by K. S. Adkins
Then I took picture of the damage from my NASCAR stunt and sent it to a collision shop for a price on repair. Wiping the dirt on my jeans, I looked up and Anthony’s there watching me. It didn’t creep me out anymore, but the look he gave me makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. Lighting up, I turned my music off as he approached.
“Did I wake you?” I asked, hoping that I didn’t. I’ve noticed he’s been trying to adjust his sleep schedule to mine and I feel like shit that his gorgeous eyes have bags under them. Taking a hearty sip of his coffee, he leaned down and kissed my mouth.
“No pienko,” he whispered against my lips. “You didn’t wake me.”
“Oh,” I muttered thoroughly confused by his heated look. It wasn’t lust, which is a look I understood. It was something more. “Good.”
“Did you just change your oil in the driveway?”
“Oh balls,” I groaned. “Did I violate a code or something?”
“No,” he said, still giving me that look. “Who taught you to do that?”
“I did.”
“By yourself?”
“Yes?”
“Why didn’t you take it in for service?”
“I like doing it,” I admitted, taking another hit which gives me time to think. “It’s something I can be proud of, I guess.”
“What else can you do?”
“Depends on where this is going.”
“Change a flat?” I nodded. “Repair a garbage disposal?”
I thought on it. “I suppose that depends on the horsepower, but I’d feel confident in saying yes.”
The list goes on and on. Cook, change a diaper, (which I haven’t done but it can’t be that difficult), winterize a hot tub, reach for a dish that was high up (weird but, whatever, that’s what chairs are for) and my favorite, fix a roof.
“Is this a test?” I asked him, stealing his cup for a sip. “If so did I pass or fail?”
“There isn’t much you can’t do,” he said, looking almost sad. “I have to ask myself, what could I possibly do for you that you can’t do for yourself?”
My own sadness takes over. My independence bothered him. Are women not supposed to be self-sufficient? I wouldn’t know, I haven’t had a choice but to rely on myself. This is who I am, who I’ve worked hard to become. It may be the only thing I truly like about myself. Staring down at my feet, I whispered my answer so only I could hear it. “You could love me.”
Because I certainly didn’t know how to love myself and I was also pretty sure it wasn’t something I could teach myself, either. I’ve loved a few things in my life. The girls, my truck, and now him. I wish I could love me, but I’d settle for him doing it.
All of my life I have searched for this. I looked for so long that in time, I hadn’t realized I had given up. He’d been there even when he was hiding in plain sight. To find him all I had to do was look up. Then when I least expected it, he came barreling into my life and gave me the truth I’d been looking for.
Love.
There is nothing truer than that. Did I love him at first sight? No. Did I love him when he showed up in my hotel room? No. I wish I had an exact date and time so I could etch it into my skin, but I decided that wasn’t necessary either. Love happened for me when I was ready to receive it and not a moment sooner. The man underneath me challenges me, infuriates me, believes in me, and I pray never leaves me because I wouldn’t survive it.
“Look in my eyes, Lina,” he says, breaking me from my moment of clarity. “I will not ever leave you.”
“That’s not right,” I mumble, blinking rapidly. “I’m awake.”
“We’re both awake,” he says, gripping my hips. “I’ve never been more awake in my life.”
“Me either,” I whisper, leaning down to take his mouth. “I don’t ever want to sleep again.”
“When you do,” he growls, rocking me over his jean clad cock, “it will be next to me.”
“Okay coach,” I say, biting his lower lip. “Okay.”
“I need you now,” he orders me. “Show me how dirty those knees can get.”
Silently I squat to balance myself in an effort to free him from his jeans. He isn’t wearing underwear today. Nice. “I was in a hurry to find you,” he says, catching me staring. “Now I’m in a hurry to get back where I belong.”
