man when they were killed, but the little boy in me still needed his father. Like I’ve done since they died, I found myself speaking to them, knowing they couldn’t answer me. Watching her work, hell, watching her constantly, I asked my father what do you do when the woman you need doesn’t need you in return. Of course, he didn’t answer me directly, so I searched within myself and realized several things. First, Lina was not, nor would she ever be, my mother. Second, since she was a child, she’d had to fend for herself and wanted control of everything, like I do. When you have everything taken from you, control becomes a life line. I get that. Last, if I look hard enough, I knew she did need me in subtle ways. To sleep, to eat, to bring her pleasure and to anchor her. She may not have needed me like my mother needed my father, but I am needed. Maybe even more so. Lina needed me to keep functional. Taking a deep breath, I silently thanked him for listening, just in the event that he was.

  Once the captain is loaded up and gone, we all convene in the kitchen. All eyes are on Lina. No doubt it’s about to get heated. Walking over to her, I pull her back to my front and hold her in a show of support. Venessa is the first to speak.

  “Holy fuck, Lina what was that?”

  “That was how I get answers.”

  “By giving the guy a heart attack?”

  “She didn’t give him a heart attack,” Macy says, joining the party. “He gave himself a heart attack, likely brought on by an extremely stressful situation.”

  Looking directly at me, she demands the truth, so I give it to her. “He lied,” I tell her and everyone else. “He was absent for the bust, the murders and his friends, although missed, were acceptable collateral damage.”

  Rogan grabs Venessa before she loses it and ushers her from the room. Macy and Rafe looked confused and Lina just looks sad. “Maybe we should go,” I urge her.

  “Lina,” Macy says, pulling her into a hug. “Thank you. I know that was hard for you, too. He was a father to all of us. But out of the group, you’ve spent the most time with him.”

  “Venessa loves him,” she whispers.

  “Yes she does, but she loved her own parents more.” Turning toward me, she leaves Macy’s arms for the safety of mine. She pulls my head down and whispers, “It’s time.”

  “Okay, Sherlock,” I tell her. “Okay.”

  Leaving the room to retrieve Venessa, Rafe stands next to the kitchen counter I’m holding up. “She’s the real steal,” he says, whistling. “I heard about it, never thought I’d see it, though. Is it just me or does she look different when she’s working her mojito?”

  “I’ve seen it too,” I say quietly. “But she’s back now and it’s mojo. Mojito’s are a drink.”

  “Back?” he asks, confused. “Where did she go?”

  “Jonas,” Macy says, fitting under his arm. “I’ll explain it to you later.”

  “That was trippy,” he continues. “How is she still fucking sane? Did you pick up on the weird look on her face? That female went on a field trip to la-la land and didn’t invite the rest of us.”

  “We’ll talk about it later,” she says again clearly losing patience.

  “Ain’t no way you’re not cookoo for Coco Puffs doing that shit for a living.”
<
br />   “Jonas!” she growls. “Stop.”

  Ignoring them both, I wait patiently for her to return. I knew the day would come that I’d have to explain myself to Venessa, but I sure as fuck wasn’t looking forward to it and in the meantime I wasn’t explaining shit to Rafe.

  Rogan ushers her back in with Lina entering last. Venessa’s eyes are red and she’s shaking. Rogan is holding her close, keeping her from going to that dark place she finds solace in, and I’m pretty sure if she doesn’t try and kill me for this, she could shut down and then he’d do it on her behalf.

  Coming to my side and putting an arm around my waist, Lina speaks first. “I need you to listen to Anthony,” she says, addressing Venessa specifically. “Let him speak before you cast judgment or ask questions.”

  “Okay,” she says, looking worried.

  “And if you start to flip out, or you come at him, you and I are going to have a problem. Stand there and listen please, okay?”

  “The fuck, Lina?” she growls. “I said okay, didn’t I? Spill it, Tony.”

  The next half hour was spent with me spilling it. From the beginning I explained our father’s, the bust that brought death to our doors, my role in trying to keep her from spending life in prison because of her need for justice and even how I put Rogan in her path too. Let me say, she was totally quiet, and during my explanation Lina never moved from my side either. “That’s it,” I tell her exhaling hard. “That’s the truth.”

  Looking at Lina, Venessa narrows her eyes. “You knew this, knew he was lying and kept it from me?”

  “He wasn’t lying. He was keeping you safe.”

  “With you, there are lies and truth Lina, which is it? From where I’m sitting, he fucking lied.”

  Pushing away from me, she storms up to Venessa who breaks away from Rogan. “And from where I’m sitting, had he not covered your ass, you’d be dead or in prison, Venessa. It’s not like you were careful. You used the streets to hunt in Detroit after dark. You were also careless and fucking lucky too. So let’s try something new, let’s try putting on our big girl panties and I don’t know? Saying thank you?”