by K. S. Adkins
“You lied to me too!” she shouts at Lina who I can see is getting pissed.
“Is that right? I’m going to ask you a question. Have you moved on, stopped dishing out justice? The answer is no, I know that because he’s spent years cleaning up your messes for you. He did that for you, Kharma.”
“Fuck you!” she yells, pushing Lina so hard she falls on her ass.
Attempting to help her up, she pushes me away and says, “I’m fine,” then gets back in Venessa’s face. “No, fuck you,” she growls. “The shit he’s done for you, he did to make sure you had a fucking life with him,” she says, pointing at Rogan. “Pay attention to where you are right now. You didn’t have shit until you met Rogan, now you do. When you’re finished blaming him for your bad choices remember he lost his family too, Venessa. Your fathers were partners. He’s spent years working on a closed case to get you both answers. No one in this room has trusted him because you didn’t bother to get to know him. His ass has been on the line for you for ten years.” When Venessa starts to pale, Lina doesn’t let up. “I’ve betrayed the very community I work with to get answers for you, for all of us. The captain is a piece of shit. Maybe he didn’t used to be, but he is now. You want to be pissed and point fingers, get in your god damn car and drive over to the hospital and point them at him. You don’t get to massage the truth when you feel like it, not when it’s staring you right in the face. You want the truth? He is the truth. Had he said anything prior to now, you wouldn’t have listened, none of you would have because the truth can fucking suck, Venessa.”
Venessa’s expressions change, as though she is piecing it all together and struggling, but Lina is leaving no room for argument.
“Gary didn’t find you by accident,” she says, softening her voice. “I’ve been at this 24/7 and these events aren’t coincidence. Gary, Briggs and Ben add it up. They were bought off. Number three that hurt Macy? He was a cop paid to do it or die if he didn’t. Whoever is pulling the strings is using cops Venessa, a lot of cops. What we’re facing is survival of the fittest and we can win. I wouldn’t lie to you, you know that. Listen to me, it’s us against them now. There isn’t a side anymore. It’s do or die now. In case anyone is listening, someone wants each of us dead.”
“What about Jules?” Venessa asks, looking devastated.
“Jules is a whole other story, one I’ll explain soon, but her situation doesn’t really factor in here just yet. I haven’t found the connection but, I will.”
“You did all that for me?” she asks me quietly.
“I did,” I answer her and then she looks back at Rogan who nods, giving her the thumbs up. Looking at Lina, she just smiles and cocks her head toward me, letting her know that it’s okay.
Taking several small steps, she’s standing in front of me looking defeated and sad. “Thank you, Tony,” she whispers for me to hear. “I misjudged you bad, yeah? I’m really sorry.”
Pulling her to me, I tell her the truth. “Nothing to be sorry for, Venessa, I watched your back for a while, is all. I just wanted you to be safe and happy.”
“I am,” she says, squeezing me. “Are you?”
Glancing over at Lina, I see joy in her eyes, not jealousy, not rage. “Yes,” I tell her. “Extremely.”
“Then I’m willing to look past the fact that you used the stories I shared with you against me for personal gain. You’re lucky I don’t slit your throat for using my sister for personal gain too. Good thing she’s into you too yeah?” nodding to her with a smirk, she continues. “Pretty happy I didn’t have to kill you, Tony. That would have kinda sucked for me. But just know that for her, I would have.”
Clearing his throat, Rogan no doubt wants his lady back. Releasing her, she wipes her eyes and secures herself to his side. “You didn’t want my woman, did you?”
“No,” I answer him. “I didn’t. I just wanted her safe. I consider her a friend.”
“Alright then,” he says, clearly satisfied. “What else you two got?”
We spelled it out. Every detail we have so far. No one interrupted, no one doubted her. How could you? When it comes to solving mysteries, no one can compete with Sherlock.