So this whole thing I had about him not talking? I admit I was wrong. Because when he speaks, I listen. Problem is, when he speaks, I can’t find my own words because his are so perfect. Lucky for me, he’s speaking for both of us. When his jeans meet his ankles, I slide my own down while he watches. Where his rest at his ankles, I have to battle unlacing my chucks, which I double knotted and can’t seem to undo.
“Let me,” he says, reaching over and with nimble fingers to unravel both quickly and efficiently. Smiling in thanks, I stand back up to kick them off and undress myself, but when my right shoe refuses to leave my foot it causes me to tip over. Losing my balance again when I try to right myself causes me to crash into the chair. Hitting it hard I send it flying into the corner where it lays on its side with two legs broken. Putting his hands behind his head, he doesn’t even try not to laugh.
His laugh is infectious and I start giggling too.
My face is red, no doubt, my ass probably is too. Shucking off the last of my clothing, I leave it in a heap on the dirty floor. Tip toeing back to him, he pulls me down on top of him. Then he takes my mouth, grips me and I see where this is going.
We’re about to fuck on a dirty floor, nice.
Grabbing his cock with one hand, I remind myself to get this cast off like yesterday. “Harder,” he groans. “You’re stronger than that.” Tightening my grip to shut him up, I use the angle to make his already stiff cock like steel. “Now Lina,” he orders, thrusting up through my hand. “Give me what’s mine.”
Stroking him harder, my arm feels like it’s on fire, but it can burn endlessly for all I care. I watch him growl and swear like he’s too pissed to get off. But I know better. He wants this pussy and I’m not ready to give it to him yet. Or maybe I am, when he practically dislocates my arm then slams me down on his cock. “I’m done asking,” he says, finding a rhythm. “Now fucking ride me.”
Pleasure I never knew was possible finds its way inside of me. Maybe it is freedom, freedom of knowing you’re loved and loving in return. I’m no expert, but even here on this dirty floor, this feels different.
This feels, permanent.
Using the pads of my feet as leverage, I’m able to bounce, meeting his thrusts. Amidst the grunts, groans and creaking floor, I open myself up to this, to him completely, and that’s when things really get interesting. Sitting up, I’m forced to wrap my legs around him and hold on. Biting my neck and shoulders, my response was to scratch his back marking my territory. “Never,” he says, pounding into me, “leave me,” harder now, “like that,“ pulling my hair back and exposing my neck to him, he growls, “again” before sinking his teeth into my neck.
Screaming his name and possibly the Lord’s Prayer, my orgasm hurts in its strength. It is so violent and beautiful that it has me crying. He isn’t done though, not yet. Anchoring my nails into his sides, he rips apart the only wall left standing. “You will never know what being without you felt like for me,” he says, slowing down to a softer pace. “Wondering where you were, if you were safe.” Laying my head on his shoulder, I close my eyes and listen, but he orders me to look at him, and I do. “I thought you left me.”
Blinking at him in shock, I remain mute. He thought I left him? “I didn’t leave you,” I whisper.
“You fucking left me!” he yells, holding me in place. “The key was on the table, what was I supposed to think?”
“I left to do this,” I try explaining. “I wanted to surprise you, show you.”
Closing his eyes he tightens his grip even further, then grinds into me. “Please,” he whispers. “Don’t walk away from me again.”
Feeling the truth of his words, I mean reall
y feeling it, I kiss his lips and whisper, “I promise.”
Something changed in him. Seconds after my promise he was saying words I couldn’t understand. I secure my arms around his neck and I lean by his ear. “Tell me what you’re saying.”
Pumping into me with a force I have never encountered in my life, he tells me. “Your eyes see things in me, your heart does too. I feel you inside of me, healing me. I fucking ache for you even when we’re like this. I thought I lost everything, but you changed that, you changed me. I will worship you every day of our lives, I swear to god I will. That smile, though…”
“What about it?” I ask with my breath lodged in my throat.
“When you show it to me you’re giving me the god damn world. This is me giving it back to you. You knew I was hiding, that I wasn’t perfect when we met, but you loved me anyway. You saw the man before I did. You’ve got all of me, Lina. My heart, my soul, all of it is in your tiny hands. Nothing and no one will ever take you away from me. I fucking vow it.”
He takes me to my back with aggression and care, forcing me to hold on. Another orgasm is on its way and I want him to know how I feel too. I want us to be equals in the feelings department. “You were wrong,” I moan, trying to stay focused. “I know something that’s more powerful than love or the truth.”
“What’s that?” he grunts, causing sweat from his forehead to drip onto my face. Reaching up, using the fingers of my casted hand, I look in his eyes and whisper. “You.”
“Fuck!” he screams, bruising me with marks I’ll wear gladly. “Watch me,” he orders and bringing my eyes up to meet his, I do. “This is me loving you, fucking you, thanking god for you.” As we explode together, he chants all of his names for me like a prayer and all I can do is hold back the tears and listen. Even minutes later when he rolls me on top of him and tickles my back, both of us covered in dirt, he’s still the most beautiful man I have ever seen.
And he belongs to me.
Wow.
“I know you’re young, but I’d like to meet a girl you fancy at least once,” she said, kneading the bread.
“What’s the rush? I want a love like you and Pops have.” I told her stirring, the sauce. “Besides, none of the girls I’ve met are worthy of meeting you.”
“You’ll have it one day,” she said, smiling. “When it happens, you’ll find yourself on your knees.”
Laughing, I kiss her cheek. “Why would I even be on my knees?”
Lightly touching my face she said, “To find heaven one must look up.”
This morning I was lost, by afternoon I was found. By evening, my entire outlook on life has changed. I have hope, I have happiness, I have love and I have her. Once we dusted off and secured the house, we went back to my place to shower and eat. Letting her shower first, I pull out frozen pizzas and a bottle of red to celebrate us working our shit out.
When my phone rings, I ignore it. When it rings again, I walk over and see it’s Julian. He didn’t leave a message, but then before my screen blanks, I see he’s sent a text. Curiosity won out and after wiping my hands on my dusty jeans, I swipe it open.
His text is an apology and an invitation for a drink. I wasn’t going to reply, but when Lina comes down in my shirt, I run it by her to see what she thinks.
“You should go,” she says, standing on her toes to kiss me. “He’s still your friend, Anthony. He’s had your back for a long time.”
“If I go, it’s a betrayal to you,” I point out.
“No it isn’t,’ she says, laughing. “Friends fight, and trust me, I know. He misses you and wants to say he’s sorry. Give him a shot.”
“You don’t mind?”
“Nope.”
Taking my own shower, I come back down when the pizzas done and we have a toast. Staring at my phone and taking her advice, I pick it up and tell him I’m in. I leave it to him to choose the time and place, when he says one hour and gives me an address, I finish the kitchen, then go upstairs to tell Lina goodbye. As usual, she’s completely focused on her work with her phone to her ear and fingers flying over the keyboard. It takes me several attempts to get her attention. Finally after putting my hand over the monitor, she looks up, smiles and puts her call on hold. Coming around the desk she wraps those tiny arms around my neck and pulls me down to meet her.
“I’ll miss you,” she says softly. “I’ll be right here when you get back.”
“I won’t be long,” I tell, her squeezing her ass. “Take a break soon, alright?”
“Sure thing, coach,” she says, slapping my ass and then returns to the phone and zones out once again.
Putting the address in the navigation, I light a cigarette and drive to meet Julian. Fifteen minutes later, I’m at my destination and it dawns on me, all these years of knowing him I’d never once been to his house. Julian has always had money so why did he live on an abandoned street that only had one other house on it? The guy could live anywhere yet he chose to live on the block that time forgot? Parking out front, I knock on the door and he yells it’s open, so I walk in and find him in the living room watching television. He’s got files scattered everywhere which are probably a cases he’s working on. It’s no secret the guy is a shark in the court room.