“How are you?” she asked and I wished I’d had a good answer to give her. Something positive, something to make her proud of me. But the fact was, I had nothing to be proud of because once again I was stuffing my shit into a bag, readying myself for another walk of shame. “Swell,” I mumbled, not wanting to wake the nameless guy asleep on the couch. “Everything okay Red?”
“Why are you whispering?”
“I’m not whispering,” I whispered. “I’m using my inside voice,”
“Where are you right now?”
“Uh, inside?”
“Lina,” she growled. “Tell me.”
Closing the door behind me and walking down the steps, out the door and down the street to my truck, I looked up at the cross streets and mumbled my location. “You’re in Ferndale because?”
“Red,” I groaned. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.”
“I asked, therefore, I want an answer.”
“You already know the answer,” I reminded her. “Don’t make me say it.”
“What’s his name?”
“Dunno.”
“What does he do?”
“Dunno that either.”
“Were you safe?”
“Both mags were loaded with one in the chamber. Yes I was safe.”
“Dammit Lina,” she growled.
“Gotta go Red, thanks for the call.”
Disconnecting I sat in my truck with my head on the steering wheel and whispered, if only to myself, “Please don’t be disappointed in me, Jules.”
Pulling up to Max and Jules’ place, I take in the neighborhood and also replay the hugs and I love you’s the girls gave me before I left. Now I’m feeling all emotional and shit. Hugs make me so mushy on this inside. No one plans to visit the good captain, although, I don’t think any of them actually hopes he’ll die, except maybe me and Jules. But Macy will check on him, there’s no way she won’t. It goes against her nature.
As soon as my door slams, Jules comes out looking bright and happy. She’s got her mobility back, but Max is right behind her, making sure she doesn’t overdo it. I’ll admit it, I really like Max.
“Thank god,” she says, hugging me. “He’s driving me nuts.”
“I can hear you,” he says, shaking Anthony’s hand.
“I wasn’t trying to be quiet,” she says with sass. Taking a seat on their big porch, we make small talk while my eyes roam the neighborhood. It really is quite gorgeous and I find myself curious about the neighbors.
“Sherlock,” he says wanting my attention. As soon as I finished scanning the neighbors landscaping I was going to answer, I swear.
“Ow fuck! Did you just pinch me?”
“You weren’t listening.” He says clearly annoyed with my focus being elsewhere.
“You could tap me, text me, clap real loud, or I don’t know, be patient? But for fuck’s sake, stop with the pinching.”
“Finish filling them in,” he orders me. “I’m taking you out after this.”
“You are?” I ask, clapping. “Where are we going?”
“Lina,” Jules says. “Focus.”
“Hater,” I grumble. “Captain’s full of shit, had a heart attack in front of the group so the interrogation was thwarted. Quite clever really, he timed that well. You already know Hank was making money off Lush by paying cops off. Macy’s drug hasn’t been on the scene since your showdown and I’m guessing that isn’t the motivator for this guy. Still looking for the string puller, who, by the way, I’m positive is the one paying cops off. Hence where Hank got the idea from, because the man wasn’t all that original. Nothing personal, Max. Whoever this guy is has pull with the department and convinced cops either by threat or the almighty dollar, to off each other to save their own asses. I’ve got several lined up on the side of good and I
’m close to figuring it out. But getting through all the intel sober is tricky, time consuming and boring.”
“Bishop said they’re getting so many calls they can’t keep up,” Max says, pulling Jules onto his lap. “Saint said you did some demolition derby recently. He also said it was really fucking impressive.”
“It’s true, I have skills.”
“When were you going to mention you killed a cop, Lina?” Jules asks, leaning forward to face me.
“Uh, now?” I offer, but she isn’t convinced.
“Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you killed a cop.”
“I killed a dirty cop who happened to hurt Mrs. Mathers.”
“Who’s Mrs. Mathers?” Max asks.
“Her truck, which is named after her favorite rapper’s mother.” Anthony confirms.
“You named your truck after Eminem’s mother?”
“We’re getting sidetracked here,” I announce. “How much did you give for this house?”