“Thanks for coming,” he says, shaking my hand. “Red right?”
“Red’s fine,” I tell him, taking a seat. He opens a bottle then comes back in with two glasses. Handing me one we both take a sip and I know I’m not the only feeling the tension. “So Lina,” he starts. “You finally got your girl, then?”
“I did,” I answer vaguely. Christ, he just couldn’t wait to bring her into this. “Why am I here, Julian?”
Taking another drink he smiles at me. “I wanted to say I’m sorry in person,” he says with what I believe to be fake sincerity and at that moment I wish she were here to tell me if he was bullshitting me or not. “I honestly didn’t think you wanted her, or at least that’s what I told myself. It’s obvious I fucked up and you were right to call me out on it. I wasn’t thinking of our friendship. I was thinking of myself.”
Raising my own glass and taking a hearty pull, I continue to sip because I’m choosing my words carefully. “It’s in the past,” I tell him. “We’ve both made mistakes, but it worked out as it was meant to.”
“By the way what happened to her hand?” he asks, cocking his head. “When I was with her at Mercury it was in a cast, but she was reluctant to discuss it. She did tell you about our meeting, right? Did she give you any other details about our time together?”
“She,” I try to say, but suddenly my body is like lead and my brain is sludge.
“What was that?” he asks, smirking.
“You son of a bitch,” I mumble, reaching over to strangle him.
Slapping my hands away easily, he laughs at my expense. “Fucking amateur,” he says, standing up. “She’s mine Gallo, always was, and always will be.”
“Don’t hurt her,” I try and say, but the words are jumbled.
“Hurt her?” he asks, genuinely confused. “I would never hurt her, you selfish prick. I want her with me, by my side where she belongs. She may not want me now, but she will again in time. Hell, I’ve been playing you all for ten years so clearly I don’t mind waiting. Does she know that from day one you planned to use her because you didn’t have what it took to succeed? Don’t even answer that because the days of you and them using her for your revenge bullshit are over. I’ve got bigger plans for her and you old friend, I’m sorry to say won’t be around to see it all play out.”
He didn’t have to explain ‘them’ to me, I got it. The DPD, the captain and myself. I knew what the cap had her doing for him behind closed doors when she was younger and I didn’t agree with it. She was too young and he took advantage of her ability for his own personal gain. But how in the fuck does Julian know that? How did even know that I was doing it too? I watch as he takes his phone out to accept a call he didn’t seem surprised to be getting. His smile is one of confiden
ce and victory when he says “Come home to me Lina.”
Tossing his phone down he kicks me out of the way to take the chair across from me. Sipping his wine he smiles at me then he lets his mask fall and I see Julian for what he really was. “Our fathers were enemies; it’s only natural that we would be too. My father was shot to death in his own home, Tony. He bled out on the dining room floor and your father was his executioner. Your father had no personal investment, mine had never wronged yours. My father was a job, an order, nothing more. A son and his father is a beautiful thing wouldn’t you agree? I mean, you must considering you’ve spent the last ten years trying to find closure. Guess what Gallo? You’re staring at it. I killed your family. The guy you used and ordered around all these years shot both your parents between the fucking eyes and I enjoyed it. I didn’t do Venessa’s parents though; my idiot cousins were responsible for that mess. But you, so blinded by right and wrong refuse to acknowledge your role in this. What happens next is because of you too. We’re both sinners old friend, the only difference is I don’t want absolution.”
Pulling me up by my hair, he puts me in a headlock and drags me down the hall. The second I’m thrown to the ground I couldn’t get my bearings or fight free. When it fully hit my system my eyes rolled back and the last thing I saw was Julian closing the door behind him.
Pulling my jeans up, I looked down at him lying there and for a moment his façade slipped. He wasn’t sweet and uncertain Julian. He was cold and calculating Julian. The only reason I’d entertained him this long is because he lets me take my pleasure however I want it. He doesn’t engage, (until after), and he doesn’t last long.