“About seventy grand, eight years ago. Why?”
“It’s a nice house,” I tell him. “I like your porch.”
“Thanks?” he says, looking at Jules who doesn’t get it either.
“The captain is in the hospital again, Venessa knows he’s crooked and about Tony watching her back. Am I missing anything?”
“I’m closing in on the bad guy. He’s going out of his way to get my attention, but I’m way smarter than he is,” I offer. “Oh, and did I tell you Anthony’s my boyfriend now, who, by the way, wants me to birth a major league baseball team?”
“She’s exaggerating,” Anthony says, lightly pinching me again when their jaws drop. “I said if it happened, it happened. But I do love her baseball references.”
“Babies?” Jules asks, looking back and forth at us. “Babies?”
Pointing over my shoulder at him, I tell her, “He says I’m a natural.”
“You are,” she says. “But babies now?”
“I’m still on my depo so, if his batters can hit that shit out of the park, then I guess I’ll yell homerun and call it good.”
“Depo?” he asks angrily. “What the fuck is depo?”
“Oh, I didn’t mention that?” I ask innocently. “It’s a form of birth control. I get the shot every three months to prevent the oopsies. A modern girl can’t be too careful, because let’s face it, I’m proof accidents do happen.”
“You’re unbelievable,” he says, moving me away from him. “I’m the one who plays games? You don’t know who I am? I have no god damn idea who you are other than a disappointment. Congratulations, you pulled one over on me. You win and we’re leaving. Let’s go.”
Looking over at Jules, I ask her as he storms to the car, “I fucked up didn’t I? How did I mess that one up?”
“Uh…”
“Talk to him, Lina,” Max advises. “He’ll be fine. He’s just upset right now.”
Nodding to them, I walk to the car, opening my own door, getting in and buckling up. I feel Max’s lie burning in my stomach. I fucked up, but I didn’t mean to do it.
What I did need is a fucking instruction manual.
“She sounds mysterious,” I told her before claiming my booth. I’ve come to loathe sitting here every weekend. Venessa and Max think I’m up to no good while I sit here pretending to be doing nefarious things, but I’m not. I sit here to make sure she’s safe and that Max’s interests are protected.
“She’s not mysterious,” she laughed. “She’s nuts.”
“You think she’s nuts?”
“I don’t think she’s nuts,” she argued. “I know she is. But hell, so am I, yeah? Everyone thinks she’s fucked in the head and to a point, she is. But Lina always knows what she’s doing even if no one else gets it. Problem is, most people don’t take the time to get it and she wouldn’t let them anyway.”
No words.
I have not a fucking thing to say to her right now. Fucking birth control. Jesus Christ. Slamming my car door, I don’t even bother to wait for her because at this moment I need to be as far away from her as possible. Throwing my keys on the counter, I rip open the basement door and hit the steps to work this out in my gym privately. If she follows me down, I’ll rip her apart for keeping this from me, I know I will.
Starting with free weights, I alternate arms, relishing the burn. Stepping over to my punching bag, I double time it until my shoulders refuse to hold the weight of my arms anymore. The whole process took thirty minutes max, but I needed it. In that time I was able to calm myself and see that I’d been harsh. Cooling down, I grab a towel and look at myself in the mirror. I’m thirty-two years old, never married and until her, I never had a serious relationship. Was it fair of me to expect children and a happily ever after so soon?
I don’t know.
But from the second I heard Venessa talking about her, I knew I had to meet her. Then I did, and every dominant thought and feeling came rushing forward. I want everything from her, but what am I giving her in return? Not a fucking thing. Because I expect her to run and hide. If she does, I can say it’s because she has unresolved issues and not because I was a domineering asshole who didn’t listen. Fact is, I didn’t listen. I also didn’t show her who I really was out of fear I wouldn’t make the cut.
I promised her I was hers, but I held myself back, offering bits and pieces, just enough to keep her interested. My focus has been on what she needs to do, how she needs to change to accommodate me and my expectations. I told myself when she did those things, I would do them for her in return. She did do those things though, and I didn’t do my part. Lina put herself out there for me, shared her fears with me and was there for the taking. Yes, I wanted a family, but thinking the only way to make that happen was to trap her was irresponsible of me. It was also shaming her. She said she was open to it but needed time, and what did I do? I called her a disappointment.
Running up the steps I don’t see her in the kitchen, heading upstairs she isn’t there, and neither are her bags. Running back to the kitchen again, I look out the window and see her truck’s gone. Sitting down, I let my head hit the table and when it does my forehead sticks to a key.
The house key she asked for.
I sit there for hours wondering how to fix this. When nothing came, I knew I needed help. Taking my phone out of my pocket, I dial the only number I can think of that might help me.
“Yes, Tony?” she says impatiently.
“She left,” I tell her. “I have to find her.”
“Did you ever stop and wonder why she lives out of a duffel bag? Why she doesn’t date? Why she’s fearful of forming connections to people?”
“Jules,” I groan. “I just need to find her.”
“And when you do, are you going to scream at her and lecture her on how she’s handling it?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I just want her home.”
“When you figure that out, call me back,” she orders me. “That’s my best friend you’re fucking with right now. Over her taking birth control, seriously? Did you even ask her if she was on it before you decided she could pump out decent children for you?”
“What?”
“You heard me,” she growls. “You want a baby maker! She’s never even had a god damned boyfriend, Tony! She’s a completely different person since meeting you. She’s social, she’s smiling and she’s fucking trying! No man who is lucky enough for a special woman like Lina tries to trap her with children.”
“I wasn’t trying to trap---” I begin, then cut myself off before finishing the lie. “Please,” I beg her. “I’ll do anything.”
“You will make this right,” she says. “Repeat that.”
“I will make this right.”
“She’s at Batch. But---”
Disconnecting, I grab my keys and run out the back door to my car. I haul my ass to get to the freeway. She’s got at least a few hours on me and a lot can happen in a few hours. Please d
on’t let her be drunk and on another mother fucker’s lap, I chant to myself. I’d kill him, I know I would. Making my way into Corktown, everything slows to a crawl, so I park at the closest spot, not bothering to locate a better one. I just needed to get inside. Running down the street, I don’t see her truck, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t parked elsewhere.
Throwing the door open, the few patrons inside look at me like I’m crazy and they’d be right. The bartender is the first to come over and assess my threat potential. “Can I help you, my man?”
“I’m looking for someone,” I tell him, almost breathless. “She small, like under five feet small. Blonde hair---”
“Big tits, fat ass yeah, I know Lina.”
“I’m going to warn you once that speaking of my woman in that way will get you hurt.”
“Lina has a man?” he asks, laughing and giving me the once over. “Wait, you?” Then he can’t control it and really starts laughing, so I approach getting in his space.
“Something you’d like to tell me?”
“Not really,” he says, wiping his eyes. “Well, actually yeah. The guy over there, Stephen, has a gun aimed at your fucking forehead for one. For two, she left here with her friend Kelly. For three, if you come at Kelly like you came at me, she will kill you.”
“Who the fuck is Kelly?”
“Obviously you ain’t met her,” he says, walking away. “If you had, you wouldn’t be asking me stupid fucking questions.”
“Just tell me where they went,” I beg him. “I’m worried about her.”
“They were talking about houses,” he says. “Kelly is a realtor. Those two go way back. When they ain’t starting shit, that is. You ain’t gotta worry about your woman with Kelly.”
“Lina said she wanted to buy a house?”
“Hence the realtor,” he says. “Your ears plugged?”
“When?”
“Tomorrow, if the one she wants is still available.”
“Where is Kelly’s office?”
“No fucking chance,” he says, backing away. “Kelly can kill you if she wants. She kills me for telling you as much as I have I won’t get to stare at her tits. I ain’t big into mourning that loss.”